[DONGHAE]

“I will forgive you, you idiot. Under one condition.”

That once sentence made him stop in his motions and the raven-haired stood still for a few seconds, before letting go of his friend to send him a surprised glance. “What is it?”

“Show me a part of my old Kiron again and smile. Just smile for me, if not for anyone else. Could you do this for me?”

For all he had thought of, Hae would have never guessed this simple request of his friend and had already prepared himself for all kinds of embarassing things.

But it showed him one more time what kind of angel the heavens had sent him to keep his sanity. Hyuk was too pure to ever hurt him the way others did; he just had a hard time making his heart believe it too.

Chuckling a little bit, because of his own silliness, Donghae felt a huge weight being lifted from his shoulders. He didn't know if it would last forever but in that exact moment... he felt happy.

Lifting the other up in an urge he couldn't tell where it came from, he spun them around and a sincere smile was written all over his face. Just like he did in the old and happy days.

And for once, it wasn't even hard to do so.

Eunhyuk squirmed a little bit but soon enough let the raven-haired be. After a while he stopped spinning around for the sake of keeping his balance, but still Hae didn't let go of the other.

“Kiron?” the other called softly and made him wake up from his daydreams.

“Yes, Hyukkie?”

“Put me down already, I must be heavy. I am not a girl and apart from that we have to go to class.”

That was when he actually realized that he was still holding his friend in his arms. He just felt comfortable that way, but still obeyed to the blonde's request.

“Haha, you are not heavy at all, Hyuk, you are still a lightweight and you know that,” he answered, with his hand remaining on his slim waist and a huge smile on his face.

Like always, Hyukjae blushed a bit about the fact that he was indeed a lightweight and Donghae couldn't help but tease the other with it.

But after all he had never thought the dancer was actually cute, no. Hyuk was pretty handsome and his body was just right for him. Of course it was mostly him thinking that way, but the raven-haired wouldn't change his mind only because some guys and all the girls at their school thought otherwise. They didn't know his friend the way he did after all.

“Huh, well let's get going. If we hurry we will make it to class in time, or do you seriously want to be late to Mr. Kim's class?”

Making a face more because of the fact that Hyuk sometimes didn't know when to shut up, then of the thought of that red-headed devil, Kiron couldn't help but agree.

They had to get moving.

"You're right. I don't want to be late."

With that they walked in silence, until they had reached his classroom.

“I will see you in an hour then. Mind getting me some pain killers until then?” he said before he had to say good-bye, but all he got in return was a loud laugh from the blonde, which made him smirk.

Then his friend turned around and walked away and Hae did the same, just getting to his seat in time. After he sat there, hlooked out of the window in deep thoughts.

It was a pity he would only see Hyuk during their lunch break again. Apart from that, they didn't have any subjects together.

Sitting there and thinking about the happenings of this day, he couldn't help but ignore the high-pitched voice of Mr. Kim, who once again seemed to be totally into maths; a thing the raven-haired would never undertstand in his whole life. A male diva who was into maths. Sometimes life made crazy creations to torture humanity.

And Mr. Kim was one of them, if not the worst.

When the bells rang, Donghae let out a relieved sigh and went to his next class. Luckily it was ethics and he didn't have to pay attention. Indeed he would rather read the letter Jessica had given to him once he had been depressed, because of his father again, but only held the paper in his hands because he knew every word by heart already. He read it every day for years now, because it was one of the only material things he had left of her.

She had written it for him. He knew she had, because it had been adressed to him one day from a secret person, but her handwriting was too particular for him to not recognize it.

He had told her that his father put some pressure on him for being a better big brother to Aiden and Alaister, when he didn't want to be. He had to give up a lot because of them and was more than hurt by his father's scoldings. It was just too hard to be himself sometimes and she just sat there and looked at him with a neutral face, which always meant she was thinking for herself. Or better said, scolding someone in her head.

Donghae knew it sounded silly for a girl like her to pretend she didn't do something, when she obviously had, but that was just her way of acting sometimes.

Still, her words had helped him to stay strong until now.

And once again he recalled them with all of his heart.

"People always ask: what is the reason for love? Why do we need to change, if nothing is going to change at all?

Well, I keep asking, “how should I know?” but in the end I know we all should in fact know better.

I guess their problem is that they never think further than their questions ask.

Who said you need a reason to love?

Who said that a single change doesn't change anything at all?

