Almost every girl has dreamt of her wedding. A church hall welcomed by rows of lavenders and orchids, streaks of sunlight passing through the palette of window panes, a rough, wine stained carpet brushing the tip of her sleek, silver heels and an angelic harp echoing in every corner of the room filled with the people that matters, these things lined down Ji Hyo's pink list she started writing when she turned into a young lady and went on as she grew older. It was all very easy and plausible at that time, a simple, perfect wedding.

 

If someone had told her that she was so, so wrong, she wouldn't have bothered because as her stylist, Bo Mi, clipped the last strand of hair along with the others, the actress threw all of her hopes away.

 

 

 

The actress' eyes shot a terrifying look over her companion with a suppressed sigh huffing off her chest. "I don't care." She emphasized. "I didn't care when the church hall I wanted is now a very secluded pavilion-." The pissed off bride grabbed a knuckle of her dress and started to move up from her seat. "just because I couldn't get a place in the city and do you know why? Because people will cause a fuss over the supposedly, happiest day of my life, with their unfavoring articles and shaming magazines." She paced around the room in exasperation while throwing her arms everywhere. "And no, I couldn't get a string quartet to play because apparently, my soon-to-be husband's best friend wants a band. They kept on saying that a bunch of stringed instruments can't play more than one music." Finally, her feet gave up and she was back on her seat before looking straight into her trusted stylist's eyes. "And I most certainly didn't care when I couldn't get my father-in-law to attend my wedding because I am the reason why he's away from his son in the first place. So why would I waste my sweat over how I'll look while I walk down the aisle?"

 

The powder stained hands gently cupped Ji Hyo's. "Take a deep breath, unni." She whispered gently and she succumbed like a docile lamb. "You're just very pressured right now. Think about this, after tonight, you'll be Mrs. Kim Jong Kook. Isn't that what's important?"

 

Ji Hyo looked her down for quite sometime. It was as if she was taking everything in, calculating the trueness of her words and absorbing all of the calmness that her company was offering. Her head finally nodded warily, but with full approval. "Yes. You're right. Thank you."

 

 

 

Bo Mi was right, she didn't care about any of this. She wanted everything perfect, but she wasn't going this crazy before. In fact she was fine with anything she could muster, everything under the sun, that nothing actually tested her temper, not until her fiancé talked about what perfect meant, the night his mother went to visit them. 

 

 

 

 

"With regards to doing this the right way, I talked to Eun Hye." It was brisk out at the veranda, but the warm hug made her very comfortable, she didn't complain.

 

"Ohh, what'd you say to her?" The question wasn't interrogating, rather it was very noncommittal with respect to Ji Hyo's usual response to the topic, but instead of getting worried, he seemed to appreciate it. 

 

"Not much. Just told her the truth about how much of a coward I was." The words barely left his mouth, though, she heard it clearly. 

 

And Ji Hyo knows that this is a big deal for him. He was always the big guy, the one who's stronger than the rest. He gets all of the load because he's the most capable of carrying them. And being the lesser one, and the weak, is something that is definitely new and difficult for him that it probably took him a different kind of courage to accomplish.

 

 

 

 

They stayed linked for a while. The bright, full moon shone on them gently that their shadows looked paler and vague. It was a rare moment. Their relationship wasn't one that just bloomed appropriately. It was a very bumpy ride and both of them almost never considered that it would reach this point at all. A few weeks from now, they will be exchanging vows and then they will be bonded forever and just little time ago, they drifted very far apart.

 

"I was unsure at first, though. It felt like I was being desperate to make things right. Then, I realized that I do want to make this right." He slowly turned the actress around so their eyes could meet. "I want to marry you without the lies, anger, fears. I want this to be perfect and I want this to be right, Ji Hyo-ya."

"I know." She placed her palm around his cheeks and gradually cleared the gap in between them, their lips meeting in between. Their kiss was a quick and swift peck that ended with a resounding click.

 

"We can just get married now, you know?" Ji Hyo rolled her eyes as she pulled out of Jong Kook's arms. "Hey, hey, where are you going?"

"I'm going to bed. You should too, you know?" Her voice was filled with definite sarcasm.

 

 

 

 

 

It was a refreshing shower. After all the cooking and cleaning, she claimed to have deserved that warm, cleansing bath, herself. Not only did it clear her body, it cleared her mind as well. It was a question she never wanted to ask and she thought that she never had to. However, it was very clear ever since she thought it, that it needed to be said.  Her fears and doubts only clouded it otherwise, but this was the truth. Now, she's ready. Being ready was one thing, but actually preparing for it never occurred to her. She exited the room, damp skin snapping at the cold night. Her footsteps were unconsciously slow as she tied the robe around her waist tighter than she meant to. Her instincts wanted to step back, this territory that she's about to enter is a place she's not sure she's welcome, only when her fiancé wrapped the blanket around them as she entered the bed, did she know absolutely what to do. 

