[DONGHAE]

As soon as the final school bells rang, Donghae jumped off his seat and nearly ran out of the old building.

Outside, he looked up the grey ceiling of clouds once again, before turning around and stomping away. He didn't want to see the place of his living hell anymore. Today had been one of the worst days again and he knew it wouldn't get better all too soon.

He had no idea why things always had to turn out the wrong way. Was it fate or just a bad joke, that since Jessica had died he couldn't find happiness anymore except for some rare minutes like he had had today with Hyuk?

In the end, his thoughts and all he was talking about were always the same. It bored him to a point where he couldn't even stand himself anymore.

Always asking why. Always, and only this small word that seemed to mean the world to him by now and caused him more headaches than Mr. Kim ever could.

No in fact, he couldn't even tell anymore what was right or wrong. All the raven-haired felt was exhaustion, both mentally and physically, to a point where he could have fainted at any moment, but he wouldn't. His stubborn nature was pushing him all the time, keeping him somehow on track and making him run into countless struggles all over again.

Maybe he was the definition of a true fighting spirit, but when he thought about it, he was more of a pitiful existence, living from day to day without knowing what life actually meant.

Somehow he had now reached a point where everything became too great for him to deal with, if he had ever dealt with any of it to begin with. The pressure he had to bear with was slowly rising. Not only was his situation at home more than just tense, but also the bullying got worse, which was one thing he would have never thought was even possible.

Especially, Kim Kibum was giving him a hard time. He could easily beat the crap out of that short guy, but he wouldn't. After all, he wanted to stay with Hyuk and so he decided to bear with whatever the "king" of their school planned to do. If only the other wouldn't know his weakness as if he had been there the day Jessica died right in front of his eyes. It would make it a lot easier to stand over the insults he had to deal with. But in this case he just felt even more miserable than before.

Letting out a heavy sigh, he took a deep breath of the autumn air and stopped for a little while. The path he was walking on used to be the best thing he had during school days. It was peaceful with a lot of trees surrounding it and even now the birds were still singing loudly, enjoying the last warm days under the autumn sun. The wind was blowing a little, just enough to send small chills along everyones skin, but not too cold to say you were actually freezing.

No, it was just right.

When was the last day he had enjoyed these small treasures of nature? Donghae didn't remember anymore and he didn't really care, because in exactly this second, he did it again.

Just standing there in the middle of the small path, inhaling the smell of mushrooms and fallen leaves. The sun was tickling his nose and the soft breeze played with the strands of hair that were covering his eyes. It felt good to just let go for a moment and allow the power of nature dominate his senses and mind.

No worries, no doubts, no guilt.

He was just himself, right there and he somehow felt the life running through his veins.

He felt at home.

A small smile found its way on his face, when he remembered how much he had loved being outside. Watching the birds and squirrels play during the year and seeing the seasons come and go in a pleasant habit. Every season had it's small miracles for him, that he treasured in his own way.

In spring, everything came to life and filled the air with a certain, lively smell.

In summer, he mostly ran across the huge meadows with bare feet and rested under a huge tree during midday to follow his daydreams, while the clouds built pictures and stories before his eyes.

When autumn came, Donghae used to collect the colored leaves and watch the raindrops roll down his window in stormy nights, while he sat inside his room wrapped in a warm blanket and a small light beside him.

And then when winter came, he watched in awe how the first snow put a white, glittering blanket over the land, building icicles and small crystals everywhere. He loved how the light was broken and small rainbows were reflected in the snow. He built snowmen, snowangels and played for hours until his nose was red and his face went numb from the cold.

And after, that he waited for spring again.

Unfortunately, he paid less attention to it as time passed by and in moments like this he realized how much he missed the simple things in life.

Fate had put him into a daze he was hardly able to wake up from, because he wasn't too sure about what he would see. Was it the future, or just his past once again?

He stopped believing in the present a long time ago. Seizing the day and making the best of every situation was beautifully said, but not possible to be done in his current situation.

Having one last look at the path behind him, Hae passed on to get back home.