How about answering a question with a question? Does it answer anything?

No. it is the same with changes.

Talking about them and actually living them are two different things. You can look for excuses, but you will never find a solution in that way.

So why should we change?

The answer is pretty easy, but to reach it is difficult.

We all see the bad things in life every day and keep thinking about them, seeing the word “Why” popping up then and there, but always ignore the problems with saying: "What can I do anyway? I am just a single person. There is nothing I can do and there is no helping it; we will have to bear with things the way they are.”

Well let me tell you one thing: if that's what you call caring and fighting for others and yourself over and over again, every single day, then you are nothing but selfish.

People with this kind of attitude are the reason for our society's misery.

With being who we are, we represent what we want to see anytime in any place around the world.

You don't believe me?

Well, take a look in the mirror then.

What do you see?

Are you the person you wanted to be, you think of being, or just a picture of what you get to know in your daily life all over again?

Haha, now don't ask me how to be sure if you are a better person than the rest of the people around us... if you can't find the answer yourself I can tell you right away, you're not different at all!

I know, I know. How can I be so straightforward with what I just said?

It's because I was standing right there, where all those people are standing now. In front of that mirror, asking for a reason, a sign to change for.

The truth is, if we can't see ourselves as a reason, if we can't find the motivation to change ourselves first for the sake of ourselves, we shouldn't be facing that person in the mirror we are and judge the society at the same time, because it is exactly the same as facing those you try to change.

It's what I had to learn too. First take a look at yourself and if you don't like what you see, think about the things you want to change and you can't stand among the people. Afterwards, go out and make a change in yourself and your ways.

“Cause if you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and then make a change,” like Michael Jackson said in one of his songs.

It might be hard and at some point you might just want to quit and get back into your comfort zones, I know what I am talking about. I had these times too.

But I think, if you once came far enough to think about a change, because you realized something isn't going right, you should be brave enough to take another step forward as well, don't you think so?

The first step is always the hardest in the beginning and the best in the end. I mean stop talking about someday and wake up from your dreams built from excuses.

Today IS someday!!

The most important thing is to never compare yourself to others. Compare yourself from today to the person you used to be yesterday.

You might not see much from day to day, but if you look back after weeks, months or even years, you will see you haven't changed the whole world, you made it a bit better with becoming an idol to yourself and maybe to others, who will look up to you and do the same.

Remember: Without the beginning there will never be a happy ending!"

"... Without the beginning there will never be a happy ending," Donghae finished his thoughts and sighed.

He knew her words were right and he believed them too, but sometimes not everyone would get their happy ending, no matter how often they tried to start again.

When suddenly his class went silent, the boy realized he had just thought aloud, but luckily the school bells saved him and he didn't have to explain himself.

After another boring class he finally had lunch and met up with Hyuk, who was already waiting at their usual table in the cafeteria.

"Say, are you coming on friday?" the blonde asked with an excited expression on his face.

"To where?" Hae asked in return, still a little absent.

"Are you playing dumb? To the school's party, of course. Don't tell me you forgot it?"

Not answering directly, the younger just shrugged.

As if he could ever forget that hateful day. It had been the day that took away all of his life he had loved the most and only Hyuk remained. The death of Jessica.

No, he didn't forget it, he had just tried to ignore it for as long as possible to not always feel as vulnerable as he did that day, but anyway, who knew what he was going through?

Nobody.

Not even Eunhyuk.

"You are coming, right?"

"Well, Hyuk I don't know. You know it wouldn't be too much of a good idea."

"Yes I do, but you haven't attended any of the parties for the last four years. Don't you think it is time to leave the past in the past and move on?"

The second, the blonde had said those words, Hae could see how the other bit his tongue, knowing he had said too much.

But the younger didn't want to fight, when he still had some of his good mood left. And deep down inside of himself, he knew his friend was right. But was he ready for it?

Giving it a second thought, Donghae sighed and gave up. A little bit of distraction wouldn't hurt him more than he was already hurting, and on top of that he owed the blonde for his behavior earlier.

"Fine, I will come then, but don't expect me to actually participate. I will come, sit there and then go. Got it?"

"Sure," Hyuk agreed happily, but the other knew that this kind of sure meant something else.

He would have to be part of the party in one way or another.

"So what are your plans for the holidays so far?"

"I don't know, I haven't had any. I guess just staying at home and taking care of Bada and Yuki."

