My mom looked at me as she shoved my clothes into my bag. It was my favourite rilakkuma backpack, my father bought it for me for my 5^th birthday. She wiped the tears on her cheeks as she zipped up the bag. I looked at her, wondering why she emptied out our closets. My father was pounding on the door, shouting something. I was too young to understand. To understand everything else.

“Chaerin...” my mom called out to me in her hushed voice. I walked towards her from the bathroom door to our bed where she was standing beside. She took the towel that dragged on the floor from my arms then wiped my face with it. She did the routine she always did whenever I’m finished taking a bath, which was wiping my whole body and drying my hair for me.”It’s for the best!” my mom shouted without taking her eyes off of me. We looked at the door as the pounding on it stopped then we heard footsteps from the other side fading away. My mother sighed heavily, she tossed the wet towel on the bed then pulled something from under my pillow. It was clothes, my jacket, a pair of pants and a shirt. She had prepared it the night before. She helped me dress up until the only thing missing was my shoes.

“Eomma?” I spoke up as she put on her jacket. She turned to face me, her eyes all red from crying all night. “Where are we going?” I asked. She didn’t answer me; instead, she walked towards the door. She wrapped her fingers on the doorknob as she sighed again. She unlocked it then slowly turned the knob, making the door slightly open. She peeked through the space before fully opening the door. She looked at me, I was still standing beside the bed. Looking at her with my confused eyes, wondering what is happening. She approached me then kneeled in front of me so that our faces aligned.

“Chae” she sighed again.

“Where are we going, eomma?”

“We’re going away, darling.” She said in her hushed voice, with a smile on her face.

She zipped up my jacket as I stared at her. “Is appa coming?” I asked.

She looked away then sighed. Tears fell from her eyes again, she shook her head. I started crying. “It’ll be Christmas tonight!” I shouted in between my sobs. Before I even noticed, my mom was carrying me in her arms. The bags that hanged on her shoulder hit the walls as we went out the room. As I wiped my eyes with my little hands, I saw my father wiping his Harley that was beside the television. He looked up at me with no expression on his face. No love, no care and no pain even if he’s witnessing his family leave him. Before my mom could open the door, he spoke up.

“Wait.”

My mom stopped in her place, completely stunned. She just froze, she didn’t even turn around. Her hand still on the doorknob. I looked around, my father went out from a room with shoes in his hands. He approached my mom then shoved the shoes inside the bag. “You forgot her shoes.” He said before returning to his Harley. I started to cry again. When I wiped the tears from my eyes, we were already outside our house. There was already a taxi waiting for us in front of the driveway. My mom ran carefully towards it, she opened the door then tossed all of our bags to the farthest side. She slid in, with me still in her arms. She closed the door before letting go of me to let me sit beside her. I wasn’t weeping, but I was still crying. My mom put her arms around me, patting my shoulder with her hand.

“Yah! Chaerin! Wake up!”

“Maknae! What do we do?”

“Chaerin! Where’s your inhaler?”

I woke up to two voices shouting in panic, “my bag” I managed to say as I tried to breathe. I slowly opened my eyes then pointed at my bag hanging from the door. Seungri quickly turned around then ran to the door. And before I knew it, he was helping me with my inhaler while Jiyong helped me sit up. Their eyes were full of concern and panic, not knowing what to do next. When I finally could breathe again, I pushed away Seungri’s hand to move the inhaler away from my mouth. I laughed at their sight; they were both still in their boxers and they didn’t even have slippers on.

“Are you alright?” Jiyong asked as he sat in front of me. He put his hands over mine then looked at me.

I nodded then smiled.

“You scared us to death!” Seungri exclaimed as he lied down behind Jiyong, letting his legs dangle. I turned my head to check my clock on the bedside table. 4:00AM. I turned back to face them.

“How did you know I was having an asthma attack? Were you awake already?”

Jiyong nodded, “Your history test results were going to be released already but there was a problem with the website so I think we’ll find out by morning.”

