Sungmin certainly wasn’t expecting that! He thought he knew Siwon well by now since they worked side by side for the past 5 years. He certainly did not know that Siwon was once married.

Siwon trudged across the hallway leading to ICU. It felt like a walk to the gallows. Sure, he had prepared himself for Kyuhyun’s death, strangely grateful that he got to see his ex-husband for one last time. But Kyuhyun made it through so far…..

For the first time since he became a doctor, Siwon had to ask for permission to enter the ICU ward then wash his hands and sit in a small chair to wait for permission to enter. “You will need to turn off your mobile.” Sungmin reminds him.

Listlessly, Siwon pulled out his mobile and saw 10 missed calls reflected on the screen. Strange, he did not hear it ringing. They were all from Kay. He checked the clock on the wall and saw that he was late for hours now. Lethargically he got up and used the phone near the nurse station.

“Hi.” He said woodenly in response to her irritated greeting. “I won’t be able to make it tonight.” He told her. She sighed loudly in exasperation. “No, it's not work. Remember I told you about Kyuhyun? He had an accident and is now in ICU here. There is no one else with him right now.”

“Do you need me to be there with you?” Kay offers worriedly.

“No, I’ll deal with this alone.” Siwon assure her. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

When Siwon hang up the phone and returned to Sungmin’s side he felt obliged to explain to him who Kay is. “She knows about Kyuhyun?”

“I told her about Kyuhyun a few months ago. I’d sensed that we are getting serious with each other so I thought it is only right….”

“You were married to Kyuhyun for how long?” Sungmin asks to distract the man.

“Less than a year.” Siwon gave a sad smile. Obviously he had not moved on from it. He tried to but he never got the closure he needed. He explained about their tumultuous year together, not bothering how he is speaking about intimate details with a stranger. He needed the support and he need to establish an identity for the limp unconscious body just because Kyuhyun could not speak up for himself now.

“He was a few years younger than me. Very strange boy, all prim and proper yet eye-catching. He was hardly sociable yet he always stood out from the crowd.”

“He’s very beautiful.” Sungmin encouraged.

“He stood out, stood apart. I was fascinated with his mysterious air.” Siwon smiled at the memory. “Then one night we were both at this party and we talked. We couldn’t stop, he completely blew me off my feet! It was as if we met and talked for the first time even though we knew each other socially before. We made love that night, I was his first.” Siwon is still smiling sadly.

“I was crazy about him. We spent the next 2 weeks making love, talking, studying. It was the best 2 weeks of my life. I was so deeply in love with him. Sounds crazy huh?”

“And then what?’ Sungmin probed.

Siwon did not answer this time. He could see the past as if it was right before his eyes.

A very nervous Kyuhyun took the pregnancy test kit from an outwardly calm Siwon. “We need to know.” Siwon told him quietly as he guide the boy to the bathroom and closed the door behind him.

The sobs came sooner than he expected. After two days of panicking and feeling sick, they finally gotten their answer. What did they expect? They hardly left the bed and they were hardly careful with contraception when they were caught up in their passion.

Siwon remembered trying to comfort the weeping Kyuhyun. He had told the boy that everything will be okay, that they will sort things out, but the boy was beyond comfort. When Kyuhyun finally calm down enough to talk, Siwon realised that Kyuhyun wasn’t crying over how the baby would affect his career or future or life or even their 3 weeks’ old relationship. He was frightened of how his father would react.

“What happened, Siwon?” Sungmin’s voice broke his reverie.

“We found out that we were pregnant.”

The ICU nurse interrupted at this point. She wanted to prey more medical history of Kyuhyun from the ex-husband but Siwon wasn’t too sure he could be helpful here. He offered knowledge of Kyuhyun’s surgery to end his pregnancy 10 years ago. Everything else after that 10 years’ mark Siwon had to admit he has no idea.

That’s also when Siwon realised that he had no real right to see Kyuhyun. He has as much authority as the stranger walking on the sidewalk outside. Divorce kinda severed all ties you have with the other person and also kept you away whether you want to or not.

“In that case, we can only rely on his parents to speak for him.” The ICU nurse reminds him.

