As soon as Sunny opened the door to Jessica’s room, she was immediately taken aback by how messy it was. It looked like a tornado somehow managed to find it’s way into the small bedroom, wrecked havoc and left out the window. She had never seen the SNSD Princess’ room in that condition, but of course she has also never seen the Princess herself in this state of disarray.

Jessica was lying curled up on her bed tangled in her blankets, glassy eyes not focused on anything in particular. The baby blue tshirt that she had on was stained with tears, and she just looked absolutely exhausted. Sunny gingerly took a seat on the edge of the bed, trying to figure out how to properly approach the situation.

“Hey.” Sunny started, trying to get Jessica’s attention.

“Hey.” Jessica responded with a hoarse voice while remaining in the same position.

“Is everything okay?” Sunny knew it was an obvious question, but she figured that getting Jessica to open up would be difficult and she wanted to take it step by step.

Jessica just shook her head no as a response to her question. In all of the time Sunny knew Jessica, she has never seen the girl in front of her look so….vulnerable. Jessica always had her guard up and no matter how difficult or rough the situation the American would always find a way to somehow tackle it with a grace that Sunny could only hope to achieve. It pained her to see Jessica this broken.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Sunny offered, wanting to help her friend get through this.

Jessica lay silent for awhile but her eyes were blinking more frequently, leading Sunny to believe that the girl needed time to compose her thoughts, time that Sunny happily allowed her to have.

“Did I make a mistake?” Jessica finally responded after a moment.

“What are you referring to?” Sunny asked because as much as she hated to admit it, the girl in front of her had done a lot of things in the past few months that could be labeled as a “mistake”.

“Me creating Blanc…. Was it a mistake?”

Sunny contemplated how she should approach this question, because in the fragile state Jessica was currently in Sunny wasn’t sure how honest she could be.

“It’s not wrong for you to create Blanc. You love fashion. We all know you love fashion. But…maybe you could have gone about it differently.”

“What do you mean?” Jessica asked, sitting up slightly.

“You know what I mean Sica…”

“Maybe I do, but I want to hear it from you Sunny. I know that all the other members mean well, but sometimes I feel like I can only count on you and Yuri to give me a straight answer without chewing my head off. Please…” Jessica said, and Sunny was taken aback by the pleading look in her eyes. She looked so lost.

“All of us have no problems with you starting Blanc Sica. In fact, we were proud of you. You had this sparkle in your eye and bounce in your step that we hadn’t seen in years! But I think you get so caught up in it sometimes, that you forget that SNSD should be your main priority.”

Jessica was about to speak up to protest but Sunny cut her off halfway.

“Before you say anything, can you remember the last time you arrived to a fanmeeting on time? Or the last dance practice you attended?”

Jessica fell silent. Of course she’s heard this all before, but it made so much sense coming from Sunny’s mouth because this was the first time she was hearing it said without it sounding confrontational.

“I’m not saying all this to hurt you Sica, I just want to make sure you know the reason as to why some of us are acting like this. We are not opposed to you creating Blanc, but launching a brand while we are swamped with schedules is pretty bad timing.”

Jessica just nodded slowly, letting Sunny’s words sink in. Sunny hoped that she had phrased her words correctly and that Jessica would not misunderstand anything she said.

“I joined SM Entertainment when I was 11 years old. I was so happy, y’know? A large company wanting me under their label? Didn’t even have to think about it when I decided to move here from San Francisco. And then we debuted after years of training, and we went on to perform on stages all around the world…I still remember the feeling I got the first time I stepped onto a stage as part of SNSD. I felt like I could take over the world! Do you remember that Sunny? We joked around after our debut about how one day our faces would be on billboards., we’d have sold out concerts, we would win awards and trophies…” Jessica said, giving a small chuckle at the fond memory. Sunny couldn’t help but smile as she remembered it as well. Those were some of the happiest days of her life.

