She's gay...

A lesbian.

Taeyeon is a homoual.
 
 
Wrapping my head around that fact was a lot harder than it had been with Jang, even when I walked in on the latter and her girlfriend basically almost ing in her room. But Taeyeon...? Why?
Why her of all people? I felt sad, I felt sad about everything. About how the girl I looked forward to seeing each day was now one of the people I had grown up to despise, how she seemed so lovely when unprovoked but really she was just like any old lesbian capable of erse thoughts and actions. I also felt sad about how she had a girlfriend. I'm not quite sure why, maybe because I never saw her visit? No that's not it....I guess it's because I kept imagining them together after seeing those photos of them kissing on Facebook. How they looked totally loved up, two women holding each other the way a man and a woman should was just...messing with my head. That, and also the fact that Taeyeon had looked so much happier than she had ever been with me.
 
How could...? Oh my gosh what even? My mind was literally scrambled to within an inch of its life. I kept going through every single time Taeyeon and I were together, thinking about whether I had given her any signals unintentionally but then I thought, if she had shown an interest in me, she would be even worse in my books because that'd make her sort of a cheater too - another thing that disgusted me.
 
As I looked up at the ceiling and actually allowed time for my body to catch up to my head, seriously it felt like somebody had ripped out my heart. I had been so excited to learn about her, to see her family, her friends, what she liked to do...but all of that was forgotten when I saw those photos, when I read her information. All that had happened between us, everything was just a lie.
Speaking of lesbians, Jang I could put up with because I see her maybe once a day if that. But Taeyeon? I saw her every day and I liked her. I liked her as a person, she's the type I could see myself going out with, to bars and to clubs. She could be my little bodyguard to any guys who would try to heckle me but thinking about that scenario now, she would be the one who's doing the heckling.

Being 'friends' with one lesbian was enough, I couldn't manage another. What if she started to flirt with girls in prison and I walked in on them just like how I had with Jang? I felt my heart ache at the mere thought of it, slightly sick too and tried my best to shut my eyes and drift off to give my now painful head a rest from all the stress that had been suddenly ed upon it. There was one question that refused to leave though, engraved in my mind. One burning question wanting to be given a simple answer.
 
What do I do now?
 
 
My answer?
 
 
I have no ing clue.
  

*****
 
 

Going to work a day after finding out what I had, I won't lie...it was hard. However, I tried my best to try to forget it by talking to the other prisoners. I met a new girl named Lee. She was sweet, I walked in during the count to see her trying to grab something from an abnormally high shelf bless her. She was rather short as well so I smiled and got it down for her, the shy smile that ensued was pretty adorable and she was full of gratitude.
 
 
"Thank you..." I never will get used to having prisoners look at my badge since it’s situated just above my right . My hands came up to cover myself but I managed to stop, looking elsewhere instead while I waited for her to read it. "Officer Hwang" she grinned
 
"No problem. Try to stay in the middle of the room for count though okay? Other officers wouldn’t be too happy about it you see"
 
"Okay, thank you for the advice. I appreciate it" I smiled and bowed my head slightly before clicking the counter once and leaving.
 
"Officer Hwang?" She stopped me. I raised my eyebrows and she hesitantly walked towards me. "Um, can I ask when I can use the phones? My boyfriend is expecting a call you see"
 
Straight, what a relief. "Well usually newbies are exempt from using the phones on their first day, you'll be able to tomorrow but try asking Mr Horvejkul... I'll show you where is office is"
 
 
As soon as we were outside Nichkhun's office, I looked at her and saw she was really very pretty, something that would be handy to her in completing her task. "If you can, cry and pretend you're really scared. He'll most certainly let you use the phone then" I winked and bid her goodbye before going back to my count. I wasn't supposed to have left, .
 

So off I went again, doing the same thing that I did each morning...I was enjoying this job don't get me wrong but it was so repetitive. Since I was still new, most of my jobs needed to stay the same for a month though apparently new ones would be added in slowly. There isn't much fun you can have as a CO to be honest except just chatting with your co-workers and some of the inmates which was fine but I wanted excitement. I wanted something big to happen today that got my adrenaline pumping and that would wake me up a little. Going into the last room, a frown etched its way onto my face almost immediately. Taeyeon wasn't there. Every single inmate should be in their rooms ready for count, but she wasn't there.
 
 
"Kim?" I called, just in case she was hidden under blankets or something but no answer came. Just as I reached for my radio to report a missing inmate, I felt a cool grip on my wrist so I turned quickly, my other hand firmly pulling out and grasping the pepper spray.
 
"Woah" she said as she moved out of the way of the can now right in front of her face. "Be careful"
 
 
I was about to say something...'was' being the operative word. Right now all that was going on in my head was the obvious sound of my heart beat increasing. She was stood in front of me in only a towel with soaking wet hair, her favourite scent of vanilla wafting off of her. My eyes scanned her neck and shoulders that were glistening from the water while she looked on in confusion. I started to think of how different she looked, her collar bone was extremely prominent and so was her jawline compared to the chubbier versions on her photos. And then my mind went to the last album named after her girlfriend. GIRLFRIEND, she's a lesbian Tiffany.
 
 
"Are you okay?"
 
"Ye--Inmate you should be in this room standing in the middle of the floor until I or another officer counts you. You know this and yet you went to go have a shower?" I was planning to avoid her and if it wasn’t possible, at least be civil but I don't know where this anger was coming from. I was scolding her like a teacher would her student.
 
She frowned and looked me up and down as if I was a completely different person. "If you haven't noticed" she retorted. "You are fifteen minutes late, so I gave up waiting and went to go have a shower. If you wanted me in the room then you should have done your job a little more efficiently"
 
My jaw dropped at how rude she was being. "You're lucky it was me who caught you and not another officer" I challenged, my gaze turning hard.
 
"Lucky? Why's that?" What the hell was up with her this morning? "Because you won’t report me to Nichkhun?"
 
"...." I couldn't even speak because, she was kind of right. I would have just let her off, something another officer wouldn’t even consider, they'd instead send her to the SHU.
 
"Why is that officer?" She asked, planting her feet with a stomp in the middle of the room while raising her eyebrows expectantly. “Go on, send me to solitary for not following the rules"
 
I glared with all the anger I was feeling at how this girl was ing lesbian. I wanted her to be different but no, life just doesn't work like that. "No"
 
"Why not? You're obviously pissed at me. Do it" I should, I really should for the way she was talking to me, for being late, for everything but I couldn't.
 
"No"
 
 
I'd just noticed her towel had slipped lower than it was supposed to, showing off her cleavage with water droplets that were still dripping from her hair travelling down her neck and into that