Things had gotten back to the way they were just before the operation. As the drugs had worn off, Chanyeol forgot of the moment where I had held onto his shirt, wept, and praised all the operators who helped. Every time he looks at me, dead in the eye, I wonder if there is just the slightest smudge of the way I gripped onto him, or if all the things which had filled that blank memory void is his imagination, crafted by the knowledge he had of the past. Sometimes, I become afraid that I’ll turn back to the way I was before, treating him like some diseased virus rather than my brother, someone who has the same blood as me, someone who is the light in my life.

   Baekhyun is packing up his bags, and Chanyeol makes a boatload of effort to try and stall him. First he ‘sneezes’ and knocks over a vase from the tabletop, then he ‘loses his balance’ and trips over Baekhyun’s backpack, spilling out the contents so he has to pack from scratch. Every time though, as if frustration is not a part of his vocabulary, he laughs and not for one moment, even thinks of telling Chanyeol off.

  “Ah, sadly, I have to really go now. Boss would be mad if I was late…” and under his breath, he mutters, “again.” Baekhyun zips up his bag before Chanyeol can even attempt to knock it over. My brother brings his chin up, revealing his glittering puppy eyes, and strangely, this time, Baekhyun looks away, furrowing his eyebrows. I shift in my seat, sitting up straighter, him annoyed is making me uncomfortable. “Look, I already spend a lot of my time here and I’m sorry that you haven’t realised that besides these short hours I spend with you, I live the rest of my days out there,” he glimpses out the window, but I’m sensing that he isn’t actually looking at anything outside. His mind is just that far away, lost in the outside world, yet he is confined here in the hospital, the same way I am.

  Now I wonder: does he genuinely want to be here as much as his actions show it?

  “Damn, sorry…” he sits down again, clutching his bag close and wiping away the beads of sweat on his forehead, “I’ll be back. Just not today. As long as you wait for me, every day, I’ll be back.” Chanyeol grumbles and edges away from Baekhyun as if he’s the disease that Chanyeol doesn’t want to catch. “Sorry, I’m so sorry, but I have to go,” he gets up, but his legs quiver and his fingers are twitching.

  “You know what? Bring Jennifer with you. Neither of you actually want to be here with me.”

  “I do, I honestly do,” Baekhyun sighs before I can even manage a peep, “It’s just that I can’t. Our lives are paths, they are paved differently, but that doesn’t mean they can’t intersect. Your life just has a few more bumps, and mine just sometimes always goes far off course compared to yours. Your sister, I’m sure, really cares. The problem is, won’t it get boring and difficult for her always struggling to continue forward while carrying you on her back? Sometimes, she just needs to turn back or even take a foot off the path. No matter what, both of us, will always come running back.” Mesmerised, I stare at Baekhyun, compelled by his words and I see that Chanyeol too is completely swept off his feet.

  “Just go,” he finally spits out.

  Baekhyun and I exchange glances, and at that moment, I understand that for once, I could just experience the normal bustling lifestyle of a normal girl. Aren’t those opportunities so slim? I bite my bottom lip, imagining the wonders of a life outside of the hospital. Would everyone be welcoming and nice? Would all the buildings remind me of glass? Would the fresh breeze still taste the same? I turn back again, just beside the door, and my eyes dance around Chanyeol’s back. He may be asleep, he may be crying, he may be trying to forget about me. Nevertheless, I leave one message for him before I go.

  “Just remember, Yeollie, I love you.”

  Down the hospital corridors, it’s strange, I predicted that I could navigate through these walls like the back of my hand, but once we depart the cancer section of the building, I find myself walking into walls. Baekhyun though, makes a clear path, winding around corners, counting how many rooms it will be until we need to make another swerve. I’ve lived here for so long, and he’s only a mere visitor, yet he’s finding this so much more easier than I am. Nurses sometimes throw exaggerated perplexion towards me, questioning why in the world I’m not with my sick brother, but I smile at them. Just for this day, can you just pretend I have a normal life? We reach the elevator, but instead of hitting the lobby button, Baekhyun firmly presses on level one.

