i hear you scream: "hyukbin again???"

hyukbin non!au, requested by anon.

Sanghyuk is peacefully sipping on his soy milk, turning slowly the pages of a magazine on the kitchen counter when it happens for the first time.

Hongbin is sitting on the couch not far away, watching some variety show on his tablet, occasionally snickering and grinning at the screen, in a way Sanghyuk somehow has to look up at him and keep being amazed by how incredibly hot-yet-cute or cute-yet-hot his dimple smile is, and if not for that low chuckle, there wouldn't be any sound in the dorm. This is not the first time they are left alone, only the two of them, but this is definitely the first time Sanghyuk feels his stomach knotting and his limbs weakening so much, as he flips quietly and seemingly effortlessly the pages of his magazine without looking at it, actually trying to focus on the feeling of his fingers on the printed paper rather than his hyung's laugh and smile, and basically everything. 

It's somehow unfair how everything seems hot about Hongbin to him. It may also be some kind of mystery, the way he makes Sanghyuk feel, even though he knows this isn't right, that he shouldn't think that of one of his fellow members. But Hongbin isn't like the others, even though Sanghyuk can't exactly point out how so. There is only that lingering feeling in the pit of his guts, and it's like Sanghyuk already is his, in the way they text, speak, touch each other. The feeling is here, and yet it isn't, because all in all Sanghyuk must be nothing but a baby to Hongbin ; and who is he to get head over heels and assume there is some kind of blossoming relationship when in reality there isn't much but brotherly love, he asks himself every time the question crosses his mind.

Nonetheless, it doesn't stop him from watching his hyung from afar, nibbling dreamily on his straw, admiring the way Hongbin's eyes crinkle and his mouth stretches whenever something a tad funny happens. It doesn't do much harm, anyway.

His mind is starting to drift away when suddenly Hongbin shots his head up, apparently done with his video, and gets up to reach Sanghyuk's spot near the kitchen counter.

"Hyuk Wi-Fi, uh?" he cackles, winding an arm around his shoulders nonchalantly.

"You didn't..." Sanghyuk trails off, eyes widening. They meet Hongbin's mischievous ones. "Oh my god you did!"

"I must say," the older laughs, "It was really funny."

"Well of course it was... Still, why did you watch without me?"

Hongbin shrugs. "I just came across this randomly... Sorry. You can watch it with Hakyeon hyung though if you want to see how it came out."

"I'll do that."

There is a little silence during which Hongbin takes a sip out of Sanghyuk's glass, as the latter tries to focus back on his magazine.

"There is something bugging me about this though," Hongbin suddenly speaks, and like that Sanghyuk is forced to look at him again.

"What is it?"

"The lie detector thingy... Is it tricked?"

"I don't think so... Well, at least it didn't seem to me? But maybe? Since JackJi couple kind of sailed because of this lie detector..."

Hongbin chuckles, recalling the scene. "That, by the way, was too damn funny!"

"Seems like they are dating actually... Or whatevs. I don't know much about relationship anyway..."

"Hm... Wait, so, does that mean you actually are a bad kisser?"

Sanghyuk lifts his head to lock eyes with the older, dumbfounded, and Hongbin is looking at him with that particular look on his face, that makes his heart melts and yearns for that playful smile to be his and his only.

"You know I haven't actually kissed someone yet so... I guess I am?..." he takes a hold on his straw to give himself some attitude, "Why, you want to try it out?"

This is meant as a joke, or at least meant to sound like one, but deep down, Sanghyuk somehow wish his hyung would comply with another one of his gorgeous chuckles.

"You're dumb," Hongbin comments as he nudges him by the shoulder, making him feel maybe a bit hot and a bit bothered by their closeness, "what will you do if you encounter someone you want to date someday though? Are you going to plainly say you are a bad kisser?"

"I don't know. Maybe. I don't really have room to think about it right now anyway."

It's a lie, of course, because everything that Sanghyuk can think of alone at night is how soft would another pair of lips feel against his own, how warm would be someone else's palm in his hand, how cheesy he could go for just one of a significant someone's smile; that, and also how much weird it is to be attracted to guys instead of girls. Sanghyuk just guesses he has to deal with it somehow.

"I think you might want to practice before. I'm saying this as a friendly advice, but I think your future date would like you to actually be a good kisser before going forward, don't you?"

