Illustration by Flowerbeer

4 I’m the Sane Ones here

Sanity depends on emotions.

Emotions depend on moments in our life.

If something good happens, we’re happy.

And if something bad happens, we’re devastated, angry, feeling crap and ed up.

Basically it’s unfair when something bad happens because every negative emotions will come to you altogether whereas to when you’re happy, you’re just happy.

That’s it.

***

“Ms. Jung could you please tell me if you’re still going to finish this book of yours?” My publisher slash friend Sunny asked me.

“I do really want to finish it I promise Soonkyu, it’s just that I’m a little bit stuck with it at the moment. You know writer’s block thing.” I said convincing her to not cut me out of the company.

“Seriously do not call me that, I’m your boss even though we’re friends since high school. But I cannot let you slide that easy. We need to meet the deadline.” She said.

“I know and I’m sorry but I need more time to finish my work.” I pleaded.

She sighed, “Jessica, come back here when your book is done. After four weeks tops. If you failed to do so, I will drop you from publishing your book. Understood?”

I was relieved.

“Thank you so much I will not let you down.”

As I walk down the street I was so happy I forgot I have another meeting today. I’m going to meet the buyer of my painting.

“, I’m late.” I cussed and went straight back to my apartment to get the painting.

***

“I’m sorry, I’m late I was caught up-.” I breathed in heavily then I noticed who’s in front of me.

“Tiffany?” I looked at her and she was as surprised as I am.

“I didn’t know you’re a painter Jessi.” She smiled.

“No actually it was my friend’s; my very old friend’s painting. She gave it to me as a gift.” I said.

“Oh. I see, may I ask why did you want to… give it away?” She asked.

“I just need to move on… She died couple of years ago.” I look away from her because now my feelings are starting to come back again.

“I’m sorry.” She apologized and held my hand.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to be.” I pulled away awkwardly.

I can sense that strange Déjà vu feeling again as I look at her in the eye I can see Steph in them.

“So, how’s it going?” I said to ease the tension a little.

“Well I’m good, kind of excited actually. I’ve been really thinking about you lately, Jessi.” She said.                                                       

Then she gave me a wistful look.

“You made me think of you since the last time we’ve met. You confessed to me about your feelings and probably expect me to forget that. I actually thought I would forget that. Forget about your feelings… Forget about you.”

“But I couldn’t quite forget. I don’t know why I can’t, Jessi.”

“You think about me?” Was all I could say as I feel hopeful once again?

Deep down I know this is wrong but I couldn’t resist this chance that probably can only last for a short time.

“Oh this, let’s get out of here.” She said as she grabs my hand to leave the place.

***

“Are you sure you want to do this?” I asked before she kisses me again and get lost in the heat of the moment.

“I want you and only you, Jessi.” I can see the lust in her eyes telling me that she’s saying the truth.

She pulled me closer slowly undressing me until only one piece of my garment left. Then she stares at me for a second and said,

“You look amazing.”

I blushed at the compliment she gave me.

“Thank you but you look stunning and gorgeous than I am.” I said shyly.

She smiled and leaned closer kissing my neck languidly.

“Stop thinking you’re less than perfect.” She said before giving me another kiss on my lips.

I lay down and submitted myself to her.

Every minute and every second that our bodies touch gives me an electrifying feeling. The way kisses me makes me feel alive again. The way she touches me makes me feel cared for and important again.

“I want just a little bit harder.” I moaned begging her for more.

“You’ll be screaming louder then.” She said ing inside of me harder but slower this time.

“Ah~ Stop teasing me...” I moaned.

“But I like hearing you begging for more.” She said giving me a very lustful dirty look.

“Just do it for God sakes ah~!” I screamed as I see a blinding light when I came around her.

As I calm down she cuddled me up with her nose nuzzling on my neck. I can feel her ragged breathing, her fast beating heart, I can feel everything.

I can feel every single thing from her body.

“How does it feel?” She asked.

“It feels amazing.”

I want this moment not to end because at this very moment I feel happy and contented. It feels great to have someone like her by my side.

“You’re amazing.”

“I love you.” I said but it seems she didn’t hear me as I saw her sleeping like a baby.

***

I woke up slightly feeling hazy by the light coming from my window. I look to my side expecting to see a beautiful serene woman sleeping. But to my dismay she was gone. I think of many reasons why she probably left but one thing speaks louder than the rest.

She made a big mistake.

She thought that this was a big mistake.

We made a big mistake.

I sighed deeply and mumbled, “I should’ve known better.”

Then I got up to get on with my daily life. But I smell something nice coming from the kitchen. A smile crept up on my face as my hopes are getting high. As I took a peek in my kitchen I couldn’t hide my happiness anymore.

“You’re here.” Tears coming down from my eyes as I look at her wearing my shirt cooking in my kitchen with a hair tied bun on.

“Why? Did you expect me to leave just like that? I’m not going anywhere Jessi.” She said as she turns over the omelet.

“That smells great. You do know how to cook.” I slid my hands around her waist smelling her vanilla strawberry scent.

“This feels amazing.” My hands tracing her curves while she tries to probably ignore me and I know she can’t.

“Okay you’re getting really inappropriate here, I’m cooking and I don’t want to burn this one.” She said trying to shrug me away.

“Really? But I love doing this.” I kissed her neck.

She giggles then I start giving her light kisses around neck down. “And this.”

“S-stop doing that that tickles me.” She said then she put the pan down and turned off the stove.

She faced me and said, “You’re one insatiable woman aren’t you?”

“Not until I’ve met you. You’re very hard to resist Steph.”

Then she stops and her face turned sour.

I noticed her face turned different with what I just said.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"You just called me Steph, Jessica." She said.

I mentally smack myself for my stupidity with what I've just done.

"I'm sorry Tiffany, I didn't mean to-" I said trying to explain myself.

Tiffany walks away from me and   asked, "Who is she."

"She's from my past..." I held her hand but she moves it away.

"Do you miss her that much?" She said sounding mad this time.

"I- don’t know… I just- it’s just that, you remind me of her... I'm sorry Tiffany." I couldn't hide the truth from her anymore and it pains 

me the way she looks at me right now.

The guilt eats me up inside as I constantly remind myself that Steph is already long gone. I’m so ed up with my past that I blindly see what lies in front of me. I’m feeding my delusional self that this girl is the love of my life.

"I think I should go now Jessica." The way she says my name does a little pain in my heart.

It’s not the way I want her to say it.

All I could say was, “I’m sorry.”

She left me there standing still in despair.