^{_{. .}} twelve ^{_{. .}}

“Would it be okay if I stopped at home?” Donghae suddenly asks as they wait for the lights to turn green. It’s almost peak hour, and the traffic has already slowed down.

Hyukjae straightens on his seat, his eyes looking a little tired. Car rides always made him feel sleepy, and the fact, and remembering a certain incident from his past makes him suddenly bite down his lips. He doesn’t want to think about that now. Clearing his throat, he tilts his head slightly towards the brunet.

“It’s along the way, so why not...”

Donghae gives the older guy a look, but a honk makes him steer his gaze back to the road. The light has already turned green, and he accelerates the car forward. He only needs some more clothes, and some stuff to bring to work with him. He realizes he should probably equip himself for a longer stay. He wasn’t very keen on the idea of driving back and forth between work, Hyukjae’s house and his own every day. He could just as well bring everything he needed to last a while.

The car finally turns to his house’s driveway, and he kills the engine.

“I’ll try to be fast, okay? You can wait in the car,” Donghae mutters as he’s halfway out the door, but he passes one last glance towards Hyukjae. It doesn’t seem like he’s against it.

“Sure,” Hyukjae replies, “Just don’t take all day.” The man yawns, crossing his arms around his chest.

Donghae rolls his eyes, pointing a finger at Hyukjae. “Five minutes.”

“One… Two… Thr--,” Hyukjae starts counting, and with a huff Donghae leaves towards the house.

The front door shuts quietly after him when he enters his home, but as he absent-mindedly kicks off his shoes, a familiar voice greets him.

“Donghae, is it you?”

It’s his mother, and the said young man furrows his brows and steps further down the hallway until he peeks into the white kitchen.

“You’re home?” Donghae asks. “I thought you were at work or something.” He really thought his mother wouldn’t be at home at that time, and somehow facing her frightens the brunet a little. He’s already been staying at Hyukjae’s for few days, and they’ve yet to discuss about it.

“No, dear,” she rises from the kitchen chair, walking towards her son with a notepad on her hand and reading glasses over her nose. “I thought I said I had early lectures this week and a few meetings.”

“Oh.” Donghae shakes his head and scratches the back of his neck. He’s been so occupied with other things that it must’ve slipped his mind.

“Are you staying?” the woman asks nonchalantly, but with a hint curiosity in her voice.

“Um, no,” Donghae mutters, wondering what he should be telling her. “I’m here just to snatch some clothes and stuff. Then we’ll be going...”

“We?” She leans against the kitchen counter, placing the pad down on it.

Donghae stutters, but he shuts his mouth for a moment. “Hyukjae and Jaemin are waiting in the car. ”

“Okay,” she says, and Donghae tries desperately to guess what she could be thinking.

“So I’m trying to be quick.”

“Mm-m.”

Donghae hates the fact that she knows exactly how to push his buttons and make him talk even when he doesn’t want to.

“I’m going to stay at his place for—for a few days. Help him around.”

“She’s staying?”

“Um, yeah.”

“I’m glad to notice you’re back being friends again,” she mumbles as she goes to sit back at the table. A cup of coffee lays before her, and papers are spread over the wooden table. The way she talks annoys Donghae to no end, just because she’s probably the only one able to see right through him.

“I wouldn’t call us friends yet,” Donghae protests, giving his mother a look.

She rolls her eyes.

“Give him a break, Donghae. He’s going through a lot, by the looks of it.” She shifts some papers on her hands.

Donghae bites down his tongue, knowing deep down that his mother was right.

“At least he’s trying,” she continues softly, but when she crosses her leg over her other knee, Donghae sees a lecture coming. “Have you even tried to give him a chance? I know you’re stubborn, just like your father. But this is a big change for anyone. Have you asked how Hyukjae feels?”

“I’m not his therapist,” Donghae grunts.

“No, you are not. But he might need someone to talk to. After all this time, it’s you he came to ask for help.”

Donghae feels his fingernails tugging against the skin of his palms. He knows he hasn’t given Hyukjae a chance. He knows he should, and he actually feels a little ashamed because of it. But admitting that he could be wrong isn’t easy for him.

“I think I should get going, they’re waiting,” he grunts at last.

“I’m just saying you could give it a try,” she sighs, “He could surprise you.”

“Yeah, right.” Donghae mutters, leaving the kitchen without another word. He climbs the stairs to the second floor, his head feeling heavy inside. Hyukjae isn’t completely a bad person, he’s sees it. The way he acts with his daughter has already surprised him.

