Jimin's Point of View

1 Day Later

Seokjin drove me home and called to get my car towed, fearing that I was too out of it to deal with anything on my own. We didn't talk, but I sat in the passenger's seat with my eyes on the road and silent sobs racking through me as Seokjin unwisely took one hand off the wheel and rubbed soothing circles into my back.

A part of me was still convinced none of this could be real. It all happened way too fast...was it really only four days ago that we were in bed together, making love and realizing that we loved each other enough to last a life time? And now all of that was just gone. Ripped from the roots.

Jeon Jungkook was someone I was not able to live without. I'd always known that, but realizing living without him was my future really snapped things into perspective.

Jungkook is gone. He's dying on the other side of the planet. 

Umma let me stay home from school the next day, which was thankfully a Friday. I had the whole weekend to myself now.

I felt like an empty shell of a person. Tears didn’t even come out anymore; I’d cried them all out already.

Jungkook…

My wishes and dreams were granted and ripped away from me before I could fully understand how grateful I was. The world was cruel like that.

I didn’t like to think about…anything, really, anymore. I didn’t like to think about what Jungkook had said about us.

Please don’t wait for me.

He wanted me to move on. He didn’t want me to waste away waiting for him, which was what I had been planning on doing, unfortunately. Like he’d said, I could have been waiting forever.

He was of course right in his requests, but at that moment I couldn’t imagine moving on. All I could imagine was leaping into the Pacific Ocean and swimming to America.

I missed him. I longed for him. I loved him.

I sat alone on the couch in my living room, a blanket pulled up to my chin. I remembered when Jungkook came over and watched Secretly Greatly like it was just yesterday, right there on that same couch. I reached up and my fingers across the smooth hair where he’d kissed me.

Jungkook could survive. He was strong. He’d fought through so much in his life already…

How long would it take? Months? Years? Decades?

I laced my fingers through my opposite ones, kissing my knuckle and imagining it was his hand that I held. I could still smell his clean, fresh, and milky scent on my skin. I could see his wide eyes, sparkling endlessly and crinkling into crescents when he smiled. I could feel his sweet lips, his smooth skin, and his soft hair brushing against me.

I still heard his laugh when I closed my eyes, and his deep, gentle, youthful voice rang through me like a song.

Hopeless, I buried my face in the crook of my elbow and prayed this was just a nightmare.

But it wasn't a nightmare. It was completely real. That was the scariest part.

This is reality now, Jimin. Jungkook is gone. Even if he lives, it could be years until you see him again...

I needed to forget about him. It would be easiest for me to simply cut out all the memories I had of Jungkook...

My mental scissors swished as I chopped away the memory of meeting his much frailer, younger, and more innocent self in the hospital all those months back.

I cut away the memories of us flitting around like idiots home from school. Memories of driving him home from work were trashed. I pushed away the memories us curled up on the couch together watching Kim Soohyun and all his glory.

I tried to forget what happened next...Jungkook kissing me...

My body physically could not rid itself of the image.

Forget it, Jimin.

I imagined him telling me how handsome I was. I thought about his soft lips brushing against mine for the first time and his sweet words of confession. I remembered the pain that crushed through me when he was touched by another man...

Forget it, Jimin.

I was incapable of pushing the thoughts away. I could forget the friendly exchanges, but from the time he entered my heart to the time he left...those memories would be permantly etched inside of me.

It was because I was in love with him. It was simple, really. Our love had not run its full course and it would continue until it had.

I remembered his body shuddering and convulsing as I moved inside of him, his soft skin glinting a pale white as his sweat trickled over his brow. I remembered how I cared more about keeping him safe than pleasuring either of us.

Without really intending to, I promised myself I would never make love to another human other than Jeon Jungkook.

My promise would have to be broken. I would waste away waiting for him. It was the only thing I was sure of.

1 Year Later

The market had been on its way to going out of business for almost a year, so none of us were particularly phased when it did. We were all going to separate graduation parties anyways, and we would all rather hang out with people than work.

Graduation was a blast. Ever since the end of my job at the market, I'd been hanging out with the new kid Jackson, who was basically the chillest and most entertaining friend I'd ever been blessed to have. We'd only known each other for about a month, but I hadn't hung out with anyone else since.

Everyone really liked Jackson, so there was quite the crowd at his graduation party.

Jackson tossed me a beer as we sat around the bedazzled counter, slinging his arm around the shoulders of a girl and smiling at me charmingly. “Finally, we can do whatever the hell we want.”

"I know," I replied with a grin, hoisting myself up onto a bar stool and cracking open my beer. "Only a few more months and we'll be in the middle of Seoul, hyung."

He whooped enthusiatically and almost poured beer down the girl's shirt, so she gave him a dirty look and strolled off. Jackson didn't seem to care. "Are you going to actually have fun at this party, Park Jimin? Since I finally got you to come to a social gathering, you'd better not just hang around me and those market kids all night."

"What market kids?" I asked, taking a sip of beer.

"I don't know...Kim Namjoon, Jung Hoseok, Kim Taehyung...the kids who used to hang out with college girls," Jackson replied, leaning his elbows on the counter across from me. His heavily jelled dark hair fell in curls across his wide eyes.

It still bit me in a few deep places to hear those names. None of the six...seven...of us talked much after Jungkook left, and over the months we'd grown further and further apart until we only really saw each other at work. Seokjin, Hoseok, and Yoongi were at college and only worked the summer anyways, and Taehyung and Namjoon took too many days off in order to hang out with their new, separate crowds.

None of us had really realized how much our maknae held us together. It was just...awkward without him. It felt like we were all either invisible or completely .

"Earth to Jimin," Jackson joked, jabbing me with his beer.

"Sorry," I mumbled, taking another swig of beer and sitting back in the chair. "I guess I should have fun tonight, huh? It'll take my mind off of things."

Jackson gave me a hearty grin and turned to wander off into a crowd of dancing females.

I heaved a sigh and set my beer down on the counter. Jackson knew Jungkook was one of our friends and was shipped off to America to undergo chemo, but he didn't know the extent of things. He didn't know that Jungkook was my boyfriend, my first love, my first time.

My only boyfriend, my only love, and my only time.

It had been a year, and of course I couldn't even look at anyone the same way I looked at him. I couldn't even consider it. Every morning I would wake up, pull out my phone, scroll down to Jungkook's contact, compose a message, fear that I would learn he was dead, and delete it. Every morning for over a year.

I gripped my beer a bit forcefully and wandered outside to sit on the back steps. It was early June, so it was a pleasant temperature and the air smelled of bonfires and summer breezes. Only a few people lurked in the back yard talking, so I mostly had my privacy in the darkness.

I absentmindedly reached down and played around with my gym shoe laces. "Hey, Jungkook."

Hey, baby.

I traced my free hand along the smooth stone of the steps, imagining his long fingers rested there. "You look nice tonight."

Not as nice as you.

If I squeezed my eyes shut, I could almost picture it: his shiny black hair, glowingly white complexion, wide brown orbs, sweet innocent smile, and of course his broad red-clad body. 

When I opened my eyes, he was gone.

I sighed with exhaustion and got to my feet,