  “Baekhyun,” he gazes down at me, tilting his head, “Aren’t we meant to go to the lobby? Otherwise we need to walk down a flight of stairs before we reach outside. Isn’t that so much harder?”

  He beams, leaning back on the elevator, “Trust me, the lobby down there is crowded. So many visitors coming in and out, heaps of people trying to squeeze into the tiny elevator as well. It’s havoc. On level one though, there is a back door, hardly used and people don’t really notice it, so when we reach there, we’ll get to town in no time.”

  “Wow,” I gasp, absolutely amazed and hypnotised, “I’ve been in the hospital for so long, but I don’t know it like you do. I didn’t know there was a secret staircase and I could barely find my way through the corridors. You must have learnt all of these things through visiting my brother. Still though, the fact you memorised all of this is just… wow. You know the hospital really well.”

  To that, he doesn’t reply.

  The car ride to the cafe is silent, an awkward tension lingering in the air. I guess without Chanyeol, we don’t have something to talk about. He parks just outside a small cafe, the scent of coffee and baked goods wafting around us. There aren’t many people inside, most of them are elderlies or a group of teenagers taking photos of their purchased drink. I thought that by being out here, I’d be greeted and treated normally, but everyone here is glued to their phone. We enter and Baekhyun trudges over to the front counter, pointing at the baked foods on display.

  “Pick something,” he suggests, but my eyes are already scanning all of the choices. Savoury or sweet? Chocolate or fruit? Healthy or not? Soft or hearty? Subtle or strong? “Okay, let’s say a brownie would do,” he slams down on the bell and an old lady hurries out, her eyes glitter and light up at the sight of him. She clasps her hands together and pinch his cheeks, pulling the skin away from his face and then ruffles his hair to a nest.

  “Oh Baekhyun,” her voice chimes and she pulls him close, placing sloppy kisses on both his cheeks. He smiles back and when she glances down, he brings his sleeve up to wipe away her saliva. “Why are you here so early? You have thirty minutes before your shift starts.” She then stares at me, her grey dulled eyes pierce, and finally, her wrinkled lips, pink from lipstick, form a smile. The woman’s teeth are yellow and her lips are crafted with cracks, but somehow, she still gives off that grandmotherly vibe. Tucking her hair behind her ear, she smiles back at Baekhyun, “Started meeting the ladies have we?”

  His eyes widen and he chokes in disgust, “No, no, no.” Don’t get me wrong, I don’t like him, but if anyone denied it in that way, who wouldn’t feel offended? I cross my arms and clear my throat, and Baekhyun remembers my presence and mumbles a rapid apology. “She’s just a friend, ma,” he clarifies, and I swear, the glimmer in her eyes flicker off for a second, “Jennifer, this is Grandma, and Ma, this is Jennifer.” I shake her hand, but she is the first to pull away. “Get me a brownie and the lemon custard cake,” Baekhyun points at the baked foods on display and she wastes no time getting the brown paper bag.

  “Lemon cake… again?” His grandma looks up, cheeks seemingly hollow and the pigment in her eyes dark, “I thought you said you had to move on. Two times a day isn’t going to help, dear.” What? I glance up at him, but the emotion on his face remains still, he gulps, nods his head, and pries the paper bag from her grip. “Are you… going to show your friend?”

  Baekhyun gazes down at me, the welcoming warmth in his face replaced with secrets. “She needs this more than I do.”

A/N: Hello~ I wrote this chapter (and the one that is going to follow) because I realised that I didn't elaborate on Baekhyun's life and he's meant to be one of the main characters, not one that comes in and out of the story. I hope you enjoy this chapter and that it gets you thinking :) Leave a comment below or subscribe if you haven't. Thank you!