I shake Jisun’s hand, but I physically can’t feel anything. “Song Seah.”

     “You don’t mind if Jisun joins us for lunch, right?” Jongin asks.

     I grin. “Why not?”

     We enter the pizza place and sit in a table of four, with Sehun beside me and Jongin right in front of me. Oh, why.

     “Jongin never told me he had a girlfriend! Are you a dance instructor too?” I turn to Jisun.

     “Oh, no, he’s the teacher.” Jisun smiles. “Only two years older, but he taught me a lot!”

     “She’s a top student.” Jongin ruffles his girlfriend’s hair. I try so hard not to clench my teeth. “She’s preparing for a big audition.”

     “But aren’t trainees not allowed to date?”

     Jisun’s face straightens a bit after I ask it. She glances at Jongin, but back to me calmly. “Uh… Yes, some agencies have that rule.”

     “As long as you’re not caught, you’ll be fine though!” I let out a frantic laugh, and Jisun and Jongin smile. Sehun is folding his arms next to me, in a relaxed manner.

     Jisun and Jongin get up from their seat to take some breadsticks for us, and now finally I’m free to put down my facial act. I struggle not to make any visible movement, but Sehun suddenly pats my thigh once.

     “Deep condolences.”

     “Shut up.”

*

     Sehun has enough decency not to say anything on our way home later that evening, and even though we walk side by side until his doorstep, he still doesn’t say anything. He stands in front of his door when I’m trying to get my keys from my bag, and I can see that he’s looking at my direction.

     “Rest well.”

     I impatiently nod and enter my room without replying. Even though I’m now alone, my face doesn’t change its expression, it’s still flat at its best. I took a shower, tidied up, folded my laundry, and everything, but I don’t do emotionally-related things.

     The sky gets dark, and after I turn on the lights and close the curtains, I lean against the kitchen set and fold my arms on my chest.

     I’m two years too late.

*

     I don’t dwell on what happened. I accept it openly. Yes. It’s fine. I’m fine.

     At 8, there’s a knock on the door. “Yes?”

     “Do you want to drink?” Sehun calmly asks.

     “I don’t drink.” I rub my face as I stay still, lying on my bed.

     “Mr. Jang asked if we wanted to join.”

     “Relay my apologies.” the drunk Sehun incident comes again on my mind and I frustratingly kick the air with my feet. Sehun doesn’t answer again, but suddenly the electricity goes off. I quickly get up, my eyes wandering around the darkness. The curtains absorb a bit of moonlight, but it doesn’t really give much to the room.

     “Seah? Are you okay?”

     “Of course.”

     I recall Jongin’s first night at my house two years ago. It was also dark. But he was beside me. Holding my hands because he was worried.

     Now my heart beats fast, but I’m not sure if this is because the triggering memory or because of my slight fear of the darkness. Or both. I reach for my phone on the bed, and turn on the flashlight.

     “Seah?”

     “What?” my tone gets impatient. Why is he still on my door? I walk to the doorstep, and stand there silently.

     “I need to check on you regularly, Jongin said you never let out any sound on distressing situations.”

     Great. Jongin might as well as give Sehun a copy of my manual. “Yes, but I’m fine.”

     There’s a sound of someone walking up the stairs, and a trace of coming flashlight visible from under my door. “Sehun? Miss Song? Are you alright?”

     “We’re fine, Sir.” Sehun answers. “That’s very bright.”

     “Seems like the current stopped in others’ houses too. We might have to wait longer. Looks like we need to postpone the soju too!”

     “Yes, it’s okay.” Sehun chuckles.

     “But we need to cut down your shots because you kissed my cheek that time. Fortunately you didn’t do it to Mrs. Kim too, she’d be terrified.”

     “People say I only do it to men.” there’s a sound of Mr. Jang laughing, then seems like he leaves. Only to men? I have an urge to throw my phone to him right now. I take a deep breath, and turn around to go back to my bed. “Seah?”

     Dear God. “Sehun, I’m tired.”

     “Just a moment, you don’t need to open the door.”

     “Not like I want to.” I mutter silently. I sit on the floor facing the door, and cup my face. “What?”

     “I’m sorry, I knew.”

     “Which one? Jisun, or Jisun coming?”

     “About Jisun. I knew it just yesterday, and I didn’t have the chance to tell you. When Jongin told me we were going to have lunch together, I figured out he was going to tell you himself… But I didn’t know he’d bring the concrete evidence. It’s been less than a week since they started dating.”

     “Why are you apologizing, though?”

     “You must be broken.”

     I cringe. “Broken?”

