Back to reality, Donghae now stood in front of the poem with one hand on his desk, holding the paper in place. He sighed heavily and closed his eyes, trying to control his feelings once again.

What he had written was the truth nobody saw, and the truth he could never say out loud.

He had been eleven years old when all of this had happened.

He had been nothing more than a small, little boy, who had lost the most important person in his life back then, because he had been stupid and ignorant.

Nobody tried to lift the weight off of his little shoulders caused by the guilt he was feeling in his heart, and now he didn't know how to stand straight anymore.

Nobody cared about it anyway - a murderer mustn't need mercy.

They thought he was a monster, who had killed his best friend.

It was all they had seen that day and it was all they were seeing now.

A monster.

A soulless, cold bastard.

And beyond?

Well, first of all, who cared? And second, he was just broken and tired.

Shaken by a new wave of anger, he crumpled the paper in his fist and then threw it into the garbage can.

No, they should never know the real truth! They wouldn't understand nor listen anyway!

The police, the teachers, the judges, the students, his own father...

They never believed in his innocence and if they did, they never comforted him or gave him hope.

Adults were too cruel for emotions... he learned that at a young age.

Running his fingers through his long, raven hair, Donghae let out a loud sigh.

It was his fault, so he had to bear with it.

Having a look at the time, he begun to curse and pulled the blanket around his shoulders over his head, falling back into the armchair behind him.

His whole figure looked quite pitiful in the darkness of the room. So broken and lonely and hopeless.

It was already 7:10 AM.

School was about to start in 50 minutes and he wasn't ready to go out in the slightest.

He had to get out of his room and start his daily routine.

But unfortunately, all the boy wanted to do was to hide under his blanket forever. He didn't want to get up and he didn't want to go to school either. It wasn't because he hated school that much or getting into action. He kept it as an excuse, yes, but the truth looked different.

Kiron was tired of facing the world alone every single day.

But thoughts wouldn't get anything done and sadly, time was ticking.

Visibly exhausted, he scuffled to the bathroom in the basement, hoping a cold shower would make the tiredness he felt go away.

All the rooms in the basement were actually for guests, but considering his current situation, he was nothing more than that in this big house he once called his home.

Locking the door behind him, he got into the shower and tried hard not to think anymore.

With the warm water running down his tanned and well-built body, Hae could feel his tensed muscles slightly relaxing again. Actually, this was the only time of day where he wasn't moody at all. He just enjoyed the water like he had done as a child. There were no worries, no doubts, no thoughts... only him and the sound of the water hitting his skin.

After 15 minutes of taking his relaxing shower, he brushed his teeth and faced himself in the mirror.

His blue eyes stared back at him with no emotions; the scars from the accident all over his chest and back were glimmering in rosy colors; and the black hair he got from his uncle was still wet and dripping with water.

All in all not really pleasant to look at but still... that's who he was.

The total opposite of his father. Simon Michael Lee was the only son of Donghae's grandfather, who once had an affair with a Scottish girl.

That's why Donghae didn't look like a Korean at all. He had blue eyes and brown hair that sometimes shone gold in the sun. Because of his European roots, he grew up tall and well-built. His whole appearance was impressive. Donghae's grandfather didn't know he had a son until one day, a ten-year-old boy with his looks appeared at his doorstep because the little boy's mother, Catriona McDean, died after a long suffering of cancer.

So she sent her son to the man who was his father.

And in fact, Kiron's father had been lucky. It turned out that he was the only heir of Lee Dongjin: CEO of one of the largest companies in Korea. But unfortunately, the strict rules and the family pride became important in the mind and behavior of Simon Michael Lee.

And still... somehow that man managed to marry the love of his life and shortly after, little Donghae was born.

Shaking his head, Hae got back into the present. He hated it when he remembered the times he wouldn't get back.

Turning his back to the mirror, Kiron walked up the stairs into the kitchen with nothing but a towel around his hips. He never bothered to get dressed after showering. Why should he? Everyone who lived in this house had seen him numerous times. There wasn't anything he had to hide right now anyway... everyone else had already gone.

