I’m kind of new to this. What can I say? There’s something going on between me and you. I will just be honest baby I think I’m in love

I think that it’s love, is what I thought. Love is different than what I had pictured it out to be. I had expected an instant connection that didn’t have this awkward air in between the two of us. It’s hard to explain, but Tao and I are so used to being friends that we don’t know how to transfer into the boyfriend-girlfriend stage. We’ll see each other in the morning and smile at one another, but the silly pounding in my chest will pull my eyes downward. My words come out in ridiculous mumbles and I don’t know what to say. My mind just becomes blank when I’m around him, I don’t know what to do. I have the crazy urge to touch him, to hold him close and act like a silly girl in a book that is lovesick, but I shy away from such actions. That isn’t like me. I don’t know what to do with my feelings, because I’m so used to thinking about Tao as an unattainable being, someone who was too far away and high above that it would be a sin and a miracle to come near him. How should I act around him? How should I talk to him? Should I really be near him?

I was swimming around deep in my mind again when Tao’s face suddenly popped in front of me. I snapped my head up in surprise for I wasn’t expecting him to appear out of nowhere.

“Hey,” He said with a small smile, “You okay?”

I nodded my head, “Yeah, I was just thinking”

“If you have the time, do you want to watch a movie with me?” He asked shyly, his gaze falling to the ground, “I-I mean, if you’re busy it’s okay”

Suddenly, it hit me. Tao was just as nervous as I was about this. I never realized that Tao had no experience with things like this either. It made me feel better that I wasn’t the only one who was a little scared. Slowly, I reached out for his hand and took it into mine.

“I would love to,” I said with a smile. Tao smiled back.

While Tao picked the movie I went to make us some popcorn and two glasses of milk. When I came back to the living room the couch was set up with soft pillows and a blanket with the DVD already in the box. Tao was sitting on the sofa waiting patiently with a smile on his face. I set down the bowl of popcorn and glasses, taking my seat next to him. He cleared his throat expectantly so I turned to him.

“Is it okay if we watch Phantom of the Opera? I’ve never watched it before but if you’ve seen it already we can watch something else,” He said shyly, “Also, is it okay if we share a blanket?”

“I-I just thought it would be nice,” He added as he blushed.

“I don’t mind Phantom of the Opera,” I said as I laid the blanket out over our laps, “This way we’ll be more warm right?”

Tao smiled. We grew more relaxed as the movie played, the film was actually really good. The music was nice and the story was great. I felt like our relationship was a little smoother now. I was glad. As the movie went on, I felt tempted to hold his hand. But my hand was greasy with popcorn butter and it would be weird feeling wouldn’t it? But I mean, we are dating. Suddenly, the both of us reached for one another’s hand at the same time and we both missed. After making eye contact, we both burst into a fit of laughter.

“Great minds think alike,” He said with a laugh, intertwining our fingers.

I liked the way his hand felt around mine. It was warm. We chatted throughout the film in soft whispers, commenting on what was happening. I didn’t like how the heroine ended up with the handsome prince instead of the Phantom, the man seemed quite nice. As the movie drew to an end, I felt a little sad. I didn’t want this moment to come to an end. I got up from the sofa first to wash the bowl and cups but slowly, Tao tugged at my hand and he turned to face me.

“Can I kiss you?” He asked, his face flushing but he never dropped eye contact.

I was too shy to form words, so I nodded my head. As he leaned in towards me, I let my eyes shut. His lips were slick from the popcorn butter, but the kiss was sweet nonetheless.

…

Our relationship is a little more complicated than the average teenage couple. We can’t go on dates out in the public, cameras are everywhere. He’s quite busy with school and his commute between the U.S. and China. Despite everything that’s on his plate, he still makes time for me. I’m not bothered by the little time we have together, I entered this relationship knowing that he had big dreams that he had to reach. When he’s at work he’ll text me pictures with silly messages that make me smile. I’ll send him pictures of what I’m doing or what I’m eating and he’ll send me a picture of a tissue box that has my favorite color on it. Some afternoons I’ll be walking Candy for him and I’ll take a video of her padding around the backyard. He’ll say that he misses us both and add kissy emogees. When he’s home, I might have homework or be doing work for the swim team. He’ll sit next to me on the ground and tell me about his day or he might not talk at all, but the silence isn’t awkward at all. It’s quite comfortable. I’ll brush my fingers against his and he’ll press his lips against the top of my hair. I’ve never been in a relationship that’s so relaxed. I don’t expect anything too much from him and he doesn’t expect too much from me, we just learn to coexist. I like that.

Our “dates” are usually something simple like a Disney Movie Marathon (he likes Big Hero 6, I like Mulan) with plenty of popcorn and handholding. Sometimes we’ll go out grocery shopping together and pick up some ice cream on the