Chen: Dear everyone

Chen: Please pay attention to this important announcement

Chen: Due to recent events, Baekhyun will no longer be carrying out activities as part of Exo

Kris: what? Why?

Chen: Because I have killed him

Chen: and thrown his body in the Han river

Chen: jsyk

Kyungsoo: I approve

Kyungsoo: Chanyeol next?

Suho: Jongdae, did you really have to?

Suho: Now I have to find a replacement

Xiumin: Usually I am against murder but I’ll make an exception for Baekhyun

Tao: Is this about him making Sehun send topless pics of himself to Minseok hyung pretending he was you and that you were hitting on Minseokie?

Jongdae: Indeed

Lay: What about Sehun?

Chen: Sehun is currently locked in a secure location

Chen: I’ll let him out only when he is truly repentant for his sins

Chanyeol: How come Baekhyun got killed but Sehun was only locked up?

Chen: Locked up and tortured

Kyungsoo: Much better

Kai: I thought you had a sense of humour hyung

Chen: I do

Chen: I found killing him very funny

Tao: You sound like Kyungsoo hyung

Luhan: That’s scary. I always thought Chen might be the first one to snap

Kai: It’s still a bit much. It was only Sehun’s s

Tao: Yeah, we’ve all seen each other’s s before

Kai: well especially yours, in the shower

Tao: How about yours when you walk around shirtless all the time?

Kai: I look good. Just giving you all a glimpse of what you could be

Suho: So I have to replace Sehun too?

Chen: Don’t bother. We can manage without

Xiumin: Maybe Luhan can come back and take Baekhyun’s lines

Luhan: Sorry hyung but nice try

Xiumin: Don’t call me hyung. I’m barely older than you

Luhan: Minseokie?

Xiumin: that’s more like it

Chanyeol: Jongdae, your boyfriend is flirting with his ex

Xiumin: Yah!

Chen: It’s ok, I know he loves me most

Tao: lmao

Lay: hey guys

Lay: Did he really kill baekhyun?

Suho: Of course not Yixing

Kai: Chen Chen can’t even kill spiders

Kris: He’s too small

Kris: At least too small to kidnap Sehun

Kris: Baekhyun maybe…

Chen: You’re lucky you’re not here while I’m feeling vengeful duizhang

Kris: What would you do? Step on my toes?

Tao: lol

Lay: It’s just… baekhyun isn’t answering his phone

Chanyeol: Maybe he’s busy

Lay: He always answers, even if it’s just to say he’s too busy to talk

Kai: I just texted him but he hasn’t replied

Luhan: Yeah why are him and Sehun not in this chat?

Suho: Erm, Jongdae….?

Chen: I told you

Chen: Dead

Chanyeol: Does that mean I can have his stuff?

Tao: Guys, Sehun really isn’t replying

Kris: I tried them both and nothing

Luhan: Jongdae? Seriously, what did you do?

Chen: I told you

Kyungsoo: I feel so proud right now

Kai: Hyung, stop it. Has anyone seen them?

Suho: They both went out with Jongdae earlier for bubble tea but…

Kris: What?

Suho: Only Jongdae came back

Tao: Oh ! Duizhang save me!!1!!1

Kris: Come on Chen. He already has trouble showering alone because of ghosts. Don’t make him think there’s a murderer in the house too

Chen: He lives with Kyungsoo just fine

Kai: Kyungsoo hyung hasn’t killed anyone yet

Kyungsoo: Did you really have to add the yet?

Chanyeol: Only a matter of time

Suho: Guys, they’re not dead

Tao: How do you know!? They’re not ansering!?

Tao: Please protect Candy until I get back home

Suho: They just came in

Chen: Ask them where their phones are

Lay: thank God

Kai: At least Tao will calm down now

Luhan: I knew he couldn’t kill anyone

Chanyeol: why weren’t they answering?

Suho: Apparently they have both lost their cell phones

Kris: Lost?

Luhan: Yeah right

Xiumin: Jongdae?

Chen: yes?

Xiumin: what did you do?

Chen: Well, they sent messages from my phone so….

Kai: Omg please tell us!

Chen: A few people that we know may have just received confessions from them J

Tao: omg who?

Kai: But Baekhyun has a gf, right?

Chen: That just makes it all the sweeter

Suho: They’ll kill you

Chen: They started it

Xiumin: I approve of this tbh

Luhan: Who did you send it to?

…

…

Kris: why is he not replying?

Suho: They found out what he did. There’s a lot of shouting right now

Luhan: You aren’t going to go check on them?

Suho: You kidding? I just made hot chocolate

Baekhyun: Just for the record, Kim Jongdae is a dead man

Baekhyun:  I will kill him and dump his body in the river

Chanyeol: You two have no idea how similar you are