Chapter 16

My heart was beating so rapidly, it was starting to pound loudly in my ears. It felt like that was the only thing I heard, but I could hear my breathing after awhile. It felt like I was having a hard time doing so, but how could I help myself especially when I was still lying on top of Se Hun, staring down at him as if my body was frozen. I didn’t know what to do or what to think. The one question that got me the most was how and when the hell did I get here? I didn’t walk myself here, did I?

I was pretty drunk…

“Are you just going to keep staring at me or are you going to get off?” Se Hun asked grunting, taking me out of my thoughts suddenly. “You’re not as light as you used to be.”

“Oh… Uh… Sorry…” I said stupidly before trying to get off of him, but that didn’t work. Se Hun grabbed my arm and threw me onto my back switching our positions. He was now hovering over me, staring down at me with his flashlight in my face. “What are you doing? I thought you said you wanted me to get off…?”

Se Hun didn’t say a word. Instead, he set his phone aside so the flashlight was facing the ceiling, giving us a bit of light to see around us. He slowly reached towards my face, making my heart pound even more because I didn’t know what he was going to do. When his hand suddenly touched the sides of my cheek, tracing up to my temples, I flinched. I was and wasn’t expecting him to actually touch me so casually. We were so close to each other and even though I should’ve pushed him away from me, my body still felt as if it couldn’t move.

“It’s been awhile since I’ve seen you this close…” He whispered, his breath hitting my lips.

“Se Hun, stop it.” I said as I turned my face away from him. I didn’t want him to do anything or even try to slip in something like he used to. What would I do? “Get off of me.”

Se Hun did exactly just that, which was a surprise for me. He got off of me and sat there adjacent from me, his back leaning back against his bed. He had his legs propped up while his arms wrapped around them like a little kid. Even though his face wasn’t clear, I could see the shadows and outlines of his facial structure from the lighting.

The stupid gangster kid was still as handsome as ever even with minimal light. He was like a painted picture on a canvas just waiting to be put up on a wall. How could someone like him be so good looking without trying? How did I manage to meet someone like him? How did I manage to run into him again after all these years? I turned my attention away from him when I realized I had been staring too long and I’m sure he noticed. Se Hun always noticed everything.

“I have to go…” I said as I stood up. I was about to head out of his room when I felt his hands reach up and grab a hold onto mine. He pulled me back slowly. “Se Hun, please…”

“Can we… Can we just sit here for awhile?” His voice was soft and endearing. I hated it. I hated everything about it because my body sunk into it without a warning, but I should have known better. I shouldn’t have been here in the first place, but what the hell was I doing? I stood there, unable to move once again. It was like his words made the decisions for my body, as if I wasn’t in control of it anymore.

I pulled my hand out of his gradually. He didn’t try to hold it firmly like I was somewhat expecting him to because that was Se Hun to me. I felt like I knew what to expect, but he was starting to prove me wrong… Or maybe it was just tonight that I felt like this. Was I still drunk? I let out a sigh before taking a few steps back and sitting down away from him. This was a stupid idea. I shouldn’t be doing this…

“How did I get here?” I asked quietly. “Did the boys make you come get me?”

Se Hun shook his head. “I called them to see what they were doing and they told me that they were with you, but you were knocked out.”

“So you came and got me?” I looked down at my fiddling hands, nervous about his answer. Why did I think it was a good idea to get overly drunk with Baek Hyun, Kai, and Kyung Soo? It was definitely a bad idea, but I never made good decisions. I mean, look at me. I’m sitting in Se Hun’s room alone with him!

“Soo Jin, look, about earlier today –”

“Let’s not talk about it.” I cut him off almost immediately. I honestly didn’t want to talk about it. I didn’t want my body to take in all the information after feeling exhausted.

“Fine, if you don’t want to talk about it, at least know that it’s not what you think.” Se Hun muttered, as if he was upset that I wouldn’t let him talk.

