Illustration by Flowerbeer

6 Damaged Goods

Life can go on your way if you let it be.

Life can be okay if you believe it will be.

And life can be happy if you want it to be.

***

 Tiffany POV

"You've been holding that paintbrush for a while now Tiffany." I was startled by Yuri when she came up all of a sudden.

"I can't even start this piece Yul, I don't know what is wrong with me..." I said frustrated so I put down the brush and sighed while looking at my canvass that hasn't been touch for a long time.

"It's okay maybe you need some air so that you can think of something." she said.

I thought maybe Yuri is right so I went out for a walk with her.

Walking helps actually usually with Yuri. She knows me too well that she just lets me walk to where my feet carry me. She's a good partner to me, loving and loyal one. I can't thank her enough for that. I always tell her how sorry I am that I couldn't give back the same level love she's given me all these years. I know how selfish I've become that I couldn't let myself love her the way I should have been. But she's too kind that she told me it’s already enough for her that she loves me more than I do. We've come to pass that stage where I let myself go into pity with her just because I'm too depressed to go on with my life when I thought Jessica had finally moved on from me.

"You miss her don't you?" Yuri broke the silence between us.

"What?" I said.

"You miss Jessica..." Her voice trailed.

I halted my pace to look at her and said, "I'm sorry Yul, I just can't stop thinking about her..."

I couldn’t lie about it because she knows me too well.

"Talk to her. Tell her the truth about you." She said.

"I can't ruin her happiness now Yul. She's starting to get on her with her life and see things clearly now. I can't take that away from her. I'm not a monster." I said.

"But it's you who's hurting now, Tiffany. You need closure or else you'll be hung up to the idea of what ifs in your life forever. I don't want that for you. I'm giving you a chance to get out of this engagement but you still insist to pursue this." She said.

"I love you Yuri..." I said as I cupped her face.

But she removed my hand and said, "But you love her more... And I get that Tiffany. What I don't get is that why can't you give yourself a chance of happiness. I know I can't give you that so I'm setting you free. But you still insist that you can love me more than her and this future marriage could work. I don't want you to consummate my love for you until all that's left is just pity and anguish."

"I don't want that to happen in our relationship. At least give us the chance to be where we started, as friends. In which a good I might say" She chuckled at her last words.

Now I realize how much she loves me. She's setting me free to find my own happiness. She's being selfless and all I did was the other way around from start.

I clasped my both hands to hers and I look at it for a moment.

It almost fits perfectly.

But something is still off because when I look at it, it’s just the hands of two people who are really good friends not lovers.

“You know me too well Kwon Yuri, I cannot even lie or sugar coat things around you. Even if I try so can’t hurt your feelings.” I kissed her hand before letting it go.

“I’d rather know the truth even if how hurtful it can be because at least it us real than to know lies that are good but aren’t real at all.” She said with a smile.

“I hope you’ll find someone who loves you the way you love them.” I said before taking off my engagement ring.

“I hope you’ll find yours too Tiffany, fight for her before it’s too late.”

***

I don’t know if I should be doing this. Following you wherever you go but keeping my distance from you because I’m afraid that you’ll not speak to me or ignore me at all. I should be dousing myself with a lot of buckets of courage before telling you the truth before it’s already too late.

“Im Yoona, will you be…will you be my wife?” Then I heard you saying those words.

“No.” I mumbled as I hold my painful chest because of my aching heart.

‘I must do something’ my heart tells me.

But my mind is encouraging me not to.

“Yes. Yes! Jessi!” Yoona answered her without hesitation.

“You can’t call her that…She’s my Jessi.” I thought to myself.

I can’t stand looking at them as the green-eyed monsters eats me up inside.

Then the crowd started to cheer and everyone is happy right now except me.

“It’s not too late.” So I went to the least crowded place and watch other people come and go pass me until everyone left except for Jessi.

“Jessi.” I called.

***

Jessica POV

“Jessi.” I heard a familiar voice called my name.

I was paralyzed from where I stood up when I heard that voice. That familiar voice who I thought I will never hear again anymore. The same voice who caused me so much that I cannot even think properly again. That same voice who made me weak every time I hear it calling my name the way it should be.

“Tiffany? Wh-what are you-“ I tried to ask but before I can even utter a single word again I just found myself with our lips touches each other like a missing puzzle piece.

My mind went haywire as she kisses me so passionately that I couldn’t let her go. So passionately I just let myself succumbing again, latching on to me all over. But something wakes me up.

‘I have a fiancé just now. This can’t be happening.’ I thought to myself as I detached myself to her.