Grabbing a bag from his closet, he starts to go through his clothes, trying to decide which he would need during the week. But his mother’s words keep nagging at him. Hyukjae had said it himself; Donghae was the only decent person in his life. When they were still in school, Hyukjae had a ton of friends. And as far as Donghae knew, back then he was still getting along with his parents, somewhat. Was Hyukjae really so…alone now? Why is he doing this, if he’s so against it? And is he, really? So far he’s only thought that he would help Hyukjae for some time, and after that he would just get back to his normal life. Did he really want that? He tries to shake off the thoughts from his head, and ends up throwing whatever first meeting his eyes into the bag.

Few minutes later he rushes back downstairs.

“Mom, I’m going.”

The woman smiles as she sees him. Donghae walks to her, giving her a kiss on the cheek.

“If you need anything, just call me alright? I love you.”

“Um, could you do me—or rather Hyukjae—a favor? The clothes Donghwa’s been wheeling here like crazy—could you check if there’s anything Jaemin’s size? I could come pick something up tomorrow. I bet her mother isn’t going to be very cooperative if Hyukjae goes back there...” Donghae rumbles as he puts on his shoes in the hallway and then takes another peek into the kitchen. His mother nods, leaning against her palm.

“Thanks mom. Love you,” he hollers and the door shuts after him again. The woman shakes her head with a smile before getting back to her notepad.

When Donghae gets outside, it’s raining again. The drops drum against his car, when he grabs his Hyundai’s door and opens it. He halts on his feet when he realizes the two are fast asleep inside.

Donghae parks his car at the same spot as before. The neighborhood seems rather calm, and the rain has probably gotten people to stay inside. The car stops humming, and the silense sets. They’ve arrived but both Hyukjae and his daughter are still asleep, and he doesn’t know what to do. For a while he stares outside, looking at the gray apartment buildings and a small playground between.

The soft snuffles makes it hard to decide if he should wake the two up or not. He detaches his seatbelt, and turns to look at the backseat, then the man sitting on the passenger’s. Hyukjae looks peaceful. His arms are crossed over his chest, his cheek pressed against the window. The black cap on his head makes him look a little younger. It keeps baffling Donghae that it’s been years since they’ve actually seen each other.

It’s still hard to believe Hyukjae is really a father to a four year old girl. As he keeps watching, he notices the similarities between them. The plump lips, single lidded almond eyes…

He doesn’t want to wake them up, but he knows he has to.

Donghae takes a deep inhale, before he stretches his hand out to touch Hyukjae’s arm. Just a few inches away he hesitates, and sits back, pulling his arm off.

“Hyukjae,” he hisses instead, but the man doesn’t budge. He rolls his eyes. “Hey, wake up. We’re here.”

Hyukjae stirs, but it takes a moment before his eyes start opening. Donghae watches him, until he finally finds the courage to nudge the man’s arm.

“Come on, Hyukjae. Up,” he tries again, and at last Hyukjae opens his eyes. The man seems a little out of it, until he stifly turns towards Donghae. His gaze finds Donghae’s hand on his shoulder, and the younger pulls away.

“Uh-huh,” Hyukjae yawns, looking around questioningly. “We’re here already?” he mutters, realizing that they weren’t at Donghae’s place any longer.

“You both fell asleep,” Donghae notes, “I can’t understand how you sleep so easy.”

Hyukjae turns to look at his daughter, the other end of his lips quirking up just a bit. “Family bug.”

Donghae raises his eyebrows, his gaze remaining on the young father. Hyukjae rotates back to face Donghae, but he takes haste interest to his seatbelt, opening it and twisting the baseball hat on his head. The word family has a weird aftertaste in his mouth. Saying it makes him feel sheepish. His heartbeat rises. Is that what it would be? Would they be a family? He and his daughter?

“I can take the bags, you carry her,” Donghae mutters before he stands out of the car and walks to the boot.

Hyukjae follows out soon after, and the first raindrops touching his bare neck make him shiver. A little nervous, he opens the rear door and bends over the girl to get her unbelted.

“Hey, Jaemin,” he whispers, “We’re home. Time to wake up.” His voice falters in the middle, but he shakes it off. Jaemin opens her eyes, yawning. She looks at her father with glassy eyes. “Hop,” Hyukjae says, taking his arms around her and bringing her up against his chest. The boot door clacks down, and they see Donghae with his own travel bag and the two shopping bags. The car locks down. Hyukjae his lips before he asks: “You need some help? I can take one.”

Donghae gives him a look of surprise. “N-no need.”

“Alright. Thanks,” Hyukjae mumbles and shift Jaemin to a better position on his arms.

Donghae doesn’t really answer; he only gives the other a mumble.

The staircase is dark as they reach Hyukjae’s door. The lightbulb has burned out, and it takes a few seconds before Hyukjae finds the right key. He puts the girl down against his leg, making sure she doesn’t fall down if she’s still sleepy. But Jaemin grabs his tigh and gives him a tired look and the door finally opens.