 

 

 

 

 

The question killed the comforting air like a ticking time bomb. Ji Hyo knew she hit a nerve, but this man beside him is the person she's about to spend the rest of her life with and everything he is and everything he was is coming along with that promise. She never planned to interfere and it will always be his choice, but whichever that is, she's going to stand by it.

 

"No." She quickly caught his troubled hand. "I'm just saying that he's your father and if you're getting married, at the very least, he should know."

 

"Ji Hyo, you don't know what you're saying. He was never there for me. The leagues, the ceremonies, the rehearsals, the concert. He never supported me." The hatred and fear, danced in his eyes, unraveling one by one and though uncertain, Ji Hyo tried her best to stay collected.

 

"I am not telling you to do it." Her tone was deep and authoritative. "Because I know what it feels like, very well. I'm just saying that you should think about it."

 

There were tons of emotions that Jong Kook relayed with his look and it was evident that these were kept hidden for so long and after that short, lingering moment, it dissolved from his facade and the logical version of him took over. "Okay. Okay." He dismissed understandingly. "Let's go to sleep."

 

She nodded comfortingly and nestled her body under his pacing heartbeat. With her eyes closed, she ended. "Just so you know, and there's no pressure here, I am saving him a seat."

 

 

 

 

The cellphone rang for the fifteenth time that day and as predicted, it got answered as soon as it was received. Ji Hyo already told him not to chime in, but he's now getting worried. He folded the magazine he got from her coffee table and marched towards the owner.

 

"Great. I just lost my tulips." She motioned to him while ending the call.

 

"I thought we already agreed that you'll hire a wedding planner." His brows furrowed with her non-innocent stare. "We're supposed to visit Haha and Byul today."

 

"Yes. I know and I did." She reduced her eyes to her phone and went on typing, he only assumed to be another phone number. "But the poor girl looked so tired I let her rest for a while."

 

 

She beamed at him and tucked her phone on her chest before speaking. "Yes and Lizzy's doing a great job helping me. Please send my regards to the happy couple instead?" The actress lifted the phone back against her ears and mimed a 'thank you' before drifting off to her planning.

 

 

 

---

 

 

"Unni, is everything fine?" The young maid of honor slipped into the door and Bo Mi left them for some privacy.

 

"I guess." She shrugged.

 

It wasn't a pretty sight. Ji Hyo had been a wonderful sister and friend to her and this was supposed to be her day. Everything seemed to not have gone her way and she vividly remember her calling for help. They've been like that the moment she met her. Lizzy was very young and she did not understand the concept of suddenly leaving Korea and no one told her the truth, not even her brother. They were all 'keeping her safe', but Ji Hyo, she told her everything, in the most consoling way. She trusts her, probably more than anyone and Lizzy kept on convincing herself that what she's about to do is for her own good. The day was blazing a bright summer, yet her hands were stone cold.

 

 

 

 

 

Her lips parted, but the words just wouldn't form. The bride was clearly very vexed, so after a few more seconds of hesitation, she finally spoke. "I went to Jong Kook oppa's room-."

"And?" Her agitation was definitely rising that she didn't even let her finish.

 

"He wasn't there, unni." Her statement came out in stutters and she could feel herself breaking into tears.

 

 

 

 

 

The night was starting to settle and after the endless phone calls, Ji Hyo finally gave in and took a break. While sprawled on her bed, she peeked at her cellphone screen one last time and an alarming distress filled her chest. She noticed it earlier, but the more sound part of her chose not to over think. This is not the time for her to jump into conclusions so she made another call to ease her mind. The rings were longer compared to the previous ones, as if every second lasted for eternity that she jumped a bit when it finally stopped.

 

"Haha oppa. Sorry, I couldn't meet with you today. I was busy, you know." It took a great amount of effort to keep her cool.

 

"Yeah. I understand. Hyung already told me and it's not a big deal don't worry." His husky voice echoed as condoning as ever. "It's really late, though. What made you call?"

 

 

There was a staggering silence that occupied their conversation before it was filled with a more concerned voice. "He did not go here Ji Hyo-ya. He told me that both of you weren't coming because you guys are making your wedding perfect." She genuinely wished for him to be lying, but the words were to familiar to her ears. "Is everything alright, Ji Hyo? Do you want me to call him?"