     “I knew it since two years ago. The way you looked at Jongin, clinging to him, watching him. And you still do the same until now. Admirable.”

     I clutch my phone. “Then?”

     “It must hurt to see this, after going all the way here.”

     “I came here to do my internship.”

     “Surely you have some side goals, no?”

     I stand up, and try to make my heavy breaths unheard. “Whatever. Case closed.”

     “Did you lose someone to depend on here?”

     “Good night, Sehun.” I grit my teeth.

     “Well if you need something, there’s me.”

     I go back to my bed without any word. Trying to be nice after saying those things to me? I hear Sehun’s footsteps coming back to his room, and the sound of his door closed. Ugh, that man. It’s still dark whether I open or close my eyes, and I’m unnecessarily being even more frustrated now.

*

     There’s a company dinner after work on Monday and my mood is far from festive. I drank a few shots of soju and it makes me dizzy as hell. I’m not really used to drink. I take a taxi to go home, and from outside, I see the house is still lit inside. It’s midnight, Mr. Jang usually goes to bed before 11.

     I open the door with one hand on my head, and Sehun is wandering around the living room near the table. I glance at him, and pass him by after mumbling “I’m home.”

     “Where were you?”

     “Company dinner.”

     “Where’s your phone?”

     “It ran out of battery.”

     “Song Seah.”

     “What is it?” I’m halfway upstairs, and I half-heartedly turn around.

     Sehun looks at me, and now I notice his sleepy but aware eyes. His expression makes me feel dire for a second. “Be careful.”

     My body is tired but now I feel fully alert again. There’s this uncomfortable feeling that grows inside my chest. I quickly nod, and continue my trip to upstairs.

*

     I spend the rest of the week not really meeting other people than in the company, and I even barely talk to Mr. Jang. There are only short greetings with Sehun, and sometimes I’m afraid he’d think that I’m too affected by the fact I learned last Sunday. But I’m not, I myself feel I’m not currently in my best condition because of fatigue and homesick. That’s why I plan to go home to Seoul this weekend.

     I arrive home from the office on Friday night and find Mr. Jang and Sehun eating pizza in the living room. I secretly roll my eyes at the choice of food, and I greet them.

     “Do you want some? Have you eaten?” Mr. Jang asks.

     “I ate dinner with my friends, thank you.” I instantly answer. I take a seat, and sit in front of them. “I plan to go home for the weekend, Sir.”

     “Oh, really? How will you go there?”

     “By train, probably. I’ll leave in the morning.”

     “Can I go with you?”

     I turn to Sehun, and process what he just said. “Excuse me?”

     “I’d love to go to Seoul too.”

     “Don’t you have classes to teach?”

     “I’m free this weekend.”

     I glance at Mr. Jang, and he looks like he’s in the middle of a heated argument. His anxious face is almost comical. “Well. If you insist.”

     “Don’t worry, I’ll stay at my friend’s. Let’s just go together there.”

     “That’s a good idea, Sehun will make sure you arrive safely!” Mr. Jang looks genuinely pleased. I force a smile. Not a good idea at all.

*

     I try to keep my mood and tone decently bright beside Sehun as we go together from boarding house to the train station, and I’m succeeding so far. Probably because I’m excited to go home. People are flooding because it’s weekend morning. Thankfully trains to Seoul are available every half an hour. I’m now standing in front of the ticket counters, waiting for Sehun who’s buying some coffee for us.

     He comes with two cups of coffee, and hands one to me. “Do you have a card? The cards-only counter near the entrance are not that crowded, I’ll try there. I’ll pay you back in cash.”

     “Oh, okay.” I take out my purse and give him my card. Sehun instantly runs away again, and I continue waiting while sipping my coffee. Five minutes later Sehun comes back running, and I don’t understand why he’s such in a hurry, there are still more than fifteen minutes until the next train, and I’m not sure he succeeded to acquire tickets for that, looking at all the people here. He grabs my wrist as soon as he reaches me and pulls me to the nearby lane. “What—is it the time already?”

     “Yeah. Come on, we’ll be late.”

     “But the next train to Seoul departs at 8.30, it’s not even supposed to be here yet—“ I look at the train we’re heading to.

     “Come on, get in.”

     We’re getting inside the train and I look around, confused. Sehun brings me to the seats, but I can’t make myself sit. The doors are closed automatically, and the woman’s voice from the speaker begins filling the air.

     “…please sit comfortably. The train is expected to arrive in Busan in one hour and forty five minutes.”

     My mouth opens a bit, and as usual the words are stuck on my throat. I look at Sehun, and he gives me a small smile from his seat.