Two weeks had passed. Nothing special happen.

Seungyoon held the thin and black object on his hands, doubt was written all over his face, his mind debating over something judging by how he staring at the small object on his hands perplexedly. He bit his lower lip as he press the small button at the edge of it, his heart beating anxiously as he waiting for the blank screen to come alive.

‘50 new messages’ ‘1 voice mail’

He can hear his heart roaring on his ears. Something he didn’t know what it is blooming in his heart. His shaky thumb presses the notification on that bright screen.

‘Please, take care. I believe in you. Love you.’

The message was sent two days ago. His thumb press the ‘back’ button and pressing against the screen, opening another message, the older one.

‘Good night. Have a nice dream.’ This message was sent the night after their farewell.

‘Please forgive me’

‘I’m sorry, I love you’

‘Kang Seungyoon’

‘Seungyoon-ah’

‘Please, pick up the phone’

‘I hope you are alright.’

‘I’ve tried to call you these past few days but you never pick it up. Please, pick it up even just for once’

‘Can’t you please just for once pick up the phone. Please, just for once, it’s okay if you are not talk at all, I understand it, but, please, for once, pick it up. Just for once.’

‘it’s been 10 days. I miss you’

And Seungyoon kept scrolling through the screen, reading all of the messages that silently embracing his heart with a warm feeling that has gone for a long time ago. He had read almost all of the messages, there’s only one message, the one under the first message he had read.

‘Today, I’m going to the church. It’s been a long time since the last time I go to there. I don’t know why am I out of sudden become all so religious, weird isn’t it ? And for the first time in my life I felt so dirty and , I’m so ashamed and embarrassed. It was not what made me felt sad, but, the empty feeling inside of my heart. I felt a lot of emotions, but, it only left me with one question in my head ‘Do I still deserve to be live?’’

Seungyoon got struck for a moment after he read the long message, his eyes stared blankly at the now dimmed screen. His heart fluttered with an uncomfortable feeling, without he realize it his eyes were a little wet. With one big breath he decided to press the voicemail, with a trembling heart bringing the device to his left ear.

A breathless ‘Hi’ followed up with a chuckle is the first thing that he heard.

‘I’ve tried to call you since that day, countless times, but, the operator is always the one who answered it. I send you some messages too.’ the voice paused for a moment.

‘I know that you hate me right now and I know that you don’t want to hear my voice too because you hate me. I’m not even sure if you are going to listen to this, but still I try. Haha’ again paused for a moment, Seungyoon can heard the sound of person inhaling for air.

‘I know I’ve made so many mistakes in my life. I know that I’m not a perfect guy. I’m sorry for hurting you, I’m sorry for all of the pain I’ve caused. You know that I never meant all of those things, we’re just not lucky enough. You know, if I can choose what I want to be before I’m born into this world then I’ll say to God that I want to be an ordinary guy who fall in love with an ordinary guy too, I’ll say that the name of the guy who I’ll falling in love to is Kang Seungyoon, we’ll fall in love when we were at high school’ again Seungyoon heard a chuckle.

‘as simple as that. Isn’t it so perfect ? You and me falling in love under the bright sun with the soft breeze of the wind in autumn, under the falling brown leaves and we are smiling at each other. ahhh… how I wish it can be true. I hope you’re fine and healthy and well, please gain some weight too…’ again a chuckle.

‘I miss you. I’m sorry too. And I love you, please read all of my messages and do reply even just for once. Even with an empty message, it’s okay. Bye’

Seungyoon’s cheeks were wet with warm tears. He closed both of his eyes and took a very dept breath and let it out. He rubbed his cheeks, brushing away the wet liquid of his cheeks, then start typing on his phone.

‘I’m going to sell this phone’

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