Chapter 35

Instead of crying or screaming, I stayed silent. It took me a moment and a few looks of Se Hun before I stood up from the bed. I walked towards the door, hoping he’d stop me from leaving, but when I held onto the door knob, he was still sitting on his bed. I turned to look at him and saw that he was looking up at me. He looked apologetic and yet he looked sorry for me. I hated how I drowned in them.

“You should leave.” Se Hun finally said and it hurt. 

I remember those words after he broke up with me five years ago. They often replayed in my head no matter how much I wanted to erase the words and the tone he used with it. They were cold and always caused my heart to break into millions of pieces over and over again. I remember how much I fought with him, begging him to reconsider us, but for some reason, I found myself twisting the door knob and I walked out of his room.

As soon as I got to the front door, I cried and punched it so hard, my knuckles started bleeding along with the fact that I had already cut it open from slamming that stupid shot glass last night. 

Se Hun came out of his room, but before he could get down the stairs, I was already out the door and running down the street. I hid behind a car as I saw Se Hun running down the street looking for me. I wish he would have stopped me earlier, but I’m sure if he did, all he would do is look at my hand.

What was I doing? Were we breaking up all over again even though we haven’t even gotten back with each other? I looked down at my knuckles and shook my head. I really was an idiot. How could I hurt myself of some stupid gangster? A stupid gangster who no longer even wanted what we used to have? He ruined so much of my time here and then he ruined what could have happened again by using those same words that Jin Hyuk used.

I stood up from the car after ten minutes and started walking down the street opposite of where Se Hun ran. I was taking the long way home, but I didn’t want to run into him. I needed to pull myself together. Everything was a mess. I’m a mess. I don’t even know what to do. 

**

For the next three days, I stayed in my bed. My parents tried to get me up to eat, but I wouldn’t budge. I haven’t showered and also didn’t change out of the clothes that Se Hun had put on me since I was back at his house. Jin Hyuk didn’t leave back to Canada, but he didn’t stay at my parent’s house either. I felt guilty anyway and I didn’t know if I could face him anyway. I was a total mess.

“Honey, your mother and I are going to head out of town for a bit since we have to meet up with grandma and grandpa.” My father was standing at my door even though my back was turned to him. 

“You haven’t gone to see them for so long.” I replied.

“That’s because I don’t like to…” He whispered, but it was loud enough for me to hear.

I couldn’t help but chuckle under my blanket. “I won’t tell mom. I promise.”

“You know I love you, right?” He came over and sat at the edge of my bed. “Your birthday is tomorrow. You shouldn’t be sitting in bed like this.”

“Don’t let anyone come bother me on my birthday.” I groaned as I had already forgotten my birthday was coming up even.

“Come on. You’ll be a quarter. I can’t have you in bed sulking like this, Ahn Soo Jin.” My father sighed. “What will I do? Should I even leave you alone here?”

“Please leave.” I said as pulled the blankets over my head even more than before. 

My father left my room and as soon as I heard my door shut, I threw the blanket off of me. As I looked up at the ceiling, I realized how pathetic I was. I couldn’t believe I’ve been lying in my bed without showering and changing out of my clothes. I must have reeked and my father was a trooper because instead of telling me that I smelled like , he probably held his breath the whole time.

What a show I am.

**

It was ten at night when I heard the bell to the door ring. I groaned and decided that if I ignored it, the person would leave, but after a long five minutes of not giving up, I got out of bed. They weren’t going to give up and they were going to keep pressing that door bell until it would break off. I went down to the door and peeked through only to see Choi Jae Hyun and Lee Jung Ah standing there arguing with each other.

“What do you guys want?” I asked opening the door but before I could even say anything or shut the door back up on them, they walked through and continued to argue. “Alright, invite yourselves in.”

“What the hell is wrong with you?” They both said as they turned to me, causing me to jump out of my dirty skin. 

“Well, ex-ing-cuse me.” I held a hand to my chest. “How the do you guys argue with each other, come into my house uninvited, and then yell at me for something I don’t even know about?”

“You ing idiot.” Jae Hyun hissed at me. 

“Don’t ing call her an idiot, you ing .” Jung Ah yelled at him as she pressed a finger into his chest. “We said we would speak calmly to her.”

“I see you already failed.” I shook my head. “My ears have been popping the minute you two have stepped into this premises.”

“Se Hun said you left.” Jae Hyun glared at me.

I scoffed. “Do you want to start with me right now cos I’m not in the mood.”

“We aren’t in the the ing mood either.” Jae Hyun rolled his eyes. “I heard everything that happened. How do you ing have a wedding called off and then Se Hun turns you ing down?”

“YOU THINK I ING KNOW WHY THE INCREDIBLE OH SE HUN TURNED ME DOWN?” I almost punched Jae Hyun across the face, but Jung Ah ran over and held onto my arms. “ you, Jae Hyun. all of you.”

“Soo Jin…” Jung Ah let go of my arm. 

“I shouldn’t have ing come back to Korea. Everything is a show just like all of you who have been ing around with me. I hate every single one of you. I fought tears and my own heart only to end up looking and feeling like .” I almost screamed, but the tears made it out first. “I’m always ing crying. How have my eyes been so good to me by not puffing up, but they always keep ing shedding tears? Am I really that ing sad or am I that ing mad?”

“We’re sorry…” Jung Ah sounded like a child in trouble. “We are really worried about you.”

“We really are…” Jae Hyun chimed in quietly.