“You know what?” I sighed calmly. “There’s really nothing to talk about between us. I don’t know why I’m still here. I have to go.” I stood up and reached for the door, but it slammed shut before I could even get through it. I yelped in reaction. Se Hun stood behind me closely. I turned around and tried to glare at him, but he probably couldn’t see much due to his body blocking a little bit of the light.

“What the hell is wrong with you, Se Hun? Are you out of your mind?” I asked, my heart still beating rapidly from getting frightened.

“You aren’t leaving.” Se Hun said this sternly.

“And why the hell not? Do you not realize that we’re not supposed to be together right now? I’m supposed to be home. Jin Hyuk’s probably wondering where the hell I am!” I snarled at Se Hun, who didn’t flinch one bit. “Do you know how worried he might be?! Do you not know how wrong this is for us?!”

“You got to be ing around right now, Soo Jin!” Se Hun raised his voice back at me, making me flinch. “Did you think that going out with Baek Hyun and them seemed more normal when you’re about to get married? Or how the hell could you say that you being with me would be ing wrong when you went out to the clubs?! I think the question you should be asking yourself is if you were even thinking at all! You never ing use your brain, you know that?!”

I hated when Se Hun put me down with a few sentences. He was always ing good at it even without trying. It hurt me deep down, but I tried not to show it. It was hard not to. I always showed every emotion I had inside and I’m sure he could see right through me right now from how close he was to me.

“It’s not even your business.” I mumbled. “I just needed a drink.”

“A drink for what ing reason, Ahn Soo Jin? You could have gone to any other ing club or bar out there, but you chose to go drink with my friends?” Se Hun ran a hand through his hair with frustration. “Don’t you think Jin Hyuk would be more upset about that?!”

“Oh yeah, Se Hun, because being at your ing house right now seems like a better situation, huh?!” I yelled back.

“Oh, I’m sorry. We should have sent you home with Baek Hyun, Kai, and Kyung Soo, explaining not only to your parents, but your ing fiancé or soon-to-ing-be husband that you decided to go out and get drunk with them at the clubs!” Se Hun spat back at me harshly, causing me to flinch once more. “We could have called Jung Ah, but hell knows where the she’s been!”

“Don’t ing talk about my best friend that way!” I hit his shoulder, pushing him away from me. “And please tell me what better situation I am in! I’m sleeping at my ing ex’s house, for crying out loud! How the hell am I supposed to tell him –“

Se Hun suddenly came towards me, shutting me up almost immediately. I could feel his breath on my lips and the distance between us felt like we were only millimeters apart from our lips touching. The only thing I could hear now was our heavy breathing. How could he still make me feel this way even after all these years?

“You’re an idiot, Soo Jin.” Se Hun said, our lips brushing.

“ off, Se Hun.” I muttered as I tried to push him away from me, but he suddenly grabbed my arms and held them against the door with his hands. “Get off of me, you stupid ing gangster kid –”

It was too late. Se Hun suddenly pressed his lips up against mine softly, making my heart beat rapidly. My body felt stiff and frozen once again. I couldn’t move no matter how many times I kept telling myself to. Se Hun slowly removed his hands from my wrists before he cupped my face with them, pulling me in closer to him. I felt weak with his touches. The feeling of his kisses after how many years…? I felt my legs go weak. I shouldn’t have been feeling this way, but I couldn’t help it. Before it got any further, I pushed Se Hun away from me as hard as I could. He stared at me intently, but I couldn’t find the words to say anything.

“Soo Jin –”

I slapped Se Hun across the face quickly before turning around and walking out of his house. I could hear him call after me, but I didn’t stop. It was freezing out and I didn’t even have my jacket or my phone. As I walked down the street as quickly as possible, I could hear his footsteps behind me.

“I miss you, Soo Jin…” I heard him say when I turned around on the corner. “Why do you always walk away from me?”

I stopped in my tracks before turning around only to see that he was actually only a couple yards away from me. “Really, Se Hun? Me? Always walking away from you? I think you’re mixing this up.”

Se Hun just stared at me.