Hongbin is smiling seemingly as usual, but there is that glint in his eyes that sends huge hints to Sanghyuk, the kind they gave him a lot lately during practice or as they were alone together, even just for a short time. Sanghyuk honestly doesn't know if he should cross the line though, seeing the older's eyes divert somewhere else every time, but this time Hongbin is far too close to back up, and as much as it thrills him to do as much as think about it, he kind of actually wants to kiss him.

"I guess I might use some practice," he manages to let out weakly, looking at Hongbin's lips as if they were carrying some life-changing purpose.

It makes the other chuckle again, mouth so near he can feel his breath against his own. 

"Do you?" Hongbin whispers, even if it's no use to even ask. 

Sanghyuk's eyes flutter close for only reply, rosy lips luring him closer and closer, until there are only mere millimeters between their faces. 

The contact is softer than expected, and Sanghyuk can feel Hongbin's smile against his mouth, he pictures his smug smirk in his mind; it makes him laugh a little and break the kiss.

"Sorry," he breathes before diving in once again.

The second is even slower. Hongbin takes his time on his lips, parting his mouth with soft pecks and skillful tilts of the head. Their noses brush at some times, making the older smile into the kiss, and fingers are brought to his face, delicately tracing the outline of his jaw. Sanghyuk is new to this, his arms awkwardly lying on his sides not knowing what to do, but Hongbin is gentle and patient, guiding his hands on his waist and neck, and all of this makes him dizzy, thriving on a feeling he can't yet get a hold on. 

"That's not so bad," Hongbin says as they part for the second time, smirking, "but you could use some practice indeed."

Before Sanghyuk can voice any protest, he takes possession of his lips once again.

'Practice', as Hongbin calls it, goes on for quite some time. Since they are the only ones in the dorm and since the others won't be back home before a few hours, Sanghyuk guesses they can get a bit comfortable, and the magazine and glass of soy milk are quickly disregarded as the kissing lesson slide from the kitchen to the couch, then from the couch to the bedroom. They land on Hongbin's bed with breathless cackles and blushing cheeks, Sanghyuk eager to learn and Hongbin happy to teach. It's awkward in the tiniest bit, because the younger doesn't know where to put his hands nor what to do with his mouth, and most of the kisses end up with embarrassed chuckles, however Sanghyuk enjoys every part of it, starting from the uncomfortable nose bumping up to his toes curling up each time Hongbin's tongue graze upon his lips.

He thinks he kind of , given the slight grunts he earns as he tries to bite and nibble on Hongbin's bottom lip, but not once does the older say anything close to a complaint or a reproach, and he is thankful for that. After quite some time that seems like only a few minutes in Sanghyuk's mind, they hear the click of the front door, and a rush of adrenalin goes through their bodies. 

"Quick," he whispers, "my mangas! Let's say we were reading!"

It's not that pleasant to be separated from Hongbin's warm body after all this time pressed up against it and the mattress, but it's the only move that can be done in order to save them. By the time Hongbin throws a book at him before grabbing and opening one for himself, they hear Hakyeon's voice in the hallway.

"Your hair," the older mouths, smiling a little, and Sanghyuk fixes his bangs blushing slightly at the sight of Hongbin's plumped lips reddened by the kisses.

They fall into silence right after, faking intense reading, whereas the only thing popping in their mind is the still vivid memory of their make-out session. A smile is creeping up all the way to their mouths, a lingering tension still in the air. They barely manage to cover up the awkwardness in front of the other members.

During the rest of the week, Sanghyuk only thinks of it as a mere incident, some one-time thing happening because of the atmosphere on that particular day, or something along those lines, to prevent himself from expecting too much and getting disappointed in the end. Still, he can't suppress the weird feeling of overwhelming hope he feels every time he does something as little as even lock gazes with Hongbin. The older doesn't bother to bring the subject up, acting just like he usually does; Sanghyuk assumes he should just brush it off.

Therefore, isn't it simply natural for him to startle when Hongbin's soft lips crash onto his just as he gets out of the shower?

"What the hell?" he whispers, tightening the grip of his towel around his waist just as Hongbin pulls away with a smile.

"You smell good." is the only reply he gets before being shut up again by the older's mouth. 