"No." She cut him off immediately. "Never mind, oppa. I just got his message. I know where he is. Sorry for disturbing your night."

"Ohh okay. You can always call me anytime if you need help, you know that right?" It was apparent that he was not convinced with her lie, but after the goodbyes he did not try to pry.

 

 

 

It was dead silent by the time she put her phone down the table and now she considered to panic. She could almost hear her pulse thrumming at the thought that anything could have happened to the man she's about to marry. Even so, she proceeded to her car in an attempt to look for him. It didn't even matter that he did not tell her where he is or the fact that she wasn't sure where to start turning stones to find him. Her only desire was for him to be okay. The engine started and with no clue of where to go, she drove the car to where her instincts lead her.

 

 

 

The sky wasn't doing her a favor and it deliberately chose this moment to light a storm. It was almost useless to use the car's wipers since it was impossible to see either way, but as she turned left around the corner as if she's memorized what's down there, the colossal house stood out enough to know that she's arrived at her destination. After shifting to hazard, Ji Hyo immediately stepped down her car. Soon enough she was drenched with the rain, but to her amusement, her intuitions did not disappoint her. At the edge of the curb, her boyfriend sat soaking wet. His curls dripped off water as soon as the rain touched them and his favorite light brown coat didn't look as such anymore. Ji Hyo ran to his side, her hands wrapping both of his shoulders.

 

Ji Hyo has met a lot of people, but none of them owned a pair of eyes that looked so dazzling, yet distraught at the same time. It almost crushed her the moment her own orbs lined with his that she couldn't think of any possible way of soothing it. It wasn't fair that he could make her feel better every single time while she's always having a hard time returning the favor.

 

"Let's go home." She tested. 

 

 

 

 

 

It was possibly the longest car ride with him. None of them talked and even if she wanted to, she wouldn't know what to say. Ji Hyo was pretty sure that Jong Kook went to his house to talk to his father and somehow, she found it to be her fault. Though honestly, she'd rather have this. It was a mistake for her to let anger consume her and loathe her father her whole life. It wrecked her emotionally that she couldn't trust anybody and hurt everybody around her. The fury was too much that it only took more out of her than getting something in return, so how could she let him suffer like that.

"I'm sorry." It was softer than a whisper that she almost didn't hear it. 

 

"What for?" She confidently replied despite the obviousness. 

 

"I made you worry." This time it was loud enough for her to recognize that something terrible happened. Instead of slowing down, she swept the car to the side and sent it to a full stop. 

 

"But-. Are you alright?" Nothing, but the sound of the rain being swished and the deep, terrified gaze replied to her question. "What happened?"

 

 

 

 

Ji Hyo slipped away so much from him that he never wants to let go. Sometimes he has wondered if he was choking her with desperation, but he only wanted to get closer after learning that she wanted the same thing. The thought of meeting with his father was something he wouldn't even consider if it weren't per her request. He knows that she wasn't telling him what to do, but apparently, this feud worries her the same way it worries her mother and Ji Hyo doesn't have two other kids to compensate for that. But as he traversed down the hallways he used to ran around in as a child, every memory of disappointment and rejection came back. Until finally, he reached the wide wooden door. The knob felt cold under his palm and without that tiny motivation to go through with this, he would've backed out and also because of that, he finally got to push the mountain of nightmares away to face its living form. 

 

Still unaltered from when he was a child, his father sat behind his desk with a pile of both books and documents around him. He lifted the same stoic gaze and after a long time their eyes met again and without fail he turned into that same incompetent man that he was whenever he's with him. The young boy who only wanted to make his father proud. His breath slowly flushed out of his lungs that he lost his ability to speak. Even when the older man slowly rose from his seat.

 

It wasn't very noticable, but now that he's moving closer to where Jong Kook is, he noted that something actually changed. His father looked older. The lines on his face greatly increased and his eyes looked more distant than ever and streaks of gray coated his hair. Another incomprehensible difference is his very close proximity which is a feeling he vaguely remembers. Apparently, his chest is uniquely warm and an unfamiliar kind of happiness made him want to smile. Weakly, he let it out of him and in return, a heavy and hasty hug wrapped around him. It took a moment for Jong Kook to realize that his father is actually hugging him and the little boy who's been longing for this overpowered his intention to cry. A surge of regret drowned his thoughts along with the idea that his whole life he's been running away from this. He didn't want recognition after all, he just wanted his presence, though he claimed to have needed both. He could so long as forgive him if it wasn't his fault too. These and a lot more new thoughts popped in his mind one after another. Suddenly, he felt very peaceful. 

