Footsteps clattered around the hallway - some light and some heavy.  

Jessica’s were really heavy. Eyes watery, chest tight and teeth gritting. She was fuming. 

They just got out of a meeting where their positions in the group was appointed. Jessica didn’t use to care about labels - she just wanted to do well and become the best in her craft. Not until she was put in a group with eight other girls, most of them younger than her. Being one of the oldest and training the longest, Jessica wanted to lead the group. Call it pride or whatever, she knew she could lead the girls well. They listened to her - she had the authority. 

So it was like a cold bucket of water was dumped straight to her face when Kim Taeyeon just snatched that position from her. It would’ve been tolerable at least if Taeyeon was a clear rival of her, but no, she’s just that little girl who could sing. Well, she could sing well but she’s no leader. Jessica was meant to be the leader. 

They all gathered around the living room as soon they got back in their dorm. Everyone looked unbothered by the meeting - Yoona and Hyoyeon especially had huge smiles on their faces. Hyoyeon was the main dancer which was no surprise even though the arrival of Kwon Yuri made her panic a little. Yoona on the other hand, that angel deserved the world so Jessica was happy she could represent the group.  

It’s just that pale, quiet noob who’s always behind Stephanie’s tail like a scared kid that would infuriate Jessica down to the last strand of her hair.  

She never liked Kim Taeyeon.  

-- 

It was past midnight; Jessica just got back from training. Her whole body was aching and she couldn’t even feel her legs as she walked to her shared room with Hyoyeon. It had been a strenuous day - during dance practice she couldn’t keep up so she had to do the choreo again and again until she could dance it to her sleep. Singing practice was even more irritating. Taeyeon, the angel voice, favoured by everyone, the golden girl, completely overshadowed her during their duet and of course, all applause was for her. She’s had enough of her bull and oh god, she needed a warm shower. 

Jessica was starving after her shower. She quickly put her pyjamas on and quietly made her way to the kitchen.  

She almost squealed when she turned the lights on and saw Taeyeon sitting by the dining table, alone. 

“Jesus, you scared the out of me,” she muttered angrily, which made the other girl immediately stand up, her face frightened. 

“I’m sorry, I just couldn’t sleep.”

Jessica just glared at her, hoping she’d get the message that she wanted her out of the kitchen. But as usual, that girl was slow as a turtle and instead of scurrying away like the coward she was, she sat back down. Jessica just groaned and made her way to the fridge. She took out their left over from last night and heated it up in the microwave. 

Silence enveloped the kitchen. Jessica played with her hair to distract herself. 

Taeyeon cleared . Jessica rolled her eyes. 

“You did well in the practice earlier,” Taeyeon commented, her voice small.  

Jessica scoffed, pressing her lips together to stop herself from lashing out. Taeyeon didn’t need to lie to make her feel better. All she wanted was to eat and Taeyeon couldn’t even give her the peace of mind she clearly needed. 

Taeyeon lowered her head, facing the steam of whatever hot drink she was drinking. “I think our voices really match well together,” she tried again which was impressive, Jessica thought. Or maybe Taeyeon just really didn’t get the memo that Jessica wanted nothing to do with her. 

Saved by the bell, Jessica sighed in relief when the microwave ding-ed. She took out her food - hissing when she burnt her fingers. “.” 

“Are you okay?” 

Jessica balled her uninjured hand into fist when Taeyeon ran towards her side and grabbed her other hand. “You should quickly put it under cold, running water,” she advised, pulling her to the sink.  

Jessica remained quiet as she watched Taeyeon still holding her hand under the cold water, her fingers gently. It almost made her feel guilty about her ill feelings towards her. But not until she realised that maybe Taeyeon was just doing this because she’s the leader and she had to take care of everyone, including Jessica. Well, Jessica didn’t need her help. 

“I can do it myself, Taeyeon,” she sneered, pulling her hand away from Taeyeon’s grip.  

Taeyeon shuffled backwards as Jessica pushed her slightly out of her way.  

“I just wanted to help, Sica.” 

“Jessica,” she snapped. Jessica turned the tap off and faced Taeyeon. “I don’t let others call me Sica unless they’re my friends.” She looked straight into Taeyeon’s shocked eyes, intimidating her. The glare would always work. But instead of fear, Jessica could have almost fooled herself when she thought she saw hurt in Taeyeon’s watery orbs. She frowned - way to make her feel bad. Ugh. 

Taeyeon gulped. “I’m sorry, Jessica. Um, I-I’m… good night,” she stammered as she fled to her room with Sunkyu, head down, gaze to the floor. 

“,” Jessica whispered to herself as she watched the door to the kitchen closed. She’s not crying, is she? 

She sighed and took her food (which became cold again) and put it down on the table. Her chest was too heavy to even chew properly. She might not like Taeyeon but…  

She shook her head - reiterating in her head that Taeyeon was not crying. For sure Taeyeon didn’t like her either so it wouldn’t make sense if she felt upset after what Jessica said. 

There’s just no way. 

-- 

Everyone sat on the floor, groaning, with sweat trickling down the side of their faces. It’s been seven months since they were given their debut song - seven months since they started practicing the same choreo again and again… and again. And again. If not for the excitement of debuting associated with the song, Jessica would rather not sleep for two days than to hear that song ever again. But just like her curse of being stuck in a group with Taeyeon, that song’s going to be stuck with her, also, like Taeyeon being stuck to Stephanie 24/7 for the rest of her damned life. 