He wants to say something else, to know what sort of crap his hyung is pulling up again, but he finds himself melting in his hold as warm calloused hands cup delicately his face and Hongbin tilts lightly his head to do this thing with his lips that he can't get enough of. 

"I'm going to teach you something new tonight," Hongbin grins right after they part.

"Uh, aren't the others going to be there as well?"

"They are all going to practice. I said that we will study English while they are gone."

Sanghyuk runs a hand through his wet hair, making water drip on the older's face. "Are we really going to study?"

"No," Hongbin chuckles, "we are going to have practice on our own."

"What's that?" Sanghyuk barely manages to contain his disbelieved laugh.

Hongbin pecks him on the lips. "Get ready, I'll do some cleaning in the dorm."

With that, Sanghyuk is left alone once again in the bathroom, damp cheeks flushed red, lips pursed. His towel falls quietly on the floor as he covers his face with his hands, trying to calm himself down; he feels already all hot and bothered at Hongbin's words. When he comes out, ten minutes later, fluffy towel on the head, Hongbin is busy vacuuming the now perfectly tidy living-room.

"Hyung," he whines to get his attention, kicking up the clean floor with a pout, "you messed up my shoes again!"

"Are you trying to be cute?" Hongbin raises an eyebrow, facing him with the vacuum cleaner still in hand, and Sanghyuk somehow feels like he is facing some ahjumma. "If you don't want me to mess things up, don't leave them just hanging there."

Sanghyuk purses his lips.

"And to think that I thought we would have a great time..." He mutters, although loud enough for the other to hear, retreating in their shared room with a huff, seemingly sulking like a toddler.

It takes Hongbin a good ten minutes to arrive, and by this time the fake-sulking has transformed into a real one, as Sanghyuk lies in bed with his hair still damp, pouting at the ceiling while cursing at the older in his head. Really, he grumbles mentally, what exactly is he trying to pull up, getting him all worked-up only to nag at him about shoes? Maybe Sanghyuk shouldn't have brought the subject at first, and should have kissed him directly instead, but despite his confident look, he couldn't yet feel anything but shy and self-conscious when it came about those sort of things, especially when it implied his gorgeous hyung.

The door clicks and Sanghyuk fakes indifference, not bothering to turn his head to look at Hongbin, pouting even harder.

"Hey," Hongbin nudges him playfully, sitting close to him, "are you mad because of the shoes?"

"What are you talking about," Sanghyuk scoffs; it makes the other chuckle, "I'm not mad."

Hongbin hums. "Sure."

He lets a little silence last for emphasis, before adding, finger poking Sanghyuk's ribs:

"So you thought we would have a great time?"

"Obviously you prefer to tidy up the dorm."

Another chuckle escapes Hongbin's lips. "Come on. Don't be like that."

Sanghyuk would like to sulk just a little bit more, but he feels already the corner of his lips tugging up in a smile. Resisting Hongbin is impossible to him.

"You're smiling," the latter dumbly states, face moving closer to his.

"I'm not," Sanghyuk retorts, even though he knows he must be grinning all the way to his ears by now. At least it makes Hongbin smile too, lovely dimples showing, and at that precise moment, he thinks his face might tear up anytime soon if the older doesn't hold it together by closing the distance between them.

"Liar," Hongbin says with that -eating grin Sanghyuk despise, leaning in to seal their lips together before the younger can utter a single word in response.

Just like the other day, there is some kind of sparkle coming down his body, and his heart starts to thump in his ribcage as his face heats up, when Hongbin does that thing again with his lips that got him all giddy, melting down under the other’s touch. Open-mouthed kisses are placed all over his lips and face and neck, and Sanghyuk mewls without knowing it, unconsciously encouraging Hongbin to go further, but not a single piece of cloth is removed.

“What did you want to teach me?” He whispers, their faces an inch away, eyes fixed on Hongbin’s plumped mouth, loving those rosy lips that seemed made to be kissed.

The older pecks him right on the corner of the mouth. “Ever heard of – another peck is placed on his upper lip – French kiss?”

Sanghyuk feels all the blood from his body concentrating on his cheeks. “You mean that thing they do with their tongue?”

Hongbin nods eagerly.

“That seems gross,” Sanghyuk states, scrunching his nose in disgust.

“Wait until you try it.”

