Unfortunately Mom was fast to catch up. She follows me to the door, and knocks it repeatedly. “Seah, what happened? Why won’t you eat?”

     I wipe the cold sweat on my neck, and control my face to appear normal. I calmly open the door, and Mom faces me with her eyebrows furrowed. “Yes?”

     “What’s wrong? Are you feeling sick again?”

     Sehun appears from behind, and I put great effort not to look at him. “I…”

     “Are you feeling lightheaded? I wasn’t turning on the heater and the window was open while we were talking… Sorry.”

     I stealthily glance at Sehun. That’s a decent excuse. “Yeah Mom… I forgot to cover up. My body reacted late.”

     “Oh dear, you kids should be careful, Seah, you can’t be sick again. Sehun, you shouldn’t be sick too. And you’re wearing such thin clothes…”

     Sehun laughs slowly, and he leaves to the living room. I quickly close my door again. “I’m going to wear thicker clothes, Mom, just eat first.”

     I can hear Mom sighing, and her footsteps soon fade away farther from this direction. I close my eyes, and throw myself to the bed. Damn it, damn it, damn it Oh Sehun.

     My heart is still thumping rapidly and I hit my chest repetitively to calm myself down. It takes me half an hour until I can collect myself again.

*

     I didn’t drink much water because I ate dinner in a rush previously, and an hour after midnight my throat feels very dry. I carefully open my bedroom’s door and look around. The lights are off, and Mom must have been sleeping too. I tiptoe to the kitchen, and get a glass of water. I drink it on the spot, and lean forward in front of the sink silently. My body is well now but my sanity is compromised.

     Where is this going? It’s confirmed that we have feelings for each other, right?

     You should ask me the same question… I wouldn’t drag any time to answer that.

     I bite my lower lip and shake my head. I exhale deeply, and I’m going to go back to my room but a hand wraps around my waist and starts to pull me backwards. My reflexes are able to overpower it and I turn around in shock. Sehun stands in front of me, laughing silently.

     “Not funny!” I screech, and my hand pushes one of his shoulders. He fakes a painful pout and laughs again.

     “You really didn’t make any sound whatsoever… That could be worrying.”

     “I’ve heard it a thousand of times.”

     “You’re not sleeping?”

     “How can I?” I mutter. I turn my back on him and walk towards the corridor, but he catches my wrist. “What?”

     “Let’s go downstairs.”

     “Don’t be silly, it’s past midnight.”

     “There are stores on the ground floor which are open 24/7, right? Let’s buy something.”

     I heave a sigh. “Let me get dressed first.”

     I grab my coat and phone, and Sehun is ready near the door. We go to the ground floor by elevator with his arm around my shoulders the whole time. The convenience store near the lobby is usually always open but it’s now unexpectedly closed.

     “Must be the bad weather.” I comment. Sehun nods beside me. “Do you want to go outside?”

     “No, it’s too cold.” Sehun takes my hand, and takes me to the sofas in front of the receptionist table. “Let’s buy some drink then talk here.”

     In a few minutes we’re sitting in front of each other, sipping our canned coffee. Nobody has opened up a conversation.

     “I… I’ve watched the stages you were on.”

     Sehun lifts his head. “What? Really? From where?”

     “Fancams.” I answer. “But it’s really hard to see you clearly. Now that you’re here, show me some moves.”

     “What? Here?” Sehun looks flabbergasted. “Now?”

      “What’s with that reaction? You’ve performed in front of ten thousand people! And there’s no other human here.”

     Sehun starts to awkwardly laugh, and he slowly puts down his coffee can. “No, that’s ridiculous.”

     “Aye.” I cringe. “Come on. A minute of it.”

     “No.”

     “Hey, what’s up with that?” I protest. Sehun scratches his head, and slowly stands up. “Go.”

     “It’s so awkward without music!”

     “Then turn on some!”

     Sehun gives up, and takes out his phone. He’s seen selecting the song, and the intro of Hey, Come On! starts playing. I enthusiastically clap as Sehun starts busting his moves, and he keeps glancing at his phone screen until it exactly hits the first minute. “Done.”

     I grin happily and my clapping slows down. “Wow. Why this song?”

     “There’s a story behind this.” he sits back on the sofa. “We were doing rehearsal for this song, and after it ended, Shin Hyesung suddenly pulls my arm when we were backstage. I was really scared, I thought I did a mistake… But he suddenly said, ‘How can you dance to my song better than me? I feel so embarrassed to dance next to you.’ he then laughed and patted my head. That was unforgettable.”

