The truth will set you free.

So we are advised to tell the truth and nothing but the truth.

 

But if you were trapped in a crucial situation, would you still say it even though…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

…the truth hurts?

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JI HOO

I entered the room quietly. Her head immediately turned to me when she heard the sound of the door. I went to her side and smiled, trying to be as cheerful as possible.

 

“What’s happening? What will they do?” she asked.

 

I held her hands and stared at her intently.

 

“They—“ I began telling her.

 

She has the right to know this. She’s the one carrying the child. She also looked intently at me, waiting for my next words.

 

“—they have to remove it.”

 

“WHAT?!” she asked startled.

“WHY WOULD THEY DO THAT? NO! I WON’T ALLOW THEM TO!”

 

 “Mo Nae, stop being stubborn. You’re having an ectopic pregnancy. Do you know what that means? If they don’t remove it, your life will be in danger.” I tried to explain.

 

“I DON’T CARE! WHY MY BABY? IT’S JUST SEVEN WEEKS OLD FOR HEAVEN’S SAKE! WHY WOULD THEY MURDER SOMEONE AS INNOCENT AS THIS?”

 

Her tears were endlessly coming out from her eyes now. I looked at her as my own tears also gushed out.

 

“Mo Nae, stop it. It wouldn’t be good for you. You’ll be brought to the operating room in a few minutes.” I still tried to be as calm as possible.

 

“NO!!! I WON’T GO THERE! MY BABY WILL LIVE! I WON’T LET THEM KILL IT!”

 

Her voice was too loud that the nurses assigned to her suddenly entered the room. Doctor Hwang was behind them.

 

“Excuse us, Doctor Yoon, but we have to do this.” She told me and instructed me to move aside.

 

I did as I was told and I watched them puncture her with an injection. Her movements of trying to push them away gradually lessened as the medication affected her body.

 

“Are you sure about this?” Doctor Hwang asked me after sending the nurses out of the room.

 

I stared at her with my eyes still drenched in tears.

 

“I could not let them bear it.” I said confidently.

 

“But I told you to tell her about it. By the looks of it, you still haven’t told her the other option.”

 

“I can’t because I know she would choose it. It’s too perilous!”

 

“That’s why you must figure it out with her! If you insist with your decision without discussing it with her, she wouldn’t like it and I’m a hundred percent sure she would condemn you to death.”

She sighed and continued, “Ji Hoo, I’m not telling you this as a doctor. I’m telling you this as a friend. I am also a mother. I’ve been pregnant twice and I know exactly how she feels. Besides, you are a doctor yourself. You are aware of the patients’ right to information about their condition.”

She patted my shoulder. “Talk it out and when you both arrived with a final verdict, tell me so that I can help you.”

 

I nodded at her and she turned around to leave the room.

I closed my eyes as I engulfed my cries in my mouth.

 

———

 

———

 

———

 

At last! My night shift has ended as the clock says it’s eight in the morning. I quickly changed my clothes and looked for the room where she was transferred. I walked through the hallways, to the elevator until it reached the third floor.

Room 369

I handled the door knob and peeked to the room. She was sleeping. I went inside and walked to her bedside.

I looked at her sleeping form. She looks so peaceful in this state. I sat down on the chair next to her bed. Her hands were placed over her tummy, as if protecting it from something. I held her left hand which was closer to my side. Then my gaze steadied on her abdomen.

My eyes felt heavy all of a sudden. This day has been one of the most onerous days of my life as a doctor.

I couldn’t think straight while working because my thoughts keep on focusing to her, to the baby – to them.

My mind then told me to rest. I don’t want to think about anything for now. I put my head down on the bed with my hand still interlaced with hers. I closed my eyes as tiredness took hold of my body.

 

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MO NAE

I tried to move my hands, but my left one feels numb. I couldn’t move it as I felt something heavy stopping it from doing further actions. I half-opened my eyes and looked to my left where I saw a figure sleeping soundly on the chair beside my bed. I fully opened my eyes to have a clearer vision of who he is.

 

“Ji Hoo?” I asked myself, but I guess it was loud enough that he heard me.