“They will not be happy to see me here.” Siwon told her. He hated to admit to a stranger how disadvantaged he is right now. “But he was a patient of my unit. I need to know-“

The ICU nurse understood the unsaid. Still she reminded him that the immediate family has the last say. Until Siwon promised not to interfere in any way was he allowed in.

Siwon entered alone. He always wanted a chance to speak to Kyuhyun alone, to tell him how sorry he was and ask his ex why he chose to leave. Circumstances could be much better, but he is grateful for what he could get now.

The first thing he noticed is that Kyuhyun is pinkier now. He looked more asleep than a marble statue. The large warming duvet they covered him with left only his head and shoulders out and he looked like a kid in an adult’s bed.

Suddenly, Siwon is unsure what to do next. He had imagined that he would have to demand his way in or push his way in but now that he is in, he wonders what Kyuhyun would want him to do next. He went to sit in the plastic chair by the side of the bed, well aware of the nurse sitting by the side reading the various machines crowding the bed. He wished he could be truly alone with Kyuhyun.

“He is the most private person.” Siwon starts blabbering to the nurse. “He wouldn’t like this one bit. Of course, no one would-“ He pulled the duvet higher to hide Kyuhyun’s sharply jutting collarbones. “He used to be slim but he is so skinny now…” He continued to mutter. When the nurse pull out one of Kyuhyun’s arms to check for reflexes, Siwon saw how pale it was with veins clearly exposed.

“Here, why don’t you take his hand?” The nurse offered. “Tell him you are here, it might reassure him to hear a familiar voice.”

Siwon wasn’t sure if he should hold Kyuhyun’s hand since he hasn’t been allowed to for the last 10 years. Still, he did in the end, studying the slender fingers, noticing how porcelain-like they are.

“His hands are so beautiful.” Siwon mutters absently to the nurse again. How comforting it felt when Kyuhyun his cheeks when they made love….. Siwon winced, he is remembering things he had forced himself not to since they parted.

Siwon really want to feel Kyuhyun’s touch on him, but he couldn’t…now…..not since 10 years ago….he wonder if his ex-husband would even want him sitting here right now?

It is then the young doctor decided that it’s fate that brought Kyuhyun back to him, even if it is only to give him a chance to say goodbye.

He did not know when he had pressed Kyuhyun’s hand to his lips and he had started weeping like a newborn babe. The familiar feel of the milky soft skin encouraged the man to lean closer and eventually bury his face into Kyuhyun’s hair, inhaled the familiar vanilla scented shampoo he has always used, feeling his cheekbone resting on the other’s ear.

In a moment of confusion he thought he heard the most deeply pained cry from the next bed but soon he realised that he was the one making that sound. “Talk to him, Siwon.” Sungmin urged. The nurse had rushed out to get him after seeing the doctor broke down so badly. “Tell him all the things you wanted to say to him.” And so he did, over and over he told Kyuhyun how much he loved him, how sorry he was, desperate for his ex-husband to hear him.

“The family’d arrived.” Sungmin announced way too soon, nudging for him to leave. “They asked that you leave so they may enter.”

In all his years working the A&E ward, Siwon never could understand how family members of dangerously ill patients could lash out at each other, many times with their fists while their loved ones lay there struggling to stay alive. But seeing the smug face of Senior Cho coming towards him was enough to tempt him to do the same.

“Siwon.” Senior Cho held out his hand. “Thank you for sitting with Kyuhyun till we arrive. It is much appreciated.”

Siwon knew how he should react politely in return but he couldn’t. His heart bled with the way he was thanked and brushed off like a bystander. He knows he should leave then but he couldn’t either.

“Of course I sat with him.” He replied spitefully.

“Siwon,” Senior Cho smirked, he was always good at making his point with his smiles. “It was very kind of you to take time out of your busy schedule.”

“What do you mean take time? He was my spouse.” Siwon said thru gritted teeth.

“Now your ex-wife.” Senior Cho reminded him pointedly. “He left you, remember?” The smile was gone, the elderly’s face dripping with fake compassion. “Kyuhyun divorced you 10 years ago. As I said, my wife and I are grateful to you for taking time out to sit with our son till we arrive. We are here now and we would like you to leave.”

Siwon shook with suppressed rage at the older man. “Kyuhyun would want-“ he starts to argue.

“I am his father, I know better than you what he would want.” Senior Cho interrupt