I’m not nervous—I’m not even scared anymore. Instead, there’s this relieved feeling inside of me.

     But how could I be possibly relieved when he revealed that he knew he kissed me that night?

     “I know you wouldn’t want to see my face, so I’m sitting here.” Sehun fixes his legs’ position beside me.

     “It’s not that—“

     “Then, I’d like to apologize. It wasn’t intentional. I didn’t remember anything. I have a strange drunk habit, but I don’t do that to girls… Moreover… On the…” Sehun pauses. “Well.”

     “Everyone got strange drunk habits.” I stare at the table. “And apparently mine is spilling out what I’m not supposed to say.”

     “How can you keep that for so long?”

     “It’s awkward, obviously.”

     “No wonder you seem to hate me.”

     I stand up and turn around to go back to my room. “No, that’s not it.”

     “Where are you going? Are you not going to talk to me anymore?”

     “I left something in my room.” I quickly say. I close my bedroom’s door as softly as possible to avoid misunderstandings, and I face my window. Oh God.

     He knows. I told him myself. Oh, why.

     I was prepared to just let it go. I was going to bring that to my grave. I rub my eyes, and squat on the floor. Okay. So now what am I supposed to do?

     I think Mom is going back to the kitchen from the sounds of it, so I also open my door and go to the kitchen. Sehun is still staying on his seat silently. I sit again beside him, and Mom prepares breakfast in front of us.

     “What’s with the drained faces, kids? Did you pull an all-nighter? But you two had been sleeping when I got home.”

     None of us answers. We start eating quietly, and Mom continues to ask about our plans today. Sehun answers shortly that we’re going back to his town after lunch, and Mom says she’d take us to the train station.

     I asked Mom to stay until our train departs, and I’m waving my hands goodbye to her from inside until she’s not seen anymore. I still have a little smile on my face even until I look away from the window.

     “That was unexpected.” Sehun says from the seat in front of me.

     “What is?”

     “I thought you’d ask to go home separately, even if it’s only a minute difference.”

     “Oh, come on.” I mutter. “I don’t hate you because of that. That was traumatizing at first, but that was like two weeks ago… I’m no longer feeling anything.” I just said that, but suddenly the past irritation grows again slowly inside of me. “Uh… Let’s just not talk about this anymore.”

     “Okay.” Sehun immediately answers.

     We didn’t converse at all during the train back, and I faked sleep at least twice. We take a taxi to go back to the boarding house, but Sehun asks to be dropped off near the dance academy.

     “Why? Do you have something to do?” I ask. Sehun just gives me a smile and tells the driver to take me home safely. I look at his back from the moving taxi, but decide to look at the front again and go through the remaining road to the house.

     Mr. Jang is gardening when I arrive, and I excuse myself to go straight to my bedroom to rest. It’s nighttime when I wake up, and after showering, I lean on the window to check my phone. There are a bunch of messages, including from Mom, Jongin—what, Jongin?—but what seizes my eyes is the latest one, from Sehun.

Can you come out from your room?

     I frown. What does he want?

Why?

I want to talk.

Oh no, please not about that again.

No, it’s not. And I want to give you something.

     I put my phone inside my sweatpants’ pocket and carefully open the door. Sehun is already waiting in front of his own door, and I awkwardly approach him. “So… What is it?”

     “Follow me.”

     We go downstairs, and I notice he’s bringing a small shopping bag on his left hand. Where is he bringing me to? He opens the door to the backyard, and heads to the right, where there’s a narrow steel stairs leading up. He climbs first, and takes two stops to make sure I’m following safely. On the very top, he quickly goes to the flat side first and offers his hand to me.

     “You’ve never been here, right?”

     Of course I haven’t—it’s a hidden rooftop, only a few square feet. The lamp is functioning well, and there’s even a bench. It’s only plain grey area, unpainted, without any doors or whatever, but it’s a nice secluded place. “Wow… I didn’t know this exists.”

     “Yeah, Mr. Jang probably hasn’t told you. One day I came home with apparent problems written all over my face, and he suggested to climb up here to have some time alone.”

     “What were possibly the problems that time, hm?”

     Sehun forms a little smile, and walks towards the bench. “Something.”

     “So what do you want to talk about?” we sit side by side, and Sehun is looking up to the dark, empty sky.

     “Everything.”

     “Huh?”

     Sehun turns to me. “Let’s just talk, as friends. Housemates.”

     “Hm.” I look at the rough, cemented floor. “I miss my friends. They’re also having internships here and there. I couldn’t meet any of them yesterday and today… And to think this will continue for two or three more months… Now that I’m being in a new place, it’s somehow harder.”

     “But at least you have some.”

     “What? You… Don’t have friends?”

