Chapter 34

It was pouring out. My dress was drenched from the rain and the bottom of my dress was muddied up. My shaking hands were trying their best to hold the dress up, but it was of no use. I was standing in front of the hospital. I could see in the reflection in front of me that I looked like a crazy, madwoman. My hair was a mess, my makeup was running down, and my eyes were as red as a rose.

“Mam, are you okay?” I turned to see a female nurse staring at me hysterically. “We should get you into the hospital.”

“No, I’m okay.” I shook my head and let my dress go. “I’m fine.”

“You are drenched and you look blue.” She grabbed my arm, but I shoved her away. “Mam, please, I’m worried you’re hurt.”

“There are more hurt people in the world and I’m not one of them.” I turned around and walked away.

“Mam, come back! You’re going to get sick.” She yelled after me, but she stood still. “MAM!”

**

Three shots in and my vision was a blur. I poured myself another shot as the bartender watched me from the corner of his eye. No one would sit near me at the bar, but everyone was making sure that I was aware that they were all looking over at me. I didn’t care though because by the time I took my next shot, the tears blurred out everything around me.

My heart was aching and my dress was drowning me. I felt heavy all over that I was starting to become numb to it. I’m sure it was the alcohol that was helping me. I wiped my tears and poured myself another shot. I couldn’t believe that everything was ending so quickly and that I was that dumb to ruin everything.

“Need a friend?” I heard a familiar voice.

“Lu Han?” I snarled as I tried to pour myself another shot, but he took the bottle away from me before a drop could hit my glass. “Why do you always know where I am?”

“Heard from a stranger that they saw a madwoman in a wedding dress walk into a nearby bar when I was going to go visit Se Hun at the hospital.” Lu Han poured himself a shot with my glass and took it. “Had to take a wild guess that it was you. I mean, who else could it be?”

“Are you here to make fun of me?” I slurred.

“I don’t need to make fun of you, Ahn Soo Jin. You’re already being laughed at with all these people here at the bar.” He shrugged as he poured another shot. 

“You’re an .” I scoffed.

“When am I not?” He asked.

“Ugh. You’re right. You’re always an .” I said as I felt a tear roll down my cheek.

“You couldn’t do it, could you?” He asked as he was already four shots in. 

“Couldn’t do what?” I asked.

“Break it off.”

I shook my head. “He beat me to it.”

“You were going to do it?”

“I was.”

“Then what happened?”

“I was a minute too late.”

Lu Han pursed his lips and nodded. “Are you hurt?”

I nodded my head. “More hurt than I have ever felt in my entire life.”

“Even more than when Se Hun broke up with you?”

I nodded my head again. “Surprisingly, yes.”

“Why’s that?” He finally poured me a shot and I took it immediately.

I started crying to the point where it was getting hard to breathe. “I could have saved him a heart break, but I didn’t. I was too selfish.”

“At least you know.”

I hated him for reminding me of everything I wanted to forget. I didn’t want to remember what it felt like when Se Hun and I broke up, but I still remembered. I didn’t want to remember the heartbreak I felt when I saw Jin Hyuk break down to tears, but I did. There was nothing I could forget.

“It was so hard, Lu Han… To see him break down before me and I couldn’t do anything about it…” I grabbed the shot glass and hit it against the counter, causing it to cut my hand. “Ridiculous that this doesn’t even hurt.”

“Can I get a towel please?” Lu Han rolled his eyes before he wrapped my hand with a towel. “You’re a ing idiot.”

“Why couldn’t I just have been honest from the start? Why couldn’t I have just told him that I never stopped loving Se Hun and call the wedding off? Who was I to think that I stopped loving him?” I shouted.

“I hope he doesn’t kill me for doing this.” Lu Han said before he wrapped his arms around me and hugged me tightly. 

For some odd reason, even though I wanted to push Lu Han off of me because we have never hugged once in our entire lives, I didn’t. His warmth and his comfort was what I needed the most. I cried into his shoulder and he didn’t even yell at me or say anything to piss me off. He sat there quietly and patted my back lightly while I cried.

Why couldn’t Lu Han be like this more often?

“Don’t cry so much, Soo Jin.” Lu Han said quietly into my ear as my cries calmed. “Even though you didn’t make the brightest decisions to begin with, there was nothing that we could have done to prevent what was already done.”

It was weird hearing him be so kind to me.

“It was that dumb gangster kid who started all of this and should have ended it, but he started playing around with your feelings. No one, not even you, can stop the fact that your heart still skips a beat for him. Jin Hyuk could have tried his best to be everything you could have ever wanted, but he could never be Se Hun. You were honest and you tried your best to stay loyal. I’m not saying that your cheating was acceptable, but I know you couldn’t have done anything to prevent what had happened either.” Lu Han continued. He pulled back and looked at me in the eye even though he was a blur. “Your heart was taking over your emotions and ability to do anything. In the end, God had a plan for you and even though he made it harder than it should be, he did what he had to do in order for you all to see what was meant to be… And it’s that you all are idiots because no one listened to what the other had to say.”

“I hate you…” I laughed.

“Good. You laughed.”

“That’s because you’re never serious when you need to be.” I wiped my tears away. 

