Chapter 32

As I gathered my stuff and walked out the door, I heard Jung Ah running towards me, almost out of breath. I turned around to look at her and saw her face turning red from the short run she had made. I couldn’t help but laugh a little because she looked like she just got done cleaning the whole house and was in a hurry to do something.

“Will you be okay?” Jung Ah held my head between her cold, moist hands. She had a pressed smile, but I knew she meant well. “I just want you to know that Jae Hyun and I are here for you if you need us.”

“Thank you.” I taking a deep breath. “I’ll be fine.”

“Soo Jin, you know that I love you and that I only want the best for you, right? I no longer want to see you sad and crying.” She looked like she was tearing up.

“Yeah, I second that.” Jae Hyun popped his head out from the bathroom doorway.

“Thanks for taking care of me for the past two days, but I’m sure Jin Hyuk and my parents are worried about me. Whatever happens next… I know I can take care of it.” I brushed Jung Ah’s hands off of me. “Look, what you two did for me made me realize all of the things I have been doing wrong. I’m going to continue not doing those things and live my life to the fullest.”

“Sure…” Jae Hyun muttered under his breath, causing both Jung Ah and I to glare at him. “What? You know you’re the worst when it comes to habits.”

“Wow.” I rolled my eyes. “I’ll show you.”

“Okay. Then I’ll be waiting.” He stuck his tongue out at me like a five year old.

“Alright, anyway, Jung Ah, I’ll call you to let you know if I need anything.” I reached out and hugged her tightly. “Please take care of yourself and baby. I cannot wait to meet the little one who will live hell with the two of you as their parents.”

“Hey!” Jung Ah pulled back and furrowed her eyebrows at me.

“I’m kidding. You know I mean well.” I said as I rubbed her belly and waved good-bye to the two of them who stood by the doorway to watch me leave.

**

I paced back and forth in the cold in front of the gates to my parent’s house. I didn’t know what to do or what to say the moment I would walk in. Were they curious? Did they know what was going on? My heart was palpitating hard against my chest. I almost couldn’t breathe and felt like I was drowning in my sudden nervous breakdown. I felt like a criminal who had to go to the cops to tell them my sinnings.

“What are you doing pacing back and forth outside like a swindler?” My mother stood outside the steps of the doorway with a robe wrapped tightly around her petite body. “Are you going to come in or make our neighbors scared?”

“Sorry…” I said as I walked through the gates and towards her finally. “I was just thinking.”

“Thinking about what? Your wedding? You know it’s in about a week, right?”

I froze. “A w-week?”

“You must have been so drowned in your thoughts that you have already completely forgot.” She shook her head. “Come in. It’s cold and I don’t want to keep standing out here with you.”

I followed suit and went straight to my room to put my backpack into the closet. I sat down on the edge of my bed and pulled my phone out. Has these past couple of months of nothing really fly by that quickly? I feel like all I have been doing is trying to figure out a puzzle I no longer want to piece together. I kicked off my shoes and fell back into my back and looked up at the ceiling. Something about staring at a blank ceiling suddenly made me feel empty.

“You come back and home and this is the first thing you do?” Jin Hyuk’s voice made me jump up. He was standing in front of me with a small smile on his face. “How was your sleepover with Jung Ah? I didn’t know you were going to stay at her place for an extra day.”

“I didn’t either.” I sat up and sighed. I forgot to ask what Jung Ah said to Jin Hyuk if he contacted her, but I decided not to lie because I did end up staying at her place so I technically wasn’t lying. “How are you?”

“I’m okay, I guess. We’re getting married soon.” He sat down beside me and placed a hand onto my knee. It felt different. There no longer was comfort in the sense of his touch and I hated myself for feeling this way. “Everything is set, right? You picked out the last items that were needed?”

I nodded my head. “I’m just so glad all the planning is over because I cannot take another day of stressing out over small matters.”

“Small matters?” He arched his eyebrows.

