My eyes widen when I look out of the window after getting ready for work in the morning. It’s snowing! It’s beautiful to see, but surely it’s going to be freezing… My sight automatically goes to the box of gloves Sehun gave me last night, and I’m embarrassed to smile even though I’m all alone.

     I glance at Sehun’s closed door when I go out for work, and almost decide to knock and greet him if he’s still inside, but I held back. The snowfall is still relatively light but I’m still using my umbrella to go to the office.

     At lunch time, a few coworkers complimented my new gloves and for some reason I was dying to inform that “A guy gave them to me.” The expected question which requires that answer didn’t come up until break time ends, so I’m going back to my cubicle with slightly disappointed feeling. I laugh at myself silently to ever have that thought.

     I’m exiting the building an hour after usual time because of some archives, and I was thinking about what to eat for dinner while staring at the ground when a pair of skinny long legs blocks my path in front of me, even though the area around me is almost empty. I lift my head, and almost take a step back. “Oh my God. What are you doing here?”

     Sehun shrugs, and fixes his scarf. “I finished earlier, and just randomly looked for Yesul Finances building.”

     “Randomly.” I repeat.

     Sehun smiles, and turns around. “Can you buy me a bowl of hot soup? It’s freezing.”

     I’m staying still on my spot, but I secretly smile and step forward. “Who told you to go here?”

     Sehun is devouring his soup and rice in front of me, while I silently watch him eat. Sehun finally notices my stone cosplay and pushes my soup bowl closer to my direction. “Aren’t you hungry?”

     I look straight at his eyes. “No. I mean—yes. I’m eating.”

     Sehun looks around the warm restaurant and nods approvingly. “I’ve never even been here, as a citizen. You picked a good spot.”

     “My family often goes here on vacations.” I smile. “Baekhyun oppa’s family first brought us here.”

     “When is he going to debut?” Sehun asks.

     “I don’t know… He doesn’t want to tell me about that.” I laugh. “It should be a surprise.”

     “Cool.” Sehun puts down his spoon. “But his life is going to be far from quiet.”

     “Is that why you don’t want to be an idol?”

     “I never said I didn’t want it, but being like this is my calling, I think.”

     I nod. “But aren’t you as busy? Practicing, participating in concerts… It’s just the same, minus the fame.”

     Sehun suddenly hits the table with both his palms repeatedly. “I’ve got something to tell you.”

     “Hm?”

     “My team is going to join Shinhwa’s nationwide tour starting their comeback next month. I’ll start practicing tomorrow, and the Seoul stop, two weeks from now, will be the first stage for me.”

     “Wow—oh my God!” my reaction makes Sehun smile. “That’s—that’s awesome. You were chosen to do it? Wow.”

     “Not really a strict selection but yeah I made it.” Sehun moves around on his seat.

     I raise my palms, and Sehun intertwines our fingers tightly after the high-five. He smiles to me excitedly, like a kid. His energy just gets to me. “Good luck. Did you come to my office after receiving this news?”

     “Yes. You’re the first person to know outside the academy. My parents haven’t known this. But you’re still paying this meal.”

*

     Sehun barely comes home on days after he announced the news to me, and even though usually we don’t meet that much at home, it starts to get empty.

     We regularly message each other though, and after two weeks, this Saturday is finally the showtime for Sehun. We generally just ask each other about regular things, but on Friday night, I just got out from the shower when on his last message Sehun asks if he can make a call now.

     I have this strange feeling of nervousness waiting for him to call me after I answered okay, and finally my phone rings.

     “Hello?”

     “Hey, Seah. Say something.”

     “What?”

     “Come on, tomorrow’s the day. Say something.”

     My mind flashed scenes of the competition two years ago, when Jongin asked me to accompany him until the very second he needed to get on stage, and on the waiting room I was nonstop motivating and gave him a hug. That distracts me from actually thinking about what to say to Sehun right now, and I shake my head. “Uh… Uh… I really wish I was there.”