“I’m serious when I want to be.” Lu Han said. “But really. God had a plan for you three and it was to let you all realize who you guys really are.”

“And what are we?” I asked. “Idiots?”

“I would like to say so.” Lu Han said before I felt my eyes roll back and I out.

**

My head was pounding when I opened my eyes. When I tried to sit up, my hand was in so much pain, I yelped and cried a bit. I looked over at my hand and saw a bandage around it. What the hell did I do to myself? I honestly don’t even remember what happened. I feel like an idiot. I am an idiot. I looked around the room and realized where I was. 

What. The. . I was at Se Hun’s house. I looked down at myself and saw that I was wearing a long as t-shirt and my hair didn’t reek of rain. It smelled like strawberries. I stood up and looked around for my phone, but I couldn’t find it anywhere. I was panicking. I had to get out of here. 

“Okay, I’ll come back for all of my belongings later…” I muttered under my breath before I ran to the door. I cracked it open a bit and made sure the coast was clear. “How did I get myself into this situation?”

As I opened the door wider, I noticed that there was no one down in the living room. I slowly made my way downstairs and made sure no one was around. I took a deep breath and was about to make a run for the front door, but someone swooped me up faster than I could even scream and walked me back up the stairs.

“Can you stop trying to make things harder for yourself?” The warmth of Se Hun’s breath against my neck caused me to shiver. 

“Put me down.” I tried to say calmly, but I am sure he could hear how nervous I was.

“You know what time it is?” He stopped midway up the stairs and looked at me, causing my cheeks to redden. “It’s 2 in the morning and you want me to let you go home?”

“What about my parents? Don’t you think that they would -.”

“Goodness, you’re such a ing idiot, Ahn Soo Jin. You’re how old and you think they’re worried about where you’re at?” He shook his head and continued towards his room before he gently set me back down onto his bed.

“Hey! I have asian parents and no matter how old we are, they will act like we’re always five years old to them!!!” I shouted, causing my head to hurt since I was freaking hungover. 

“They know you’re with me.” He crossed his arms and looked down at me.

“What?” I’m sure they didn’t know that Jin Hyuk and I didn’t get married. I stood up and was about to leave, but Se Hun pushed me back down. “Let me go, Se Hun. They probably think I’m crazy for being here!!!”

“Oh why?” He asked arching a brow. “Cos’ you’re married?”

“Y-yeah. O-of course!!!” I lied.

“Are you?” Se Hun pushed me back so hard, my back hit his bed. He crawled on top of me and now his face was less than an inch away from mine. “Why would a married woman carelessly be at a single man’s house?”

“Exactly why I have to leave!” I tried to push him away, but he didn’t budge.

“Oh, Ahn Soo Jin… Don’t play stupid with me.” His breath hit my lips, causing me to gulp nervously. 

“Who is playing stupid?” I asked as I hit him with my hands only to wince in pain. “What the hell did I do to myself?”

“You’re an idiot. What don’t you do to yourself?” He rolled his eyes before he got off of me and sat at the edge of the bed. 

“I have to go home.” I stood up and was about to leave, but he grabbed onto my wrist and gently pulled me back.

“Don’t go.” 

“I have to. I’m not supposed to be here.”

“Then where are you supposed to be?”

“M-my honeymoon…” I felt like hitting myself for lying.

“We all know you didn’t get married, you idiot.” He pulled me down back onto the bed.

“Did the word get around already?” I fell back onto his bed and felt tears rolling down the sides of my eyes. 

“Why do you keep lying?” He asked.

“I’m not trying to. I’m just not ready to face reality.” I wiped my tears with the back of my hands, but I continued to cry anyway. 

“Aren’t you tired of fighting it?” He wasn’t even looking at me. He was turned away from me and his head was down.

“I’m tired of everything.” 

“Are you tired of me?”

I couldn’t help but laugh.

“What’s so funny?” He finally turned to look at me.

“Name one person who can get tired of you?” 

“You’re still crying.”

“I can’t stop.”

He slowly laid down beside me and pulled me into his chest. “I’m sorry if I’ve made everything harder for you.”

“You did.” I said as I cried into his shoulder.

“I thought I could let you go.”

“We all thought the same thing, didn’t we?”

Se Hun shook his head. “I’m sorry.”

“I feel like a horrible person.”

“He knows.”

“What do you mean?” I asked looking up at him.

“Jin Hyuk… Jin Hyuk knows you’re with me.”

“Did you talk to him?”

“He came over a couple nights before the wedding… He confessed that he knew everything about us and how naive he was for not knowing earlier. He told me he was going to break it off because he knew you were too weak to do so.” Se Hun took a deep breath before letting it out slowly. “The look on his face and everything he said to me…”

“You two met up and you two spoke about this?” I was confused and shocked. 

Se Hun let me go and sat back up. He clasped his hands together and leaned forward as he rested his elbows onto his knees. “I have never felt so guilty in my life taking someone away from somebody else until it actually happened. For the first time, I realized what I wasn’t capable of. I could tell he genuinely loved you and it was in a way where I knew I could never love you the same.”

“Se Hun… What are you trying to say?” I felt my heart aching.

“That maybe… Maybe I will never be enough for you...”

*Author's Note: How many of you hate me? Hehe.