Taehyung laid staring up at the ceiling, quietly listening to the radio. The window was open, blowing a cold winter wind through his room. The sun had started to rise slowly, making the stars disappear and colouring the sky in red and orange and yellow. There were no curtains to stop the wind, the white room was slowly turning bright as the sun rose into the sky. He just laid there, unmoving and alone, breathing in and out quietly. The past year had been really difficult, as he had been trying to deal with his cancer, with the new guy that he had feelings for but that he didn’t want to share, with trying to deal with the members and their sorrow. He didn’t want them to be sad about him, and he had tried his best to smile, even though the pain, the medication, the loss of his hair and his sickness.

A sigh escaped him as he pushed himself up, immediately feeling dizzy. He groaned softly as he moved his legs out of bed and stood up, trying not to fall over or throw up. Moving slowly, the Asian male walked towards the door, slowly opening it and heading to the bathroom. He got in, locked the door, undressed and took a shower.

He turned towards the mirror, looking at his thin body. Bags were under his eyes from the endless nights he didn’t sleep. Ribs were clearly showing, as he ate every day, but very little and often ended up throwing up the majority of his food. He turned away from the showers and closed his eyes, trying to suppress his tears but to no avail, they streamed down his face, mixing with the shower’s water. He tried not to cry loudly, quietly sobbing and turning the temperature of the water up, feeling it sting his skin. Eventually, after he had washed his body and what remained of his hair, he turned off the water and wrapped a towel around his body.

He breathed in the steam, relishing the warmth from the shower until the room because cold and he dressed in a sweatpants and sweater. Final touch was a beany, even though all the members knew he was going bald and would most likely lose more hair, he wanted to hide it. He didn’t want them to see how sick he was, how he was dying a little bit every day.

He made his way to the kitchen, surprised no one was there, not even Jin. He sighed, resting his head against a cabinet and closing his eyes, trying not cry. He put two pieces of bread in the toaster and waited for it to ding. Taehyung was shaking as he took the two pieces of bread, accidently dropped them and started crying, sinking to the floor and burying his face in his hands. He felt so weak and useless. He felt like he couldn’t do anything himself anymore and it bothered him so much.

He heard footsteps, saw hands pick up the two toasted bread pieces and join him on the ground, it was Jin. He gently rubbed his back, not saying anything. Jin had learned that saying things wasn’t going to help and that it was better to just quietly comfort him and be there for his friend. He felt bad for the young man, but there was nothing anyone could do.

The older male wrapped his arms around the younger one and they sat there, quietly, letting Taehyung sob.