“Did you forget that you’re the one who ing broke up with me? Do not tell me that I’ve always walked away. Sure, I ing walked off the first few times before we dated, but I was afraid, Se Hun. I was afraid that I was the one hurting you, but after dating for two years and what not, you ing broke up with me!” I spat out, feeling my eyes start to burn with the unwanted tears. “How could you possibly say that I’m the one who walked away? At least I always came back, even if that meant my pride was literally going down the damn drain!”

“Soo Jin, I –”

“You what, Se Hun? You ing what?!” I shouted angrily. I could see him trying to come near me and it heated me up even more. “Get the away from me, you ing bastard. When I needed you the ing most, you threw me away… All I needed was you, Se Hun. I didn’t need anything else and I was having a hard time and yet… Look at where we are now? We’re ing broken up and arguing…” I slowly said as I felt my cries trying to escape. “And maybe we’re still in pieces, but I’m tired. I’m tired of picking up the pieces or trying to put it back together… Why is that you’re only trying now after you’ve heard I’m getting married?”

I started crying and every time he took a step forward, I took a step backward. I didn’t want him near me. Who knew what could have happened? I didn’t want to know. I just wanted to get out of here and away from him.

“Don’t even apologize if that’s what you’re trying to do.” I wiped my tears with the back of my sleeve, but more tears came down. It was useless. “I don’t want to talk to you anymore. I don’t want to see at all. Every time I do, it just hurts even more each time. I’m not supposed to be feeling this way, Se Hun. My heart is not supposed to be pounding when I see you anymore, but it still ing does. I’m not supposed to want to hug you, but I still ing want to. I’m not supposed to still love you, b-but… But I still love you. But I’m done, Se Hun. I didn’t come back for you. I’m getting married, so please, Se Hun… Just… Just please let me get married happily.”

“I’m sorry…” Se Hun looked down away from me. “I know you don’t want to hear it, but I really am. I just wish you’d understand why everything became the way it did…”

“Understand what, Se Hun? How am I supposed to understand that you broke up with me because you weren’t in love with me anymore and that you’ve gotten sick of me? What more could there be to it?!” I felt hurt repeating these words that often repeated in my head. “Se Hun, I was in love with you and I still am. How does it feel to have someone you love say that they are no longer in love with you? There’s no such thing as falling out of love, is there?”

“I didn’t mean it…” He whispered, but I could hear it clearly since it was only the two of us outside in the quiet neighborhood. “I was just… I…”

“Do you hear yourself, Se Hun?” I looked up, trying to contain the rest of my tears. “You are unreasonable and selfish. No one in the world would ever do such a thing if they truly loved the other person.”

“I’m sorry…”

“Sorry because you made me feel as if I couldn’t ever love again? Or sorry because you’re a ing stupid who only thinks about their self?” I cried out angrily. “Do you know how long it took me to accept Jin Hyuk, who was kind and patient enough until I let him in? I want to treat him the same, so will you please just stop already?”

“No, Soo Jin, you’re wrong.” Se Hun looked me in the eye sternly. “I’m sorry because I will always love you, Ahn Soo Jin. I never stopped loving you.”

“ you, Se Hun.” I muttered before turning around. “Stupid gangster kid...”

Author's LONG Note: It's been too long, hasn't it? I'm sorry. I don't think I have the right to apologize to you all anymore because of these constant lagged updates OTL. I've been trying to get back into writing, but I've been so busy with reality that it just blew me over. Don't worry. I won't ever abandon a story and I'm in love with this one, so it'll be completed, I promise. BUT! I'd like to apologize for my last post. I shouldn't have said "Merry Christmas". How ignorant of me to forget that not everyone celebrated Christmas? I could have offended someone and I'm truly apologetic OTL. But I hope overall, you've all had a wonderful holiday break and have celebrated it well with friends and family. On another note, who's going to see EXO tomorrow in Chicago? I'll be there attending the concert, so please come say hi or let me know on my twitter that you'll be there. Don't be shy! I can come say hi too if you're in the area. Anyway, I hope you've all enjoyed the update. Thank you for your patience and sincere love for the story.