Kim Taeyeon, one big old mystery. Even when I walked back over to that door, turned the key in the lock and opened it up, she said nothing. She simply looked at me, slightly embarrassed at having called me back inside but after studying her expression, her eyes and how she was curled up in a closed off yet defensive way...I knew what she wanted. It was what any person in her position would want - Company. 

So I talked for the both of us. She listened intently while I told her about how my day went, how Nichkhun riled me up and how tired I was after not sleeping well. Even after all that she didn't say anything, didn't reply but at least she nodded. She was reacting to everything I said with interest, and with a hidden grin I saw how her defensive wall started to come down as she began to relax her frigid body. I told her about my job back in America and that perked her up even more.

"Do you like America?" I asked after seeing her eyes light up at the mere mention of it. She shrugged and then lowered her gaze. I waited patiently for maybe an elaboration but it didn't come. "Have you been?"

"No"

"Maybe i'm biased but you should go when you get out, it's a beautiful place. Plenty of things to see which varies in each state" I smiled. I could obviously see that this girl wanted to travel. I had mentioned America, places I'd been to in Seoul since moving here, places I'd gone on holiday and despite talking about my day and how tired I was...nothing made her as interested as she was when I talked about the different countries I had visited.

"I've never been out of Jeonju" she replied with somewhat of a sad undertone to her voice.

"Jeonju huh? I haven't been there. Well, you're sort of out of Jeonju now since we are in Seoul but I guess it's different. It's really beautiful, Seoul I mean."

"I bet" 

I narrowed my eyes as I watched her sigh and then begin to go back into her little protective ball shape. "Can I give you some advice?" It was a question but I didn't wait for her blessing  "Don't think too much about your time here, however long you have left. Because eventually it'll be over and if you don't dwell, you won't feel like you've wasted your life counting down the days." She looked a little confused at what I had said so I tried to explain myself better. "Okay, think of when you will walk out of those front doors a free woman..."

Judging by the slight smile that came on her face, I guessed that she would be free eventually, that she hadn't gotten a life sentence for whatever she had done. That in turn made me smile. I was learning about her even through her expressions.

"Think of how the fresh air will hit you almost immediately. You'll first feel scared, you'll think 'what do I do now?' Your life has been managed by other people for the whole time you've been here so when you step out, you'll feel under so much pressure to make a whole new life for yourself that you didn't even know was possible. A life actually worth living. You will almost certainly look back at that prison before you leave and think, 'I spent so much of my life in here' and you'll regret it because it seemed so damn long since you'd counted down each day instead of just letting them pass by. If you let the days disappear as you would in normal life, it won't seem as long".

The intensity of her stare wasn't uncomfortable this time around, instead I was intrigued to know what was going on behind those eyes and in that mind of hers. 

"How do you know these things?" She asked, interest evident in her tone.

"Because I've seen it." I took a seat beside her on her bed, shocked again at how hard it really was. "I've seen prisoners smile at each other, laugh and joke with each other but the most beautiful and most genuine smile comes when he or she walks out of those doors and vows never to go back. It's something you'd need to see to believe. Even though they are scared of what will happen to them in the now unfamiliar world and how life will treat them, they are finally happy. They're free"

And that, was the first time Kim Taeyeon smiled. And by smiled I mean really smiled. She showed off her perfect set of previously unseen white teeth and the smile itself...? It was just, beyond words. Knowing she was thinking about how she'd feel when she left, I knew that smile was the runner up to the one that would almost certainly light up the universe when she would take her first step outdoors, complete freedom.

"You should smile more often" I blurted out even before I could even try to surpress it.

"Nah" was her simple reply.

"Why not?"

"No reason" Of course there was a reason...However, I was going to personally make sure that I was going to see that smile again no matter how hard it may be to get it out of her. We had come this far and we will not take any steps back.

******

Fast forward to a day later - I was walking down the corridor on the way back from the library after having ordered in some books for Taeyeon. Inmates in solitary could only have two at a time compared to the endless amount they could have in their normal rooms. It was alright though, if she finished those two in a day then I'd get another two and so on. 

I wouldn't allow her to feel as lonely as she did yesterday. She may be a tough cookie on the outside but she had since showed me her sensitive side. The only sad thing about it though...was that when she did, we were alone and behind closed and locked doors. What would happen when she returned to her real room? Would the hard-faced and quiet Taeyeon return, never to smile again at me? I hoped not, but I guess if that's how she wanted to be, I couldn't stop her. I had no hold over her.

*******

Our relationship or whatever you could refer to it as got better and better over the last few days she was inside solitary. I found a way to go and see her each day and every time I managed to get out a smile, even if it was tiny it was still good enough for me. They mainly came when I told her about the books I'd read and enjoyed the most and surprisingly she even joined in, telling me her favourite authors and favourite quotes that she had memorised from each book. She really was passionate about literature, it was quite refreshing actually.

 Most of the inmates I saw each day play with each other by pushing and play-fighting or some were exercising or just laying in bed sleeping. Her however...she had so much stuff whizzing around in that head of hers, so much knowledge and information she wanted to share that it was almost cruel to deny her a book for any substantial amount of time. That's why I made sure she always had one no matter how strange it may seem to the other CO's. I got looks, sure. They saw me going in and out of her room to bring and then return things that of course she was allowed to have, but didn't necessarily need. I heard them whispering about how the 'rumours' could be true....I never did find out what those rumours were.

 I also personally took out some more books from the library before she was due to return to her room and stacked them amongst the replaced books I had also sorted out for her. Her room was spotless but I almost felt as if it wasnt enough and as if it was my house and a dear friend was coming to visit, how I had to have everything perfect for her arrival.

When she eventually returned, I wasn't surprised to see she was a little sad to see new but slightly off-colour sheets on her bed, no sketchbook underneath it and brand new books that didn't have her favourite quotes underlined like in the old ones. But the disappointment in her eyes turned to gratefulness when I handed over a new sketchbook and new drawing supplies that she could use (courtesy of Nichkhun much to my own amazement after what he had said about her previously). I saw that wide smile again and I couldn't hold back my own, my eye smile at it's finest.

Slowly but surely, she settled in as if it was her first time here and walked around while browsing. She stopped at her new book collection with a smaller but no less amazing smile, and I turned to exit the room to leave her to it. As soon as I reached that door however...

"Tiffany?"

I turned and saw her looking over while holding one of her new books tightly in her grip. "Yes?" I answered, her using my name wasn't ideal but it was also the first time she had used it without sounding sarcastic so of course I'd let it slide.

She paused for a while before walking up to me and saying "You should smile more often too" and with that, she walked back over to her bed before getting under the sheets and relaxing down onto the no doubt comfiest mattress imaginable compared to the concrete she had been living on for almost six days.