Hongbin runs his tongue across his bottom lip, then leans in mouth parted to kiss Sanghyuk some more. The younger closes his eyes, fingers brought up to his nape, and somewhere along the way a hand is laid down on his hip, seemingly burning his skin even through his clothes. It makes him gasp ever-so-slightly and Hongbin takes advantage of it to slip his tongue in his mouth, tentatively gracing his, tilting his head to have a better access. Sanghyuk moans into the kiss.

“Damn,” he breathes, “I take that back.”

Hongbin laughs very softly, as if he were afraid of making too much noise. “Told you.”

Sanghyuk pulls him by the nape to bring him closer, crashing their lips together again. Just like a curious child, he experiments various things on Hongbin’s mouth, studying the way the other’s body responds to his, every grunt, moan, whimper, sigh, that is given to him. The hand on his hip slide up under his shirt, fingers drumming on his bare stomach, making him wish for more of this bubbling feeling going through his body. He tries to guide Hongbin’s hand lower, every time his fingernails graze the skin below his navel, but to no avail; the older prefers to focus rather on his mouth, keeping the rest of his body for another lesson. Eventually Sanghyuk gives up, although not without tugging at his shirt in a needy way, brushing ‘accidentally’ his groin. Hongbin’s gaze darkens, to which he replies with an innocent smile. Somehow the kisses grow hotter.

The rest of the evening is spent making out and occasionally pausing to do some feedback, Hongbin giving him some piece of advice such as ‘be more fierce’ or ‘this angle was good’ before resuming: ‘let’s try it again’.

Eventually the advice are less and less brought up, until there is nothing but quiet moments of stillness in between two kisses, during which Hongbin looks at him with lidded eyes, and Sanghyuk’s limbs seem to weaken more and more as the thumping in his heart doesn’t seem to be stopping anytime soon.

It nearly physically pains him to let Hongbin go this time, but the goodnight kiss laid down on his lips makes it up for it.

“Goodnight,” Hongbin says before getting out of the bed, leaving a cold place in his stead.

Sanghyuk opens his mouth but nothing comes out. He takes a deep breath.

The older is already at the door, going to take a shower when he finally is able to articulate coherent sounds.

“Hyung,” he calls out before actually thinking of something to say. He just wants for Hongbin to stay by his side, just a little longer, in that state where it feels like dating even though they aren’t.

“Yes?”

I think I like you.

The words get struck in his throat.

“… Goodnight.”

Third time arrives sooner than expected, and before he can know what’s happening, he’s being gently laid down on the hotel soft mattress, Hongbin pressing butterfly kisses all over his jaw and neck and collarbones, and he finds himself at a loss of words, unable to do anything but gasp under the older’s touch. There are hands playing with the hem of his shirt and lips working on his skin, just like he dreamt it for the past nights, and he struggles to do something in return, not able to kiss Hongbin, simply running his fingers through his silky hair.

“What are you doing?” He whispers as he recovers his senses, fully aware of the presence of the others just in the adjacent rooms.

“Just showing you something nice,” Hongbin replies with a smug grin before coming down on his mouth to capture his lips in his own.

It’s unfair, the way Hongbin seems to always be able to sweep off his feet by surprise, making him live this ‘sort-of’ relationship like a rollercoaster, kissing him during the most incongruous moments, and him being at his mercy, complying eagerly as soon as their faces got less than an inch closer. It’s unfair, and yet, addictive in some way. More than a hobby – far more than a hobby – it slowly starts to become something Sanghyuk thrives on, just as if he were really dating; unless he doesn’t.

Of course, he perfectly knows everything would be easier if he stopped things right now, just as nothing too important has been built – but even now, it’s a bit too late – before hoping too much and falling too hard, but just as Hongbin’s kisses make their way down and his shirt makes his way up, he really can’t bring himself to stop it altogether.

He doesn’t know when they come to this point, but Sanghyuk finds himself under Hongbin in no time.

“Hyung,” he whines, barely covering his blushing face.

“You have to be very quiet,” Hongbin warns him as his hand travels up his thigh, making the younger quiver.

He pouts – or at least, tries to. “I’m cold.”

Hongbin pulls up the blanket on them, disappearing under it; Sanghyuk suddenly regrets what he said.

He doesn’t know how he manages to bite back the loud moan that threatens to escape him as he feels something warm and wet around him, sending his mind to probably another space and time. His hands wander around, trying to find a grip on Hongbin’s hair to keep himself down on earth.

