The rain in Seoul was getting heavy ridiculously fast. The two men were facing each other, standing opposite each other as rain cascaded down from the sky and battered the green grass. After weeks of trying to run away from the truth, Jongin finally decided to meet with Sehun here. He knew he needed to tell this man the truth. He couldn’t run away again. Not again.

The dark sky, with colours of black and gray, reminded him of something. His heart. Yes, his heart was the same colour as the dark sky. It’s black and he knew all too well that his heart had a disgusting colour. He didn’t have any feelings left. He didn’t have anything that made him smile or feel happy. He has the biggest legacy in South Korea yet his money was just like the paper it was printed on, no value...

His heart was empty without her.

“Let’s talk in the Cafe,” Sehun broke the silence moment that they had. The person in front of him just nodded and followed him inside the Cafe. A strong fragrance of Coffee filled the air around them.

The two young men then proceed to sit at the corner without being disturbed with other people. Deep down Sehun’s mind he knew the person in front of him needed some private space to talk with him. They ordered the same drinks. Looking at Jongin’s face, Sehun knew this man didn’t have enough of rest.

“The ring... I will tell you the truth behind the blood.” Jongin’s voice sounded low and weak. It was like he was forced to tell Sehun about the truth. Yet being the curious man he was Sehun just nodded at his words.

“Actually you are the last person that I want to meet but, I know Hanna would want you to know,” Jongin’s voice broke, tears resurfacing as the memories flashed.

To meet the man that stole his wife’s heart forever was not easy. Oh Sehun. The man that Kim Jongin only knew by name was now in front of him and begging’s answers from him. The answer that he wanted to buried deeply in all it cost.

Jongin’s memories.

Jongin was drunk. If he could he wanted the alcohol to kill himself. How could he know that secretly reading his wife diary could make him this vulnerable and fragile? He was hurting to the deepest. He knew Hanna married him because she was pregnant, he knew Hanna never love him the same love that he was giving endlessly towards her but it hurts him too much to turn into blind again. Hanna was living with him but Hanna’s heart was not with him.

“Jongin,” Hanna called the intoxicated man that was leaning against the wall. She was up to drink water when she saw her red flushed face husband. She knew Jongin was always late. But Jongin never come home drunk especially he was always warm and sweet with her. What happened to him?

“Have you been drinking-”

“How could you,” Jongin heaved breathing.

“After what I have done,” He continued as rubbing his palms to his face in frustrated.

“Jongin—”

“No, you listen to me. I was always here but you never look at me! Not once!” Jongin’s heart was bleeding, hurting. His eyes were looking at her in pain and longing. Couldn’t she see all of the pain she was causing inside him?! She was the first person that took his heart forever yet she was also the same person that causes this deep pain into him. He threw the little book towards her and Hanna’s eyes widened in surprise.

“You are unbelievable, after what had happened to you I am willingly to take the responsibility and you just made me into a fool.” Jongin’s voice was dangerously low. The alcohol deprived his brain of any substances and therefore any good judgment skills. He leaned in as he grabbed Hanna’s jaws as he took her lips.

“Jongin--!!” Hanna was struggling as she tried to push him away. Jongin growled as he lifted his hand to hold the back of her neck firmly. He held her in place to further deepen his penetration. His hunger for her is consuming his rationale. His frustration made him become like this while Hanna kept pushing him away.

Jongin was mad, he was hurt and he was furious. He crashed his lips against her. Harshly kissing Hanna and almost making her out of breath. He encircled his arm around her waist while his other grabbed a hold of her neck so she would stay still. Hanna was pushing his shoulder, hitting his chest but it didn’t stop him. He pushed her even closer to him, not leaving a space between their bodies. Hanna was struggling but he was too strong and overpowering her.

Hanna slapped him hardly across his cheek. She took a deep breath as tears rolling down from her cheeks. Suddenly he was kneeling in front of her. Tears escaped from his swollen eyes. He was demanding. He couldn't take it anymore, the pity she had for him, the emptiness in her eyes. Why would it only be Sehun? Why was it not for him? So what if he wanted her? So what if he loved her? 

Jongin rushed towards the cabinet and held a knife. Without thinking he pierced the knife in his skin but Hanna was fast enough to push him away as she grabbed the knife before it buried deep into his skin.

“Jongin! Are you out of your mind!!” Hanna yelled as she pushed him away. Yes, he was out of his mind. He wanted to die. He wanted the pain in him to vanish away from his life. 

“Even if I die you will never care Hanna! You don’t care!” Jongin cried. These were sobs that felt like they were shattering his ribs. They felt like they were crushing his lungs. His throat was closing up. His stomach was retching. He was falling apart.

“Of course I care! I care for you Jongin!” Hanna screamed as loud as him. Jongin saw her eyes were reflecting pain. She was hurting as much as he did. All Jongin saw was her pain. Was he being too much of selfish person? Ask anyone in this world, who would ever give up their love? People would become selfish if it were about their feelings, don't lie!

“You know why it was hard? Because I love you so much that I can’t even hate you,”

“Jongin please, I beg you. Please don’t do something like this again.” Hanna cried as she took Jongin into her arms as tears flowing down from her swollen eyes.

“I’m so sorry,” Tears flowed from his eyes as he grabbed hold of her arms. Slowly at first, but he eventually sobbed loudly and uncontrollably, burying his head in her neck. 

“Jongin, please...I’m so sorry,” Softly, Hanna caressed his back while tears rolled down her face. She hugged him with all her strength, as her tears fell from her eyes. They began to cry uncontrollably as Jongin rocked his body back and forth against her.

They hugged while crying on each other's shoulders. Emotionally shattered, they pushed aside all of the obligations of their past, and all of their fears of the future.

“Hanna loved you,” Jongin confessed as he took a sip of his hot latte. He felt like the heavy burden inside his heart evaporated and was flying through the sky. His heart felt light. Very light.

“This is Hanna’s diary.” Jongin said with a pure gaze as his eyes locked with Sehun. The man in front of him just stayed silent as he eyed the little diary on the table. How could someone that tried to stop Jongin from suicide doing the same thing as him? That’s not made any sense.

Jongin smiled as he began to step out from the Cafe living Sehun behind. Sehun was staring, flabbergasted at the diary in front of him.

Jongin just kept standing there on the rain-drenched street without any clear thoughts in his mind. People around him running, trying to find some place to hide from the heavy rain but he seemed unbothered by it. He stood there letting the heavy rain drench his cloth. He began to walk as tears filled his eyes and ran down his cheeks. 

Hanna wherever you are I hope you’re happy now.

They say it’s okay to cry. Pain demands to be felt.

written by Luzyhan (23.01.2015)

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