"I'm not going anywhere Taeyeon" I stood my ground even though she was walking right over to me and I closed my eyes tight just as she stopped mere inches from my face. She may have been handcuffed which rendered her unable to hit me, but the look she had given me hurt more than any injury. It was full of hate and to be honest…I really didn’t blame her. What I did was unforgivable and far from the professional woman I was meant to be.

"Get out.” She seethed “You got all you wanted from me now and I have nothing left to give" I watched as hurt flickered across her gaze before she put up her wall again. Instead of the bricks I had managed to knock down before, this time her wall was made of the hardest substances imaginable. Impenetrable. I’d lost my chance.

"No" I replied, although I too wanted to leave to get some air, to try to get my heartbeat under some sort of control, I wasn't going to go until I was sure she had calmed down and was okay. From the image of her in front of me, It didn't look like I'd be going anytime soon.

"I'm a lesbian Tiffany, something you despise….Everything I've ever done deserves punishment. I’ll tell you what, take me to the SHU and we will go from there" she growled through her clenched teeth.

Frowning slightly, I bit my lip and looked away so all she could see was my profile. "No"

It seemed that wasn’t the answer she wanted. She came even closer and moved her head to the side to face me again… I could feel her breath on my lips and it was so hard trying to hold back from closing my eyes. " you!” She seethed “There, I just used obscenity, write me a shot!"

"I'm not gonna write you a-" I was interrupted when she used her body to barge into me, almost making me topple over but thankfully I managed to find my footing.

I watched on with sadness as she took a step back "Assaulting an officer, write me a shot. What? come on!" She screamed as she used her shoulder to push me again and again until my back was against the counter. I stopped with a thud and was finding it exceptionally hard to control my tears seeing her like this. It was like watching a complete and utter breakdown and my heart clenched just to be witnessing it. This was all my fault...

"I'm not writing you a shot" I choked out, my brows furrowed as I tried again to keep my tears at bay but they refused to listen.

"But you could if you wanted to, right?” Taeyeon blinked away her own lone tear and found no problem in making me feel horrible “Cause you have a choice. Because you have the power. I'm an inmate. I have, nothing." She cried, both the strength and fragility in her voice contradicting each other, making her voice break painfully. "Especially now you've taken the last thing I held to my heart"

Kim Taeyeon…the broken girl I had once seen in solitary had rely this time, it was worse. So much ing worse and as she lowered her head, I wouldn’t stand for it. 
I grabbed her shoulders and then grabbed her jaw roughly, forcing her to look up at me.

"I am so ing sorry Taeyeon.” I whispered softly, my emotion pouring out into each of those words. “I was wrong about you okay? I'm not disgusted by you, I'm disgusted with myself." I looked into her eyes and tried to portray my feelings through my own just like I had done through my voice. Unfortunately, it wasn't enough because Taeyeon simply smirked….. and then spat in my face.

" you.”

“Okay” I nodded as I let her go and used my sleeve to wipe my face “I deserved that”

There was then a painful silence between us which told me that whatever we had had, was not going to come back anytime soon. It was next to impossible in fact and it was all because of me. This was my punishment and it was a perfectly fitting one at that, the crack in my heart was getting deeper and deeper as I looked on helplessly, her back now turned to me.

I don’t know what I wanted to do, what I felt…but it was the strangest thing I’d ever experienced. My eyes never wanted to leave her body, my lips yearned for her breath to hit them again, my neck longed for her nose to nuzzle against it. My arms…wanted to wrap around her waist and never let go. By the time she turned around again, the desire filling my body was getting to be torturous.

“If I asked you to do something for me, would you?" She said suddenly, barely above a whisper, breaking the silence with her husky tone. I’d do anything for her to feel better, for her to forgive me.

"Yes" I replied quickly, almost too eagerly. She gave a sad smile and then raised her eyes to meet mine. I saw something within them that I didn’t like but I couldn’t put a name to it.

"Promise me" She replied. I didn’t think about that she could ask me for contraband or to help her find a way to escape. All that was in my head was to see her smile again.

"I promise you" I said as I tentatively stepped closer, it was hardly even noticeable but it made my heart just that little bit better to be nearer to her.

I watched as her eyes flickered between both of my own and when I saw her nod, it was obvious to me that whatever she was going to ask me she had made up her mind about. She was certain that it was what she wanted and I was going to give it to her, no matter the cost. Then almost like turning off a light switch, her eyes suddenly turned cold, they switched off completely and held no emotion whatsoever. Her face turned hard and only the tear stains on her face was evidence of her previous weakened state. She was different and when she opened to speak, I could have been frozen right there and then, her tone was icy as it could ever be.

"Leave." She said, the one thing I didn’t think I could do… "Request to cover another unit." Her gaze was unforgivable and my heart completely shattered.

"Taeyeon..." I started, trying to think of anything to be able to backtrack what I said. “I-“

"You promised, go." There wasn’t even fire in her eyes, nor anger. It was just, cold. Almost dead, she withheld no feelings for me or for anything or anyone.

I took a step towards her "I know I promised bu-"

"Get the away from me! I don't want you here!" Her voice sliced through me like a blade, leaving my feelings to pour out along with the blood.

“But…I can’t” I was in disbelief, surely she couldn’t just expect me to go, we still had to see each other. I still had to go and count her and watch her as she got lunch, check her room for contraband and keep her company if ever she got sent into solitary again…

“You can and you will. You got all you wanted from me, and now it’s time to take that and go elsewhere.” I couldn’t get my head around how she wasn’t upset about this, I kept thinking about how she told me not to go when she was in the SHU. She wanted me, she was just saying this because I hurt her but she could get over it…

“No I- Look let’s just talk properly. I’ll take off your handcuffs and then-“

It was only a second after she was free that she grabbed me tightly, her nails digging into my upper arms but I didn’t struggle nor did I speak. There was a moment, it was just her and I, I and she and nothing else mattered. I don’t know what I felt for this girl but her touch filled me with warmth and hope even though she was inflicting pain.

“I. Don’t. Want. You.”

And with that….she left, dropping my radio to the ground as she went. She left me there unable to breathe properly, my heart no longer feeling whole. It felt exactly like a break up, how that other person would first accept your heart, keep it safe and then leave….taking it with them only to destroy it later. I knew then that I had sinned.

But I did as she wanted.

I promised.

*********

Over the next couple of months, I didn’t see Taeyeon. Of course I caught the odd glimpse of a girl with golden blonde hair but it could have been anyone. I had obeyed her wish and changed units, I made up the excuse of being ually harassed by most of the inmates and Nichkhun was more than happy to move me. Life at work now was….a lot calmer that’s for sure but it was also lonelier. I missed her, I missed watching her read her books, I missed the tiny smile she would give me…the list goes on and on and I couldn’t help but feel sad.
She was com