The other boy finally sighs and gifts the new bouquet to my brother, and even though the roses effortlessly blend into the white background of the hospital, it’s not as sickly and faded, but rather the opposite. Chanyeol beams, but instead of sniffing the roses, he gently places them down and embraces the visitor once more, his height a skyscraper to the other. The visitor tenderly continues the gesture and wraps his arm around Chanyeol, smiling as Chanyeol presses the other’s face further into his chest. Although I grunt and scoff, I remain seated as a bystander and overlook this situation of pure hope and joy, because even though this had become a new leap in Chanyeol’s life, it led him a small step closer to dying happily and peacefully. Just the sheer thought of a random caring visitor enables him to forget his worries, and for now, that is enough.

  “I’m Baekhyun,” the visitor wriggles from the hug and shakes Chanyeol’s hands instead, and not once did his smile falter, “I came here yesterday, but you were at an operation, so I dropped by again today. It seems,” his eyes drift towards the rose-covered bed sheets and he giggles under his breath, “you completely plucked the petals from the roses, and that’s okay since I got you another bouquet. May I sit down?” Baekhyun points to the nurse stool situated beside Chanyeol’s bed and Chanyeol eagerly beckons him to sit as he snuggles back into the warmth of his blankets. “So tell me a bit about yourself and your story,” he crosses his legs, still smiling.

  What’s there to talk about? Chanyeol’s life was all revolves around cancer and the hospital, and my life has been no different. Chanyeol should know this, he should know that nothing good had come out of his life, but instead, he ponders with a great thinking face as if there is something to list down.

  “My name is Chanyeol, she is my twin sister Jennifer,” he leads Baekhyun’s gaze towards me and the visitor waves as if this is our first encounter, I make a small waving gesture before he turns away back to my brother. “I got lung cancer at four years old. My parents had been on a business trip since I was four and a half and they haven’t visited me yet. I think it’s because they don’t love me because I’m sick.” Baekhyun nods intently and his gaze never pries away from Chanyeol’s face. “My sister worries too much and she always gasps and looks like she’s about to get a heart attack whenever I cough, but sometimes I intend it as a joke. The nurses and doctors watch over me like a hawk and I feel like I don’t have any privacy. I don’t like people constantly freaking out about my illness because no matter how much they think they are used to it, when I die, they’ll be in more shock than they ever have been. I don’t want to do that to my sister who has stuck with me since day one, even though I know she doesn’t like it here.”

  I ball my fists and face outside the window. Suddenly the trees have stopped dancing and the sky isn’t as bright, the birds seem out of tune and all the colours have dulled. Nothing is beautiful anymore. Maybe it’s because of the emotion Chanyeol’s words have triggered inside of me. I feel guilty. I’ve been the person who made him worry about his cancer. He worries about me worrying and he worries that I’m unhappy. He hasn’t looked at purely himself and his  wants because he’s too busy trying to make things easier on me. In the end, my selfishness still shines through and at this moment, I think: ‘If you want things to be easier on me, die.’

  I realise now, that Chanyeol hadn’t stopped talking and Baekhyun’s attention hasn’t once, for even a split second, been directed towards something else. “Sometimes there are moments when I truly feel like giving up,” my ears perk up at his words. He’s spilling his emotion and every little piece of his heart out to this stranger, but he hasn’t spoken about this to me? “Then I see my sister’s face in the morning. Sometimes it’s worn out which makes me feel worse, other times I see a spark of happiness. Most of the time it’s tired, and I know that it’s all because of me. I don’t care how she looks though, whether she has dark obvious bags beneath her eyes or whether she’s beaming out the window, I realise I want to live because I want to see my sister. I know she probably doesn’t feel the same way towards me considering how, thanks to my condition, her life is spent confined within the hospital. I see her as an angel that watches over me, but it’s because of me that her wings are clipped.”

  I bite my lip and my mouth goes dry, it feels like my heart has stopped beating and a hollow pit is growing within me, but this hollowness is unable to be filled with tears. For years, I had sobbed, so many tears that it is worth a lifetime, so now my tear ducts are dry and I cannot cry anymore; but it is because of this jammed outlet that the melancholic emotions build up inside me.

  For the first time in ten years, I cry.

  There aren’t many tears, and I don’t expect them to be even if I mourn greatly, there will never be many tears left within me. For that, I turn to the window and pretend I dream of freedom while I silently wipe away the tiny salty droplets. Neither of them realise and they continue conversing, but now I mute out their words with my tears which to me, plummet heavily like a rainstorm.

  “It was nice to meet you, Chanyeol. Really nice to just sit down and have a conversation with someone without worrying that they’re lying to me, and really nice that every single word of yours manage to somehow tug at my heartstrings.” Baekhyun stands from the seat and Chanyeol follows suit, they shake hands as a farewell gesture, but an astounded face is planted onto Chanyeol. “What’s wrong?”

  “Why aren’t you scared of being contaminated?”

  Baekhyun blinks, Chanyeol does too. “What?” Baekhyun mutters in a voice barely a whisper.

  “Nobody besides my sister or the workers here touch me. They say I’m ill and diseased and I’ll contaminate them. That’s why I’ve never had a visitor before. They don’t want to catch my cancer. I don’t want you to catch it either,” Chanyeol gulps, “You haven’t withdrawn your hand.”

  “That’s because,” Baekhyun speaks with a soft and sincere smile, taking Chanyeol’s hands in his, “Friendship will make me immune.” He shakes Chanyeol’s hands, but my brother’s hands remain stiff at the thought of Baekhyun falling sick just like him. In the end, he obliges and ends the handshake with another warm enveloping hug.

  “We’re friends?” Chanyeol stammers to confirm as Baekhyun’s hands drift away from his. The visitor heads for the door and Chanyeol trots over behind, afraid he’ll lose another person. As the door opens, Chanyeol’s heart droops a little, but he has already placed full faith in this stranger.

  What a funny thing, I can leave the hospital grounds, yet I don’t and Chanyeol has made a friend before me. I’m not jealous, maybe Baekhyun and I can half the burden of taking care of his health.

  Baekhyun turns around once more and smirks, tiptoeing to ruffle Chanyeol’s hair and he laughs beneath his breath. One foot outside and Chanyeol winces as if his heart has been stung.

   “Friends. Promise.”