“Damn it,” he curses. His limbs feels weak and he can’t think straight anymore; the only thing that sticks to his mind is the feeling of Hongbin’s mouth around him, his hands roaming all over his thighs, pinching and groping the tender flesh.

This is so good, Sanghyuk wants it to last forever, but he feels himself already coming close to the edge.

He tugs at the older’s hair as a warning. “Hongbin,” he whimpers, “s-stop, I’m close…”

But Hongbin simply hums without stopping; if anything, Sanghyuk could swear he starts getting quicker. Shamefully, but enjoying every bit of it, he comes into Hongbin’s mouth, biting his hand to prevent himself from too loudly and get themselves caught.

Hongbin pecks his inner thighs, silently worshipping them, leaving here and there a few marks – happy to see the purplish hickeys blossoming on the fair skin – before coming out of the blanket to plant another kiss on Sanghyuk’s pouty lips.

“Damn,” the younger says again, amazed, “I’ve been alive such a long time and I only discover this now?”

“You’re talking as if Hakyeon was already in the grave.”

“He has one foot in though.”

They laugh together, cuddling and making out some more, before Sanghyuk shyly slides the tip of his fingers under Hongbin’s waistband, the smooth skin below his navel.

“Should I try next?” He asks, tracing the outline of through the briefs.

Hongbin sighs in delight as a reply, his hand coming up to tenderly his cheek.

Sanghyuk tries to do it just as he did minutes earlier: sloppy kisses trailing down his chest and stomach, fingers grazing the milky thighs, occasionally slipping under his boxers, earning a shiver every time, teeth nibbling on the exposed skin, and abusing it. He is rewarded by Hongbin’s hand running through his hair, and all the little huffs escaping his lips, and the sight of his creamy neck in display, still so fair and so from hickeys; definitely worth it.

Even with a knotted stomach, nervous and eager to please, he manages to remove Hongbin’s underwear without blushing nor shaking. The fabric slides down, revealing Hongbin’s skin, spreading goosebumps all over his legs and arms, Sanghyuk wants to cover him with pecks, to print the shape of his lips on every inch of this precious body, but he knows better. He gulps down his fear, counting down to three.

Hongbin’s muffled moan indicates him that he’s doing well, making his heart swell up with pride.

He takes his time trying everything he can, letting himself be guided by Hongbin – who removes his hand from his hair to scold him and tugs the strands as a reward – eager to learn and please. His shyness changes into boldness as the hand gradually comes down to his forehead and the grip weakens, and soon he knows that his efforts will pay off, by the way Hongbin squirms a little under him, keeping himself from jerking his hips up, and Sanghyuk increase his pace, doing his best.

“Sanghyuk,” Hongbin moans, lifting his head to make eye-contact. It makes his heart jump in his ribcage, to hear his name in the other’s mouth at that precise moment.

He Hongbin’s hipbone in circles, as if to say, ‘I like you’. One, two, three, a hundred times.

The older opens his mouth again to say something, but the words die in his throat, and Sanghyuk feels himself transported.

Until he chokes.

“Oh my god,” Hongbin gets up immediately, face flushed and mind still dizzy, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry!”

He wipes off the little tears prickling at the corner of the younger’s eyes, connecting their foreheads together as Sanghyuk swallows his come with a frown.

“It’s bitter,” he whines, scrunching his nose.

Hongbin laughs sheepishly and pecks him on the mouth to make it up. “Sorry. I wanted to tell you to stop but you didn’t let me. You know you’re surprisingly good!”

“Surprisingly? I’m offended.”

“Do you want a glass of water?”

“Yes, please.”

Hongbin gets out of the bed and Sanghyuk stares at his body mesmerized.

How can someone so beautiful leave such a bitter taste in his mouth?

Sanghyuk thinks he might as well run into a wall, to prevent himself from spacing out every time he is standing too close to Hongbin – and that tends to happen a lot. He starts to have those wild dreams too, with the older going down on him the same way he did back then in the hotel room, making him jolt awake at night, sweat running down his face. He feels more and more that this is a one-way track, with no chance of return, since that fateful day when Hongbin decided to close the space between their mouths – maybe it was also a bit of his own decision, but he liked to think that the blame was rather on the older.

As insane as it sounds, though, Sanghyuk enjoys whatever is going on between them.