"Do you want to come to my cousin's birthday party? I don't want to go alone and she asked me to bring you along. I guess she took a liking to you..." the blonde said with a sour expression.

"Haha, Hyemi noona? No way."

"Please say you will come."

"I will think about it," Donghae replied and gave a small smile.

He still remembered Hyuk's only female cousin. She was one hell of a girl and really noisy. The younger had always protected the blonde from her, since he was her favorite cousin and boys she liked literally lived in hell. Especially when they were cute in her opinion. It always ended with Eunhyuk being forced to wear dresses and make-up to make him look even cuter.

When they got up to get ready for their next class, a boy smaller than Donghae walked up to them, and a group of six other students followed him like puppies.

"My, my... if that isn't the idiot and our school's beloved Eunhyuk. Say, how can you even stand that guy's appearance? He looks like a stray dog and I bet he reeks like it too. And he is dangerous too. Have you seen how he treated our Eunhyukkie today, guys?"

Loud cheers were heard and the whole hall turned silent. Hae just looked at his feet, so his hair would cover his angry face. But he wouldn't do anything. He couldn't.

"What do you want. Kibum? You know I don't want to join your group of pabos."

"Hm, look at this. Always picking up a fight now, aren't you? You really must love your little puppy over there, but let me tell you one thing. He is a monster, or don't you remember how he treated you today? The whole school saw it. You should train your dog with some manners or you will just end up like his little friend did before you. And after he realizes his own crimes, he comes whining like a little baby. A puppy who needs his master. That's who he is. A nobody who needs someone like you to take care of him, when actually all he should do is remain in his rightful place as a nobody. He is a lowlife and you should actually know better than to ruin your image with him around."

A loud noise was heard and in the next second, Kibum was lying on the ground, with a bleeding nose and an angry Eunhyuk standing over him.

The boys that followed the other wanted to go and beat the blonde up but the boy on the floor stopped them.

"No, it is fine. We don't want to waste our time with fools," he said and got up with the help of one of his friends.

"Just let me tell you that you don't have too many friends around here, Hyuk. And even though you might be the school's most desired object for now, don't forget that I am the one with the most power around here. So you better get a hold of your dog before he bites someone that won't protect him the way you do. Think about it; it still isn't too late to join the right side." With that, Kibum walked past them and gave Donghae a kick in his stomach, whispering: "Be careful not to disobey your master next time, dog."

After a few minutes, they walked out of the cafeteria: Hae holding his hurting abs and Eunhyuk still furious about the others act.

"Aish, like hell I will join them. How can they even think so highly of themselves, right?"

But the raven-haired didn't answer. He only looked to the ground like he had done once Kibum came around with his gang.

"Say, why didn't you defend yourself?! They don't have the right to treat you like this all the time!"

Yeah why didn't he fight back?

Well the answer was easy: because Kibum was actually right.

What was he able to give Eunhyuk except for troubles? He was a lowlife, a stray dog or simply a nobody. He knew well enough what he was and the fact that Eunhyuk was still fighting for him didn't make it easier to face the truth.

"Yah, Donghae don't you dare believe them!"

Still no reaction.

With that the blonde grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him pretty hard.

"You listen to me, Lee freaking Donghae: I won't allow you to believe them. And if it takes forever to prove them wrong, I will spend every second of my life to do so. Just you be aware. I told you before I won't give up on you, so you better not give up on yourself either. You were born to be more than you are now. All you need is the right time to realize it."

Not saying another word, Eunhyuk walked away and left a confused Donghae behind.

The other knew that the raven-haired wasn't in the condition to argue right now so he just left.

All Hae was able to think of when he went to his next class was what he had said earlier.

Sometimes, not everyone gets their happy ending, and even Hyuk's words weren't helping much.

"I am sorry I can't be who you want me to be, Hyukkie," he whispered to himself, before trying to focus on his teacher to forget about the struggle he was in once again.

And suddenly his chest felt unbearably heavy again.

Hello everyone!

I am finally back with a new update. I tell you life has gotten even more busy lately... still I will try to update once a month til my graduation in June.

I actually can't believe how much Donghae has to stand in this story, but well I guess he is just creating himself XD

Let's see what will happen after that day.

I hope you are all doing fine and thank you again for your support ^^

Feel free to leave comments and hopefully see you all soon again!

Yours, Slade