 

He lifted his head up and rubbed his eyes with his one hand, the other still holding mine.

 

“How are you feeling?” he asked me.

 

I smiled imperceptibly and replied, “Fine now.”

 

I then recalled the things that happened before I became insensible.

I was shouting. I was defending my baby because—

Oh !

I looked at Ji Hoo with my now widened eyes.

 

“How’s the baby?” I asked him, wishing that he would tell me that it’s fine. That I just fell asleep like that.

I tried to sit up on the bed, but I felt an agonizing pain on my stomach.

 

He stood up to help me.  “Don’t move forcefully. It would be bad for you and the baby. Just rest.”

 

My pulse beat irregularly by the sound of his words.

 

“My baby is still here?” I asked him as I touched my belly.

 

“Yes.” He replied.

 

But then I noticed that he was looking at anything, but me, His actions were suspicious enough to make me curious.

 

“Ji Hoo, look at me.” I commanded him.

 

He did look at me, but I could tell that he was in the state of hesitation.

 

“Tell Me.” The next thing that I commanded.

 

My heart was pounding vociferously that it could be heard with just a mere silence between us.

 

He breathed profoundly first before revealing it. “Your lives are ninety-nine percent in danger.”

 

“So?” I asked ignorantly, still clinging to the hope that nothing worst will happen.

 

“I didn’t tell you this, but they gave me two choices. We’ll eliminate it or we’ll let it live.”

 

I laughed upon hearing it. “What kind of question is that? So what you said yesterday about an operation was just your own decision?”

I didn’t get any response so I went on, “HOW COULD YOU DO THAT? YOU ARE THE FATHER AND YOU WANT YOUR CHILD DEAD?!” I couldn’t hold it anymore.

 

“It’s not like that! Hear me out first before you speak!”

 

I must have hurt his pride to make him yell back.

 

“Go on.” I instructed and prepared myself to listen.

 

“If we let it live, there’s no guarantee that you two will make it until the ninth month. Alright, let’s say you made it until that time. You have to give birth through cesarean section, but still, there’s no guarantee that the two of you will survive after that.”

He stopped first to catch his breath.

“If we eliminate it, your life wouldn’t be in danger, but we will lose the baby.”

 

“NO!!!!” The reaction he got from me.

 

He tried to embrace me, but I shoved him away.

This is seriously insane! We are in a huge dilemma and I felt pathetic that there’s nothing I could do, but to cry.

 

“How come?” I asked softly at first.

“HOW COME THIS DAMN ECTOPIC PREGNANCY WASN’T DISCOVERED THE FIRST TIME I HAD THE CHECK-UP?!!! WHY?! WHY JUST NOW??!” I can’t control myself from shouting.

 

He let go of my hand and shared the warmth of his body as he envelop me into a hug. Depression took over me and I’m too weak to push him away again.

 

“The baby was still small that they haven’t found it out that early. I’m sorry I haven’t told you about the choices yesterday. I just— I thought it was the best choice.”

 

I strongly shook my head against his body. “We’ll let it live.”

 

“This is the reason why I didn’t tell you. Because I know you would prefer that. Please, don’t do this.”

 

“Why not? I'm just protecting my child!”

 

“Don’t be so selfish. That option is too risky. Two lives might be taken away from me. It’s not that I don’t want the baby to live. Of course I do! But—“

His voice became cracked.

“—but I don’t want to lose you too.” He continued after letting out some hushed sobs.

 

I felt my shoulder became wet from his tears. I cried harder after hearing it from him. Our lives are all tangled in this situation.

 

“A poor innocent soul. What did it do to deserve this?” An abstract question that came out of my mouth.

“I know— it’s too— too uncertain, but— I am— I’m willing to take the risk— for our precious angel. Are you with me?” I asked.

 

Moments passed by before I received his reply.

 

“I am.”

 

I slightly smiled with his answer. I’m determined to save this baby. Screw the notion that one of my foot is now buried six feet under. I don’t mind, as long as our child stays with us.

 

 

Seconds turned to minutes and the only thing that could be heard in the room were our deafening cries.

 

 

“How about my family?” I asked as my snivels subsided.

“They know about this?” I asked once more.