It’s him pulling Hongbin by the collar this time, dragging him into his bedroom while fiercely kissing him just as the door closes on Taekwoon’s back – the last one to go.

“What’s that?” Hongbin laughs, pulling back to look at him with those tender eyes again.

A million answers comes to his mind but only one comes to his mouth.

“I want you.”

Hongbin seems to burst in flames at this sentence.

He kisses Sanghyuk – more accurately crashes his lips back onto the younger’s – with a new passion that surprises even himself.

They fall onto the nearest bed making out senselessly, tugging at each other’s clothes in a messy and hasty attempt to remove them. Somewhere along the way, Hongbin’s shirt is disregarded, thrown carelessly on the floor, joining Sanghyuk’s clothes – Hongbin has always been the quicker to do things anyway.

“Get that off the way,” Sanghyuk grabs a hold of the older’s belt, gesturing to his pants.

“Let’s see how you do with that,” Hongbin smirks before kissing him again, hand sliding towards his boxer briefs, and Sanghyuk somehow knows what’s coming next – he has to remove those damn pants quickly.

Fingers his clothed member; “,” grunts Sanghyuk. Hongbin is already making his way down, leaving a trail of wet kisses along his pale and shivering body.

“Hyung,” he moans when he feels the chilly air against his sensitive skin, “Let’s practice something else today.”

Hongbin closes his eyes, exhaling a raspy breath. When he opens them again, they are lidded with lust and hunger. “Are you sure?”

Sanghyuk nods weakly.

“You know if you get me started… I don’t know if I will be able to hold myself back. Are you really sure?”

Hongbin is his thigh gently, rubbing his thumb in smooth circles, and Sanghyuk can tell he is worried about all that, but he is feeling so right now, he just wants to tell him to ‘grow some balls and take him right on the spot’. He refrains himself though – his mother has taught him good manners – and simply says: “Yes, I am.”

“Do you have a at least?” Hongbin asks.

Sanghyuk purses his lips. “I, uh… I don’t.”

“Protection is important, Hyuk-ah,” the older scolds him before getting up to grab something in his closet.

He comes back with lube and condoms; the sight makes Sanghyuk blush. It’s happening.

“Now,” Hongbin strips himself down before placing himself between his open legs, coating his fingers with lube, “I’m going to show you.”

Honestly speaking, Sanghyuk had imagined it differently.

Hongbin’s kisses on his tummy and thighs, his fingers working him open, his tongue sometimes coming out to , everything is so much realer, so much better than everything he ever had in mind when thinking about it, he wonders again; I’ve been alive such a long time and I only discover this now?

A breathless moan escapes his lips as Hongbin hits something in him that makes his entire being jolt in pleasure. “Hongbin,” he pleads, and without a word, the older complies with his silent request, pulling back to grab a .

During the whole thing, Hongbin keeps looking at him with what Sanghyuk must be mistaking for a loving gaze – because it’s impossible for his hyung to like him that way, isn’t it? – and it makes everything even more intense. Every scratch, every pant, every and every sound, they mix up in his mind and he’s left hanging on that pleasure, captivated by Hongbin’s eyes that doesn’t leave him and his body that doesn’t rest, slamming into his to seek a release that – he knows – will break the both of them.

The feeling is familiar but foreign, coming with Hongbin in him. It’s foreign but it makes him feel alive in a way nothing could make him, heart pounding in rhythm with Hongbin’s, their bodies drawn closer until layering perfectly, the older collapsing on him, whimpering his name in the crook of his neck.

Everything gets quiet then, and Sanghyuk thinks, it’s over.

Tears start to prickle in the corner of his eyes without him being able to control anything.

“Don’t cry,” Hongbin’s trembling voice elevates in the air, clammy fingers wiping the tears, “I’m so sorry, Sanghyuk… I hurt you, I’m so sorry…”

Sanghyuk gulps.

You didn’t hurt my body, he wants to say to reassure the other, but the truth is even worse.

It’s my heart that is aching.

“It doesn’t matter now,” he articulates, hands sliding on Hongbin’s warm back.

Hongbin shakes his head. “I’m sorry.”

Then he kisses him, as if he were something so fragile and so loveable, Sanghyuk feels like crying again. His heart is swelling up and beautifully aching, with every peck that Hongbin lays down on his face, with every soothing he applies on his cheek.