“Throughout this whole process, I realized how crazy I had become by wanting this perfect wedding when in the end, no one will even remember what flowers I had ended up choosing for our center pieces. They won’t even remember the colors of our hanboks, how many kids we’re destined to have, or what flavored cake we picked out.” I turned to look at him and he looked like a lost puppy. “I don’t know why everyone hypes up weddings only for them to be forgotten.”

“Who said we’d forget the moments of it?” He asked.

“I don’t know, Jin Hyuk. I feel like one day, you and I might just forget and I want that to be okay because it really doesn’t matter.” I bit my lower lip. “I’m sorry… I didn’t mean - ”

“It’s okay.” He abruptly cut me off with a cold tone. “If it doesn’t matter to you, it’s not that big of a deal then, right?”

“Are you upset?” I asked.

He shook his head. “No, I actually agree with everything you’re saying. A wedding doesn’t need to be extravagant even though I know that is exactly what we went for. I know it’s going to be outrageous with the amount of people we are inviting. Maybe it might be a little too much for those who attend… Questioning why we did the most when they will probably talk down on us and say we did it for show.”

“Oh gosh…” I covered my mouth dramatically. “Is this how you’ve been feeling?”

Jin Hyuk chuckled and nodded his head. “I only wanted to do what would make you happy and in the end, you’re still not happy. First, you wanted something extravagant and now you want little to nothing.”

“I’m sorry…” I sighed dramatically. “This whole process just made me realize what a nut this whole thing is.”

“And I’m okay with the fact that you feel like we had gone too far. I was so scared that you had all these high expectations I wasn’t going to meet and I guess in the end, you really didn’t care for those things.” He grabbed my hands and squeezed them. His hands were cold, but they were filled with warmth soon after. “Look Soo Jin, if you want a small wedding with just a few decorations and even a cake from a small cafe, I would be happy to give you that. Honestly, I would have been happy to give you anything whether the idea of your was dramatic or small.”

I laughed and then found myself crying. “How did I become so blessed with someone who was so worried about how I felt no matter the situation?”

“You’re always crying.” He shook his head and wiped my tears.

“I know. I’m sorry.” I laughed.

**

For the next week or so, Kang Hee and I managed to find a smaller venue for our wedding. We decided to use candles as centerpieces, I decided that I’ll be wearing a dress from a small boutique that I found and it only cost twenty-five dollars, we ended up ditching the catering and decided to order pizza, and I picked out small lilies to walk down the aisle with.

“This is what you want?” Kang Hee was so confused when she saw the whole venue picked out.

I shook my head. “This is what I would have gotten if I had used only my money.”

“Oh…” Kang Hee seemed shocked at my answer, but she nodded her head like she understood. “Alright then. So do we still have four hundred of your guests arriving?”

I looked at the venue and laughed. “Kang Hee, does it look like we’d even fit ten people in here?”

Her eyes widened. “I”m so lost. Are you going to get married or are you going to elope?”

“I wouldn’t say elope…” I shrugged.

“Uh… Soo Jin… I…” She bit her lips.

“You don’t have to say anything, Kang Hee. You did your job and that’s all that matters.” I said turning my attention to her. “If you’re wondering or even are curious, Se Hun is not my fiance because I know you’ve met Jin Hyuk, but he’s also no available. There are still people out there fighting for him and one thing’s for sure…”

“What?” She looked really curious.

“You won’t win.” I chuckled.

Kang Hee just stared blankly at me.

“Kang Hee, thank you for everything.”

“You’re welcome…” She said quietly. “Is there anything else I can do for you?”

“Can I have a moment here alone?” I asked.

She nodded her head and quietly made her way out.

As I walked around the small venue and the few tables that were set up, I found my chest tightening. I didn’t want to get used to this feeling anymore. Everything here just felt so right now that I have made it exactly like how I’ve always wanted it. Even though I wanted something extravagant and something that no one would forget, I knew this would turn out perfect by being a little more minimal with how I was envisioning what was going to happen.

“So this is how is how you’re wedding is going to be like?”

