(trigger warning: mentions of death but rlly this whole thing has just been death after death so idek man sorry lol)

Kim Namjoon was blank. Everything about him was blank.

It was all too blank and although he didn’t like the feeling of being so empty, he took solace in it.

Being blank gave him an eerie comfort.

He was so blank yet his mind was full of thoughts and regrets, things he had never thought about before and things he wished he had never thought.

He was blank without his brothers.

It had been a month before Namjoon returned to work. A month before he decided that continuing with his life was the best decision to make.

That one month was probably the longest month of Kim Namjoon’s life.

He had debated with himself, considering all the possibilities.

He wondered if he should end it all, if he should join his friends.

He had no reason to stay anyway. He spent that one month crying, regretting and thinking of what could have been.

He’d eventually come to the thought that going back to work would bring some normality back into his life, but he knew that things would never be the same.

Walking into the petrol station, he braced himself on seeing the manager’s angry face.

He had forgotten to give him a warning about his time off and waited to hear his heated words.

His manager walked up to him and Namjoon was surprised to find him rather understanding about the situation.

He had explained that he had seen the situation on the news and naturally expected Namjoon to take some time off. It was only natural to grieve.

The manager gave his condolences. It seemed like Namjoon was really close to the boy that had died. He mentioned how devastating it was to see Namjoon’s distraught face, crying and cradling Jungkook in his arms.

How heart breaking it was to watch Jungkook being torn away from him.

Was Jungkook his brother? It was really sad to watch but Namjoon’s sentiment of switching the lighter on and pointing it to the sky was bittersweet.

His words of condolence were not helping Namjoon who just wanted to carry on like normal, without being reminded of what had happened.

He would rather the manager shout at him for taking so much time off than continuously be reminded.

It’s not as if he’d ever forget, it’s just that he wanted some normalcy in his life after all the pain that he had faced.

Kim Taehyung was alive. In fact he had never felt more alive, which is more than could be said for the man he had murdered about a month ago.

His life was so different now than what it was like before. He was frustrated then but he wasn’t angry anymore.

He used to pine for his love and now he was here, on his way to meet her again.

It was messed up but after Kim Taehyung had killed that man, he saw relief in his love’s eyes more than anything else.

She was obviously horrified by what she had seen but was so grateful that the monster had gone from her life.

She realised how shallow she had been. It was understandable, considering she spent her entire life struggling because of her financial situation, but spending time with that man had changed her entire outlook on life.

She didn’t care anymore, she just wanted to be happy and she knew that Taehyung would make her the happiest woman on the planet.

She loved Taehyung. Taehyung who protected her time and time again. Taehyung who had committed such a terrible crime in front of her very eyes. Taehyung who loved her no matter what.

Now it was her turn to protect him. She ushered him out as quickly as she possibly could, told him to hide and that she would call him again. She feigned tears in front of the police for him, playing the terrified victim.

It wasn’t much of an act, as she was still shaken by what she had seen but she felt liberation in his death and silently prayed for Taehyung’s safety.

Over the course of the next few days she prepared for his funeral, dressed in black and wiped away crocodile tears in front of others.

In the eyes of the public she was a troubled victim who was to move out as soon as possible, still haunted by her husband’s death.

On the day of the funeral, a man in an old suit came up to her to tell her about the formalities needed to be taken care of regarding her husband’s will.

She had inherited all his money. It was to be transferred into her bank account later that day. She couldn’t wait to tell Taehyung, even though she already knew what his response would be. He was too proud to use another person’s money. He would earn for himself.

She called Taehyung about a month after the incident. She met up with him on a busy street, shades and dark clothing to blend in.

They were finally together.

Kim Taehyung proudly took her hand and held onto it tight. He was beaming with happiness and she was overflowing with joy.

She had felt some form of an adrenaline rush, holding his hand so openly when her husband had been murdered just a month ago and Taehyung being the cause of his death.

But she loved it. She loved every second of it.

She loved being loved and being loved by Taehyung made her heart flutter out of her chest.

Taehyung felt at peace. The past month had been torture for him, knowing that he was a criminal made him fear for his life. He stayed at home, worried that the police would come bursting through any second. That she had changed her mind and realised what a horrid person Taehyung was for killing that man.

He couldn’t live with the thought of losing her once more.

Being with her put his heart at ease. He was safe now because he was holding her hand and she would protect him.

She always made him feel better, she lifted his spirits and made him feel whole.

They were ready to leave. Ready to start a new life.

Taehyung was going to take her away. In the dead of the night, he was going to take her as far away from that city as he possibly could.

But first, he wanted to do something.

He looked towards her with a grin and a childish glint of rebellion in his eyes.

“How about we do it once more, for old times’ sake?” he suggested, knowing that she’d understand what he meant.

It took a while for him to persuade her, but she eventually gave in to his charms.

Taehyung excitedly began to make a plan as soon as she agreed. They were going to shoplift.

She smiled at him, remembering all the times they had spent together and how silly they were.