As soon as he opened the door, his puppies Yuki and Bada came to say hello and barked happily.

"Hey there, you two little rascals," he said softly and got on his knees to carress their soft fur.

They looked up to him in awe and followed him to his room. Well, he couldn't really blame them to like him. He had saved their lives after all and he still remembered that fateful day four years ago.

[FLASHBACK]

He had had another fight with his dad again. It wasn't as if he had done anything wrong, but only his existance seemed to bother the older and he didn't have any patience with his eldest son anymore.

Donghae's father was actually a kind man, or at least he used to be until the raven-haired was responsible for the death of his best friend. He had hoped to find forgiveness but instead he was faced with hate and disappointment and every time he tried to get closer to his old man again, the other ignored him or yelled at him for his behavior. Like it was a crime to ask for some love from the man he had once seen as his idol.

It hurt a lot, but he didn't want to give up just yet. He believed that his parents must love him, but today had shown him for once and for all that he was more a burden to them than anything else. His cheek still hurt from when his father had slapped him once again for being ungrateful. Hae wasn't sure of why he got treated the way he did by the other, but most likely his father rather saw him from behind than his face.

In fact, the man hadn't looked at him once after the accident that had occurred nearly a year ago.

Maybe it was time to move on on his own and forget about the comfort a family was supposed to give a child of his age.

It was a rainy night and Donghae didn't know how long he had been running. He was soaked and tired and hungry. He ran away when they were supposed to get ready for dinner.

And now it was rather cold for an August night and a thunderstorm was coming up as well.

But the boy didn't care, he wanted to get away as far as possible. At some point his legs gave in and he fell down into the mud. When he looked around himself he found himself in the graveyard. A small light was enlightening the paths and the thunderbolts gave the trees some scary faces from time to time, while the wind was howling around him.

Hae got up and dragged himself to the one place he had been going to everytime he felt down and left alone.

It was Jessica's grave, that was now giving him the comfort he needed.

A cold stone with a golden name engraved in it, was now what he called his place of peace. He knew it was pathetic, but at the same time it was all he had left now.

The raindrops were running down his cheeks, mixing with the tears that were falling from his eyes for some time now. If he couldn't show his emotions to the peope around him, he knew he could show them to Jessica. She had always understood him and supported him on his way. The fact that he would never feel her loving arms around himself again, was poisoning him with guilt and pain inside. He pressed his eyes shut and took a deep breath to calm down a bit. His mouth was slightly hanging open in attempts to fill his lungs with missing air from his running.

Suddenly he heard some whimpers coming from a well-known direction and he looked up to find his way to the one place he aimed for. Reaching the grave of his best friend, he saw two little, white fur-balls curled together, while being tied to the gravestone. It broke his heart to see the two dogs in this abandoned state and he could barely believe someone was even cruel enough to leave them out there.

He knelt down and carefully carressed their cold, small bodies. After he freed them and lifted them into his arms, the puppies snuggled closer to him immediatly and a warm feeling filled his chest. Somehow the storm and the rain had disappeared now, and the moonlight was engulfing his figure from the dark. He could feel that this was like a sign, a gift sent from above to give him the comfort he needed. He felt close to the two little guys in his hands. They had gotten abandoned too so he felt their pain and understood them and they had just accepted him the way he did.

Smiling at the grave of Jessica, Donghae couldn't help but cry again. Only this time it was of happiness and the knowledge that he wasn't alone anymore.

"Thanks Johnny," he mumbled before getting up and slowly walking home. He was careful not to wake the puppies in his arms, which had stopped shaking and relaxed in the warmth he gave them.

Finally he had a family again.

Back to the present, Hae couldn't help but to feel grateful. Animals were simply amazing and loving creatures he loved with all his heart.

"Come on guys, let's go for a walk, the weather is great."

Barking in happiness, Yuki and Bada ran to the front door and waited for their friend to get ready, before they welcomed the warm sun with their expressions of joy.

It was heartwarming to see them playing in the afternoon sun and not feeling troubled at all.