I didn’t jump surprisingly. I turned to see Lu Han making his way into the venue with his hands behind his back. He looked like a little old man trying to take in a new place. He stood right beside me and sincerely smiled at me. I felt like it’s been awhile since Lu Han and I have been this close. It didn’t seem forced and thankfully, there weren’t any girls here glaring at me. It was somewhat peaceful for once between the two of us.

“Let me guess… Did Jung Ah or Jae Hyun say anything to you?” I asked.

Lu Han shook his head. “No, surprisingly they sealed their lips.”

“Then what?”

“It was Se Hun.”

I nodded my head slowly.

“You’re getting married tomorrow, aren’t you?”

I nodded my head again.

“It feels weird thinking that you’re going to finally get married.” His voice was soft and it echoed in the empty room.

“I guess we both never thought this would happen, huh?” I chuckled and he joined me. “I just wanted to thank you for everything that you have done for me.”

“Me?” He seemed a bit appalled.

“Thanks for being the only one who was honest with me from the beginning.”

“I just was never good at lying.”

“Maybe that’s why I always came to you.”

“Soo Jin, I hope the choice you’re making tomorrow is filled with no regrets.” Lu Han sighed. “I know it seems like I want to kick you in the shin sometimes, but I honestly have always wanted the best for you.”

“That’s good to know now that it seems like everything is coming to an end.”

“I’m serious. With Se Hun… I wanted him to treat you well and to make sure that he never held you back because you could soar so far and knowing you… We both knew that you would have waited too long if he wasn’t beside you.” He let his hands fall to his sides. “Se Hun loves you, Soo Jin.”

“I know.”

“No, Soo Jin, I don’t think you know.”

“Then tell me.” I said. “It seems like you want to tell me so much more about how much he truly loves me.”

“He came to me a few days ago. He had the same face he had on the day the two of you broke up five years ago. This look of his always reminded that he, too, was still a human being even if he never looked like one. He looked tired and sullen. I already knew what he wanted to say. I never spoke for the guy so in case you were wondering, I never made his words or actions up.” Lu Han pursed his lips like a little child. “He cried to me for the first time ever. When I say ever, I say voluntarily. Se Hun stood at my door step and cried. He cried even harder than when he lost the old man.”

I pressed my lips together and listened.

“He told me how much he hated himself for not being able to tell you his true feelings after all of these years and how much he hated that he couldn’t say one more goodbye to you before you officially become someone else’s. He said he’s never felt so weak and tired before.” Lu Han gave me a stern look. “I’m not trying to make you feel bad.”

“I never said you were.” I replied.

“I just wanted you to know what was going through his mind before tomorrow not because I wanted to ruin your wedding.”

“Your words will never ruin the choice I am ready to make.” I smiled. “It’s okay. Whatever you say, I will take in sincerely.”

“Fine. No more going around the idea of what I’m about to tell you. Se Hun loves you and he’s ready to hand you off. He cried his eyes out to me until he couldn’t breathe to tell me that he was so apologetic for messing with your feelings and not making sure that you were okay this whole time. He regrets not holding you every time you would cry and not being there for you emotionally when you needed someone. I hate seeing him like this, but he did this to himself. He made his own decisions and we all had no choice but to abide to this.” Lu Han said these almost so quickly, it seemed like time was passing by so fast. “Look, Soo Jin, he’ll never stop loving you, but he is finally okay with letting you go and he really, truly hopes you and Jin Hyuk live a happy life because you deserve that much. He’s also sorry for not being able to tell you this himself because he doesn’t want to hurt you any longer, but one things for sure, Soo Jin… He does regret letting you go once more because he heard you leave and each time you did leave, he knew you two were a bit too far apart to fix or change anything.”

I opened my mouth to say something to Lu Han, but when I looked at him, I saw tears streaming down his whitened cheeks. “L-Lu Han…?”

“I hate you two so much.” Lu Han wiped his tears with the back of his hands.

Author's Note: I hope everyone had a happy new year!