I exit the operation room, half-asleep and weary, with the sunlight too bright for me to open my eyes. I’m still in a daze and everything appears like a surreal illusion, especially the fact that  I am breathing. I am breathing with no sting in my lung. I am breathing with no dryness in my throat. I am breathing without any help. I lean back on the wheelchair, my head lolling to the side as the nurse wheels me through the hall. In every glimpse, I see the astonished nurses with their mouths gaping and widened eyes, as they were the very nurses who questioned everything about me.

  Honestly, I questioned myself too.

  A few days ago, I was told that my condition had plummeted to new lows and not even their most experienced surgeon had the skill to restore me. I was told I was going to die. I was ready for it, however, because that meant that my sister could finally live the life she was dreaming of. The life where she wasn’t confined in a hospital and the life where she could do whatever she pleased without worrying about me. I guess, when I look back to it, she was the only reason I wanted to let go. My dream though, was to experience all of that with her. I want to watch her eyes form into crescents, dimples deepening on her cheeks and her laughing until she cries. Never once did I think life would ever let that happen, until the news I got yesterday.

  I got the news of life. I was told that there was a chance that for once, my dream could become reality and I just cried. Baekhyun wept with me, in a way I never thought I’d see him, his face turned red and his tears kept streaming. They were happy tears though, I’m sure. I told Baekhyun that he had to keep this good news a secret, because I want to surprise Jennifer with the news she never thought she’d hear. The doctors continuously stated that ‘a life cannot be repaired unless one is taken’ and they asked me, many times before I was wheeled off if I was sure I wanted to do this.

  I was.

  It may have been selfishness to drive me to this solution. I had the chance to save a life, but I was too shrouded in everything I wanted. I was sure, a hundred percent sure, that I deserved this chance. But as I’m wheeled into the recovery room, the regret has never been stronger. The only reason I was willing to accept the donation was so Jennifer and I could life the life we planned together right from the beginning.

  And I can’t wait to see the look on her face when I say, “I’m alive.”

  I’m taken to a seat beside the window and I rest my face on the windowsill, cheek pressed against the glass. I’m finally going to breathe in that summer breeze whenever I want, and I will be able to smell the sweet scent of roses without being rushed to the emergency room. I will be able to live.

  My breath fogs up the glass as I peer to the outdoors. Moments pass and I haven’t budged, just sitting here has made me feel so alive.

  “Ch-Chanyeol?”

  I turn around and I see Baekhyun standing there with his eyes red and swollen from crying, he fumbles with his fingers and his lips can hardly shape a smile. Baekhyun staggers towards me with his lack of balance and weeps into my shoulders, I pat his back and he sobs some more. I look past his shoulder at the empty spaces in the waiting room, and then at the clock which has been ticking away. Second by second, Baekhyun’s wails are drowned out by the silence and all I hear are my shaky breaths.

  “Baekhyun, where is my sister?”

  The question only makes him cry more, but I wait for him to regain himself. “Jennifer…” he mutters into my shoulder, “she left.”

  I pause.

  What is he saying? Will she not see me breathe?

  “She gave up, Chanyeol. She gave up waiting for a miracle.”

  Now, I can barely breathe again.

  “She gave up waiting and walked out the door.” Baekhyun chokes out, “She went to chase her dreams, move to another place, go to school, get a job, get married. She couldn’t wait any longer for you to get back to health.”

  I smile, slightly, because that is what I wanted. For Jennifer to finally live that life, even if it means I won’t be there to watch her grow.

  “Will she ever visit us, Baekhyun?”

  Baekhyun pulls away from the hug and he stares at me with his tear-filled, glistening eyes. He points at my chest, “she’s right here.”

  I move his hand slightly to the left, “this is my heart.”

  “I’m not meant to be pointing at your heart, silly. Stand up, Chanyeol, if Jennifer were here, I know she’d be urging you to get up and go live your life. That’s all she wanted from you.”

  I don’t quite understand how all of his words seem to trigger a tear to fall from his eyes, but I stand on my two feet. The receptionist signs me out of the hospital for the first time. I hold Baekhyun’s hands as we walk to the exit doors. I turn my head back, back to the hallways where I was wheeled, back to the rows of hospital rooms where I lived. Back to the cell, but the place where I created memories with my sister. Here is the place where we cried together and laughed together, the place where we lived together. Now, I’m leaving that place and walking away from the times I spent with her.

  Baekhyun and I take a step to the automatic doors and they slide open. Wind blows past and the songs of birds echo around the world.

  I breathe.

  And somehow, I know Jennifer is breathing freedom too.