     “The problem is I don’t know whether I can call them my friends or not.” Sehun sways his legs back and forth. “My closest friend is Jongin. Even though sometimes he’s painfully clueless, but he’s a good man and he always listens to me, does things for me… Meanwhile the others, my high school friends… They weren’t in the same field as me, and they often question my job. They always ask things like ‘Dancing, really?’ ‘To be honest, you’re struggling, right?’ or ‘Then what about your future?’. They mostly work in corporate or study in grad schools now, I understand if they find what I do a bit unbelievable.”

     I listen to him silently. “I don’t know you think about this a lot. I mean, you don’t seem like the type who would ponder about this.”

     “I don’t take them to heart, really. I just hate it when they subtly put me down. That’s why I often question them as friends.”

     “But don’t you think it means that they care about you?”

     “I’m happy with my life. I feel content. I’m not financially struggling. Yet they still look down on me, no matter how much I explain to them. I can’t bear to see their underestimating gazes when I come to reunions using my usual teaching outfit.”

     Sehun’s eyes change from calm to a bit fiery while he talks, and I blink twice to witness this. He looks visibly frustrated and upset, and I can feel his honesty. I look at his hand beside me on the bench, curling a bit as if he tries to take a grip on it. Silence follows, and I try hard thinking about what to say.

     “You’re working in a famous dance academy, bridging kids to their dreams… You also feel like you’re not even working, right? You’re proving to your friends little by little. Success isn’t always working in big companies... You’re living a better life than them, I think.”

     Sehun looks down, and his eyelashes were hit by the light. I’m strangely distracted by it. “Yeah. I’m unconventional, but it doesn’t mean I’m any different than them. I’m not any inferior.”

     “That’s it.” I lift a hand, and softly pat his back once. “Just stop going to reunions and say you’re preparing for a nationwide tour or something.”

     Sehun cracks a smile. “Thanks.”

     “Thanks for showing this side of you too.”

     “How do you see me? Someone irritating, right?”

     “Sometimes.” I say. “But now you seemingly talk less. Is this the real you?”

     Sehun lets out a scoff. “Maybe.”

     My eyebrows furrow. Sehun looks at me and laugh.

     “Anyway… Here.”

     He lifts the shopping bag he put on the floor, and hands it to me. I hesitantly receive it, and peek inside. It’s a box. “What is this?”

     “Open it.” Sehun says. I take out the black box, and there are maroon-colored gloves inside. I’m a bit taken aback to see them. “I think they match well with the coat you used.”

     “Wow.” that’s all I could blurt out. “T-thank you. But why…”

     “Just because.”

     I look up to him again. “You brought me to Busan, treated me good food… Now you’re giving me a present?”

     “Well according to your response, the Busan trip was almost unforgivable.”

     I let out an awkward laugh. “Well, but still…”

     “It’s because your gloves are too thin. And the pink color hurts my eyes. So I’m getting you a new pair.”

     I glare at him. Sehun laughs out loud, and I put a finger in front of my lips, afraid Mr. Jang is resting. Sehun grins, and he stands up. “Let’s go back inside.”

     He takes the same way when going downstairs, he goes ahead and he keeps an eye of me as I climb down.

     “Have you told Jongin about what you said to me?”

     “Partially.” Sehun answers, as we enter the house. “You know, he’s busy with Jisun now. I even start to feel ignored, haha. Fortunately there’s you here.”

     Weirdly, my face feels hot. I feel shy to hear it.

     We bid each other good night and when I come back inside my room, I’m glued to my phone to reply the messages. Jongin’s message apparently is just asking if I came back safely, so is Mom’s. There are a few regular chats from my friends, asking about my whereabouts. In the end I’m chatting until near midnight with my best friend Yoohee who’s in Jeju right now, and I’ve been telling her all the details that happen here. She’s freaking out about the kiss, and she continues the chat by making a call.

     “But, Seah, what if…”

     “Hm?”

     “What if he faked it? What if he wasn’t drunk and did it on purpose?”

     I’m staring blankly at the kitchen set in front of me. “Uh… I don’t know. He seemed very guilty when he learned about the fact.”

     “Really?”

     “But why would he fake it, though? Why would he kiss someone he barely knows?”

     “Well, then he just possesses a very strange drunk habit.” Yoohee still sounds doubtful.

     “Strangely, though, Yoohee-ya… After these past two days, even after the Busan trip and the revelation, it gets more comfortable to talk to him. I don’t know, I felt… Closer? Oh no, that sounds gross. I mean… Somehow, it becomes like this.”

     Yoohee makes a high-pitched laugh. “Oooh~ what to do, Seah? What if you two end up dating?”

     I sneer. “No, no, no.”

     “Anything can happen! Good night!”

     I look at the now dark phone screen and put it on my bed. I glance at the gloves, and put it on. It’s so thick and warm. My lips curl into a smile unknowingly, and I gently put the gloves back to the box and put it on the table.

     I’m now bundled up inside my blanket and try to sleep, but my head is still full with various floating things. Oh, I really can’t stay still if someone is being that nice to me. Damn you, Oh Sehun.

     What kind of things will he show me next time?