 

 

 

 

Words needed not to be said until they finally made their gestures and an obvious discussion was about to happen. They both took their seats in the room and the previous tears faded by the time they faced each other. 

"We've been apart for too long. I don't even know where to begin." The authority never left his voice and somehow it didn't make him flinch. 

 

"If we do start that, I'm going to have to stay here for a couple more years." He finally had the strength to lighten the mood and their manly chuckles echoed in the room. 

 

"Your mother would be delighted to hear this. She endlessly talks to me about this, a couple lot more than I can remember."

 

"Tell me about it." He jokingly teased. Jong Kook forgot how pleasant it was to talk to his father like they're brothers, as if he wasn't feared by many. "I'm sorry." He blurted out before he could stop himself. 

 

"As I am." The moment was turning into something he absolutely did not expect that a cloud of doubt swirled in his stomach. "You look old."

He repressed it with all his might and decided to focus on the matter at hand. "Says the man who has pale hair strands."

"Touché." He tapped his table in some sort of rhythm. "I've heard a lot about your work and how you have your way of helping people."

 

It was more of an instinct and Jong Kook hated it, but he felt like he's missing something. Before anything could go bad, he decided to skip the catching up and get to his news. "I also have another business today. I'm getting married."

 

And then there it was. The color drained out of his father's eyes and a new batch of emotions swam in his head. He was right. Something was wrong. His instincts gathered that this wasn't all a spur of a moment. The man in front of him was expecting his arrival and whether or not his apology was true, there's a reason why he initiated it tonight. He cursed under his breath about how all of it was too good to be true. That just this one time, his father could actually be who he claims to be. "You are?"

He expected rage to swallow his senses, though nothing but disappointment occupied him. Maybe he was getting sick and tired of every he has to put up with when he's with his own father. "You don't seem to be so surprised." He didn't even bother anymore, his reply towering with obvious apathy. "You know what? Just tell me. Just tell me what it is?"

 

Not even a single nerve stirred on the doctor's face. "Okay. I am not in favor of this wedding." Straight to the point and no excuses. Just like how he's always been. Normally, he should be glad, but he wished he would just lie. Just like how other people spare each other from pain by not telling the truth. If only his father could spare him from the wreckage that he is now, it would be very much appreciated. 

 

"What?" His temper was now heightened by befuddlement. "What makes you think this is one of your projects that you could cut off whenever you wish?"

Jong Kook was agape by the time his father finished his sentence. The man who ignored him for the past years is the same man who's asking for his trust. "How is not marrying the woman I love for my own good?"

"Well, for one thing, she's the reason you never came back." He replied nonchalantly, as if they were talking about baseball and Jong Kook had never felt so offended. 

 

How could this be normal to him? Pushing him too hard, never supporting his decisions. He was so confused. Is this how his life is going to be? A choice between his father and Ji Hyo. Ji Hyo. "Are you even aware that she's the one who asked me to do this?"

 

No. This was all too rubbish. Of course he's not going to listen to him and without uttering a sound he started his way out of the door.

 

"Please, just think about it." He heard the words faintly as he closed the door behind him.

 

 

 

 

"Are you okay?" Ji Hyo's voice disrupted his repetitive thoughts. He turned to meet her eyes and he was struck in horror with the way she's looking at him. 

 

"This is not your fault. Don't ever think that for a second, okay?" It was his turn to coo her as she nodded hesitantly, snuggling closer under his damped neck. "I don't care about what he has to say. I only care for you and this wedding is going to happen."

"He's gone?" Her breath hitched at the new information. "Are you saying that my groom is gone less than an hour before our wedding?"

 

Ji Hyo swore that if anyone tells her that everything is going to be alright, she's going to punch that person right in the face because this is turning out to be the worst wedding of all. "I don't understand." Suddenly, she couldn't feel her limbs and she stumbled on the floor, clueless and blanking out. Her surroundings flushed out of colors and it was too difficult to breathe, maybe even without the tight zipper her dress is locked in. She could not identify if it was a good thing that a surge of apathy replaced her previous anxieties. She felt tired. Tired of getting turned down by everyone, of dealing with issues that she barely understands. Tired of not having one thing permanent in her life. That halfway through every good thing that's happening to her, before she could even catch it, slips away like a passing wind.

"Ji Hyo." The familiar voice got her attention and she halfheartedly looked at where it came from. "I think you should see this."