     Sehun lets out a small laugh, but then a disappointed grunt. “Oh, come on.”

     “Really, though. I never see you dance. I did, but that was years ago. Now you’re a successful instructor and professional dancer… I want to go. Damn sold-out concerts.”

     Sehun laughs. “Yeah, sadly dancers can’t invite people freely.”

     “So how are the Shinhwa members?”

     “They’re hilarious, professional, positive… Legends, my idols. Jongin is even a bigger fan than me, this is a dream for him.”

     “Where is he?”

     “We just had dinner with the whole crew and Jongin is going to the bathroom now… We’ll be back to practice in a bit.”

     “Fighting! I’ll look for fancams. You’ll do well.”

     “Yeah…” Sehun sounds like he’s trying to sound calm. “Now that I think of it…”

     “Hm?”

     “Yeah, I wish you were here too. Now go rest. Thank you, Seah. Bye.”

     Sehun hangs up before I could say anything, and now it’s like something stuck on my throat. I put down my phone, and look blankly at my front. I silently grab my pillow and hug it tight. I don’t know what to feel.

     I do, now. I miss him, and I really want to give him a hug before he goes on stage.

*

     After the concerts, I directly look for photos and fancams available on the internet, even signing up to some Shinhwa fansites to get access for the said items. Sehun appeared in six songs and on the very end of each concerts bowing to the audience, and thankfully he can be seen clearly, he was rarely positioned on the side. And for the first time, I’m now able to ignore Jongin completely. He did a good job too though, no need to worry about him.

     On the beginning of the week after, I have group projects and I spend nights in the office. On Thursday, after finishing them I can finally go home at ease but I feel that my health is deteriorating. I can’t be sick though, I need to go to Seoul at Saturday to meet Yoohee… She’ll fly home from Jeju tonight. She’s lucky to get a day off, I would also love to file for one but it was too late as I needed to apply for it two weeks in advance in my office. I plan to get enough rest to survive work tomorrow, and go to bed earlier tonight.

     My sleep is interrupted by the loud sound of car parking nearby, but thankfully it stopped in less than a minute. I checked my phone, and there’s a message from Yoohee saying she’ll arrive in Seoul in two hours. It was 10 PM and due to my state I only read the message without replying, and go back to sleep. I can sense my body temperature getting higher, and only wish that I’d be fine when the morning comes.

     I’m awake again, and the clock in my room shows it’s midnight. My whole body is sore and I’m officially having a fever. I struggle to go to the bathroom, and when I come back, my phone is ringing on my bed, but I fail to pick it up. When I go through the call log, I find out that there are at least ten missed calls from different friends, and a bunch of messages in the group chat of our faculty students.

     Amidst the confusion, I try to read the messages one by one and the first one already makes my heart drop. Yoohee is involved in a traffic accident in Seoul. She’s in a taxi from the airport to her home, and halfway because of the slippery road the taxi driver lost control and it hit a nearby tree. Yoohee is in critical condition and may need surgery for her broken shoulder.

     My head is spinning and I immediately take a seat on my bed. I start looking around my room with heavy breaths, thinking on what I should grab right now. I need to go to Seoul now. But how? It’s almost midnight and the bus or subway stop operating. Oh wait, I can call a taxi… But I don’t know the phone number… I can look it up from the internet.

     But first I need to get dressed. I don’t even know what I’m putting on as my mind is still not on its right place. Yoohee, dear Yoohee… Why—how… A painful sting suddenly comes to my head and I almost fail to stand up. I struggle to wear my coat, and when I’m finished I try to call one of my friends who’s already in the hospital while trying to stuff things inside my bag. Yoohee just got into the surgery room. I zip up my bag and walk towards the door but after I hurriedly banged it open, that’s when I realize I haven’t worn anything on my feet.

     While rummaging on my shoe boxes to find my boots, I hear footsteps outside, getting louder. “Seah?”