Well, not all of them. When he heard some barking sounds, he looked outside the garden to see two white puppies playing on the grass. He loved these two little guys a lot, because sometimes they were the only friends he had. And often times, they joined him for breakfast, but today they seemed to be too busy.

Donghae was used to eating without his parents or his brothers.

It wasn't that he didn't want to.

It was them.

They avoided him like the plague.

Especially his father. Hae could see the hate his father felt towards his own son whenever he dared to look at him.

His mother tried to talk to him sometimes, but he could tell she felt uncomfortable around him.

And his brothers...

Well, they loved him in their own ways, but they were just too afraid to get near him.

He really was a monster, wasn't he?

While eating his breakfast, he looked out of the window and his thoughts went somewhere far away.

The weather was beautiful this morning, especially the sunlight which was shining through the gaps in the old, big willow tree outside the garden, flushing everything into a golden gleam. The wind gently rocked the long branches and the birds were singing their melodies.

“It's rather beautiful, if not for these damn nightmares that are chasing me every night,” he mumbled to himself in deep thoughts.

He could feel how all those sleepless nights were getting down on his nerves now.

And there he was, back to the thoughts he had tried to forget just a few minutes ago... but he couldn't help it. At first he just ignored his dreams, hoping they would fade away, but they only got worse with time.

He prayed for them to stop, but even so, God seemed to hate him.

Wasn't it always like this? Too many questions had been asked and no answer was found.

Well, at least that's how things mostly turned out... Donghae knew the answer.

It would never stop.

So it was useless to keep on asking “why?” or “what for?”

And here he was again, thinking about exactly the same thing just like a few minutes ago.

Hearing some happy barks, he turned around to see the two little dogs running around, their white fur already brown with all the mud.

“At least you guys seem to be happy,” he mumbled to himself and got up to put his plate and cup into the dishwasher and clean up the table. While he walked out of the kitchen, the clock at the wall caught his attention.

Time seemed to be going by rather quickly this morning, because it was already 7:45 AM.

Damn it! He would be late again.

Hae hated not being punctual. But it couldn't be helped. Sometimes, unpleasant circumstances would change everything and turn it upside down. To be honest... school wasn't his number one priority anyway.

Before he grabbed his school bag, he walked back into his room to open the curtains and the windows.

He would be late no matter whether he hurried up or not. He could make it in time, maybe, but he was a lazy when he had to do things he didn't want to do.

And school was one of them.

Being super slow, Donghae put on his shoes and jacket and then left the house. A soft breeze was ruffling through his hair as leaves fell down to the ground. He whistled some random melodies and suddenly froze in spot, remembering a certain person.

A person who wouldn't be amused about him being late. A person who was his every-day reason to get out of bed.

So he decided to hurry up. Being late was one thing he could bear with, but being scolded by him was a whole different story.

As his mind ran over the punishment he would receive if he was late, Donghae already began running. The cold air of the morning was burning his throat and he felt a bit dizzy from the lack of oxygen in his body, but he made it.

After a few minutes he was in front of the school and he wouldn't get scolded. He looked up at the grey paint of the school and as he stood there, sad memories came back into his mind.

Jessica had loved her school.

She even wanted to transfer to his school to spend more time with Donghae, but her parents had been against it. Not because they wanted to separate the two friends, but it would have just taken too long for the girl to get to school, and the small family was relying so much on each other that in the end the two friends made a promise to visit each other during the weekends and special days, as often as they could.

So she always visited her best friend whenever she had a day off and waited at the entry of his school.

It had always been his favorite, most cherished days when she came to visit him, since he had to spend most of his time without her. The school had two entries: the left one, where the younger kids went through; and the right one for the elder teenagers like Hae.

And actually at that time, he should have used the left entrance, because he had been eleven years old and far from being allowed to use the one for the older students, but he never gave a damn about rules. So they just met here, right in front of the right entry that he was rightfully standing in front of now.

Jess had always been there to support him, to listen to his problems and to love him just the way he was.

Not asking questions if he didn't want to talk and not turning around when he was about to lose the way. When Donghae was the raging sea, she had always been the rock in it - the place to find peace after the storm.

“When the waves are about to overwhelm you, let yourself get drowned to the ground of the sea and find balance with your inner peace.”

