(Written in Seunghyun's side. | March12, 8.08-8.28pm | "I love you as certain dark things are to be loved, Pablo Neruda".)

It would be lie if Seunghyun said he doesn't thinks of Jiyong.

He does think about Jiyong.

And he does it an awfully whole lot.

He misses Jiyong.

After all these years passed after college, he misses Jiyong.

Some nights end up with staring to the ceiling, wondering why, why the universe didn't let them collide. Why it was so hard to make Jiyong his? Why it was so hard to be close to Jiyong? 

All thoughts leads to Jiyong. Jiyong. Jiyong.

Was Jiyong hurting? Is he even okay now? Has he gets better yet?

Sometimes Seunghyun found himself imagining things he would do to Jiyong.

The things he especially would do when Jiyong is having his it.

Breakdown.

He knew Jiyong would keep his head down and won't talk to anyone for weeks.

Because it was hurting, every breathe he took hurts like needles. 

And he realized now maybe that's why Jiyong did it.

Unintentionally ignoring him, ignoring friendship, ignoring people, ignoring life.

Because he had no energy for that. 

The blakness has him out.

He had nothing left.

It was sad, Seunghyun thought.

He could and should have been be there for Jiyong especially at his lowest.

He feels like a monster, because he is one of those who know this side of Jiyong and he let Jiyong struggled alone.

It was his fault then. He shouldn't let Jiyong did that.

He shouldn't let Jiyong ignoring him.

He shouldn't let them grow apart.

He shouldn't let Jiyong went through it all alone.

They were close friends at the very least.

He should've been there for him.

But it's all in the past, he had nothing left.

They weren't a thing.

There was no us.

There was no end. Because they haven't even begin yet.

They lost before they fight.

Because Seunghyun is clueless.

And Jiyong is lost.

Because Seunghyun was tired giving s to Jiyong.

When Jiyong was always absent.

He understands it now.

That maybe it wasn't what Jiyong wanted.

He just can't helped it.

Maybe it was his demons who acted and talked.

All he knows now he wanted Jiyong to be better and feel better always and be happy because he deserves the best.

But still,

he still want to hug Jiyong.

he still want to take the sadness and pain away.

he still want to help Jiyong to stop smoking.

he still do loves Jiyong.

The sad thing that linger is he still wishes Jiyong knew.

He still wishes he could turn back time.

He still wishes he could meet Jiyong and begin.

Because he want Jiyong.

Because he can't stop picturing lives of them as one.

Because he want to be the reason of Jiyong's smile, Jiyong's laugh, and if he wasn't selfish yet, he want, he long to be the reason of Jiyong's life.

If it's hard for Jiyong to continue then he want to be the reason for Jiyong to continue.

He wishes it was that easy.

He wishes it would be less complicated.

He wishes.

How he wishes he could have Jiyong in his arms now.

It's raining and he wonder, he wonder where is Jiyong right now.

Has he eaten?

Or has he asleep?

Sometimes he can't help but wishing upon the stars for Jiyong because he is afraid, he is afraid that he has no time to tell Jiyong that he loves him yet. Because he is not sure. He is not sure about Jiyong's condition. What if it can't gets better. What if Jiyong got worse. What if Jiyong is gone? He doesn't know what could happens to him if he found out that Jiyong is gone. He probably want to be gone to. So he could meet Jiyong and tell him those. He is falling asleep to that thought. And in his dream tonight, he meets Jiyong. He doesn't talk though, Jiyong was smiling and laughing heartily and he realized, he realized that maybe maybe if he keeps waiting, if he keeps waiting, they could collide. At least he knew, Jiyong is way stronger than that. He knew Jiyong is okay. He knew Jiyong survived the breakdowns. And he hopes, he hopes he could meet Jiyong and hug him. He can't help it anymore. He want to be the reason of Jiyong's smile and laugh. He wanted to hear Jiyong's laugh, he want to be there when Jiyong is on his knees crying, he want to be with Jiyong, he wanted to loves Jiyong with all of his might. He wants Jiyong, and he, he can't wait no more. He should do something, shouldn't he?

He falls asleep eventually.

And when he woke up, he remembers.

He hears it, Jiyong's laugh.

He sees it, Jiyong's eyes and smile.

And he hugs him.

He sees himself hugging Jiyong.

He sees Jiyong hold him back.

"I love you, Jiyong. You know I always do."

"I know, believe me, Seunghyun I know. I've been waiting for you to find me."