(PS :  Inspired by today's sky, the past, Neruda, and I got it again so. Here we go. Still in the same theme with my previous.

I was really worried that this web is gonna vanished but thankfully it's not. | Jan27.)

It hits him again. 

The realisation that he's just another insignificant point, being there out of nowhere.

What's the point of my existence again? He kept asking himself while standing here watching the sky.

It's funny how the moon is showing right at this hour. It's just half past 5 and the sun goes down.

The sky is blue and it surronded by clouds.

It's getting funny.

His mind is throwing words at him now.

You are the moon.

And I am this insignificant point that you see from above.

Sometimes you confuse me with other dots because I'm not as special as you.

Sometimes you can't see me because I don't have my own light and I can't shine and I also can't reflect.

Sometimes you think that I'm just a bug that goes on and off. 

You thought I'm different because I happened to be off for quite a long time.

Little did you know that I was drowning deeply in the dark. 

It's hard to back off and to fight the dark because it's just so strong and I'm not as strong as you.

You are the light. You holds the power.

And I'm just ordinary.

You see same dots like me plenty of times, almost everyday.

But I only see you. I see you as something magical.

You are the point to my world.

In the contrary, you don't even know that I exist. And I long for you.

I wish you knew.

Every thought, every whisper, every wish leads to that person.

The object of his affection.

The object of his desire.

The object of his love.

Seunghyun.

Sometimes he thinks he's crazy for holding to this hope that maybe, maybe if he kept thinking about Seunghyun.

The world will takes pity on him and let them meet up.

He wishes he could meet Seunghyun again.

In another moment, In another world, In another situation. 

He blamed him self sometime for being too cold for Seunghyun.

For not letting Seunghyun had the chance.

For not opening up to Seunghyun.

But it was really hard for him to open up to anyone, let it be Seunghyun.

He was really a shy person though, he doesn't have  a lot of friends, just a few and he didn't talk to them anymore because they grew tired of him, eventually.

You can't expect a lot from people who you can't meet up everyday.

Friendship fades when you happen to not see each other faces. 

That's what he keeps telling him self.

He only got himself as a company.

He remembers Seunghyun asked him years ago.

When they were close, when they were still friends, when Seunghyun gave a lot of about him, when Seunghyun practically hang out with him in every single classess. And most likely after classess too.

"Why?"

"Why, What?"

"Why are you sitting here all alone? Where are your friends?"

He just shrugged and Seunghyun knew.

So Seunghyun keep him company by sitting right next to him at classess.

By talking and always asking him things.

"Because If it wasn't me then who will? No body want to be friends with him and I don't know why, he is a nice person. He really is."

Seunghyun told his gang at lunch one afternoon.

His friends answered him with nonsense.

They said that they're afraid of Jiyong because he seems so distant and he didn't talk he was so quite and he got the best score, he always got the best score. And when they strare at Jiyong, Jiyong stares back. And they don't like what they see. 

"His eyes are scary you know, it's like he has no life. No offense but really it made me afraid."

"He was always seems off like he is sitting here in this classroom with us, his eyes is on the board, but his mind, his soul are somewhere else."

"He always wears black and he looks like he hasn't eat for weeks or so."

"He seems fragile."

He seems fragile.

Seunghyun couldn't understand why his friends were telling him those comments but they said the truth.

So he keeps leering by Jiyong's side. 

He wants to be his only company.

He wanted to be his friend.

Seunghyun was really annoying at that time. 

Maybe because he was young and he was full of life.

And Jiyong kind of hated Seunghyun because he was cheerful and he had so many friends and he is just everybody's fav person.

Yellow.

He remembers yellow when he saw Seunghyun.

And for the kind of person who hates light, he hates yellow the most.

He always push people away, as a protection. 

"I don't want to keep feeling hurt because I let people in and let them crushed me."

Jiyong vowed at one point.

That he souldn't get too close with anyone.

Any-freaking-one.

Until Seunghyun happened.

When it comes to Seunghyun, he can't stop.

He let his guard and wall down.

He was confused when Seunghyun keep staring at him and smile so he mirrored the act. 

And that happened a lot.

Eye contact war until one of them gave up and smile while looking at each other.

Sometimes end up in tiny laugh and shy act. 

A lot of times end up by Jiyong looking away because it was dangerous to keep doing this thing.

But Seunghyun keeps watching even after Jiyong looking away.

He just really liked to watch and stare at Jiyong.

When he saw Jiyong, he also saw passion.

He saw determination.

He saw stubborness.

He saw inteligent.

He never saw black, darkness, skull, lack of foods, or any other s that his friend mentioned about Jiyong.

But he is fully aware that something is off with Jiyong.

He knew all to well that this ain't no sickness, this is symptom.

He decided to hang out more and stick like a glue with Jiyong more often, so he could understand him.

Time passed.

And Jiyong was crazy over Seunghyun. 

Really.

Seunghyun made him feel things. 

And he didn't like it.

He remembers everything about Seunghyun, up until know.

He still almost can feel the way their knees brushed to each other under the table while doing that drawing assingment.

He remembers that purple was Seunghyun's fav color.

He remembers that Seunghyun liked be@rbricks and nike air sneakers.

He remembers Seunghyun's dog's name.

He remembers the year when Seunghyun's grandma died.

He remembers the way Seunghyun's touch and gaze felt like.

It still burns.

It still does.

He also remembers the time when they are always smoking after class together, in the back alley near campus.

Him with menthol and Seunghyun with light, sometimes ultra light.

He saying "What's the purpose of smoking when it's light? Smoking supposed to kill things, you know."

Seunghyun just smiled at him, cursed and continue breath in an breath out the nicotine. 

It's different now. 

No body that annoys him anymore.

He sometimes miss it.

He almost wish he could go back and changed.

He keeps smoking then, especially in the night, when it's dark, the sky is dimmed and the moon is yellow. And he's thinking a lot of things all at once and he stared at the yellow moon, he remembers Seunghyun. And that's all leads to one stick, two sticks, one pack, two packs, until he passed out himself, nearly chocked off by the killing smoke.

The memory of Seunghyun still affects him up to this day.

He wish. He wish and he kept wishing that he wasn't a fool that he could've been together with Seunghyun if he let Seunghyun in.

If only he let Seunghyun in.

But it was bad to fight it in.

He was in a thoughest battle with his art project and also with himself.

Time passed.

Distance grew between them.

It's only normal, Jiyong defends Seunghyun, in his mind.

Because who will putting up with this ed up kid like me?

Who would want?

If only wishes could come true, he wonders if Seunghyun would still want to be his company or not.

Will Seunghyun still gives a ?

Will Seunghyun still being his friend if he let him in?

Will Seunghyun be there?

Will Seunghyun stays in the darkness night and save him from himself? 

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10 words pages in approximately 10 until 20 mins. I must be crazy.

Let the words turns into tears and blood.

Thank you.