 

“I already called them and grandfather too. They will go here as soon as their matters are settled.”

 

“Ji Hoo—“ I called out as I fixed my head to rest more comfortably on his chest.

“Is this what they call a bad karma?” I asked as my tears began falling again.

 

“It’s not your fault. It was mine. I should have stopped myself that night. I’m sorry. I really am.”

 

“It’s not what I meant.”

 

He pulled me away from his body and stared at me. Incomprehension was on his eyes, still fresh with tears.

 

“I believe this is it.” I told him as I played with my fingers.

 

The situation was reversed this time. I’m the one who looked at anything, but him.

 

“Mo Nae, what’s that supposed to mean?” He asked with his hands still placed on my shoulders.

 

My eyes couldn’t restrain the tears from coming out as the memories flash through my mind.

 

“I think and I believe I have killed someone.” I finally admitted.

 

“Killed? Someone? What?”

 

I turned my head on my right to stare at the closed window.

 

“I shot him. He asked me to call him oppa just like before, but— I didn’t— I didn’t oblige. Instead— I shouted at him—telling him that— that I wish he was—he was—dead and —and— I shot him.” I contrived to say along with my howls.

 

He held my chin and turned my head to face him. I stared at him directly. Complete shock was manifested on his countenance.

His hands weakened and fell down from my shoulders as he saw the honesty through my eyes. His lips parted slightly indicating that he was about to say something.

 

“DOCTOR YOON!” An intern disrupted the serious atmosphere. He was panting and perspiring.

 

I quickly turned to my right again because I don’t want the person to see me crying.

 

“Sorry to disturb! But we need you in the ER! Right now!”

 

I saw Ji Hoo nod through my peripheral vision.

 

“I’ll be there.” He told the man.

He looked at me again and said, “I’ll deal with you later.”

 

They rushed out of the room and shut the door.

I continued wailing when I felt that I was alone again.

 

——

 

——

 

——

 

 

After what seemed like infinity of time, he went back my room. It was already dark outside.

 

“Why didn’t you eat your food?” He asked when he saw the untouched set of meals on the bedside table, which was brought by the nurses during lunch and dinner.

 

“I don’t have any appetite.”

 

“Mo Nae, you have to be strong for the baby. And for me. How could you do that if you don’t complete your meals?”

 

I looked at him with intensity. I didn’t know what to do anymore. This thing has been bothering me. The series of events. They’re just too disheartening that I just wish I were numb for me not to feel anything anymore.

 

“I’m not sure if he’s dead.” I spoke again.

“Or maybe he’s still alive, but­—“

 

I thought my tears were done filling my eyes, but I was erroneous as they began streaming down again.

 

“—but Ji Hoo, my baby— our baby’s life is at stake and mine as well. It must mean— that he— he died after I shot him— right? I took a life— and our lives might be taken— as a payment for my sin.”

 

“Who is he?” He questioned, but I just answered him with my strident cries.

“Shim Gun Wook? The one you talked about on the ship?” He questioned again.

 

I bit my lower lip and hazily nodded.

 

“That’s crazy.” He commented while shaking his head.

 

“But it’s the truth. I haven’t told anyone about this, but you.” I replied still weeping under my labored breaths.

“I was afraid that people will judge me for what I did. My heart was aching from all the jealousy. I did my best for him to look at me. Only at me! I wouldn’t do that if he hadn’t given me the motivation to pursue it. But first, to my sister, then to Jae In unnie. I couldn’t handle the pain anymore that it had to come to the point of shooting him.” I said further.

 

My palms were hurting as I tightened my fists on the blanket.

He remained standing beside me, staring at me with an unexplainable expression.

A few moments, then he sighed and embraced me again.

 

“Stop it now. It’s not good for you to cry all day. We agreed to take the risk of your pregnancy. You must recover in the shortest time possible. Blame is the last thing you need right now.” He whispered to my ear.

 

“I’m so sorry. Because of this, you are also hurting. You may lose your child and— and—“

 

“THAT’S ENOUGH!” My words were disturbed once more by the loud thud of the door and the echoing voice of my sister. She was with So Dam and mom.

 

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