Our show finished quite fast today, I felt exhausted. My fingers seemed to have lost their strength. I did not bother to go back to the waiting room. I had all my stuff to go. Jaejoong seemed to be in a hurry to leave and who knows were. Han Hyojoo was at our concert, she danced with her friends and I saw how Jaejoong looked at her throughout the performance. Am I actually jealous? This guy who I knew for 15 years all of a sudden gives me this new overwhelming feeling. I’m supposed to be used to all the surprises he can give. But I’ve never once seen him date a girl before.

I don’t want to think too much about it. I quickly left for home before anyone knew.

-

It’s already 1, and I have been staring at the ceiling for over an hour. The glow-in-the-dark stars that are placed on the ceiling had faded their lights. I enjoy looking at them before bed. I used to sleep with my night light because I’m extremely afraid of total darkness. Now that I remember, Jaejoong got those for me when we went on a field trip to the observatory on our last year of high school.

Flashback (3 years ago)

“These look really cool…” I said, I picked out a pack of glow-in-the-dark stars displayed at the souvenir shop. These are rare, its the full set of constellations. “Joongie, look at this. I want it! Lend me 40,000won, I’ll pay you back.” I insisted at that time. I was pretty persistent when I wanted something. I know he hated it.

Then right there, I saw an empty spot. He was busy talking to his friends and I don’t think he heard me, so I quickly dragged him by his arm. “Yah, what are you doing?” he was startled.

“Buy me this…Please…” I pouted my lips. “Please…” I added some aegyo too.

He had an annoyed reaction, he poked my forehead and said, “Don’t do that, you just got uglier.” He turned his head away. “And I don’t have money.”

“Please! You’re mom’s rich. I know you have money.”

He lets himself go from my grasp, “I don’t, besides you don’t even need that.”

“It’s going to look cool in my room!”

He thought for a moment, thinking whether to get it for me or not and then said, “Nah…” he ran off and went back with his friends.

“That butthole…”

I thought he wouldn’t care to buy me those stars. But a week later, we had a huge argument, I saw that he rejected my friend Jiyeon. She confessed her feelings and he rejected her in the harshest way right in front of me. I was extremely upset at that time. I didn’t talk to him for a week, even during the band meetings. One night, I just came home feeling a strange that my family was up to something. They had creepy grins on their faces, they told me to go upstairs right away so I did. I went up to my bedroom to see the galaxy, it was extremely amazing. The room was dark but I saw stars everywhere, it was very beautiful. It was the first time I felt someone do something really sweet for me.

“Do you like it?”

He stood right there, “Wow… this is so pretty…” my mouth was wide open. “You did this?” I came to realize that I wouldn’t need my night lights from now on. The dark won’t be too scary and when the lights turn off, I’ll see this really pretty sight.

“Yup… take it as a birthday present for this year.” He said.

“That’s a different occasion.”

It was the first time I felt extremely awkward with Jaejoong. I imagined myself having a boyfriend who would do corny things like these, but never with him. Inside this starry room, he was the one who shined the brightest.

End of Flashback

So…  when did I start falling in love? And… in love with my best friend? Am I really? This is crazy. But why now? I can’t even imagine myself kissing that idiot… with his plumped pink lips… and our nose rubbing against each other… HOLD UP! STOP! NO!!!

-

The next morning I felt gravity pulling me down, I slept for only 2 hours. Darn you Kim Jaejoong… I have to get ready to start my day. I went to the bathroom and saw myself in the mirror. Hello there Ms. Panda. Maybe coffee will help.

Mom made a small breakfast, but I did not want to eat rice… She made seaweed soup already prepared on the table and that’s my favorite! But I don’t want… I want toast. “No-Noona… you look like a zombie.” Sanghyun says, I did not even notice him there.

“Omona, Dara-ah, are you sick?” my mom asked s