chapter 7 | sick of you

Wonwoo sniffled as he pulled his baby blue wool blanket farther up and reached to his nightstand to grab a tissue. His immune system had probably weakened from all the loss of blood lately and he’d caught the cold going around his university. Thankfully, he had the day off today with no classes.

When he was just on the brink of falling asleep, his phone buzzed and snapped him out of the sleepy haze.

From: Jeonghan

Hey, do you have any classes today?

He had forgotten he never told Jeonghan he was sick. His mysophobia was at its worst right now with the virus inside his body.

To: Jeonghan

I don’t, but I caught the cold everyone has right now so I’m in bed. Sorry.

Wonwoo did genuinely feel bad that he couldn’t do anything with Jeonghan today even though he did sound quite insincere. He really wanted a long lasting friendship with Jeonghan even though he was still scared something might happen. As much as he hates it, there are always those irrational fears in the back of his head.

Maybe Jeonghan doesn’t really like me and just feels bad for me because I have no friends.

He probably just pities you.

No one would ever want to be your friend, how is he different?

He’ll eventually find a reason to leave.

People had always told him he seemed a little hollow, but he still tried his best to convey his emotions properly.

From: Jeonghan

Oh I’m so sorry! I hope you feel better soon. I know, I’ll come and bring you some soup. How does that sound?

But then Jeonghan did things that wanted to make Wonwoo think differently. He’d try and tell himself more positive things sometimes.

Maybe Jeonghan’s different.

Maybe he actually likes your personality

He won’t leave me because he likes me.

Wonwoo couldn’t help the stupid smile creeping up onto his lips at the kind words he definitely weren't used to. Somewhere inside his brain he knew he should deny Jeonghan’s kind offer because of his mysophobia and he also wouldn’t want to spread his cold to Jeonghan, but he was too smitten with the idea that someone wanted to do this for him he couldn’t deny his friends offer. It was almost too good to be true for Wonwoo.

To: Jeonghan

Okay. Thank you so much.

He hoped that didn’t sound too cold. Maybe he should have added an exclamation point instead.

From: Jeonghan

Okay, I’ll see you soon then!

It felt nice to finally have someone to confide in and talk to at school. Wonwoo had forgotten how wonderful having friends had. He tried his best to ignore the voices in his head saying that Jeonghan was pitying him because he didn’t have anyone else or maybe that Jeonghan would leave too after he finds out just how bad his problems are. He wanted Jeonghan to stay with him, but he didn’t know what to do so for now, he’ll try his best to just be himself.

It’s been about a month since he first met Jeonghan in his photography class. Jeonghan would come over frequently and they’d get lunch together just about everyday. Wonwoo still doesn’t eat that much, but Jeonghan pushes him to try a eat more because he always says he's just worried about him and only wants what's best for him. It’s also been about a month since he’d last seen Mingyu.

Even though he would never admit this to anyone else, thoughts of what Mingyu was possibly up to did keep Wonwoo up at night sometimes. Was he eating right? Keeping himself healthy? What about his school work?

Of course, Wonwoo knew he was probably not eating very well. He hadn’t heard anything from the younger boy for a while. How was he even functioning properly or even able to control himself without Wonwoo's blood for so long?

Wonwoo had definitely began to feel extremely terrible for Mingyu after he’d given some thought and considered the high school students conditions. From that moment on, Wonwoo had pledged to himself that he’d try his best for Mingyu’s sake.

He must had been thinking for quite a long time because the sound of the doorbell had startled him. Still in his pajamas, Wonwoo trudged to the door to let Jeonghan in. His kitten slippers were notably embarrassing, but the anxiousness crawling inside of him and his massive headache was a good distraction from his terrible appearance.

The first thing Jeonghan did when he saw Wonwoo was laugh. The ebony haired boy flushed at the reaction even though he was kind of already expecting this, the actual moment was much worse as he rethought why he never changed or washed up when Jeonghan said he was coming to visit.

