Bittersweet
EncountersNeo. Requested by sokornamjas. No prompt.
Around Hakyeon's neck, hangs a red button. Against the tanned skin, it's piercing, but he does little to hide it. It's neatly hung by a white rope, knotted in a complicated way, just like a children would do it ; people often thinks it's the case, to which Hakyeon replies with an offended look that he's far to young to be a father. The mistake is easy to do though, for he wears it everyday, even when it doesn't match his clothes, and treat it as if it was the most valuable thing on earth.
To him, at least, is it.
Everytime he feels stressed, anxious, or just bored, he traces with the tip of his fingers the button form ; it helps him to calm down. He closes his eyes, and before him he imagines Taekwoon sitting on the living-room floor, with his puzzles, humming lightly. He imagines the scent of cookies baking in the oven, the sunlight bathing him as he lazily lies on the couch, still staring at the back of Taekwoon's head, jet black hair dishevelled like a bird's nest.
He never dares to talk to him, whenever he's standing like this, doing something. He doesn't even know if he would be paying any attention. Taekwoon is both so far and so close to him, he doesn't know if he will ever be able to reach him and his complicated mind.
Sometimes he wonders what are his thoughts. Taekwoon, who doesn't seem to even understand when and where love begins and ends, is still the one to crawl to Hakyeon's side of the bed at night, tugging at his shirt. Taekwoon, who struggles with any human interaction, is still the one Hakyeon's nape to soothe him to sleep during his nap. Taekwoon, who has a limited interest in everything, is still the one looking intensely at Hakyeon's face, as if it carried some sort of life secret. Taekwoon, who doesn't approach anyone but him, since they are kids, and who's still so hard to understand at times.
Hakyeon thinks he might never be able to understand fully Taekwoon, just like Taekwoon would never be able to properly communicate with Hakyeon. They both know it, but even if it taste bitter at times, the sweetness is enough to soothe them.
Hakyeon has read it over and over again, piling up articles, books on his nightstand, trying to understand.
Asperger syndrom.
He had heard of it at a young age, when he had realised Taekwoon was another kind of friend than the people he met in school. At that time, he didn't get the true meaning behind it. He didn't know that meant he could not have what was considered as "standard interactions" with Taekwoon, and this, no matter how he felt for him.
The reality hit him at high school, when he started having more inclined feelings towards his childhood. He realised that, even in the crazy hypothesis of Taekwoon liking him back, their relationship would never be the kind of he saw on tv, read in books or witnessed everywhere around him. There wouldn't be any cooing, kissing until his lips would feel numb, whispered confessions ; there wouldn't even be any further physical contact. He realised that Taekwoon was trapped in a dimension that he could only seize with his biased vision and where he would never step in.
Still, he kept the hope, looking at that candy paper with a cute cat face on it Taekwoon had given him when they were young. He had given him without an explanation, and Hakyeon was about to throw it away, when Taekwoon's mother had explained him:
"Today he has learned that people offer gifts to people they like, or love."
They were both sixteen when Hakyeon confessed for the first time.
"I think I like you.", he blurted out as they were both sitting on the floor, looking everywhere but in Taekwoon's eyes.
Probably because he didn't know what to say or do, Taekwoon didn't uttered a single word, nor did a single move. Hakyeon took out of his shirt a blue button, and giving it to him, he repeated: "I like you."
They didn't speak about it for two years.
It was raining on Hakyeon's second confession. They were out to buy Taekwoon his weird aloe vera drink and Hakyeon's face moisturizer when they got caught by the weather. They went home running, Hakyeon pulling Taekwoon by the arm, and plopped down themselves on the floor all wet. As they were facing each other, Taekwoon began fixing Hakyeon's hair, intensely looking at him.
"I love you.", he said this time.
It took a little time for Taekwoon to remove a button from his shirt to give him.
It was a bright red, and Hakyeon resisted the urge to laugh and say that it was the color of love, because he knew the other couldn't have been doing it on purpose. He held it against his heart, slipping his hand into Taekwoon's.
"Tell me what you know about what people do when they are in love."
Taekwoon kissed him. It was a gentle press of the lips, and it lasted only a couple of seconds, but it was enough to make Hakyeon's heart flutter.
"I saw mom and dad do it.", the other eluded, squeezing his hand in his own.
That day, Hakyeon made a necklace out of white rope and the red button with his poor skills.
On Hakyeon's window, there's a pot of white flowers. They bloom beautifully every other day, because Hakyeon takes good care of them, watering and exposing them to the sunlight. He likes them because they remind him of Taekwoon. They bloom to show him how hard he'd work, to support him and telling him he's doing great, just like Taekwoon when he comes near him and lay down his head on his shoulder, relaxing.
Taekwoon has a very particular way to show him his love.
He rarely say anything, simply let his guard down and raise his interest whenever he's around. He let Hakyeon do puzzles with him even if they're too complicated, open his mouth without complaigning whenever the other's trying to feed him, wait for him before going to bed. He never pushes Hakyeon away.
They chose the flower together, on the first day of spring, when Taekwoon needed to train his social capacities. He ordered and paid for the flowers all by himself, and Hakyeon couldn't have been more proud of him.
They went home holding hands, a first in their relationship.
"These flowers are just like you. Beautiful.", Hakyeon beamed, placing the pot near the window.
"Silent.", Taekwoon corrected, touching the petals with the tip of his fingers.
"Silent, also. Just like you."
"Will you take good care of them?"
Hakyeon kissed Taekwoon on the cheek, chuckling. "Yes. And I will take good care of you as well."
Still after 4 months, the flowers looks as if they just got bought.
On the floor of Hakyeon's flat, there's Taekwoon. It seems like his favourite spot, ever since he was young. Taekwoon doesn't seem to like sitting on a chair or on the couch. Hakyeon finds it endearing, to come home to Taekwoon sitting legs folded on the floor looking at complex molecular structures reproduced with toys, like a child who would've grown up too fast.
Hakyeon doesn't talk first. He waits for Taekwoon to notice he's home, and that he'd been looking at him all along, from his spot on the couch. Lately he smiles ever-so-slighty, and shifts a little to sit next to his legs, resuming what he was doing. He lets Hakyeon dive his fingers into his hair, even shivers at the contact.
Hakyeon knows all of this screams "I love you", even if the words never cross past Taekwoon's lips.
He knows also now, that he will never be able to fully understand Taekwoon, just like Taekwoon will never be able to properly communicate with him. However, as bitter as it could taste, it's nothing compared to the sweetness that is living with Taekwoon, and being able to love him just that way.
Hakyeon would never trade his red button, white flower and Jung Taekwoon for any other thing in the world.
It's so cheesy haha I'm so sorry. I'll maybe come back to edit it a bit bc it's very short.
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