“Hongbin,” he starts again, and by the use of his name the older should’ve guessed that it was an important matter, “I—“

“Shhhh,” Hongbin however cuts him, kissing him on the eyes, and the nose, and the lips. “Don’t say a thing. Please let’s stay like this a little more.”

And as much as Sanghyuk wants to say what heaves on his heart, his desire to stay in Hongbin’s embrace is stronger.

“Yes,” he mouths, wrapping his arms around the older’s neck.

He just wants to never let go.

I’m sure I like you.

It’s over, Sanghyuk mourns, and since he woke up that morning, alone, to Hakyeon gently shaking him, everything has been dull and tasteless.

Nothing has changed in Hongbin’s behavior, sadly enough, and he just pretends that this isn’t affecting him. After all, this was only to practice, wasn’t it?

Days are again rhythmed with the same things, somehow more feeling like a pale imitation of what they used to be before everything happened. He doesn’t complaint. After all, what right has he to complain when he knew all along that he shouldn’t have been doing this? He just has to forget.

Although forgetting is far more complicated than he thought. Everything seems to remind their moments of intimacy.

Sanghyuk stops to drink soy milk, leaves his mangas untouched on his shelves, and changes his shampoo; he sleeps with Hakyeon in hotel rooms, crawls into Jaehwan’s bed when he starts to think too much under his blanket, avoids staying alone for too long with Hongbin.

Sanghyuk does everything he can, but when Hongbin corners him in the room after practice, his limbs still feel as weak as before, and his heart still beats as loudly, as if to burst out of his chest.

“Sanghyuk,” Hongbin starts, scratching the back of his head – the mention of his full name brings back overwhelming memories that he could really do without right now – “Why are you avoiding me?”

“I’m not avoiding you.”

The older rolls his eyes. “Don’t give me that, please. Did I do something wrong?”

“No, you,” Sanghyuk counters, eyes searching the exit, “You didn’t do anything!”

“Then what is the trouble?”

“Nothing, really.”

Hongbin sighs, getting closer, and it makes Sanghyuk gulp.

“Is it because of what happened between us? I was going to talk to you about it.”

“You were?” He feels all of a sudden his throat getting dry, preparing for what’s coming next.

“Well, yes, of course. I mean, it wouldn’t be correct to just brush it off like that, would it?”

Sanghyuk shakes his head weakly, unable to form a sentence.

“So, um, I figured that… Since you’ve learnt everything that I had to teach you… That means you’re ready to date, right?” Hongbin pokes his nose, a nervous smile flourishing on his lips. “Then… Should we date?”

Suddenly all the air accumulated in the younger’s lungs seems to vanish as he opens and closes his mouth without being able to produce even a single sound. Hongbin is still looking at him, sheepishly grinning.

“Ehhhh,” Sanghyuk raises his finger in emphasis, “I, uhh, hmm, ah…”

“Ah?”

Hongbin chuckles, fixing his strands falling on his forehead, and the contact makes Sanghyuk come back on earth.

“I mean, uh, yes.”

“Yes? So… You’re not mad at me anymore?”

“I wasn’t… Ok maybe I was just a bit. But you… You never said anything!”

“I’m sorry,” Hongbin intertwines their fingers together, “I thought it was obvious that I liked you…”

Sanghyuk chokes. “You’re saying this so easily!”

“Well, I wouldn’t have done anything if I didn’t like you. But I never said anything because I wasn’t sure about you… You gave me the silent treatment thrice already!”

“I would never have let you…“ He lowers his voice, turning crimson, “ me if I didn’t like you, obviously.”

Hongbin’s smile get wider, as he leans in to peck him on the lips.

“I get it now.”

He kisses him again, very tenderly, hand coming to his cheek. Sanghyuk welcomes the familiar feeling like a breath of fresh air.

“Are we taking a shower together?” Hongbin smiles smugly when they part motioning to the exit.

“…Yes,” Sanghyuk mutters, going first to hide his embarrassment, “But don’t get it the wrong way – he turns around pointing a threatening finger at the older – I’m just agreeing so that you can wash my back.”

“You bet I’m going to wash your back.”

The door closes on Hongbin trying to kiss Sanghyuk only to get smacked weakly on the chest by the latter.

T U M B L R

you can send me request/prompts there. winkwink.