“Hey, don’t laugh at me. I’m sick.” Wonwoo pouted.

“I’m sorry,” Jeonghan fought off the rest of his giggles when he saw Wonwoo’s expression and the shade of light pink blushed onto his face. “you just looked so little and cute.”

Wonwoo still didn’t budge as he stood there with a scowl and his arms crossed in front of his chest.

“Okay, okay. I’m sorry. Your small eyes do make you look a little scary if that helps at all.” Jeonghan contemplated as he lightly threw himself down onto Wonwoo’s couch. “Oh! I almost forgot.” He quickly got back up and rummaged through his shoulder bag a little before pulling out a paper bag.

“I got you tomato soup because I didn’t think you’d want chicken soup and that’s all they had. Hope that’s okay.” Jeonghan raised his head to look Wonwoo in the eyes and gave him that blinding smile. Wonwoo would never tell any living soul about the way his stomach dropped and his heart felt like it skipped a beat.

Honestly he didn’t know why he was reacting like this. It wasn’t like Jeonghan was attracted to him or vice versa.

Shrugging it off he decided it was maybe something with being sick or that he hadn’t eaten anything today yet. People get weak and a little dizzy when they’re hungry too right? It was probably only that. He would admit that he does frequently forget to eat no matter how much his step mother always scolds him about it.

“U-uhm, yeah, that’s fine. Thanks.” He quickly took the plastic bowl out of Jeonghan’s hold and took the plastic spoon out of the bag. The brown haired boy just sat there and smiled. Wonwoo tried to ignore the thoughts of who else had touched the plastic spoon and where it had been and maybe that someone had dropped it on the floor at some point.

He didn’t want to be like this. He didn’t want to be weird. He didn’t want to be sick.

“How is it?” His friend questioned as he watched him eat, super aware of the pair of eyes tracing his every move. Startled by the question that was more subtle than he perceived, the spoon dropped out of his hand and into the bowl, sloshing the red soup around. The color made him feel a little unnerving as it reminded him a bit too much of blood. Wonwoo’s eyes widened at the realization of his reaction.

“Oh! I-it’s really great. Thank you so much.” He quickly grabbed the spoon again and stuffed his mouth.

“Soooo, how’re you feeling? Did you miss any classes or did you just stay home today? I can see if I know anyone in your other classes and get the homework for you.” Jeonghan began conversation as he leaned back into his seat and ran a hand through his hair.

“I j-just stayed h-home today.” A cough that got stuck in his throat saved him from talking any further.

Jeonghan sent a concerned look his way. “Are you sure you’re okay? You seem a bit antsy. Is your temperature very high again? When was the last time you checked it?” He questioned as he rose from his seat and looked for the thermometer.

“It’s okay, I’m fine. Really.” Wonwoo attempted to show a reassuring smile to his friend but failed as it was probably received as a pained expression.

Jeonghan rushed to his side and placed a hand on his shoulder. Wonwoo’s mind threw terrible thoughts of where the boys hand might have been. “Is everything okay-” The long haired boy was cut off by a knock at the door.

Relieved by the distraction, Wonwoo shot up from his seat, almost knocking it down to the floor as he scurried to answer the door. “Hel-” He began but stopped as his eyes landed on the familiar red eyes. Fear struck him as he tried to close the door.

His weak frame was manhandled as he was pushed forward inside and the weight of his body closed the door as he was pushed against it. “M-Mingyu not ri-right now.” He tried to reason but his mouth had become so dry and his lips struggled to form words.

“Shhhh.” The taller of the two whispered as he leant down and nuzzled his head against Wonwoo’s pale neck. Mingyu could sense he was weaker than usual and his blood was infected but he couldn’t last much longer.

“Mingyu, s-stop. Plea-” Air wasn’t reaching his lungs and tears pricked at his eyelids, feeling a punch to his gut at being so sensitive. He wondered what Jeonghan thought of him in this weak state. He’d leave him after this right? No one wants to be with someone as pathetic as him.

