“Hey…” Seunghoon smiled weakly at Seungyoon whom just entered the room.

Seungyoon returned the smile, only much brighter and livelier. He placed a bouquet of flowers on top of a table beside Seunghoon whom lay weakly on a white bed.

“How are you?” Seungyoon asked as he sat on a chair beside Seunghoon’s bed. His body was stiff and his eyes were looking at Seunghoon’s hand which laying beside his body.

“Awful.”, Seunghoon replied mildly, eyes looking at Seungyoon’s face intently. “I’m glad that you are coming.”, he continued.

Seungyoon’s bitted his lips before lifted his gaze to meet Seunghoon’s tired yet warm eyes. His heart fluttered and his breath hitched which sent an urge to tear his gaze away because he needed to bring his breath back to normal, but, learning from his mistake, he hold his eyes still. With a nervous smile Seungyoon said, “And I’m glad that you are fine.”

Both of them letting out a breath of relieve which they had held in that past few minutes. The atmosphere became more lighter and warm compare to before which filled with awkwardness and intense silence.

“Can I hold your hand?” Seunghoon asked in his weak voice.

Seungyoon darted his eyes to Seunghoon’s hand, looking at it for a moment before lifting his own hand and brought it to Seunghoon’s then grabbed it softly as if he would broke it if he held it a little harder. His thumb the back of Seunghoon’s hand softly, eyes admiring their interlaced hands. A smile broke out on his face which also brought a smile to Seunghoon too.

There weren’t so much words being said between them. They just stay in a comfortable silence. Because this was enough, being side by side. The longing that they had feel this whole time were paid off.

Suddenly Seunghoon held Seungyoon’s hand tightly which made Seungyoon to look at him in surprised. He kept looking at Seunghoon, waiting for the latter to say something, but, nothing came out from the latter’s lips. Seunghoon just kept staring back at him, he looked like about to say something but didn’t know how to say it. They keep staring at each other for a long time.

“What is it?” Seungyoon asked.

Instead of an answer, a long sigh was the one that Seungyoon got. Seunghoon close his eyes in a troubled manner and it made Seungyoon worry. Then he can felt Seunghoon’s tight grips on his hand.

“It’s so hard.” Seunghoon said, eyes still closed.

Then realization hit Seungyoon. He understood what Seunghoon meant was. Yes, it was hard. Not only for Seunghoon, but, for Seungyoon too, both of them. Everything wasn’t the same anymore. It would be difficult to act like nothing had happened. It won’t be the same anymore. The fear that Seungyoon felt and the skepticism that had build up in these past few years inside him. He was afraid that it would occur again. Can he believe in Seunghoon like the way he did before? After all of the things that had happened.

His eyes were looking at Seunghoon’s face, examining it. Mind wondering. Can he? The heavy feeling was back. At this moment Seungyoon wanted to step back to his safe zone, calming himself. He felt like a lost child that got lost in an unknown place, afraid, didn’t know what to do, no one to hold onto, where should he go? left or right? There’s no one to guide him. What answer that should he gave to Seunghoon?

And like a coward, he wanted to run away and disappear for a moment. He wasn’t ready. He was worried for Seunghoon, he did. He cares for him, yes he did. But, not now. He held back the urge to let go of Seunghoon’s hand and running away like a scared cat.

There were a lot of things that going on inside Seunghoon’s mind. There were a lot of things that he wanted to say. There was something inside him, something that he wanted to let out. Something that struggled to break free. He didn’t know how to say it, he didn’t know how to confess it because he couldn’t find the right words. One thing for sure, he didn’t want to lose Seungyoon again. He wanted the latter to be by his side. And yet, he was too cowards to say this. He was afraid if it will freak Seungyoon out. He was afraid if the latter wasn’t ready yet.

Jinwoo was right. All he could do was just presuming things. He was a coward who afraid to ask those simple question. Hiding behind a mask ‘I know what the best for him’ when in fact he was just afraid.

The door opened that startled both of them. Seunghoon opened his eyes then looking at the sources of the sound.

“The visiting time has over and it’s your nap time Mr. Lee.” a woman in a white uniform came in, gave them an apologetic smile.

“Oh, okay.” Seungyoon said, tried to hide his disappointment. “I’ll visit you again later.” He said to Seunghoon who plead at him not to leave through his eyes.

“I promise.” Seungyoon added when Seunghoon never let go of his hand and then with a heavy heart he let go of Seungyoon’s hand.

Seungyoon had stand up, ready to go, when suddenly Seunghoon said, “If I let you go will you be happy?” his eyes were looking at the white ceiling above him, but he still could see Seungyoon’s figure from the corner of his eyes.

The room was filled with a heavy silence even the nurse who stood by the door could felt it. She looked a little awkward as if she knew that she shouldn’t be there, but, she didn’t know what to do because she needed to do her duty.

Seungyoon stopped dead on his track. He couldn’t believe with what he had just heard. He gripped his bag strap tightly. Had Seunghood been giving up now? What he meant by that question? Why out of sudden he asked it? He couldn’t really understand with Seunghoon’s mind. Never. And he couldn’t read him either, which is really frustrating.

“What the are you talking about?” Seungyoon asked through his gritted teeth. He didn’t want to scare the nurse but he couldn’t hold his anger either. “Can you leave us alone for a moment? I promise it won’t be that long.”

“But he need to rest” The nurse object.

“Just for a moment.” Seungyoon hissed.

Upon hearing the seriousness in Seungyoon’s voice the nurse just nodded her head before closing the door even though a slight of disapproval was written on her face.

None of them opened their mouth after the nurse had left the room.

Seunghoon closed his eyes for a moment as he swallowing hard, tried to gain his confidence, he was about to utter something but then clasped his mouth shut again. Was there somethi