The raven-haired simply loved the walks he took with his dogs. They went to the forest and walked to one of his favorite places. It was a small hut he had built when he was a kid and it still remained at the same place. It wasn't too far away from the road, but not too near either.

Just enough to get some privacy.

He sat down on one of the cut-down trees he had used for all kinds of playgrounds in his kindergarten years and even in elementary school. Whether he was riding on a horse as a cowboy or climbing to the moon, nothing was impossible in his own small world and he never missed any opportunity to share this joy with his friends.

Mostly he went there with Eunhyuk, because they were both boys and liked the same kind of games. They battled each other in merciless wars, saved the princess - well, their imaginary one - and talked about their daydreams, walking to the small stream near the hut and let their feet hang into the cooling water in summer.

All in all, happy days he used to forget most of the time, because his situation was eating him up.

Life somehow was funny. Rather it loved you, or it hated you.

But for Donghae it was more of a mix of both, with a tendency to the hate.

While he was sitting on the old tree, he watched time pass by and listened to the sound of nature, smiling whenever he saw the two puppies carrying sticks twice their size.

They were the definition of energy in his life.

When it was getting dark he walked back home.

After he entered the house, he already heard the twins bickering around. He walked up to the kitchen and looked inside.

"I am back," he said, but no one reacted to his greeting.

His mother was busy cooking some food for dinner, while his father read the newpaper.

Alaister and Aiden sat on the other side of the table and argued about whether they should play cards or go outside to do some other stupid stuff.

As much as he once appreciated them as little brothers back then, the things he had to give up for them were too great to feel anything for them anymore.

So he just walked back into his room and sat down on his bed.

Suddenly he had an idea and opened as small box he took from under his bed. In there was an old diary he used to write his poems in when he was younger.

To be honest they were poems he wrote to Eunhyuk and to express his thankfulness.

Or he wrote letters expressing his worries and his thoughts, when no one was listening, because he knew he could tell his friend even though the boy wasn't around during those times. And sometimes it was the only one who was truly listening to him anyway.

So he took the old pen of his grandfather he loved so much and started writing another poem once again for the longest time.

Your loving eyes full of love and care,

your honest words are beyond compare.

The softness of your shining hair,

I'd love to touch but I never dare.

A single day without the love in your eyes

and the kindness I feel when my heart cries,

for sure I couldn't bear it but I can see the distance rise

but believe me my heart will stay true to you until it dies.

Words can't express what you mean to me

and only I wish I could finally see

the way to get into your light,

to fill your lonely heart with pride.

I am sorry for being the man that I am

and surely I would change, if only I can

ever become a person worth to stand by your side

and finally leave the darkness where I hide.

You give me so much, without asking for anything at all

and still no matter how often I try to recall,

my feelings can't seem to ever be enough,

to know that I can't give what you want, I know it is rough.

But please believe me wherever I will go,

no matter how harsh the winds of fate will blow,

as long as you will always look at me with your loving eyes,

my heart will be yours until it dies.

After he finished the poem, a small tear escaped Donghae's eyes and made its way onto the paper, blurring the ink a little when he wrote his last words.

So be my light til the day may come,

and your desired words to hear will slip off my tongue.

I love you, dear friend, you know I do,

so please never leave my side and always stay true.

And if the heavens may make us part before our time,

wait for me at the golden gate,

be sure that even til the end of time as much as I am yours, you'll always be mine,

and give me the chance to fulfil the promise towards you I made.

Yours, Donghae.

With that, he put the diary aside, and fell asleep with a smile on his face. Hae knew he wasn't the person he needed to be for Eunhyuk yet, but he wanted to make sure that someday he would be and return the love he had received for more than thirteen years now.

Hello everyone!
So I am back but not for the reasons I wish I would be.

I am really sad and shocked that our beloved Choco went to the other side now. I know how hard it is to lose a good friend like this so I wish Eunhyuk all the strength he can get inthe world and for Choco to rest in peace. May her soul always around to guide her master.

So this chapter is to honor her and to remember her with a smile on our faces. Especially the poem was written for her.

Thank you for all of your support.

Yours, Slade