     I smile widely to see Sehun being slightly shy. “You must be doing so well.”

     I’m happy now, but there’s something else I’m feeling, above anything else. It feels thrilling to be here with him. Just the two of us. I wasn’t like this before…

     “Are you sleepy? Do you want to go back now?” Sehun asks.

     “No, it’s okay.”

     “Why? You want to stay longer with me?” he asks jokingly, followed with a laugh.

     “Yes.” I answer in a heartbeat.

     Sehun’s laugh stops, but he still has an awkward smile on his face. He looks down, and pretends to fix his hair with his hands. I feel refreshed to say that, but I also feel shy afterwards.

     “Uh. But yeah, it’s getting late. Let’s go back.” I stand up with my head down, and go towards the elevator. Sehun is trailing behind me. He stands by my side when we get in, and after I push the button to my floor, it’s completely silent inside.

     My unit is at the 20^th floor, and we just went past the 5^th. More silence.

     “Ah… So awkward. What to do…” I mumble.

     Sehun initially didn’t move, but he slowly gets closer and our shoulders touch. I flinch and move a bit, but Sehun prevents me from getting farther by grabbing both my shoulders and making me face him.

     “W-what? Why?”

     He pulls me into a tight hug, and I almost can’t breathe in his embrace. I start grunting, but he keeps holding me.

     “Hey!”

     “How can we be awkward? I want us to be closer. Don’t be awkward.”

     That silences me, and I loosen up. Sehun hugs me tighter, and I hug him back with both of my arms.

     “I won’t, Sehun.”

*

     I’ve acquired tickets for the Daegu concert, and I will be going with Jisun and Seulgi. Seulgi was the manager during Sehun and Jongin’s dance competition back then, and she’s now a ballet instructor in the dance academy. She welcomes me warmly despite having no contact for two years. Her boyfriend is also going to perform as backup dancer.

     We rented a hotel room and when Jisun is already asleep, Seulgi and I go to the hotel’s coffee shop to chat. I haven’t blatantly informed her about the relationship between Sehun and I, but I think she starts to put together the pieces.

     “So, you’re attending the concert because of…? Is it because Jongin?”

     “Don’t be silly. Jisun is here.” I smile.

     “But two years ago… Oh, it was really obvious.” Seulgi giggles. I cover my face with my hands and laugh, embarrassed.

     “Yeah… That was the past.”

     “It’s Sehun, isn’t it?”

     I stiffly nod. Seulgi displays her eye smile, and she looks excited. “You two are housemates, right?”

     “Yes—oh, you seem to have known the details.” I playfully squint my eyes.

     Seulgi laughs, and sips her coffee. “The people in the academy are delighted to hear about Sehun and you. It’s been awhile since he shows interest to a girl. He’s been too immersed in working.”

     “But, I don’t know… I’m not sure. We’re not sure.”

     “Why?” Seulgi frowns.

     “My internship is going to be finished soon. I’m going back to Seoul.”

     “Oh.” Seulgi looks calm. “Distance is not going to be a problem, though? In my opinion.”

     I shrug. “We got close because we live literally a wall apart. He cares for me because I’m here. When I get back…” I stare at the floor.

     “That doesn’t mean he’ll no longer care for you when you go home, Seah.”

     “Still… I haven’t figured out how we can do this.”

     Seulgi reaches out to pat my hand. “It will be okay. As long as you two talk it out.”

     The next day, the concert venue is filled with the orange color of Shinhwa fans. Sehun has informed me to stay on the right side of the stage because that’s where he mainly enters and exits the stage. We’re not that far from the stage, but unfortunately not really on the very front.

     Hey, Come On! is the third song, and that’s where the dance team from Sehun’s dance academy first appears. Of course Jisun, Seulgi and I catch people’s attention when we scream the names of the backup dancers, not the real stars.

     The song ends, and Shinhwa stays on the stage for the introduction talk as the backup dancers all start to exit the stage. Eric is calming the audiences, trying to talk. When the audiences start to calm down, it’s pretty silent, and Sehun is rushing to go backstage.

     I tiptoe on my spot, and scream “OH SEHUN!” at the top of my lungs. Sehun turns his head, wide-eyed, and amazingly he’s able to spot me and looks right at my eyes. He flashes a smile, and continues to go.

