It had never felt so wrong to walk away from someone, yet strangely at the same time relief flooded my body. A heaving breath escaped my lips with every step. And with every step, I felt the weight on my shoulders get lighter. Whether it was because I was free of what would have been severe repercussions from being caught or just the feeling of being free from her. That sounds bad, I know but she had led me to think that way. She was not innocent in this. I had given and given...and given only to have nothing in return and that's what caused me to put up this false wall, something to prevent me from getting hurt. Taeyeon had a wall too, she had always had a wall. Never had it come crumbling down, it had stayed strong throughout all of my attempts, fooling me into security and excitement by merely pretending to fall. In reality, nothing had happened of the sort.

As I walked I breathed in the fresh air of the outdoors, free of the bodily emissions of the many prisoners as I increased my distance from the place I was leaving behind. I was to start all over again, a new city, new colleagues...perhaps new friends too. The only thing I wouldn't be doing, was getting into another troublesome situation like I had with Taeyeon. No way, I'd learnt from my mistakes. Learnt that however incredible someone can make you feel, they can take that away just as easily with hurtful words.

My steps got slower, I began to drag my feet. I didn't want to look back, but I did. Many times in fact. There was that overwhelming urge to run back, to not leave her alone in that place but wasn't that what she wanted? She had always been isolated, not talking to anybody until I came along and that was the way she'd no doubt stay. It's not what I wanted, of course. I wanted her to smile once in a while despite still being mad at her. I wanted her to make friends, play games in the courtyard to keep her brain active. I wanted a lot of things for her, but did I still want her to get her freedom?

It would be too easy for me to sit there and say that I wanted her to complete her original sentence even though she in my eyes was innocent. To watch her crumble under the pressure of the court and witness it all fall through, see her emotions pour out of her when she realised her chances of getting released had blown. After all she had said and done to me, didn't she deserve that... to stay there? To be punished further?

Each time that thought crossed my mind, I tried to convince myself that maybe it would give me satisfaction for her to feel only a fraction of what I had. To feel something being ripped harshly from you with no regret or remorse. I tried, but it didn't happen. I still cared for her, I mean of course I did. I thought I knew love before all of this happened only to find I knew nothing of the sort. The incredible and addicting feeling it was to just look at that person, to have her touch you, feel every inch of your skin, kiss every part of your body. Bringing immense pleasure with her tongue, her fingers with that electrifying touch...

But that was no more. All that we shared was for nothing. All that had come out of it was pain. She made it clear to me today that I had been used, that there wasn't really a relationship or feelings involved from her side. I felt like an object, a toy she just decided one day to stop using. 

My love for her had hit me full force, almost as if out of nowhere and too fast to contemplate....yet she shot me down even faster. Yuri had been right all along and looking back, I really wished I had listened to perhaps my most loyal friend. She had stuck by me even when I was going against the law, against my morals and also against her. Yuri was someone who came along once in a lifetime. A friend like that deserved so much more than what I gave her...and she was the one who I'd no doubt miss most in the long run. 

Taeyeon would stay in my thoughts for a good, long while. Yes, but eventually...heartbreakingly, I'd find another to share my heart with. But Yuri would stay with me forever and I was determined to make our last moments just about the two of us. But who was I kidding, it was not that easy to erase her.

Even as I reached my car and saw Yuri following after me a fair way away, all that was in my head was her. Tears flooded my eyes as I opened it up and sat inside, the door remaining open to Yuri when she finally arrived. I knew that after we had said our goodbyes and she had gone, all that was required was to start the engine and drive away. I'd go home, pack up the few items in my apartment and lastly never look back. Again, who was I kidding.

By the time Yuri had come, I was a mess. Quickly I tried to conceal most of the sadness from my face by wiping the still falling tears from my cheeks with trembling hands but Yuri saw it all. She immediately crouched down beside me, gazing into my eyes and no doubt wondering why I was in such a state. Not liking the constant staring as she wondered what had happened, it only took a few words from me for her to understand.

"I should've listened."

Yuri's eyes widened just a little before slowly bowing her head, an exhale coming from her lips soon after. I looked down at her while she nodded, the reason why I was in such a mess becoming clear. When she finally raised her head, she found she could only mutter an "Oh" in reply. 
She was speechless, not knowing whether to comfort me, or just not talk about it at all. In the end though, she chose to tackle the problem directly. 
"It seems like we should have a chat" she said, getting up and walking around to the passenger side while I shut the door to protect myself from the cold wind.

I didn't particularly want to talk about what had happened, but Yuri deserved to know. I couldn't tell her to leave it, or to go away to leave me to my thoughts because I wanted to relish in whatever time we had left together. As soon as she looked at me with those deep, brown, empathetic eyes however, the dam burst and everything came flowing out once more. Yuri didn't miss how I kept looking back at the prison while I sobbed and so took the matter into her own hands. She knew I wasn't fit enough to drive, so she took over instead.

Again, I couldn't resist that last look at the building that housed my once favorite inmate. It only tore my heart out completely. This really was the end of us. 
 

**********************

 
As she drove through the streets of Seoul, I watched as the scenery passed by in a flash through blurry eyes...almost saying goodbye to each place I had visited or seen on my travels to and from work. I tried so very hard not to let the tears fall again, I didn't want to seem weak in front of Yuri. And even though my head was turned away from her looking out of the window as we travelled, a quiet sniff let me down. 
Almost immediately, a soft touch on my thigh appeared, patting up and down while she sighed audibly. Her hand remained there for the rest of the journey, softly my leg every now and again in an attempt to comfort me. 

