P.S : 2 years has passed, and I am planning to finished all of these things that I'd abandoned. But the thing is, things wasn't as bad as before, I just - I hope I still can write. Or maybe I should just wait when it gets hard again so I can spill.  I first started it cos I was liking this one person and it's been 7 years after that - and I am okay but as funny as it sounds I still remember a lot of things, so I gotta pour it in here. My chest hurts while doing this.

P.P.S : If any of you still read this, thank you very much, from the bottom of my heart. Go put Yuna's Poor Heart or Frank Ocean's Bad Religion on speaker :)

*

I gave you something but you can never give it back, Don't you mind?

I was thinking about killing my self, Don't you mind? 

*

He never expected anything, when he fell in love with Seunghyun.

It just happened, naturally, effortlessly.

Probably because he was really attracted to well-dressed guy.

But it was different with Seunghyun.

He was confused at first.

He couldn't help but stare at Seunghyun.

Cos who the hell wore a jet black leather jacket and rocking candy coloured nike to school? and also carrying a huge backpack that all of these art students here could slipped their canvases inside.

They shared a lot of classess, and they talked, the more they talked, the more Jiyong found out that he was so into this particular person.

Seunghyun was extrovert and easy to hold conversations with.

Seunghyun was always talk to Jiyong first cos being a shy and introverted also mooddy person like he is - sometimes Jiyong wished people would leave him alone at school. It's not like he was expecting any of em to talk to him too. 

Somedays he just wanted the lecture to be over, so he can go home and hit his bed.

To find company in sleep.

To the contrary,

Seunghyun was kind and bubbly.

Not the class-clown but the mvp.

The lectures loves him cos he was brave and smart - he answered and was really spoken during meetings and debate, and so does the girls. 

Who wouldn't anyone pay attention to Seunghyun?

If Jiyong was avoidant, Seunghyun was the complete opposite.

He was so full of life, he likes to be the center of attention, he was smart, and the more he's looking,

the more he realized that he liked Seunghyun. Like he seriously was falling in love with him.

*

"Where are your friends?"

"They haven't come yet, as usual, late. It's strange to see Choi Seunghyun showed up in the class, so early like this"

"My driver picked me up way too early, no choice. What are you reading? What is this about?"

"Uhm, this is Pablo Neruda, poetry."

"You are reading poetry even before 8am, you're really something, Jiyong. One day I'll find you reading about The History of Goryeo then."

"Shut up you ."

"Seunghyun, move please. I gotta sit here."

"No. I am going to sit next to Jiyong todaaaaaaay."

"Seunghyun, c'mon the lecture is here already!"

"Not happening, I said I'm going to sit next to him"

"Seunghyun."

By that Seunghyun just smile and nonchalantly walked to his usual seat and reunited with his friends.

Youngbae was confused since when Seunghyun the great starts being that playful? 

"He must be partying way too hard last night."

"Youngbae, don't badmouth people that sit near to you."

"Yes, mom. Did you pack lunch today? Cos I'm thinking to go to grab big mac"

"Nah, I rather eat at the canteen instead. Doesn't feel like going out today."

"Jiyong, you can't possibly conjure eating at Mcdonald's as going out can you?"

"I don't feel like going anywhere today, bae."

"Okay then."

*

"Jiyong, wait. What'll you have for lunch? Want to try frozen yoghurt?"

"Seunghyun, Jiyong's here said to me that he doesn't feel like going anywhere to eat -

"Sure, let's go! Frozen yoghurt sounds nice, right? Youngbae?"

In the end, Youngbae went alone to Mcdonald's by that leave Jiyong and Seunghyun alone with desserts. 

Turns out Frozen Yoghurt was hell on earth.

It came in a single cup and it was really tiny.

He was expecting some sort of sweet and caramel-ly ice cream only to found out that it wasn't ice cream, and it's really sour.

And the fact that he chose kiwi as his topping didn't help.

"Really? You've never tried this? Never visited J.Co before?"

"Never. I am not the mall type of guy, though."

"Then who are you? museum type of guy?"

"Seunghyun, are you sure this is not poison? I can't eat this, it's too sour!"

"What a crybaby. It's good you know!"

Talking and joking with Seunghyun was always easy until it's not.

They got comfotable towards each other but they were only walking in circle.

They pushed each other buttons but never actually understand one another.

Seunghyun actually like having lunch with Jiyong and his friends , Youngbae and sometimes Seungri will also join them.

Seunghyun was happy to drive them around in his car, to eat together, and then to go back to school together.

It was the usual.

Lunch break, after illustration and design history class.

As always, Seunghyun took Jiyong and his friends - they off to the mall near their school together.

Seunghyun drives them.

Jiyong was sitting next to him and their friends on the back seat cos they rationalized with

"It's your friend, we knew him from you. Then you should sit next to him!"

"Seunghyun!"

"Hi, Daesung! Going to eat too?"

"Yeah. Why don't you join us then, are you alone."

"Yeah, sure thanks hyun."

Jiyong was tagging along. He never talk with Seunghyun's friend but they seem to be close.

So he just eat his chicken and stay silent / playing with his phone. They never invited him to the conversation anyway.

Daesung leaves first.

He and Seunghyun end up walking at the mall, since it's still very early for them to go back to school.

"What do you think about Daesung?"

"I only know his name, I think he's a nice person?"

"Yeah, he is. Go date him. He's single too."

"Well, people said he's straight so.."

Jiyong hearts sink.

Seunghyun was just considering and suggesting for Jiyong to date his friend.

His friend.

When in fact, Seunghyun himself was also single.

Then he came up with only one conclusion,

Maybe he wasn't cut out to be more than just a friend for Seunghyun.

Because Seunghyun wasn't interested with him, he only saw him as friends.

Just like that, Jiyong was knew that he is once again fall into the deep hole of unrequited love.

Which made him - wants to cry.