Kiyeon (You) POV:

I have a question for you.

If you were to go on a "break"  with someone, are you considered single or still in a relationship?

Are you allowed to see other people during this break?

Are you allowed to talk to each other during this?

Does it allow you to act like your single, but then you can also say you have a girlfriend?

I wanted to ask all of that to him. Or at least someone. 

I just wanted answers. I wanted to know what was happening. I know that the two are only friends, but a girl can only be so sure. I was trying so hard to not cry, but it wasn't working. No matter how much I clutched my chest and bit my bottom lip, the tears wouldn't stop. Why is this affecting me so much? I shouldn't be crying. I should be fine, but why is this happening? I can't breathe...why can't I breathe?....I feel pathetic...

Thank god I was the only one home. If there was anyone else, I wouldn't be able to cry freely like this. As I tried pulling myself together, my phone started ringging. I didn't want to go anywhere near my phone afraid that I would start crying again, but I knew Mihyun would start to worry if I didn't answer her call. Slowly, i reached for my phone and answered her.

"Hello?" Mihyun answered.

".....yobosaeyo?" I whispered in a small voice wiping my tears away and trying to calm my breathing.

"Were...you crying just now?"

"...."

"Ki, what happened??"

"...."

"Lee Kiyeon, answer me."

"Did you see his IG?"

"No, why?"

"Go look for yourself."

"Okay...."

After a few moments of silence, she could only sigh loudly.

"You KNOW there's nothing between them..." Mihyun said ruthlessly. "They've known each other for awhile so shouldn't it be normal?"

"..."

"She's older than him as well and i don't think she sees him that way."

"Older or not, he's dated someone older before....I'm just a bit hurt..."

"Don't assume anything yet. If he were to get with another girl right now so quick, I would never be friends with him ever again. He put you guys on hold so that he could fix his problems first."

"I know..I know but...why does he seem so...okay? Like nothing even happened? I feel so...bitter...unnecessarily bitter that it's pathetic..."

"Ki...you know how he is...he hides how he feels...he said he considered your feelings more than his own when he decided it and tried to see it through your perspective...he feels like he's holding you back."

"Don't try to make me feel better by sugar coating it."

I was angry now. All I could feel was betrayal from the words she was telling me, but I deep down I knew I shouldn't be feeling like that since she was only trying to help me not misunderstand the situation. That is IF I was misunderstanding. 

"Do you want me to talk to him again?"

"..."

"Because I can."

"No.....leave things how they are...I don't want to hear anymore excuses..."

My eyes began to sting as they dried and I hoped I wouldn't dry myself to sleep tonight. Without waiting to hear her reply, I hung up on her and threw my phone across my bed and burried my face into one of my pillows. My chest felt so heavy and I couldn't bring myself to go near my phone anymore. When I lifted my head, my eyes landed on a green stuffed frog that Jungkook had given me for my birthday. The longer I stared at it, the more bitter I felt and the more my chest seemed to tighten. I wasn't used to feeling like this. I wasn't used to losing my breath and forgetting to breathe. My head hurt and my heart ached. My body didn't want to listen to me and I no longer wanted to talk to anyone.  I was afraid. Afraid of losing everyone because of this incident since I know I'll start pushing them away until i'm okay again, but I don't want that to happen. I don't want to lose myself over something as ridiculous as this. That's not who Lee Kiyeon is. 

Stop it Kiyeon. You have other people who love and care about you. It's okay if Jungkook needs time. It's okay that there are unanswered questions right now. When the time is right, you will be able to understand, but right now, you just need to focus on who you are and what you want to do with your life. You need to go back to being that independent girl who didn't need anyone. You need to be strong and show him that he'll regret putting you on a break.

My inner mind was right. My mom always told me that living by your emotions would get you nowhere, but what if that's all I've ever really done? 

 Feeling fed up with myself, I looked at the frog once more and placed my pillow on top of it so i wouldn't need to look at it. My tears had stopped and I felt even more drained than when I had gotten home. What i needed right now was a way to release these feelings. I quickly reached for my backpack on the floor and grabbed a blue pen and spare notebook that I usually used to doodle or write in. I wasn't a talkitive person and many people misunderstood me, so I used writing as a better way of expressing myself since when I talk, i tend to not say the words i want to say and end up saying the wrong thing. Even if I wanted to talk to my friends about anything serious, I would always stutter and not get the words out. 

When i think about it though, I think that was one of the only flaws in Jungkook and I's relationship. We never voiced out our feelings seriously and never really had any serious converations. Even when we did, usually it was only me being serious, but him taking it lightly and trying to not make the mood go sour which would ultimately lead our conversation to something else totally irrelevant. 

Sigh....Still can't breathe....but at least the crying stopped...

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(Next Morning)

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When I opened my eyes, my body still felt heavy and i had the sudden urge to pretend to be sick so i wouldn't need to go to school, but I knew I still needed to go anyway. Not going to school for a reason like this would leave a bitter taste in my mouth. 

During the school day I was actually pretty okay. I did think of him obviously, but it didn't hurt as bad. My mind wondered a lot during my classes making me miss alot of the notes. I had many questions that i wanted to ask him now. Like;

Why?

Why now?

Why not earlier if he knew this was going to happen?

When did he decide this on his own?

Was I a bad girlfriend?

Did I do somethine wrong?

Was it too hard being with me?

If he had really considered my feelings, why didn't he talk with me first instead of deciding it by himself?

Did he know we still had Saturday to shop for Mihyun's present?

How will he act?

How do i act in front of him?

I know things won't go back to normal, but could it?

Could I forget these memories?

In the end, was I the only one who was serious about us?

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A/N:

Herro Herro~!

Ch.3 is finally up ^^

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-KaSo-sso