“Hyung heard something from your room and when he opened the door, you were having an asthma attack. He woke me up because he didn’t know what to do.” Seungri said with his eyes closed, his arms were folded beneath his head.

Jiyong’s hand was still over mine and when he saw that I was looking at it, he removed it. He chuckled, “You couldn’t have picked another morning to have an asthma attack? It’s Christmas eve tonight.”

I sighed, “I always have asthma attacks on the morning before Christmas Eve.”

“You hate Christmas?” he laughed.

I shrugged, “I don’t hate it but—“

We turned our heads when we heard a snore coming from Seungri. Jiyong started laughing because Seungri’s mouth was open. “Shh.” I put my index finger on my mouth as I looked at Jiyong. I moved over to let Jiyong sit beside me. We both looked at the sleeping maknae in front of us. He hugged his legs to his chest, sleeping in fatal position. I looked at Jiyong, he looked at Seungri like a caring brother.

“You really care for Seungri, huh?” I said in a hushed voice.

He nodded, “Of course, I grew up with him. We were like real brothers. He only had me and I only had him.”

“Where were your parents?”

“They died in an accident when I was 5. That’s when Seungri’s father took me in.”

“Your families were friends?”

He shook his head. “I don’t think so. I just met Seungri’s father after the accident.”

“How about his mom? Where is she?”

He shook his head then sighed. “I don’t really remember the whole story about his mom. I got to stay in their house, but she left after a few days. I don’t really know why. And maknae doesn’t even remember her face nor her name.”

I sighed. “Sometimes you force yourself to forget the memory so that you won’t have to remember it and the pain.”

“Is that what you did?”

I looked at him, stunned.

“I see hidden pain miles away, chae. You don’t need to keep it to yourself.”

I looked away as I chuckled, “That’s too bad, I thought I was a good actress.”

He stayed quiet.

“You’re waiting for me to tell my story, huh?”

“Yes”

I exhaled. “My father didn’t leave us. We left him. Me and my mom. I also don’t know why. But when we left him, he didn’t stop us. He didn’t even shed a tear. I think they used to love each other so much. I can’t remember though, but I think we used to be a happy family. I don’t remember my father that much. But I do remember his love for motorcycles. That’s why I recognized yours, he had the same one. He would earn millions with his races. Isn’t it funny though? That the only thing I remember about my father is his hobby and job. I can’t even remember any occasion with him.”

“At least you still have your mom with you.”

“I know, I’m still a bit lucky for that.”

“Do you miss him your father?”

I shook my head. “Do you think Seungri misses his father?”

 “I think maknae doesn’t wanna go back because of the pain.”

“He used to beat Seungri?”

He shook his head, “He’d never hurt maknae.” He paused. “ A year ago, we went back to the house, but no one was there. When we asked the neighbours, they told us that it was vacant for almost half a year already. Maknae isn’t even allowed to use his father’s surname.”

“Lee isn’t his real surname?”

Jiyong shook his head then chuckled, “His father changed it to ‘Lee’, maknae would always joke that he wanted to be a Kwon instead. God, I love this kid.”

I smiled at his words. I turned to look at him, but he was looking at Seungri. I could feel his care towards Seungri and I couldn’t help but put my arms around him. He remained frozen for the first few seconds, but relaxed when he realized I’m not going to let go of him soon. My left arm was between his back and the pillow while my right arm was around his waist. I could feel his breath on my hair as my head was resting on his chest. He moved closer then put his right arm around my shoulder. I could feel his warm skin on mine, sending electricity all throughout my body. I felt secure in his embrace.

“I thought you had space issues?” he said, breaking the silence. He didn’t say it to make fun of me, he said it as a matter of fact.

“Shut up, don’t ruin the moment.” I hissed.

“I’ll kill myself if I stop you right now cause I know you’ll hate me when you lose the bet.” He chuckled then stayed silent. We both stared at the sleeping Seungri in front of us. His face was so peaceful. I can’t even imagine someone as cheerful as him crying. The thought of him trying to hold back the tears just broke my heart in a way I can’t even explain. 

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