Contrary to what Siwon feared, things had been pretty easy to handle when Kyuhyun was very sick. All he had to deal with was the pain, medicine, soup and coughs. His patient is pretty much confined immobile in his room. Apart from the few daily visits and a chat here and there, Siwon did not have to contribute much.

If he wasn’t on the graveyard shift, Siwon will rise at 6.30am, peeked in to check if his guest is awake or comfortable then go for a run before work. Ryeowook would be around the whole day and by the time Siwon returns home from work, Kyuhyun would already be in bed or walking up the stairs to bed. So far this arrangement suits Siwon just fine. It kept a nice firm wedge between them, preventing them from getting too comfortable with each other. But in the last few days Kyuhyun would sometimes be up when Siwon returns from his morning run with his tea made and ready. They would share a quick chat before he goes off to work.

Siwon is not going to kid himself, Kyuhyun is more than a patient to him of course. But he couldn’t turn the sick man out when Kyuhyun was suffering from the complications of the chest infections. A few days turned into a week and it was only in the middle of the second week did things took a favourable turn; Kyuhyun came off his antibiotics, his bruising faded and his color and humor returned. Clearly he doesn’t need a doctor around him anymore and for the first time since bringing Kyuhyun home, Siwon is at a loss at how to be around him.

In fact, Siwon is starting to feel unsafe around his ex-spouse.

Siwon returned from his morning run to find tea and toast made ready for him on the kitchen counter. Kyuhyun looking like Kyuhyun always has been in those super cute over-sized pink pajamas and a pair of Siwon’s thick socks. His messy curls frame his face, setting off the outstanding size of his doe eyes and over-sized black-rimmed glasses perched askew on the tip of his straight nose. The morning news is spread out on the kitchen table.

“Good morning!”

At this precise moment, Siwon realized that among all whom had ever greeted him, that smile and voice is what he hoped to hear. A mixture of homeliness, domestic peace, excitement and familiarity and plain old desire because his body is aching for Kyuhyun. He wanted to take off the glasses and carry him up to bed, or trap him against the fridge and make love to him right there in the kitchen, or simply pull the smaller man into his arms and kiss him.

But instead, he sat down and ate his toast.

“What are you planning to do today?’ Siwon asks casually after washing the dry crumbs down his throat.

“I’ve to take care of my car insurance and Ryeowook is bringing me some of Sungmin’s old clothes.”

“I can’t believe your parents haven’t sent your clothes.” Siwon mutters and Kyuhyun rolled his eyes before continuing with his reading. “I take it that they’re not pleased that you are staying here?”

“No.” Kyuhyun shrugged. “They’re just not talking to me again.”

“Again?” Siwon’s shibrows jacked up lightly.

“Again.” Kyuhyun affirms with a cheeky smirk but the lightness of the situation faded when he caught his ex-husband looking at him differently. The look, how Siwon used to looked into his eyes. Kyuhyun found himself frozen in Siwon’s stare, cheeks burning as they both remained silent yet so much communicated between them, as if they are kissing without touching.

Ryeowook rapped on the door and entered, breaking the spell of the moment. Kyuhyun stood on his feet in a hurry. “I’m going to find out the KTX schedule.”

They were both busy pretending that nothing happened and in reality nothing did but they knew deep within themselves something’s changed.

“There’s no rush for you to leave.” Siwon mutters into his coffee. He wanted to sound nonchalant but his head is a whirlwind of conflicting thoughts. He wanted Kyuhyun to stay but he is also desperate for him to leave. He is very sure Cho Kyuhyun and Choi Siwon would never work, the divorce papers he still kept in his bedroom’s drawer is proof enough. Siwon had to remind himself again of the severe truth as he bid the other goodbye and left for work.

“There is.” Kyuhyun winced as he reminded himself whilst shaking out two tiny white pills and swallowing them. Siwon had left a long time ago and Kyuhyun is curled up in bed once again holding his stomach and willing the pain away. He is on the strongest painkillers he is allowed to take and still function, albeit poorly sometimes. But the pills are running out and he wonders if he should just tell Siwon.

The horrible cramps refuse to fade without a last fight and Kyuhyun knows he would not be able to withstand seeing the pity in Siwon’s eyes. He knew he wanted children, they both did.

“Five!” Siwon had joked on their wedding night, the teensy bump on his tummy and telling him that this was just the start.

Kyuhyun blushed as he snuggled deeper into Siwon’s embrace. He could barely believe that all this is true, he’s married to Siwon, his ring on his finger, the man he loved from afar for ages was now the man he would spend the rest of his life with. He’d never been happier, he just needed to know if Siwon felt the same. “I know it was rushed. My father forced you –“

“Baby,” Siwon interrupted him sternly and led him into a deep kiss. “It’s our wedding night, can we not talk about your father?”

Siwon arrived home that evening and finds Kyuhyun, glasses on, reading a book on the living room couch. A ridiculously huge mug of coffee sat by him on the low coffee table. The look of intense concentration morphed instantly into a bright smile when he realised Siwon’s presence. It was such a familiar sight that it stirred up too much familiar feelings. Siwon couldn’t help getting worried.

“You’re still up?” Siwon asks curiously.

“I feel strong enough to skip a few naps.” Kyuhyun smiled.

Siwon nodded. “Good.” He mutters as he heads to the kitchen to hunt for food.

“I’ve booked a seat back to Busan for Sunday morning.” Kyuhyun informs him.

“Good.” Siwon mutters again. He’s glad really because he cannot continue to live like this with his ex-spouse and struggled against remembering everything about them.

He pulled out a pie from the fridge, assuming that Ryeowook made it. But then he caught sight of the ball of newspaper in his trashcan and suspects that maybe Kyuhyun made the pie instead. His ex-spouse has the habit of peeling vegetables over a newspaper to catch the peelings then ball it all up before putting it in the trash.

“Did you make the pie?” He asks curiously as footsteps approach him.

“Wookie did it. I just helped with the peeling. He said that was enough therapy for me today.” Kyuhyun joked.

Siwon did not laugh.

Instead he heat up the pie and serve two shares of dinner. All the while he is struggling within  him, trying not acknowledge the feeling of deja vu; back then in their tiny little flat with their tiny kitchen. Kyuhyun was obsessed with tidying it but it only drove Siwon crazy with want. All he wanted to do to his new wife was haul him onto his shoulder and carry him to bed and make love to him repeatedly.

“Aren’t you hungry?” Kyuhyun asks with a frown. For once it was Siwon who was pushing his dinner around instead of eating.

“I had a sandwich at work.” Siwon mutters offhandedly.

“That didn’t used to stop you before.” Kyuhyun started to comment but then his voice trailed off when he realised that Siwon was uncomfortable. Settling into an awkward disquiet, they struggled through the rest of the meal murmuring stiff comments.

Both heaved a sigh of relief when the eating is finally completed.

“I’ve got a surprise!” Kyuhyun saved the announcement till after dinner. He was half decided when they hit the tension earlier but he was bored with sleeping and no one else to talk to apart from Ryeowook. Most importantly, he had missed Siwon all day!

After Siwon loaded the dishwasher, he went back into the living room to find Kyuhyun setting up his favourite WII game. “Look what Wookie brought over for me!” Kyuhyun exclaimed like a