These were the words Jessica had always used to calm him. Her soft voice still remaining in his ears, like the soft summer breeze during the warming sundown on rustling meadows whistling to you the sweet words. Her voice had always had a homely feel to it. Her warm embrace had always tickled his skin like a million butterflies under the golden rays of the sun, and the everlasting strength of her peace you would feel while dozing under an old willow tree, that lent you a shoulder to lean on and shadow to seek rest under. That was Jessica.

But now the summer breeze had turned into a storm of the darkest winter night; the butterflies into cold raindrops that burnt your skin; and the old willow got cut down by the saw of the destroying present.

The rock in the sea was gone, covered by the raging waves of guilt, and tears of deep pain in a broken soul.

Because now she was dead, and it was Donghae's carelessness that had killed her.

Hae ignored the new feelings of guilt which were drowning his heart again and let out another loud sigh of resignation.

Yes, every day was exactly the same ever since he had changed.

It would never stop...

He looked to the sky and let out a shaky breath.

When Jessica got buried, Hae had looked at the grave of his beloved friend and forgot about all of his hopes and dreams. He buried them with her without mercy, because that seemed to be the only way for him to be able to survive.

Maybe someday he would find out why all these things had to happen.

Maybe he would get the chance to finally move on after this and live a happy life again.

Maybe fate hadn't given up on him yet.

Donghae lowered his head and sighed again.

To be truthfully honest… somewhere deep down inside of him there was still some hope left, because he never let it die after all these years. He kept it in a small bubble, like his most beautiful treasure, safe from all the harm and hate he felt.

Why?

Well, it was the one thing Jess had given him before she left him. Her positive and friendly personality had been like a haven for him in hard times and he couldn't just forget about what she had taught him.

He remembered every single word, every smile and every gesture, which had shown him how it could be and so he held on to it. Knowing that someday there would be a brighter future waiting for him if he just found the strength to believe again.

Kiron got himself together and whispered:

“Someday Johnny... maybe. I promise.”

Like an answer, the wind blew a few strands of his hair gently into his face.

He smiled a small smile and finally walked into the building, after he heard the first ringing of the school bell.

His first class was about to start in less than ten minutes and the hallways were still as crowded as ever.

He really had to hurry up now or else he would be scolded twice this morning. As he walked to his class room he heard people talking and laughing. Shaking his head, Donghae couldn't believe how energetic they seemed to be. But they didn't have a school timetable like his, or a boring life outside of school, like his.

It seemed like a bad joke that he had maths three times a week and on top of that it was always the first class in the morning. It was one of the most annoying things he had to bear with and it was near to physical harm to hear that high-pitched voice, which gave him a headache in less than five seconds. But the best thing was: if there was one thing Mr. Kim hated more than his job, it was an unpunctual student.

Hae could already see him in the classroom walking back and forth in an incredible speed with his short legs, scolding him...

“Mr. Lee, how often have you been late again this week already? Aren't you able to read the time properly? One of the simplest and most elemental things that is associated with mathematics?! And that's the basic point here: The whole world is mathematics and the whole world is consisting of numbers. Without these basics we shouldn't go out of our house in the first place. So ladies and gentlemen...”

It always used to be like this. Luckily he wasn't late today. While Donghae was on his way to his room, he heard some people whispering and talking about him as soon as they noticed him, or were talking about their plans for the upcoming holidays in October.

There were always these two groups. The latter, which was always taking care of their own business never bothered him anyway. It was the first one that got on his nerves.

Although he knew how fast students were with scandalous rumors, he didn't like the fact that he was seen as inhumane and cruel because of them.

Drowned in his thought, he suddenly heard an all-too-familiar voice behind him.

“Kiron, wait a second! Yah Kiron!!”

Oh great... before he could react in any way, the person who had called him grabbed his arm in a firm hold.

It was him.

Hello everyone ^^

I am finally back with a longer update as promised.

I am really sorry for the long wait but school got me again....

I hope you are all doing well and thank you for all the new subscribers ^^

Enjoy reading and maybe leave some comments to tell me what you think about it ;)

I wish all of you a good week and hopefully see you soon!! ^^

Regards, Slade.