Baekhyun wheels Chanyeol back in, their chatter adorned with laughter and pure bliss. I can’t look at Chanyeol in the eyes again without recalling the doctor’s words on his slim chance of survival. All he is at this point is a dying brother. The more detail I see in him, the more love that blooms from his heart will only end up hurting me more. The best thing I can do is go back to my selfishness, put up a strong front, and wield the strength I need to watch him crumble without crying. I don’t want his last moments to be a scene of me in tears with him knowing that it’s him who drowned me in remorse.

  If he sees me strong, he won’t fight the pain.  He will convince himself that he’s ready and it’s time to go.

  It seems that Baekhyun has not noticed the state Chanyeol is, he’s too blinded from his past that he is afraid to see the cracks in his second chance at redemption. He abandoned his mother when she needed him most and now he is denying the fact it will happen again. Chanyeol, to him, is an image of his mother, and it would strike him in the heart again to see Chanyeol go. For that, I don’t say a word about Chanyeol’s upcoming death.

  “Sis!” At that voice of innocence, a chiming voice like the lullaby of birds rings, it makes me smile yet it pains me deeply. That voice, one day, will be gone. I turn around and muster a smirk, seeing Chanyeol’s slanted but full-mouth smile brings me anything but utter joy. “Baekhyun took me to a cafe and there were heaps of cakes and sandwiches, they were all so tasty, but he spoiled me silly.” I want to tell him that I wouldn’t mind if he were spoiled with all the riches the world has to offer, I would be willing to give anything and his happiness would be worth it.

  “That sounds…great,” my voice cracks, there are too many thoughts in my head and all that sorrow overpowers the smile on my brother’s face. Baekhyun doesn’t buy my facade and his head, parting his lips to question my instability. I gaze back with pleading eyes and his mouth snaps shuts. Damn, he knows something’s off now.

  “Baekhyun took me to this music studio and I got to play on guitars, drums, pianos, and all sorts of instruments. Baekhyun has a really nice voice and he said my music abilities are natural, I want to be in a band one day.” How foolish that dream is because that day would never find him. I manage a tight-lipped smile at Baekhyun and I mouth a ‘thank you’, but he only nods his head in acknowledgement.

  “Let’s focus on your health for now, alright?”

  “We don’t need to worry about my health. If I survived that major operation, I could survive anything without a scratch,” he beams with a hint of a wheeze and a croak  in his tone, making me cringe at his optimism. It’s going to be a hard blow when he’s lying in bed choking on nothing but air. “I survived, stop worrying!” He laughs with a hoarseness in his voice and I should be glad that he’s taking this well, but my heartbeats don’t stop racing.

  Baekhyun, of course, notices it all.

  “Hey Yeollie, it’s been a tough day, why don’t you take a nap and regain some energy? We can do heaps once you wake up,” Baekhyun cooes and wheels Chanyeol towards the bed, assisting him softly under the covers. The stiffness in Chanyeol’s body, the way he winces when his knees bend, the crack in his voice when he whispers; it’s already difficult to watch, but it’s just the beginning.

  Baekhyun takes my hand and I try to pull free, but his daring glare leaves my knees wobbly. He takes me outside, staring down at me with a melancholic stare as she shakes his head. Thinning his lips and gulping, I prepare for a startling question, but instead, all I receive is a comforting warmth enveloping me. Tension lets go and his breaths through my hair.

  “Is he leaving us, Jennifer?”

  I curl my hands into fists, bunching up his shirt in my grip, and I nod. The most painful nod in life.

  “How soon?”

  We stand in silence with bystanders giving us sympathetic and pitiful glances and that’s when he knows it’s very soon. Too soon.

  “I think he might be ready,” he pulls away from the hug and there’s the coldness of isolation. I won’t have family when Chanyeol leaves, I won’t know what a normal relationship between siblings would be like, all I would have is desertion and a void that could never be filled. Baekhyun could come close to filling it, but only the life and soul of my brother would make me complete. I need him. Is that selfish? “And if he’s ready, that’s a sign for you to let go of him.”

  “I won’t ever be ready.”

  Baekhyun cups my cheeks in his palms, “If you hold onto him, he’ll go through more pain. It would hurt you as much as it hurts him, but sometimes, the pain means what you are doing is right. You’ve already told him you loved him and that you care, and that was what he needed. You told him that and now he knows.” I take in a deep breath and Baekhyun sighs, leaning forward and burying his face in my hair,  “He’s ready.”

  “What are you going to do?” I whisper, in the verge of uncontrollable sobbing.

  “I’ll be there to hold your hand when you need it and help you. I won’t come anywhere near to what Chanyeol is to you, but if I can see you smile, I’ll feel like I’ve done all that I could for my mum. If you smile, I’ll believe I can too. So can you do that? Can you smile for me?” His eyes thin, the shape warbling with his own tears and his lips twitch upwards. I take his lead and let the tears fall, but in all that despair, I smile back and that strengthens him. This is the most perfect sadness, like a rainbow that radiates even in a storm. We smile even though the pain can be felt. We smile because we seek the happiness in others.

  We smile because we’re ready.

A/N: Enjoy! Just a note: the next chapter may take a while to update because I have faced the dreadful WRITER'S BLOCK, I have all these ideas, but I'm struggling to put them in words :( I'll get it written soon though, I promise. In the mean time, read this chapter <3 Comment, subscribe, and upvote if you like :)

Happy birthday Baekhyun <3