“Well, if you’re ing worried about me, the first thing you two could have done was explain everything from the beginning. Life has been a ing rollercoaster for me, in case you haven’t noticed and I have a headache from it. I don’t know anyone or anybody who could handle this kind of .” I pulled my at my hair and screamed. 

“Don’t do that…” Jung Ah tried to grab me, but I pushed her away.

“Why can’t I just pull it together?” I fell to the ground and cried.

“Did Se Hun really reject you?” Jae Hyun asked as he bent down and started to pat my back. I didn’t fight him. I was already apologetic about pushing Jung Ah, who is ing pregnant. 

“I am a ing coward, you guys. I can’t even go on to explain all the emotions I felt when I saw him. I wanted to tell him everything, but there was something stuck in my ing damn ty throat.” I sobbed. “It was just him and I… again… and yet, I had no confidence whatsoever.”

“What do you mean?” Jung Ah asked.

“Jin Hyuk… I wanted to tell him first. I had everything planned. I was going to tell him how sorry I was because my heart was never ready to begin with and I wasted all of his precious time because I was trying to find a distraction. I hurt him and for most of it, I tried not to feel guilty about it, but he was so good to me. He was so ing good to me.” I punched the ground and whimpered when it was my hurt hand that I used once again. “I was going to tell him that I was never over Se Hun and how much I still wanted to be with that stupid gangster kid. How could someone so ing reckless make me become the same exact way?”

“I’m sorry things didn’t turn out your way.” Jae Hyun sighed.

“Me too. It ruined everything because I was too ing scared to say anything that in the end, I lost both of them.” I wiped my nose with the back of my hand and turned my face so it was resting on the side. “I don’t deserve any of them.”

“We don’t deserve you.” Jung Ah put her arms around me and hugged me tightly. I could hear her sniffles. “You have gone through so much and instead of actually killing us, you let us all stay by your side.”

“I still ing hate you all.” I sniffled along with her. “Why the hell are you even crying?”

“It’s because of the hormones.” Jae Hyun shook his head.

“And because I feel sad that you have to go through more than one heart break within a day and we weren’t there for you.” Jung Ah started crying.

“Please don’t cry on me.” I chuckled.

“I’m serious.” Jung Ah was bawling now.

“Great. Now I’m ing stuck with two crazy women crying.” Jae Hyun leaned against the wall and just stared at the two of us. “I didn’t sign up for this.”

“No one told you to come over.” Jung Ah punched him.

“Ow!” Jae Hyun rubbed his arm. “I only came because I was worried about Soo Jin, damn!”

“You love her more than you love me, don’t you?!” Jung Ah started crying even more.

“Goodness, you have got to be kidding me right now.” Jae Hyun buried his head into his hands. “I told you that I stopped loving her the minute we started seeing her.”

“YOU DON’T LOVE ME!!!” She dramatically fell to the ground.

“Well… This is awkward.” I said as I wiped my hand with my non-hurt hand. 

“She always does this. She thinks I’m in love with everyone.” He sighed and got up before holding a hand towards me. 

“What are you doing?” I asked staring at his hand confused and kind of feeling bad because I’m sure Jung Ah really will think that he’s still in love with me if I were to grab onto it.

“Trust me. In less than ten minutes, that girl is going to knock out.” He said before grabbing my hand and pulling me up to my feet. 

“And we’re just going to leave her there?”

“No, I’ll pick her up after a bit here. If I touch her now, she’ll never sleep.” Jae Hyun shook his head and walked into the kitchen. “Aren’t you coming with?”

“For what?” I asked as I followed after him.

For the next ten minutes or so, Jae Hyun tended my wound on my hand. We didn’t say anything at all to each other, but I could feel his warmth from his touch and it kind of made me feel out of place. I didn’t know what to do. I know he didn’t mean anything at all.

“Don’t worry. I’m not in love with you.” Jae Hyun looked at me, causing me to jump because I didn’t realize I was staring at him. “I used to be, but I no longer feel anything for you.”

“I know.” I didn’t know, but I wanted to tell myself that. “I guess this kind of just reminded me of the few times I was hurt and you were there for me.”

“I am always here for you, aren’t I?”

I nodded my head. “You really don’t have to be.”

“I feel like I do this more because of Jung Ah.” He wrapped my hand and clasped his hands together. “She’s always worried about you and if I don’t make sure you’re alright, I always feel like she’ll kill me or something.”

“Damn, she really changed you, huh?” I rolled my eyes and laughed.

“She did…” He looked over at her. “Soo Jin, go shower. I’m going to go take her home.”

“Have Jung Ah stay here. You can sleep with her too…” I sighed. “I don’t want to be alone tonight.”

“Okay.” He nodded his head. “But really. Go shower. Your hair is a ing mess.”

“Fine. Fine.”

**

When I got done showering, I went back downstairs to check up on Jae Hyun and Jung Ah. They were sleeping in the room where Jin Hyuk used to stay in. I knocked on the door and was greeted with nothing. I decided not to open it since I didn’t want to disturb them. As I turned around and was going to go back up the stairs, I noticed a flickering light outside. 

“What is that?”

I was probably going to get killed. Every curious person gets killed whenever they try to figure out what is happening. I looked out the patio and saw someone in my backyard looking up at the sky, but their back was facing me. I opened the patio - one step closer to death - and noticed right away who it was.

“What are you doing here?” I asked as my arms fell to my side.

“Do you know what time it is?” The person didn’t turn around.

I took my phone out and saw that it was a bit past midnight.

“Happiest birthday, Ahn Soo Jin.” He said before turning around with a smile, causing my heart to drop down to my stomach.

*Author's Note: Happy reading :)