(trigger warning: mentions of suicide, and violence i guess idk agh sorry)

Park Jimin was afraid. It was normal for him and he was used to it.

He knew how to handle his fear. He just had to go to his safe space, where everything would be okay. Where he would be protected.

He didn’t like feeling powerless.

Park Jimin wanted to try something new. He grabbed a lighter from his bedside cabinet and a piece of paper. Jimin was given the lighter by a friend. He was told that writing his feelings and fears would burn them down. It would destroy his fears and give him power, especially after physically setting fire to the paper.

It would ease his heart and rest his soul.

Park Jimin sat on the side of his bed scribbling down his fears.

He wrote about his parents and their fights. He wrote about the constant screaming and shouting. He wrote about the pain he went through on a daily basis. He wrote about the fear of no escape and the fear that they would split up.

He was worried that it was his fault. That he was a mistake. That all their problems were his fault.

Park Jimin’s friend was wrong. He didn’t feel better at all.

Writing down his feelings just made him relive all the pain. He didn’t feel powerful. He was small and inferior to his feelings and his thoughts.

He kicked of his shoes and made his way to the bathroom, lighter and paper in hand.

He locked the bathroom door, he was almost protected now.

Park Jimin twisted the hot water tap.

He felt for his little sister. She was so young. Why did she have to go through so much?

He had tried to help her find her own safe space but she didn’t listen. She was too young to understand. Even so, Jimin would cover her ears whenever her parents were fighting. He would cover her eyes whenever his father got too intoxicated and hurt his mother. He would distract her with music and stories and little games that he made up for her.

He would tell her stories of heroes and villains, of good and bad. He would tell her stories where the heroes defeated the villains. Stories where good defeated bad.

Not like the real world. He didn’t tell her about the real world. He was her very own rose-tinted glasses.

Park Jimin wasted no time when the bath was almost full. He left the tap still running and climbed into the bath one leg after the other.

He could feel the serenity it brought to him crash over him like little waves of protection forming around him.

He didn’t care that he was still clothed.

He liked the feeling of the hot water against his skin.

He just enjoyed the safety that the water brought him. No one could touch him now. He was invincible.

A few minutes later, after soaking in the protection that the water brought, he flicked the lighter on.

He was hesitant at first, unwilling to get any ashes in to his safe space.

He didn’t want his protection to be tainted by the ashes of his fears.

Eventually he lit the paper on fire, extending his arm so that it was away from his water.

He watched his fears burn away. His friend was right. Park Jimin felt powerful.

He let go of the paper at the last possible moment, almost burning his fingers.

He thought about the possibilities. He was strong now and he was protected and he was so sure of it.

He could do it.

He imagined protecting his sister properly.

He thought about protecting her from his parents properly. He could do it, right?

He thought about his parent fighting, he thought about his father drowning his sorrows, going to overboard once again. He thought about how it would inevitably get out of hand but he’d be there. He’d be there to protect his sister from his mother’s vicious words and his father’s harsh actions.

He would stand up, insolently and defiantly. He would push his parents away.

He would scream at them and shout at them.

He would defend himself.

Couldn’t they see what terrible parents they were? Didn’t they even care about their children?

He imagined running away with her. He imagine taking her to safety and raising her as her own. He would get a job. Earning for her and protecting her from the dangers of the world.

Until reality kicked in.

Park Jimin was useless to her.

What was he thinking? He couldn’t possibly protect her.

He didn’t have the strength to do that.

He was weak and couldn’t even protect himself.

He couldn’t even protect himself, never mind his sister.

He was useless to her and to himself. He couldn’t even feel protected outside of the water.

He was nothing and it hurt. It hurt that he couldn’t do more for her.

He wanted to save her. He wanted to be her hero just like in the stories he told her time and time again.

There was a sudden banging on the door. Park Jimin was afraid.

He was in his safe space but he was so afraid.

He listened to the loud noises and the constant shouting.

He listened to the names being called. He listened about how he was a useless son. A waste of space and precious money. About how he wasted so much water bathing but he was still a piece of .

His mother didn’t mean that, did she? She was just angry, wasn’t she? She just didn’t understand, Park Jimin needed his safe space…

Park Jimin was unsure. He needed to be protected. It wasn’t enough.

The banging on the door became angrier, fiercer.

Park Jimin’s protection was growing weaker.

He couldn’t handle it anymore. He sank deeper into the water, trying to cover his entire body. The tap was still running.

Soon he was completely enveloped by the water, holding his breath and it lifted a huge weight off his shoulders.

It wasn’t enough. Jimin could still hear the banging and shouting. He needed the protection inside him.

Maybe he needed the water inside him.

Maybe to feel fully protected he’s just have to open his mouth. That would work, wouldn’t it?

Park Jimin breathed in the water. It took him by surprise.

He knew that the water was strong, he just didn’t calculate how strong.

He didn’t realise how strong the water could be. He forced himself to stay underneath. His body was fighting for oxygen but he was fighting for protection.

He forced himself to fight his survival instincts.

He couldn’t breathe and was thrashing about, trying his best not to get up.

He was struggling to stay protected. Park Jimin’s world was darkening. His movements stilled.

Was this what drowning felt like? It was peaceful in a sense.

The water had flooded the bathroom and screams of horror were heard as his mother came to realisation.

His world completely blackened. Park Jimin was protected.

That night, in the very same house there was a knock on the door. It was a visitor for him.

His father broke the news to Kim Namjoon.

“Listen son, I don’t know who you are but the bast*rd went and ing killed himself today so just f*** off”

Kim Namjoon didn’t like his attitude and had to restrain himself yet again from hurting someone for insulting his late friend.

He paid his respects through clenched jaws and walked away before he did something he regretted. The father smashed the door at his face anyway. He was upset that his friends felt this way, he would try his best to protect the others.

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so what do you guys think so far? is it good? are you curious? :o

andd do you have any questions like idk i guess if something is unclear or something

pls tell me what you think like that would be v v nice ily guys