Hoseok had volunteered to drive Taehyung to the hospital. That was a first, since Hoseok had become quiet and distant from everyone. He barely talked these days, seemed always tired and always had that same, emotionless face. It was difficult to handle and Tae had been slightly afraid of him. But now he had a chance to talk to the older one without being disturbed by anyone else as they sat beside each other in the car. Tae in the passenger chair. At first, he wasn’t sure how to start, what to say and how to approach this problem. And for a long time, it was quiet as they drove through the busy streets to get to the hospital, until surprisingly, Hoseok spoke.

“Taehyung… Are you sure about this? I mean… We have no idea how the fans will respond? Especially not when they get to know you… You know, you and that guy?”

His voice seemed to have a painful edge, as if it hurt to speak about that guy. Tae knew exactly who was meant, what was meant, and he swallowed hard. He looked away, staring out the window for a moment as he pondered what to say.

“I… I’m not dating him. I just really like him…”

“I know… But fans might take this the wrong way. They know we wouldn’t date each other, but…”

Hoseok swallowed hard and sighed, looking at Taehyung.

“Why him?”

“I don’t know.”

“What do you mean? What is so attracting about that guy?”

Tae frowned and looked at the older male, wondering what had gotten him so worked up about it. It was really strange, he’d never seen him that way. He seemed jealous, for some reason.

“Hoseok…”

“No. I want an answer.”

“I… I just like his personality… He’s kind and stuff, really caring. Plus, he’s also like me. He’s got cancer, he knows what it’s like to…”

The young orange haired guy fell silent, not able to finish his sentence. Tears stinging as they tried to make their way out, to get free. He in a breath as he tried to control himself. There was no comfort coming from the older guy as he just seemed to stare at the road ahead of him, hands gripping the steering wheel tightly, knuckles going white.

They were all dealing with this, but for Tae it was becoming increasingly more difficult as his disease spread and his chances declined. And he knew that was also hard on the group members, to see him suffer like that. To not see him smile every day and mess around. But it wasn’t his fault and they had to learn to deal with it, as well as he himself. He wondered if group therapy would help. But he didn’t want to ask them. He was too scared to ask them.

The silence continued until they arrived at the hospital, Hoseok parking the car and them moving into the big building. They took a seat in the waiting room, a few minutes passed and then they were called into another room with other cancer patients, hooked onto catheters admitting chemo therapy. Tae sighed as he took a seat and was hooked up as well, sighing.

He closed his eyes, trying to relax and perhaps sleep, preparing for the sickness that would soon come after it. After a while, he felt a gentle tap on his shoulder and he turned his head to see the one he’d talked about earlier. A smile pulled the edges of his lips as the guy sat down beside him and wrapped an arm around him. It was such a soothing feeling, knowing the guy was still alive, feeling him wrapping his arms around him in a semi hug. Tae wasn’t sure what it was, but the guy made everything seem so much better. He noticed Hoseok glaring from a corner, pretending he as reading a magazine. The young male bit his lip and looked down.

“So… How have you been?”

His deep voice was soothing and calming.

“I’m reasonable. A little sad, to admit. And nervous.”

“Why are you nervous?”

“Well, you know how I’m part of this big group? And that we have a big fan base?”

The stranger nodded, looking curiously at the younger male with a little smile.

“Well, tomorrow, I am going to record a message, together with the rest of the group, to let our fans know what’s been going on. We’ve been silent for over a year or so and I think it’s good to let the fans know what’s going on.”

The stranger nodded and looked out at a window, seemingly deep in thought.

“I think that’s a good idea.”

Tae was surprised.

“Really?”

The stranger nodded and smiled, pecking the Asian’s male cheek.

“Yep.”

Tae was flustered, swallowing hard and his face becoming red. Butterflies fluttered around in his stomach, making him feel happy. It was a rare moment, but it seemed his happiness always returned around him. It was so strange, having these feelings towards such a stranger he seemed to know so well, but so little. It was also confusing. And then Hoseok, who had seemed and still seemed so jealous for no reason.

Unless…

He took a quick glimpse at the older male who was still watching them closely over his magazine. Did Hoseok have feelings for him?

Ah, life was so confusing.

He was snapped from his thoughts as the nurse gently removed the needle and smiled, but not a happy one, a sad one.

“The doctor wants to make some x-rays to see how your cancer is progressing.”

Tae nodded and got up, leaving the two behind and following the nurse. He followed her instructions while the x-rays were taken and then waited for the doctor, Hoseok joining him. He was nervous, holding the hand of his friend and fidgeting in his chair. He was hoping on good news, as last time he’d gotten some good news.

The doctor walked in, sitting down, shaking hands with Hoseok and Tae and smiling friendly.

“Hello Taehyung. How have you been doing?”

Tae shrugged. “Okay.”

The doctor nodded and quickly moved onto the subject, looking slightly concerned.

“I’m afraid the news isn’t great. Actually, it’s pretty bad news. Your cancer has spread to your lungs, which means we’re now dealing with four lumps in your chest. What we are administering to you doesn’t seem to work.”

Sadness overwhelmed him, squeezing Hoseok’s hand tightly as he felt tears well up. This wasn’t what he had expected. He wasn’t ready for this, he couldn’t deal with this.

Hoseok swallowed and looked at the doctor.

“What’s the chance of him recovering?”

The doctor shook his head and sighed.

“To be honest, very low. Below 20%. People rarely survive this.”

Taehyung was completely silent, unable to talk, trying to breathe. This couldn’t be true. No, he wasn’t ready to die. He didn’t want to die. Not now, he was too young. He had a life to live, songs to write, record, dances to practice and fans to please. He had stuff to sign and selfies to make. Songs to cover with the rest of the members and hear their fans cheer.

It couldn’t end. He didn’t want it to end. This was unfair.

Taehyung had ignored everyone when they had come home. He’d rushed to his room, locked the door and was quietly sobbing, curled up on his bed. Although Jin and Jimin had tried to reach him, he had not responded. He had ignored his friend’s pleas to come out and talk. No, he didn’t want to talk. He couldn’t talk, not while being so close to death.

After another half hour of sobbing, he eventually fell asleep, too tired to stay awake.