     My head is even too heavy to turn now, and with much difficulty I look at the person on my door. It’s Sehun. Why is he here? He frowns to look at my condition, and he approaches me immediately.

     “What happened? Where are you going?”

     “I…” I found the pair and concentrate on wearing them properly. “Seoul.”

     “Why?”

     “My friend… Accident… She’s in critical condition.” I run out of breath just with those words. I feel like my face is boiling.

     “What’s wrong with you?” Sehun grabs one of my shoulders, making me face him. “Are you sick?”

     I stand up after putting the boots on, and I look around to find my bag. “Maybe. I don’t know. I can’t think right now.”

     “Seah.” Sehun follows me, as I spot my bag on the bed. I recheck the things inside as Sehun grabs my left wrist. “Calm down. How will you go there? It’s midnight.”

     “I know. But I have to.” I let go of his grip, and zip up my bag only to open it again to take my phone inside. “I’ll call a taxi.”

     Sehun touches my forehead and neck, and his cold hands shock me a bit. “You’re sick. Seah, relax. I’ll go with you. I’ll change first.”

     “I should go now.” my hands try to take his hands off of my body, but I have no strength. “Now.”

     “Seah—“ I’m trying to walk but Sehun blocks my movement and path. “Stay here, wait for me.”

     “No, I should go—“ I force my way to the front but Sehun still holds me in place, resulting in me losing my feet’s balance and falling to the bed. Sehun fails to catch me and falls as well but he succeeds on preventing his body crash on mine.

     After a few awkward seconds he stands up, looks at me once and turns around. “Wait here. I’ll be quick.”

     I’m still lying on the bed, dizzier than ever. A tear drops from my right eye, and I’m not sure if it’s just because my heavy eyes or an actual cry. But soon after, the weight inside my chest grows painfully and in the end I’m really sobbing.

     When I hear Sehun’s footsteps going back to this room’s direction, I quickly wipe my tears with some tissue and get up from the bed. “Let’s go.” he said as soon as he appears on the door. “Wear your gloves.”

     I feel bad for forgetting to wear the gloves he gave me, but fortunately the gloves were on the table and within my reach. I’m wearing them as we go downstairs, and Mr. Jang’s room is dark so we didn’t want to bother him.

     Outside, it’s lightly snowing and there’s a car parked outside. Sehun pulls out the keys and opens the door with the remote control. “Let’s go.”

     “Whose…?”

     “My friend’s. I borrow it to go home. You should stay in the back seat, catch some sleep.”

     I wish I could object but my head is getting heavier minute by minute, so I comply. Sehun gets on the driver’s seat and starts the car. “Is it okay?” I ask.

     “I’ll wake you up when we arrive in Seoul. Which hospital?”

     I’m ready to demand an actual answer but I just silently sigh. “Yonsei University Hospital.”

     We set off, and I initially can’t sleep but after half an hour I start to get sleepy. During my sleep I was awake twice because of the car stopping, apparently Sehun was filling the gas and he bought some water. I also hear him honking and grunting in irritation over something on the road, muttering “Oh, come on.” He looks tense as he tries to drive safely, yet faster, and I start to feel bad.

     The car stops again, and I’m awake, bathed in sweat. This should be a good sign for my fever. I look out the window and we’ve arrived at the hospital. I nearly freeze as soon as I get out the car, Seoul is at least five degrees colder than Sehun’s city. Sehun takes my hand and lead me to enter the building.

     The surgery room is on the 5^th floor, and there are Yoohee’s family and four of our faculty friends, the ones who have internship in Seoul. Yoohee’s mother immediately hugs me tight when she sees me, and her cry without doubt also brings tears to my eyes. I keep whispering “She’ll be okay, she’ll be okay.” until she calms down a bit, and takes a seat.

     Sehun stands up near us even though there are a lot of empty chairs, then I notice him going towards the elevator when I’m talking with the others. He comes back with warm beverage cans for everyone, and personally hands them himself.