And speaking of Taeyeon (she swore she never thought about Taeyeon this much), she’s walking towards her. 

Jessica, for a moment, wanted to occupy herself and pretend to be busy, but Taeyeon quickly sat down next to her. She looked around, looking for Stephanie but Steph was nowhere in sight - must explain why Taeyeon looked like a lost puppy without her owner.  

Taeyeon cleared again. And as if by reflex, Jessica rolled her eyes. 

“We have a duet for the showcase tomorrow. Coach gave me the song this morning,” Taeyeon mumbled. Jessica had to put precious effort into trying to hear what she was saying. 

“What’s the song?” She deadpanned, looking elsewhere but Taeyeon. 

From her peripheral, she could see Taeyeon pulling out her mp3 player. “I downloaded it here,” she said, pushing the player towards Jessica’s side, still not looking at her. “It’s called Want and Resent. We have practice after this.” After relaying everything that she wanted to say - as if on cue, Stephanie came back to the rehearsal room and Taeyeon immediately left her side to run to Steph. 

Jessica sighed and put the mp3 player in her pocket. 

“Unnie, what’s wrong?” Jessica looked at Yoona - her doe eyes curved in concern.  

“What do you mean what’s wrong?” She repeated quizzically. 

Yoona looked at her wristwatch and pointed at it, expecting Jessica to get what she meant. But Jessica had no clue what she was on about. Yoona groaned. “Unnie, this is the longest break you’ve given us.” 

“Oh,” Jessica muttered. She forgot that it was her cue when they would have a break from practice and when to go back. She just gave Yoona a tight smile. She looked around and saw Taeyeon, the leader, laughing her off at whatever Stephanie just said. She rolled her eyes at the sight.  

“Ask Taeyeon, Yoong. We’re supposed to follow her right? ‘Cause she’s the leader?” 

Yoona just gave her a dumbfounded look. She could almost see question marks around her head, making Jessica giggle and forgot about her annoyance with Taeyeon. Guessing Yoona was still confused, Jessica got up.  

“Everyone! Break’s over!” 

The chatters immediately halted and everyone walked to their places one by one. Jessica played the music. 

-- 

Taeyeon was sat next to her as they were waiting for their coach to arrive. Jessica looked at the time and frowned. How was it that only five minutes passed when she could swear she was sat in a god-awful silence with Taeyeon for about an hour now? 

“Where is he?” She asked, in a desperate excuse to break the silence. It was deafening. 

Taeyeon just shrugged. 

Jessica breathed in deeply and made sure she made a loud noise when she exhaled. Taeyeon looked at her briefly but continued staring at the wall clock again. Jessica wished to all the gods for their coach to arrive soon. 

And praise the Lord, the door opened and Coach Kim finally stepped in to save the both of them from drowning in silence. “Hey ladies, how are you?” 

Taeyeon smiled for the first time in the twenty minutes they were alone in that room. What a leech. “Good coach. How are you?” 

The coach grinned even wider seeing his favourite student. Jessica could almost feel her eyes at the back of her head. But she forced herself not to roll her eyes too much. “Good, good.” He turned towards Jessica. “Sooyeon, you got the song from Taeyeon?” 

Jessica just nodded.  

“Okay let’s start.” 

He started playing the piano. Jessica started to sing but he stopped playing, confusing her. Taeyeon gave her a concerned look.  

“You’re off pitch. Try again.” 

Jessica could feel her blood rushing towards her face. With a pounding heart, she tried again. But Coach Kim stopped soon after, this time he was frowning. “What’s wrong, Sooyeon?” 

Taeyeon held her hand as they both could see their coach getting annoyed. Jessica pulled her hand away.  She was so embarrassed, and angry at herself, at Taeyeon. Why couldn’t she sing properly? 

“Sooyeon, if you sing like this in your showcase tomorrow - don’t even dream about debuting anymore,” he spat, pointing a finger at her. Jessica stood her ground, gritting her teeth, trying to stop her tears from falling. “Taeyeon, make sure she learns how to sing before tomorrow. You two are dismissed.” 

He left the room with a slam of the door.  

Taeyeon sighed next to her. “I’m sorry.” 

Jessica grimaced, not liking the pity in her voice. “I don’t need your sympathy, Taeyeon. I want to be alone.” 

Taeyeon nodded and left the room as well. 

-- 

Jessica woke up the next morning feeling like . Her face looked from crying her eyes out last night. It that she couldn’t even tell anyone how she was feeling because if she does then she would look even more and she would feel even more about herself. She’s the Jessica Jung, the one everyone respects, the one everyone thinks was strong. She would just embarrass herself to tell the girls she ed up in the only thing she knew she was good at. Singing.  

“Morning sunshi- oh, you look , Sica.”  

Jessica groaned, covering her face with her duvet. “Go away, Hyo.” 

Hyoyeon laughed, ruffling Jessica’s hair. Jessica hated to admit it but she loved the subtle comfort Hyoyeon’s laughter brought her. “Hey, you got a present!”  

In curiosity, Jessica took off the duvet from her face and traced Hyoyeon’s line of sight. On her bedside table, she saw a small cactus with a note stuck on its pot. “Cactus? Who’s it from?” She asked. 

Hyoyeon took the yellow sticky note on the pot. “Hope this makes you feel better, Jessica…” she turned her head towards Jessica with a warm but also a teasing smile. “From Taeyeon.” 

“What?” Jessica ignored her heart skipping a beat. 

Hyoyeo