“I- Tiffany this is wrong. I can’t do this I have a fiancé… I have Yoona.” I said loud and clearly.

No I can see her eyes started to form tears then she blurted out.

“But it’s me! Steph! Your soulmate! Your love of your life! Jessi, it’s me!” She cried.

I was taken aback by her statement that I cannot comprehend properly what she just said.

“What are you talking about?” I asked to be certain that this is really happening.

“I’m Stephanie! Your girlfriend when we were young…” She explained.

“I wasn’t able to answer your letters when I was getting my treatment abroad because I thought it was the best for both of us. That it’ll be easier for you to move on if you knew I died. I was not certain of the possibility of me coming back here but now I realized how much you mean to me… that it hurts a lot when I see you with someone else.” She said.

I kept mum and let her explain everything.

“I’ve been watching you from a far for a very long time and it hurts a lot when you’re hurting yourself because of me. That you can’t move on. When I accidentally bumped into you in the street and ruined your clothes with the pie… I can’t think of anything that will avoid you so I lied about my identity. I pretended to be someone else…” She went on.

“That day I thought I was just dreaming because seeing you up and closely again is the best day of my life. But I had to pretend that I don’t know you because I’m afraid you’ll hate…”

“Because I was alive and I concealed that truth from you. My lies have come to pile up from then on and I’m truly sorry for that.”

“Please Jessi, let me be your love again…” She pleaded as if it was that easy.

I’m too stunned with her words that all I could think was,

‘Is it too late for this?’

I don’t know what to feel about everything that she just said to me. There is still a little part of me that holds on to my past. Also there’s a part of me that I should hold on to my present because it’s the right thing to do.

It’s always the question of what’s right and just, especially to Yoona.

“Tiffany, this is too much for me right now… I cannot leave Yoona right then and there… I’m sorry.” I said still confused on what I should feel right now.

I know in my mind I should feel mad about it but it was probably pacified by the fact that I’m actually happy now with Yoona. She became my light in the darkest hours of my life. She saw me through thick and thin even if I was hard to understand how depressed I am. She became my rock on those times I’ve been hung up on the idea of Steph or Tiffany coming back to me.

“Please Jessi… come back to me.” She pleaded over and over as she holds my hand close to her chest but I couldn’t give in because I belong to someone else now.

“I can’t Stephanie. I just can’t be with now…” I finally said her name with an ache in my heart.

With that I let go of her and walk away.

Now I can feel my heart crushed again.

***

“Hey, what are you thinking?” Yoona suddenly drapes her arms around me.

“Nothing.” I smiled trying to avoid her question.

“So we’re getting married tomorrow huh?” She bemused.

I laugh lightly at her statement and said, “Yeah I didn’t realize it until now, it feels like ages.”

“Really? I thought it was just yesterday when you proposed to me in front of many people.” She said then guilt is starting to rise above me as I know in myself that I’m lying to her.

“You know we shouldn’t be seeing each other now, they say it’s bad luck for brides to see their future hubby before the wedding.” I said as an excuse.

“Hmm nah, I don’t believe in superstitions.” She said.

“But I do.” I insisted.

“Okay, you can go now.” She pouted.

“Aww don’t do that you know I can’t resist those lips of yours.” I said before giving her a kiss.

“I know.” She said confidently.

“Okay, I must be going now.” I said nervously before leaving her.

Then I suddenly felt her held my hand tightly and said, “I love you.”

I smiled to her trying to hide the guilt I am feeling now and she let go of my hand instantly after that.

As I walk out of the room I wanted to go back and say how sorry I am for what I will be doing next. But I’ve come too far for this that I couldn’t find any courage to tell Yoona that I’m not going to our wedding.

When I felt her hands hold on to me tightly it’s as if she knows what I will be doing and indirectly telling not to go.

I know this is too painful for her but I couldn’t stand it anymore. I still love Steph more than anyone else that I will do this even if I know it may never work like what I have with Yoona. This way I think it’ll hurt her less than when we get married and I still have to continue to lie and have an affair with Steph.

This is where my lies end.

This is the craziest thing that I will do.

Leaving the good life behind and embarking myself to complete uncertain future.

But if that uncertainty will give me my true happiness, then it’s worth a thousand times than to stick around and continue with lies and deceit.

***

“Are you ready?” Steph held my hand before we get inside the car.

“Yes.” I said then she pulled me closer and gave me a sweet little kiss.

I smiled genuinely happy for a moment I forgot all my worries because she’s here now and we’re finally together.

“Let’s go now Jessi.” She said as we walk to the car and leave this place so we can start anew with our lives.