Kim Namjoon couldn’t take it anymore. He was full of rage, angry at every God of every faith for taking away his brothers.

Every single thing he looked at reminded him of his brothers and he hated it.

He hated how he wouldn’t be able to forget. This was the rest of his life, full of regret. He was unable to save his brothers and now he’d have to face the consequences.

He kept thinking about Min Yoongi and his liking for fire and the innocence in the measures of protection he took for his friends. He thought about Seokjin and wondered why he’d decided to take such a step, why he didn’t think to reach out to him when he first noticed something was off. He thought about Jimin and his relationship with his parents and questioned himself for not stepping in earlier.

He cursed himself for not realising how terrible it was for Hoseok, for not getting him help earlier and arriving too late to help him.

But most of all, he remembered the feeling of holding Jungkook’s body in his arms and it how much it hurt. He should've protected him. He should've ran up to him and pushed him out of the way.

He mused with the idea of destruction and wondered how it would feel to be the reason behind destroying something.

Would he feel powerful? Would it burn away his pain? Would he find some sort of release?

He was going to do it. He hadn’t quite figured out what but he continued working anyway, waiting for his shift to finish.

He had to deal with all sorts of rude costumers throughout the day, so when one costumer had rudely left him a small tip by throwing it out of the car window, laughing whilst driving away, Namjoon had decided he’d had enough of this place.

He calmly waited for nightfall, his serenity coming from his anger and the anticipation of what the darkness was to bring.

He reached for his pocket, his fingers brushing over the lighter that had fallen out of Jeon Jungkook’s hands a month ago.

He used it to light a cigarette and put the cigarette to his lips. Inhale and exhale; he hadn’t smoked since Min Yoongi’s death.

When he decided that it was finally time, he knocked over canisters of car fuel letting his anger finally take over him.

He’d considered letting himself burn along with the gas station, but came to the realisation that he had to live. He had to live for his brothers. He’d have to set everything straight, find out everything that was unclear and avenge his family.

He’d have to watch over Jimin’s little sister and protect her for him.

He switched the lighter on again and set the place on fire.

He took a few steps backwards, to watch his destruction from a distance when he heard a scream.

He looked around looking for the source of the noise, worrying that he might have just put someone’s life in danger.

He felt a pit in his guts as his suspicions formed, the pit turning to a black hole in his stomach his suspicions were confirmed at the sights of Taehyung and his girlfriend screaming and exasperatedly struggling to escape the burning building.

He felt a lump form in his dry throat as his world slowed down, unable to comprehend the situation.

Taehyung was alive? Taehyung needed saving.

He couldn't believe his eyes, he needed to act quickly to save the last glimmer of hope in his life.

“Taehyung!” he shouted as he ran towards the burning building. It wasn’t too late, he could still save him. He could still make everything better again.

He threw himself into the fire trying to save his brother, screaming his name over and over again. He felt the heat surrounding him as watched Taehyung and his girlfriend trying to escape, banging fists against the door.

He struggled to make his way over to Taehyung, pushing himself through. He reached the door of the gas station and saw Taehyungs face through the glass in the door.

He reached his hand out, unable to believe that Taehyung was alive. He wanted to touch his face and make sure this was all real and not just some sick and twisted dream.

He tried opening the door from his side but it was no use, the door was jammed.

He was crying and screaming and banging the door with all the strength he could muster up.

The fire was getting closer and closer to Taehyung and his girlfriend and they were becoming weaker.

Taehyung had collapsed right before him and Namjoon’s eyes widened in shock, watching Taehyung in his sobbing girlfriend’s arms.

He had to try harder. He desperately looked around for something to smash the door open with.

He kept trying and trying. He wasn’t going to give up now.

He managed to find a huge block of wood and hurriedly went back to the door only to see both Taehyung and his girlfriend get taken by the fire.

He kicked the door as hard as he possibly could, before leaning his back onto the door and letting himself slide down in despair.

He felt lightheaded and saw his world darkening, the bright flames dulling before his eyes.

He ignored the sharp pains all over his body and let the fire take him. Kim Namjoon was reunited with his brothers.

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Aghhh!!! I can't believe it's finished :o

What do you think? I'm kinda nervous lol

okay two things though:

Firstly, do you think I should write an alternative ending? If enough people want it then I'll consider doing it as I already have an idea in my head of what to do.

Secondly, I just want to thank you guys for subscribing and being so nice to me about it and not complaining when i took too long to update you guys are the truest homies, SO I just want to take this opportunity to say that I know this world is really ty and the people even more so, so many terrible things happen and we can feel so helpless and hopeless, but it's okay! just know that theres ALWAYS someone there who cares for you and loves you so much. Don't be afraid to reach out for someone, it might seem like you're being a bother but i promise you that you'll feel so much better once talking to someone about how you feel. That being said, I'm always here if you need to rant to someone, or if you just need a friend to talk to, just tweet/dm me or send me an ask on tumblr, i got u friend <3