‘When he turns his back … I will let myself feel the pain.

When he’s far away enough not to hear me … I will call his name.

And when he closes the door, leaving my life … I will finally let my tears fall.’

Reciting it over and over again was all I could do, till my thoughts became deformed and meaningless. Yet, I couldn’t stop, can’t afford to. Their distraction gave me comfort …. Away from his eyes, his lips and his heartbroken expression, they promised I could cry and scream and break … just not in front of him, not where he could see just how much I cared.

‘It will take forever to mend this wound. ‘ Was my last sane thought … before the rage and hatred came rushing back, before my voice raised again and I uttered my cruel words.

“It wasn’t worth it … you weren’t worth it “I spat out, my words seemed to strike him with almost physical force and as he staggered away I felt my heart tear and felt my existence crumble.

“I’m sorry you feel this way …. “Was the strangled whisper that escaped his lips in response and my shameful heart skipped a beat at the raw pain they voiced but that was all …. One heartbeat  , one pitiful fracture of a second to think of how hurtful I was and when it was gone I felt a soothing coldness and what little strength I needed for my last absurd lie came to me .

“I never wavered nor loved and you just became another reason for me to run away “

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Author notes: the forward... as unrevling and ambiguous as it’s Is, describies this story emotional core, the journey into love and all the uncertainties and hurt we go through. This is a Seungho/ OC romance story but all other Mblaq members are present. they are the idol group Mblaq in here and the events will start around STAY promotions (beginning of 2011), I’m going to try to keep up with real life events but do excuse me if I do otherwise every now and then … also I’m not simply coping and pasting their names into the story, this is honestly how I see each and every one of them acting (the good and the bad)

I hope you enjoy the story, feedbacks are welcomed and appreciated. Thank you for reading: D