The whole trip was silence. The only sound that could be heard was the sound of Seunghoon’s car. Seungyoon sat at the backside of the car, leaving Seunghoon alone at the front, driving the car. He kept looking outside of the window and sometimes Seunghoon would stealing a glance at him, then got disappointed when the latter never looking up at him and his expression remind morbid. Usually he will sit beside Seunghoon at the front, beside the driver seat, they will talking nonstop about many things and when they get struck at a traffic jam Seunghoon doesn’t need to worry of being bored because he has Seungyoon at his side to kick away those awful feeling. But now, it felt so empty and suffocating.

“You can sleep. It will take an hour to reach Jinwoo’s hyung house.” Seunghoon said as he glanced at Seungyoon who reminded silence at the back through the small mirror in front of him. Seungyoon kept silent as if he didn’t hear Seunghoon, blankly staring at the empty street they passed by. The atmosphere went back to a heavy silence, munching every inch of Seunghoon’s gut. He gripped the steering wheel tightly until his knuckle turned white, his jaw hardened that made his face looked so stiff like a stone, his eyes jammed to the dark empty street ahead of his car. His heart roaring in pain and sadness, he wanted to cry and hugging the person that he loved with all of his heart, refused to let him go.

Just if he can turning back the time, just if he had the chance to fix everything and made it right, just if he didn’t that coward, just if he wasn’t himself, just if he wasn’t the bastard Lee Seunghoon. Just if they were not a part of an underground organization, just if they were a normal people, then everything would be much easier, then everything will be less complicated. But now everything reminded as ‘Just if’ and it’s only made Seunghoon more depressed than before because  it was just a dream, just an imagination that will never happen. They are not who they were used to be, everything had changed since years ago and he hate the fact that it was all his fault. He wasn’t capable to protect and keeping thing that precious to him, thing that very important in his life, Kang Seungyoon.

Seungyoon was fighting back the tears that started to form in his eyes. He gripped the black leather jacket on his hands tightly, he bitted his lips hard, swallowing the plump that got stuck on his throat with so much effort. A small sobs escaped his lips. It was those rarely times when Seunghoon managed to make it home and right now the latter was taking a bath. And just like the other time, Seungyoon could smelt a sharp scent that got attached to the jacket that belong to his lover, it wasn’t Seunghoons neither Seungyoons because the latter hadn’t coming back home for the whole month.

It was belonged to other person.

Other person that both of them knew very well.

And it made Seungyoon sick.

He wanted to give up.

This is too much, but, he can’t; because he loves Seunghoon very much.

The bathroom door was opened made Seungyoon immediately coming back to his sense and started to walk out from their bedroom.

“Seungyoon” Seunghoon’s soft voice called for him, but, Seungyoon was too overwhelmed by his feeling that made him didn’t have a power to answer.

He was busying himself with the laundry, putting the dirty clothes into the washing machine and he stopped when he felt a pair of