“Now our faces are everywhere. Walk down the street and you’d see a Jessica or a Yuri poster promoting a random product somewhere. We have policemen guarding our concert venues because of the sheer amount of people that came to watch us perform. We have a trophy cabinet filled with awards we’ve won overseas and within the country, half of which we don’t even know what they’re for! We’ve kind of already taken over the world haven’t we?” As Jessica continued, Sunny noticed her shoulders started shaking and her eyes were becoming watery.

“But…” Jessica turned to face Sunny, the tears finally found their way to her cheeks. Her eyes were asking questions that Sunny wasn’t sure she had the answers to.

“Why am I not happy?”

At this Jessica buried her face in her hands, crying out with reckless abandon completely forgetting the fact that Hyomin was currently in the house as well.

“I’ve given so much…so much! We’ve built this group to be so large, but now we’re slowly being crushed by the weight of it. I love Girls’ Generation with all my heart, but now I feel like I want some of what I’ve missed out on. I want to study! I want to get a degree! I want to fall recklessly in love with someone and not care about the consequences of people finding out! I want to start something because it’s a labor of love, and not because I’m contractually obligated to do it! I want… I want to feel alive again.”

Sunny couldn’t help but tear up as she listened to Jessica’s confession because she herself knew the feeling. The industry you up and takes so much from you that sometimes you forget that you have to keep some of it for yourself as well. But because Sunny knew the feeling oh so well, she also knew exactly why it’s very difficult for Jessica to get what she wants.

“Why am I forced to choose between my passion and my career? How come other idols can just go and create side projects but the minute I do it I get threatened to be kicked out of my group? It’s not fair!”

“Well…most idols out there have their side projects managed by their agency. What you are doing is creating a whole new brand which is not under SM, while you’re still managed by SM. It doesn’t really work that way Sica.” Sunny explained carefully to her friend, although she is pretty much sure Jessica herself knew the reason.

“Just one more album. Then I’m free to do whatever I want without having to leave the group right? That was the deal that Management gave me.” Jessica muttered while wiping her tears with a box of tissues that Sunny handed to her.

“Yea Sica. Just one more album. Please hold on for us. We will always support whatever you do ok? We love you. Just stay strong and be patient for one more album.” Sunny said while cupping Jessica’s face, wiping the latter’s tears off her cheeks with her thumbs. Jessica nodded in understanding, before slowly getting off her bed to pick up the clothes that lay scattered on her floor as if noticing the mess for the first time.

“I love you girls, you know that right?” Jessica asked Sunny when the latter got up to help the American clean up.

“Thank you, Sunny.”

Sunny smiled and leaned in to envelop Jessica in a tight embrace, happy and content that for the first time in a few months she felt that things in the dorm would start to change for the better. The both of them stayed in each other’s arms, trying to convey all of the apologies and regrets that they have felt in the span of the last few months. A knock on the door caused the both of them to turn to look, and they saw Hyomin standing at the doorway with a mug in her hand.

“Unnie…I thought you might need this.” Hyomin said while slowly walking in to hand Jessica the mug of water. Jessica graciously accepted it, finally realizing how sore and dry was from her several hours of crying.

“Thank you Hyomin. And uh… I’m sorry you had to listen through all that.” Jessica sheepishly said while scratching her cheek, embarrassed about having a breakdown in front of someone outside of their group.

Hyomin flashed Jessica one of her signature bright smiles and moved in to hug her just like Sunny had. Sunny noticed that Jessica was blushing and tried to avoid eye contact with Hyomin as she reciprocated the embrace and knew the reason why. It looks like even the so called “Ice Princess” of Girls’ Generation can’t withstand the power of Hyomin’s smile.

“Oh yeah Hyomin, how’s your foot?” Sunny asked while eyeballing the T-ara member’s feet. Now that the situation has calmed down Sunny had time to fret over her favourite person’s wellbeing.

“It’s okay, the cut wasn’t deep. Nothing serious.” Hyomin said while shooting side-glances at Jessica. She wanted to avoid mentioning her injury since Jessica might feel bad, but upon seeing the inquisitive look that Jessica was giving her she had no choice but to explain to the girl what had happened earlier in the living room.