He cracked his eyes open as there was suddenly no weight on him. “I don’t know your relation to Wonwoo but don’t you see he’s sick?” Jeonghan asked with a firm voice. His eyes not wavering as if he already knew what was going to happen.

Mingyu let out a growl as his eyes scanned the long haired boy. “What are you doing here. Don’t touch Wonwoo.” He viciously grabbed Jeonghan by the collar of his shirt and stared him right in the eyes.

“Shouldn’t I be the one saying that to you? I’m a close friend of Wonwoo’s but I’ve never heard anything about you.” He replied, still as calm as ever.

“Don’t ever talk to me or Wonwoo again. I’ll kill you.” Mingyu’s fist tightened and he raised his other arm above Jeonghan. He could barely absorb any word the long haired boy was saying through his shock and anger. Jeonghan was the last person he’d ever want to see.

Wonwoo’s legs finally decided to let him move as he ran forward and grabbed Mingyu’s arm, stopping him from punching Jeonghan. “Mingyu, please don’t.” Wonwoo begged but the younger roughly shook off his hand. “P-please don’t touch Jeonghan. We’re friends.”

A wave of anger washed over Mingyu. The fact that the only time Wonwoo had voluntarily touched him was to stop him from touching him felt like a silver bullet. Who was he to Wonwoo really? He was too angry to stick around and chat after his long day.

“Maybe I should leave. I’m sorry for causing trouble, Wonwoo. I hope you get over your cold soon.” Jeonghan apologized as he reached for Mingyu’s hand to rid of his grip but was released before he could touch him.

“No, Jeonghan, it wasn’t your fault. You don’t have to leave.” Wonwoo pleaded as Jeonghan collected his things and approached the door. He turned around slightly and smiled as he looked Wonwoo right in the eyes.

“It’s okay. I don’t mind. I think you just need to sort out whatever is going on.” He smiled and walked out the door. Wonwoo could hear his heartbeat in his ears as he feared that might be the last time Jeonghan would walk through that door.

“Please don’t leave me.” Wonwoo begged, but his friend had already left.

As tears stream down Wonwoo's cheeks, he is suddenly super aware of Mingyu’s presence again. The feeling of self hate crawling up his body and plaguing his mind at this time is so extreme he's not sure if anything could top this. How could he cry so easily while in front of Jeonghan? Why couldn't he have been stronger? But this was Mingyu’s fault wasn’t it?

A feeling of regret not caused by not attacking Jeonghan, but making the older cry settled over Mingyu. He reached a hand out to put on Wonwoo’s shoulder to comfort him so maybe he’d stop crying because Mingyu honestly couldn’t handle watching him cry and knowing that he’d actually been the cause of this. That hurt more than anything and he didn’t know why. This shouldn’t be as painful. Before he could have any contact with Wonwoo, his hand was slapped away. The sound of Wonwoo’s hand hitting the almost translucent skin of his hand radiated through the whole room and painfully reached Mingyu's ears. The sound reminded him of how much Wonwoo has always really hated him. Everything he knows about the older feels wrong. He assumes it could be compared to the feeling of reading someone’s diary and regretting it afterwards.

“Wonwoo, I’m-” He wanted to apologize so badly and just make him stop crying, this was too much for him to handle.

“Don't touch me, this is your fault!” Wonwoo yelled. This was the first time Mingyu had seen this side of Wonwoo and he immediately decided he definitely did not like it.

Mingyu opened his mouth to find a resort but Wonwoo wasn’t done.

“This is all your fault! If you hadn’t come here than none of this would have happen and I would have been happy and I wouldn’t be so afraid and I wouldn’t be abandoned again.” Words spluttered out of his mouth quicker than his mind could process what he was saying.

“Wonwoo, Plea-” Wonwoo still wasn’t going to let Mingyu speak. He wasn’t even aware the younger had said anything at all.