The girl manages to step inside on his own, and the men follow after her. Without asking, Hyukjae takes the other shopping bag from Donghae’s hand, feeling the cold skin of the other’s fingers against his own. He doesn’t see, or notice the little jitter Donghae’s body makes as the bag’s owner changes. He takes a round to the kitchen and leaves the bag, coming back to crouch before his daughter and help her open the zipper of her yellow jacket. Jaemin kicks her own shoes off, quite in the same manner as her father does. Hyukjae snaps the lights on.

Donghae follows the process silently.

“You want to go watch some telly? Donghae and I will unpack the goods from the store,” Hyukjae says, and goes to click the tv open. She follows him like a little duckling follows their mother duck, and jumps up to the red couch. A kid’s show is running, and she’s soon enchanted by it.

Hyukjae lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding when he lifts the bag on top of the counter and starts piling all the stuff out of the bag, starting from the few cartons of milk.

It takes a minute before Donghae accompanies him.

Hyukjae’s hands tremble just enough for the younger to notice. All kinds of things run in circles inside his head, and he feels suddenly so terrified. He puts down the carton he’s been holding, and grips the edge of the counter. Tomorrow looms ahead like a dark gray cloud, it’s just starting to sink in.

Two days ago he was just Hyukjae; a guy who literally didn’t have a life to actually call a life, someone who wasted his days doing all sorts of useless things. Tomorrow he would have to be all alone with a kid he barely knew. Unexpectly he is supposed to turn into a father in the blink of an eye.

He lets out a shaky breath, and Donghae watches him, worried and doubtful at the same time.

“Are you...alright?” he asks, voice low.

Hyukjae shakes his head. “I’m not ready for this.”

The conversation with his mother returns to Donghae’s mind. He’s unsure even if he clearly sees that Hyukjae is in need of a friend right now. The noise coming from the kid’s show echo in the house as if it is the new intro for doomsday.

Donghae bites the insides of his cheeks, calculating the words he could say, but Hyukjae continues before he manages to utter a word.

“How am I supposed to do this?” he whispers. He doesn’t want his daughter to hear. “I don’t know anything. Since she was born, I have not been a dad a day in my life. How do I know I’m not going to this up?” Hyukjae turns his face to Donghae for few seconds, and the jumble of emotions is evident on his face.

There’s a pit down on Donghae’s stomach, and for a moment he feels Hyukjae’s pain. He wants to console him, but how should he do that? He doesn’t realize how deep the man’s insecurities go.

“You just...” Donghae starts, taking a hesitant step closer. “Take it day by day…”

Hyukjae scoffs, the first thought being that Donghae was probably just judging him. But the softer, more understanding look in the brown eyes surprises him. He sees a part of his old best friend.

“I-I’m just a nurse. I migh know a few things more than you, but I’m not exactly a dad either,” Donghae keeps going, “I don’t think that’s something that comes with an users manual.”

They stare at each other for a while, the older teetering on his feet in anxiety.

“I know you think I’m most likely going to fail—“ Hyukjae starts but Dongae cuts him off with a deep sigh.

His voice wavers, though.

“What I think doesn’t matter,” he takes a short break. “It’s up to you. You’ll stumble along the way, as anyone would. Then just fake it till you make it.” It’s strange saying these things to the other, when Donghae’s not even sure he believes what he says. He ends up biting his lips again, a little afraid how Hyukjae would react.

But Hyukjae snickers at him. And soon, he laughs, wiping his eyes from the tears mixed of laughter and frustration that have been building inside.

Donghae’s taken aback by the sudden amusement. This isn’t quite the answer or reaction he expected.

“What are you laughing at, now?” he ends up grunting back, confused.

“I don’t know,” Hyukjae snorts, sliding his hand through his hair. “I was just waiting for some kind of a lecture about how much I and how this is never going to work out, and then you’re just… Trying to comfort me or something.”

In the end he doesn’t say a word, but his cheeks tell a different story when the redness paints over them as he blushes. He tries to hide it as he takes the other shopping bag and starts loading the stuff into the fridge.

Donghae wants to argue that. Why is that he always ends up bickering with Hyukjae? About nothing and everything. He’s confused and he mostly just wants to take offense from what Hyukjae just said. He’s always been bad at being wrong, and admitting it has been the hardest part. So is being laughed at, especially when he’s not sure where he stands here, with Hyukjae. Donghae doesn’t know how to decide if he should defend himself or just let it go. A part of him wants to rasp out again, and keep their interaction as it is. The other part doesn’t really want keep on taking a step forward followed with two steps back.

Hyukjae snickers.

If Donghae had a sin, it was definitely pride.

12.11.17
another filler-ish (and shorter) chapter, kinda tried to give you a little peek of dh's point of view...
hopefully things start rolling forward from now on ... :)