We arrived shortly after, the warmth her hand had given me disappearing when she got out of the car. It felt as if I was now alone in this world, I didn't have Taeyeon to rely on anymore and soon I wouldn't have Yuri either. At least not in person.

I watched as Yuri walked around the car and opened up the passenger side door for me. Chivalry was not dead in her books, and it actually put a smile on my face as she gave a small bow and a smirk. We linked arms as we made our way into the building, chuckling a little when we realised that we'd then have to let go because the staircase was too narrow for the both of us. When we reached my door, I found that nerves were starting to attack my body, the keys jangling in my trembling hands. It was as if the sheer magnitude of what I was doing was hitting me full force, knowing that the next time I'd be locking this door would be the time I'd hand over the keys and leave it behind for good.

Yuri saw the struggle and wasted no time in again taking over, quickly opening and then shutting the door behind us. Reasonably embarrassed at my behavior, I quickly rushed to the kitchen and opened a bottle of wine knowing that it would help to calm me. I saw from the corner of my eye that Yuri was watching every move, perhaps silently judging me.

An awkward silence ensued after I had given her a glass...which she refused since she'd have to take a taxi back to the prison to take her own car home later on. I sipped, but then tried not to slurp noisily as I downed the contents while she looked around my still messy apartment. 

"Well..." She said, motioning to the many boxes in the corner of the room. "At least you don't have much to pack..." 

I nodded to agree, not failing to notice that she was frowning slightly as she scanned the room. It seemed it wasn't just me who was trying to control my emotions. I smiled a little when I realised despite the stress and the worry I must have caused her, Yuri was going to miss me too. 

"Who am I going to talk to at lunch now, huh?" She chuckled sadly while I bowed my head. "You know, I hate goodbyes. Especially when I know how ty you're feeling right now." She approached, sitting down on the dining table opposite me.

"Go on, say it." I laughed, watching the contents of my newly filled glass swish back and forth as I shook. "Say 'I told you so', you were completely right."

Yuri's brows furrowed a second time, then took my free hand in hers. "I'm not going to do that Tiff." she reassured. "We all go through a period in our lives where we go against what a friend suggests....It's normal. I'm not going to say that what you did wasn't wrong because you know so yourself, but it's all a learning curve."

True.

"Your heart may be hurt Tiff, I can see it; I can feel it. And although I don't know exactly what happened, what was said between the two of you...I can only remain positive in the thought that you won't let yourself get hurt like that again. Right?" She asked, raising an eyebrow as if to dare me to say the opposite.

"Right." I agreed, squeezing her hand tightly in my own as I took another sip. The buzz from the alcohol was starting to get to me, the calming effect as it traveled throughout my body being just what I needed at this point.

Another silence...but this one was comfortable. Just the two of us enjoying each other's presence and not even needing to say a word to convey that. We were still holding hands and it was that action that further cemented Yuri in my heart. She may not have grown up with me nor been there through some of the hardships I faced in America, but her being here now and when I had needed her most was something I couldn't ask any better of. What mattered was that she had shared things with me and I her, and I guess in retrospect...she did grow up with me in a way. She watched on as I grew from a shielded homophobe into someone who was trying to figure out their feelings for women. She had been there for a friendly chat or even as a conscience while I tried to place my new found uality into one category or another. 

"When do you leave...?" She whispered, interrupting my thoughts. 

"Uh, maybe two-three days" I replied. 

My new job required that I start as soon as possible since they were understaffed. I had fully expected to keep them waiting for a while though, since I figured I would have had to have given notice to Nichkhun before I just upped and left my job. 

I remember coming out of his office once I had told him slightly confused because he had just told me to finish my shift for the day and then leave. No notice necessary. I wondered if I had done something to piss him off, maybe it was his way of firing me on the spot because of the simple fact of looking elsewhere...I don't know. But all that was left to do now was to call my new employer, let her know and then pack up and leave Seoul. 

"Not long..." she murmured slowly, not really knowing what to say anymore. I nodded in agreement and after a few moments I think Yuri could tell that the mood was dying, becoming slightly depressing. So wanting to change that she clapped her hands and got up, startling me slightly.
"Well!" She announced, grabbing my car keys and heading for the door. "Let's make this a night to remember." 

I liked her plan. Immediately I told her all of my junk food necessities, those being pizza, chocolate and a load more alcohol. Yuri chuckled as she made a mental note, nodding to herself after each item I mentioned. 

"No problem. How about I buy a few movies too?" I nodded eagerly at her suggestion. 

"Perfect" I grinned, Taeyeon long forgotten for the moment. When I mentioned another alcoholic beverage for her to pick up, she groaned as it was her favorite. 

"Ugh you are a bad influence you know that?" Yuri said as she reached out and took some money from me to cover at least half of the bill. "I guess I can take a taxi to work in the morning...."

"Good." I winked, causing her to chuckle and then turn to the door. Suddenly I thought of something else to ask.
"Hey, why don't you call Bora to come over too?" I suggested, figuring it'd be nice to say a proper goodbye to her as well seeing as she was going to be doing so much for my benefit in the next few months.

 Yuri paused for a moment before looking over her shoulder at me, the family smirk plain on her face. Knowing exactly why she shot me that look, I rolled my eyes in return and then dismissed her with my hand while she gave an over-exaggerated gag