     “Seah, who is he?” one of my friends asks, and I stare the floor blankly. I didn’t answer the question. Soon my friend leaves for toilet, and I come up to Sehun who is sitting alone in the end of the line of chairs.

     “Thank you for this.” I look at the half-finished drink on my hands.

     “Yeah.” Sehun shortly responds. “How are you feeling?” he touches my forehead again, and I softly hold his wrist to assure him I’m okay.

     “Not as terrible as before, don’t worry.” I close my eyes and lean back on the chair.

     Sehun puts my drink away, and adjusts his sitting position. “Come here.”

     He puts my head on his shoulder, and I’m a bit startled but it gets so comfortable that I don’t really want to move anymore. I get sleepy again, and within minutes, I fall asleep.

     I’m awaken by the sound of people moving and talking loudly all of a sudden, and I instantly get up when I see a doctor is surrounded by Yoohee’s parents and my friends. I almost stumble to get to the circle of people.

     “…yes, it’s a success, we acquired enough blood for transfusion and she will be okay. She’s on a stable condition right now—“

     That’s all I need to hear. I turn around and Sehun gives me a thin smile, and without a second thought I throw my arms around his neck and embrace him like no tomorrow. Sehun pats my back repeatedly, and he nods. “Your friend is okay.”

     A tear drops out of happiness and when I break the hug, my friends are looking at us but they pretend that they don’t. I can barely care about anything else, and I initiate a group hug with the others. Yoohee’s mother are crying again but surely not because of sorrow.

     I’m feeling elated right now but my head starts to get dizzy again. After the small celebration is over, Yoohee’s mother approaches me and takes my hand. “Seah, I’m sorry for not noticing this earlier, but your body is unwell, right? Come home and rest, and I’ll call you when Yoohee gains consciousness.” she touches my neck, and confirms my temperature. I smile at her, and nod. She also tells the others to just go home and rest, and we part ways on the parking lot.

     I’m sitting on the front seat now, and Sehun is driving me home. It’s nearing 5 AM, and the snow is everywhere on the road. Sehun drives very slowly, and we arrive safely in the basement of the apartment building. In the elevator I can’t even support myself and I need to lean on the wall. The emotional rollercoaster I’ve been through tonight seems to make my condition hit its worst peak.

     I’m holding onto Sehun’s arm as we walk to my unit, and after three rings of bell, Mom finally answers the door. She’s in her night gown and expectedly confused to see us. My body temperature got high again and I can’t even utter out words. I directly head to the sofa, and lie down on it.

     “Oh dear—what is happening here? Seah? Why—?”

     Sehun calmly explains the situation, and Mom gasps at the mention of Yoohee’s accident. She checks on me as she keeps listening, and flinches when she touches my body.

     “Oh my God… You should’ve just gone to the ER…”

     “She was fine when we exited the hospital.” Sehun says regretfully. “Should we just bring her there now?”

     “No… Please.” I breathlessly try to talk. “Just let me sleep.”

     “I’ll bring a warm towel and medicine… Sehun, help her to her room.”

     “Yes.” Sehun quickly answers. He lifts my body with much effort, and grunts slowly. “Oh, you’re quite heavy.”

     I have no energy to do any resistance so I’m staying hopelessly on his arms. He uses his elbow to open my bedroom door and carefully put me on the bed. He covers me with blanket, and Mom comes inside bringing the essentials she needs now. “Oh dear… My poor daughter. You must be suffering a lot too, Sehun.”

     Sehun just shakes his head and laughs slowly. As they continue talking, my eyelids can’t take it anymore and I’m back to dreamland.

*

     After a few hours that felt like a whole day, I’m awake, but I’m not opening my eyes. My body is still having uncomfortable heat and I’m still too weak to move. Someone is holding my hand on my side, and I don’t have to open my eyes to know who that is.