     I’m grinning to myself, and after seconds, I realize people are looking at me. I probably broke the hard-earned silence previously. Jisun looks at me, slightly embarrassed, and tells me even a few Shinhwa members were looking this way. I beam, and cover my face with a banner. I regret nothing.

*

     The tour ended, and today Sehun is going home. I have two weeks left in this town, and as I prepare some food for Sehun’s arrival, various things float inside my head.

     What will become of us? Will we be sure to continue? Or are we going to decide that it won’t work?

     I shake my head and almost drop a spoon I’m holding. There’s still an hour until his estimated arrival time. I mindlessly continue to unnecessarily fix perfectly fine things in my room, and as the time nears, I repeatedly check my appearance.

     There’s someone knocking on my door. With racing heart, I try to control my breathing and I feel like my hand suddenly goes numb to open the door. This is just a door, come on, why does it seem so heavy?

     Sehun appears, with one hand on his sled-down backpack and another carrying his traveling bag. He throws a thin smile, and I forget how to move my facial muscles. I just step backwards and let him in. He puts his bags on the floor as I close the door again. “Um… You’re not putting your bags inside your room first?”

     “The keys are buried deep in one of these bags, I’ll look for it later.” Sehun answers, slipping a little laugh.

     “Oh…”

     Sehun looks at me, and approaches me who’s still standing near the door. “What’s wrong with you?”

     I shake my head slowly. I head to the kitchen set, but Sehun catches my wrist and pulls me closer. I can’t bring myself to look at him. “What are you doing?”

     “You’re being funny.” Sehun purposely gets closer to my ear when he says this. Ugh, he’s teasing me. I struggle to get off from him, and go to washbasin, wetting my hand for no reason. Sehun follows and stands behind me, again creeping near my ear. “Song Seah…”

     “Oh my God, stop it.” I laugh clumsily. “Don’t you want to eat first? You must be hungry.”

     I’m currently facing him and Sehun doesn’t react at my question. The next second, he grabs the sides of my arms and drags me across the room towards the bed. He doesn’t need much energy to make me fall backward in my already-limp state, and he traps me between him and the bed. My throat is extremely dry, and my chest goes on a drumming spree. Oh God.

     Sehun stares at me and he slowly goes to plant a kiss. It lasts for a few seconds and strangely after he breaks it, I’m able to exhale a relieved breath. Sehun smiles, and helps me to sit up. He squats in front of me, and fixes my shirt. “Why are you this tense? What are you thinking about?”

     I grin, and let my head down. “I’m just glad to see you here.”

     During meal time, we don’t converse but once it’s finished Sehun goes into serious mode. “Okay. Do you have something to tell me?”

     “You know… I’m going home in two weeks.” I’m being subtly careful in each word. “I feel sad.”

     Sehun looks somewhere else, and nods. “So when can I visit you? Starting Friday? Or Saturday? I might have classes on Sunday so apologies if that’s a no on that day.”

     I absentmindedly nod. “So… You… You’ll keep meeting me?”

     “Of course, it’s two hours away from here. It’s not like we live in different countries.”

     I nod again repeatedly, and realize there are tears on my eyes. I can’t cry now, what is this? I hastily rub my eyes, and fan myself with my hands. I can see Sehun looking at me weirdly.

     “Seah? Why?”

     “No, nothing. Oh my. Sorry. I feel stupid.”

     “You’re being really weird right now, it starts to scare me. What, do you think I won’t be seeing you again once you come back to Seoul?”

     “I… To be honest… I fear that to happen.”

     Sehun starts laughing. He goes to my seat and wraps me in a hug. “Silly. How can we end something that hasn’t even started yet?”

     That makes me shed tears again. “Ah, I’m crying again. Move, I need to wipe my face.”

     Sehun continues with a playful chuckle when I go to the bed stand to grab some tissue paper. He sits beside me on the bed, and puts his arms around my waist. “But still, even if we’re still going to meet, we should do a lot of things on these two weeks here. Since your internship is over, you have a lot of time.”

     I silently smile as Sehun puts his head on my shoulder, burying his face on my hair. “What do you want to do?”

     “Only this will do, for now.” he pushes our bodies back, and we’re lying down. “I’m tired from the bus ride, and the food made me sleepy.”

     I smile, and face his direction. Sehun already has his eyes closed. I softly pat his arm, and look at his light brown hair, lit by the evening sun from the window. Spring is just around the corner, it seems.

*