How are you these days? Anything special? Only those typical words pass through my head. The words I really want to say are be with me.

When the performance was over, everyone came back into the room with smiles that dropped when they saw me sobbing with Kevin trying to soothe me, rubbing small circles into my lower back.

“W-what happened Tao-ah?” Suho asked as he rushed over to me, looking to both Kevin and me for answers.

“Um, a fan sent a letter to Tao that made him cry,” He explained as he handed the letter to the leader, “Here”

Half the group hunched over Suho’s shoulder while the others bent down next to me to see if I was okay. I nodded my head and rubbed me eyes with the back of my sleeve. Honestly, I felt better so much better than before.

“Who gave you the letter Kevin?” I asked, extremely curious. I wanted to thank this fan, in person if possible.

Kevin shook his head sadly.

“I’m not allowed to say, she made me promise not to tell you who she was.

“What?!? But I want to thank her!” I said, rising from my seat.

“I can help you find her, but I’m not allowed so say specifically,” He said with a sigh, “I’m sorry”

I shook my head, “It’s not your fault, I understand”

As the other members read over the letter, I tried my best to calm down and think about this rationally. Suddenly, I remembered something that I had discussed with Suho a while ago. It was a silly idea, but now it suddenly seemed like it would work.

“Suho hyung,” I said and he turned to look at me, the letter still in hand.

“Yes Tao?” He replied.

“I’ve decided,” I said with a confident grin, “I’m going to America”

“WHAT!?!”

…

It took some time to get cleared with the higher ups, but my manager was all for me going to LA for a hiatus. I was excited too, it would give me a chance to study and rehabilitate for a while, maybe even get in some sight seeing. A small part of me was a little afraid to go to a new and strange country like the US, but I was happy to take the chance. Besides, Kevin had told me that the girl who gave him the letter was in LA. I wanted to find her, to thank her properly for saving me from what would be a dark future. I owed so much to her, it wouldn’t feel right if I didn’t get the chance to thank her properly. I had actually convinced Kevin into helping me find a nice place to stay, according to him it was a family that took transfer students. I would be going to UCLA while I was in California, so it was perfect. He even offered to help me get settled in the first couple of weeks. Kai pretended to be upset that I was taking away his coordinator, but he gave me a big hug and wished me luck.

My last day in South Korea was a lonely and an exciting one. My flight was set to be in the early morning so I wouldn’t attract too much media attention. I told my band mates to catch up on some much-needed sleep, but they all insisted on waking up early with me and saying good-bye. The sun wasn’t even out yet and we were all standing outside the dorm building, my suitcases at my side and I was trying my hardest not to tear up.

“Go find that girl and bring her back so we can meet her okay?” Kai said to me as he hugged me; I nodded my head and laughed.

“Do well in school and take care of yourself,” Suho said, one the verge of tears.

“I will,” I said, trying to comfort him with a gentle squeeze.

“Don’t party too much”

“Have fun over there!”

“Bring me back souvenirs”

“Take pictures and send them to us”

“Make sure you tell us when you find her!”

“Eat well and don’t slack off!”

“We’ll miss you”

“No matter what we have to say on stage, you’ll always be our brother Tao!”

“We love you!”

In the end I did cry.

…

I yawned as I waited for the plane to come into the terminal. Kevin was sitting next to me, texting with someone on his phone. He was smiling, so I guessed a closes friend or a girlfriend. We had security with us in case fans went crazy, but not many knew I was going to California so there was no need to worry. I could see a couple snapping pictures of me, probably posting them to tumblr or instagram. I was looking forward to the plane ride, and then I’d have some time to sleep. My hand slipped into my pocket to feel the white envelope brush against in. Inside the envelope were both the original and a copy I had translated into Mandarin so I could read it whenever I wanted. Unconsciously, I had memorized the letter’s message. I could tell you the whole thing faster than the drop of a hat.

With the help of this mysterious fan, I had come to terms with many things. I had told my father a firm no; I did not want to leave EXO. We had met with SM and it was decided that I would go on hiatus for a while to have time to heal before I came back, possibly pursue even a solo career for a short time. I was glad that we’d been able to find a happy medium. Things right now weren’t stable, but they’re better than before. I thanked her silently again.

I found myself trying to picture what she looked like, what her personality was like, how our meeting would be. I felt absolutely sure that I would find her, either by figuring it out or threatening Kevin to tell me if it came to such. I had to thank her in person, for she had pulled me away from the edge of a cliff that I’d been teetering on like a fragile object falling back and forth against the strong winds. She’d given me the support I’d been calling out for. No, that wasn’t right. She had always given me that support, as did the other people in my life whom I love, but I had forgotten them in my fear and confusion. This girl had reminded me that I was loved and of the strength that I had always possessed. I would ha