Jessica immediately began to uncharacteristically fret over Hyomin while apologizing profusely. At one point she even suggested giving Hyomin a piggyback ride to the hospital, as if each of them did not have a car parked in the basement below. Sunny couldn’t help but laugh as Jessica chased Hyomin around the tiny bedroom trying to get Hyomin to accept her apology while Hyomin kept telling her it’s okay with a mortified expression on her face. Apologetic Jessica was so uncharacteristic it was almost scary.

“Thing was...I got back earlier today from a meeting with the higher-ups and it got preeetty messy. So I guess I wasn’t exactly in the greatest of moods when I got home and before I knew it I accidentally trashed the place.” Jessica explained in between pants, tired from chasing Hyomin around the room.

“Lets just clean this up before the others get back ok Sica? And I should actually be in Seongbukdong right now to continue filming Roommate so lets make this quick!” Sunny cheerfully said while giving Jessica a thumbs up in an attempt to recharge the Ice Princess’ depleted batteries. All Sunny got in return for her effort was a pillow to the face.

“And you! How is Jessica in better shape than you?!” Sunny asked while nudging Hyomin’s lifeless body with her foot. Hyomin was spread eagled on the floor trying her hardest to catch her breath after her little chase with Jessica.

Jessica peeked at Hyomin over Sunny’s shoulder in between rearranging her messed up vanity table.

“I think she’s dead.”

Sunny could only shrug.

*************************

“Thanks for the ride Hyomin.” Sunny said as the Porsche came to a stop in front of the Roommate house.

“It’s no biggie.” Hyomin replied while threatening to blind the shorter girl with her smile.

“And uh…sorry.”

Hyomin just stared at Sunny with a puzzled expression on her face which Sunny found absolutely adorable.

“I’m sorry for dragging you into that mess earlier. You even got injured in the process. I feel horrible…” Sunny said, eyes failing to meet Hyomin’s.

“Sunny-ya, you make it sound like I lost my leg in a freak accident or something. It was just a tiny cut! I’ve gotten worse scratches from my dog at home.” Hyomin brought her hand up to Sunny’s face to coax her to turn her head and meet the T-ara visual right in the eye.

“Listen Sunny. Any mess that you’re going through is a mess that I’ll happily be a part of.”

Sunny’s heart fluttered at the statement, and the sincerity in Hyomin’s eyes nearly made her tear up. Sunny leaned forward and kissed Hyomin on the cheek causing the brunette to freeze up in surprise.

“Thanks Hyomin. You’re amazing you know that?”

“I learn from the best.” Hyomin replied, earning her a playful pinch on her cheek.

Realizing that it was probably time for her to continue filming, she reluctantly opened the door of the Porsche and stepped out of the car, remembering to bring down her suitcase filled with hangers with her.

She waved to Hyomin and watched as her best friend drove off until the car disappeared around a corner. Sunny then turned to the front door of her new house and let out a short sigh, before ringing the doorbell.

__________________________________________________

This is my shortest chapter so far, but it was also the hardest to write. The whole story basically revolves around Jessica's struggles with the group, so I wanted to get her reasoning and the emotions involved just right. I hope I did a decent job at it though!

I'm not usually a fan of SNSD's music (more of an Afterschool/ Kara/ f(x) guy) but I bought their The Boys album and was blown away. Trick is an amazing song. Waaay up there! Nearly as good as their Japanese stuff, but Animal, Flower Power and T.O.P are still the bomb. Also, I've been listening to a lot of Apink lately. Fine, not really listening per se, more like just watching their videos for Hayoung. I don't know how this started but I think I'm infatuated with her and maybe my next fic will be a Hayoung fic, though I don't know enough about her yet. This fic comes first though! 

Roommate is probably going to be ending soon isn't it? Prety upsetting, but I guess all good things come to an end eventually. 

Thanks for all the comments and subs! You guys are the best! Like, really. Makes my day when I see a new comment. :)